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tv   The Colbert Report  Comedy Central  June 23, 2011 7:25pm-8:00pm PDT

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>> jon: that's our show. join us tomorrow nigh at 11:00. here it is, your moment of zen. >> you have more evidence i think it will end the prosecution case, brian work bang so to speak to show that this was a selfish, nacaptioning sponsored by comedy central captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org
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["the colbert report" theme music playing] captioning sponsored by comedy central >> dr. er presents steve fest colbechella 011. ♪ rock you like a sugar cane [cheers and applause]
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[crowd chanting stephen] >> stephen: thank you very much. welcome to the report. good to have you with us, everybody. [cheers and applause] i would call you nation but based on that clapping -- rhythm nation, it's the third night of my summer concert series and i am ready to rock out with my sock out-- and you know what's in my sock. [laughter] but before we get to tonight's jam-splosion, regular viewers know i've never been a fan of george w. bush. [laughter] you can check the tape. jimmy, we've destroyed the tape, right? >> yep! >> stephen: good. but i have to admit, he has made the most of his post-presidency. last night at a texas rangers
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game, president bush made his greatest contribution yet. he helped break the guinness world record for most people wearing sunglasses in the dark! he did it! america's back! if you're keeping track, the u.s. now holds the record for most sunglasses in the dark, highest intake of cool-ranch flavoring, and most tv shows about hoarding. why aren't more ex-president's striving for record-breaking excellence? why's jimmy carter building houses for the poor when he could be growing the world's longest fingernails? president bush is following in the noble tradition of presidents like richard nixon, who still holds the guinness record for most anti-semitic slurs per minute. [laughter] and william howard taft, who went on to be one of those fat twins on mopeds. so bravo, president bush
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for singlehandedly restoring america's image in the world, which, for reasons i don't understand got tarnished over the last decade. [laughter] folks, i'm trying to re-ignite my music career with a follow-up to my '80s new wave classic "charlene, i'm right behind you." so i enlisted the help of guitar god and former white stripe jack white. last night, we got to know each other. tonight, we get to know me. this is: ♪ stephen colbert presents 2001 and one a rock odyssey. featuring jack white. [cheers and applause] let me cut to the chase. okay. can we talk show business for a second?
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>> yes. >> stephen: last year on won a grammy. >> congratulations. >> stephen: thank you very much. this year i did not win a grammy. i want to tell you it wasn't as. good can you guarantee me the song we cut is going to win a grammy? >> it's hard to do f. could you do that -- >> stephen: you are jack white. how many grammys have you got? >> a couple stpaoefrpblgts nine. grammy factory that's when they say about jack white. grammy factory. >> really? >> stephen: don't me modest. not going to help me. >> if you could plan to win a grammy, not everybody would do that. >> stephen: not everybody is jack white. not everybody is me. i say it's time you put them on the belt. all in. take your balls put them right on the belt and say jack white is all in. i stake my reputation on stephen colbert winning a grammy. >> if i do that and it doesn't work out, it's a big risk for me
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staoefrpblgt it's a bigger risk for america i'm the one who doesn't win. >> you have a point. >> stephen: great. let's talk about jack white for a second. who are your musical heros. >> captain beefheart. >> stephen: who else? >> charlie patton. >> stephen: who else. >> bob dylan is pretty good. >> stephen: who else? >> we're going to keep going? >> stephen: who else? [laughter] >> prince. pretty good guitar player? >> stephen: absolutely. >> dbosh george dbesh swin not bad. >> stephen: who else? >> that's it. it's everybody. >> stephen: and what my name? >> stephen colbert. >> stephen: i'm flattered. >> yes. >> stephen: you didn't have to say that. >> what do you mean? >> stephen: who your musical heros? >> stephen colbert. >> stephen: i'm flattered. >> are you going to edit that in later?
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>> stephen: be already v. you know me as the legendary band stephen and the colberts. what is your favorite memory? >> probably when somebody told me about it. i was waiting for you to come and i had no idea you had a musical past and you were in a 80s band and that was it. >> stephen: you probably heard the restraining order winning ballad. >> i didn't know you could win a restraining order s. that awarded? staofrpblgts it has be awarded by a court. the even better songs you are not even legally not able to write about a girl. i'm right behind you now charlene waiting, watching oh, so close. i'm right behind you now charlene, you'll never be alone again no.
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[laughter] but i'm over her. >> seems like it. >> stephen: totally done with her now. >> you would like to work on other strongs about her. >> stephen: i would like to work on a song specifically not about her. as a record expectist would you be thrilled to find out you get a lot with me. i'm my own handler, you snow i am my own hype man. >> really? >> stephen: and late at night i am my own groupie. [laughter] if we're going to work together i need to come clean with you about something. i have a serious drug problem. do you have a brob that? >> what kind of drugs is that. >> stephen: dropping like five centrum a day. the bottle recommends four but it doesn't do it for me anymore. [laughter] also i love heroin. >> that's different than centrum. >> stephen: it is.
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i mix them up sometimes. >> together? >> >> stephen: they balance each other out. are you cool with that? >> i'm fine if you are fine. >> stephen: had you would you position me in the park? between pop, folk funk? reggae? >> i would think we should pair you with some real musicians for a second and go with that. [laughter] >> stephen: okay. >> i have a band called the black belles, dbojy, witchy kind of girls. with your qualities and their talent and looks. >> stephen: what qualities do you see me bringing? >> i think you have a certain general say quoi -- jen se quoi
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quois. >> stephen: how many of those are compliments? let's find out. jack white, will you produce my record? >> i will. >> stephen: grammy time! join me tomorrow as i check out third man records and jack helps me find my new look. in what i'm assured is the conclusion of stephen colbert presents 208 and one and one. a rock odyssey featuring jack white. >> stephen: tomorrow, jack and the black belles will join us for the world premiere of my new hit song. which reminds me: write hit song. [laughter]
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♪ ♪
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♪ ♪ grey goose. world's best tasting vodka.
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>> stephen: welcome back, everybody. thank you. [cheers and applause]
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nation, tonight, president obama revealed his plans for afghanistan, and i tivo'd it, so don't tell me how the war ends. [laughter] with osama bin laden continuing his crowd-pleasing death, many in congress are pressuring the president to end the war. unfortunately, we can't just dump afghanistan in the ocean. [laughter] but there is a quick way out of this war, and it's the subject of tonight's word: the defining moment. [cheers and applause] congress isn't angry about just afghanistan, they're also upset about libya. >> there is growing bipartisan frustration in washington this morning over the president's handling of military action in libya and his decision not to seek authorization from congress under the war powers resolution. you have many members of congress, we're talking republicans, we're talking speaker john boehner, but also talking a lot of liberal democrats, telling president obama that they think he should be seeking congressional authorization. >> stephen: at issue here is the 1973 war powers resolution,
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which, like many things from the seventies, is totally irrelevant but refuses to go away. [laughter] you see, back then, liberals were upset because president nixon was secretly bombing cambodia -- and he didn't tell congress. hey, the guy was busy. [laughter] so congress passed a law requiring the president to inform them within 48 hours of beginning a military mission, and required their approval to continue that mission past 90 days. well, libya's 90-days was up last week, and obama told congress to suck it. [laughter] final, folks. finally, he's acting presidential. he sent a clear message that the war powers resolution does not apply to these hostilities because they're not hostilities. >> our current actions in libya,
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in this mission, do not fall under the war powers resolution because they do not meet the threshold of hostilities envisioned in the war powers resolution. the mission we're engaged in doesn't meet the hostilities threshold. >> yeah, it doesn't meet the hostilities threshold. it isn't even hostile. it's more like laser-guiding constructive criticism. besides, there are "no troops on the ground" and a lot of this is being done by "remotely piloted drones." and the pilots are sitting safely at air force bases in nevada. [laughter] no americans are in harm's way. it's just flying robots killing libyans. you know, peace, of course, [laughter] sec-def gates likes to put it another way. >> way i like to put it is from our standpoint at the pentagon, we're involved in a limited kinetic operation.
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if i'm in gadhafi's palace, i suspect i think i'm at war. >> stephen: and if congress says we're at war, they're siding with gadhafi. i think congress might need a little "limited kinetic talkin'-to." i say, instead of some half-ass measure like bringing home 33,000 troops over the next two years, obama could end the afghan war tonight. by calling it something else. now, "limited kinetic operation" is already taken, so afghanistan could be called a "targeted armament disbursement," or a "mobile tactical munitions deployment" or "a heavily armed semester abroad." [laughter] whatever. anything but war. [laughter] in fact, using the executive power of meaningless semantics, president obama could end all wars.
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[laughter] then he will finally have earned his nobel peace prize. or, more accurately, his nobel "limited kinetic operation" prize. and that's the word. we'll be right back. [cheers and applause] ♪ rock you like a sugar cane
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>> stephen: welcome back, everybody. [cheers and applause] my guest tonight is a politically conscious rapper.
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when he raises the roof, he's talking about the debt ceiling. please welcome talib kweli. [cheers and applause] nice to see you. thank you for coming on. >> what is your present. it's a hat. i have to give you a hat. i do the hats. >> stephen: that is nice. how does that snrook am i wearing that right? >> yeah. >> stephen: am i good? do i know possess swag? >> you are a possessor of swag. you are swagged out. 100% swagged out. >> stephen: and that is curable? >> that is curable. i don't know. [laughter] >> >> stephen: sir, you are saying -- am i saying that correctly? >> yes. >> stephen: i have a primarily conservative audience and just pronouncing your name right i've lost viewers. in your mind what is rap and explain it without using rhyme
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on rhythm. what is rap really? >> for the purposes i'm going to include rap and 4eu7 hop. in the hip-hop community people make a difference. rap hip-hop is a vehicle, it's a tool for expression and it's more folk music than folk music actually is. >> stephen: it's more folk than folk? >> that's right because it's speaking the language of regular folk. when folk music got mop you lar it was stripped down and in the language of what people actually said. that's what hip-hop does well. >> stephen: you are called a conscious rapper. do you accept that label? >> i accept it. it's a limitation but it's a compliment. i look at it it's a compliment so i take it. >> stephen: after the arrests law that was going to ask for i.d. papers from mexican immigrants you wrote a song called papers, please. >> that's right. >> stephen: are you, yourself, mexican. because i don't see race? >> an cinco de mayo.
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>> stephen: only one day a year. >> yes. >> stephen: are you an african-american? >> yes, i am. >> stephen: why would you write billion mexican concerns because, i mean, just -- think of it this way, if cops are pulling over mexicans at least they are leaving black people alone for a little while. which side is your bread buttered on there? >> the arizona law and what mexicans and people of color, the problem with the arizona law is that it bases it on your look and your appearance and profiling. that's something that us in the african-american community can definitely relate to. i had to do a snow arizona. me being a socially conscious artist i could not good to arizona and not address the issue especially with artists like socially conscious artist who's boycotted arizona because of this policy. >> stephen: do you think that rap is going to continue to grow from where it is right now?
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because it's exploded in the last 30 years. do you think it will make the jump, you know n popularity from white sub ub -- sub urban kids to african-american? >> it's a long shot. have you ever been to one of my shows. >> stephen: if you wear this hat will i be pulled over? >> yes. >> stephen: you are going to did a song. it's off of the album "gutter rainbows". >> digital release only in the states so the fact that you got a cd means you got extra swag. >> stephen: this had come from europe or something? >> yes. >> stephen: thank you so much for joining us. we'll be right back with a
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[ jackhammer rattling ] ♪ lady, you shouldn't be here! oh, i'm not here! i'm just a figment of your imagination! but you are thinking about grabbing a rocky mountain-cold coors light at happy hour. maybe you could even buy me one... you're gorgeous! what's your name? it's jim. and thanks. keep it up jimbo! [ male announcer ] frost-brewed coors light. the world's most refreshing beer. [ indistinct conversations ]
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at do you think? we'd have to get all new appliances. we'll go to the warehouse stores and pick out everything you want. the sinks ringing. hello? you think those guys have "everything you want? " consider this your wake-up call! only sears has kenmore, and all ten of the top ten brands. the other guys don't even carry all top three. i hope you brought an umbrella 'cause it's raining cold hard facts up in here. thinking about buying appliances somewhere else? think again. sears. phone retract.
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cool fort. can i come up? depends. what's the password? mattress? puh. come on up. impressive, sir. [ male announcer ] take a cheetos break with cheetos.
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here to perform "cold rain" off his album, "gutter rainbows", ladies and gentlemen talib kweli.
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note yeah, it's been a long time coming. i have my friend reese with me ♪ new york city make some noise ♪ this is the for the day trippers and hipsters. spiritual leaders practicing all the laws of attraction the teachers who read the passages that be bustin off the dalai lama or flashing heaters to the last of the boosters with all the shooting, the thugging all the booing and spooning and all the crooning and cooing and auto tuning alive. ♪ feeling the cold rain still i'm standing right here even in the winter summer days ♪ note yeah i'm a product of regan
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yomics from the blocks where he is rocking a feds like drp and make this a lock. if he promises where the heart is whether jesus or mohammed regardless of where the mosque is they hope for the apocalypse like a self fulfilling prophecy. ♪ tell me when do we stop it? do they ask you your religion before you rent an apartment ♪ is the answer burning korans? so that we can defend islamics ♪ the end upon the hash tag and trending topic you take away the freedoms that we invite in the game ♪ ♪ freedom fighters we freedom runners. they choose freedom runners ♪
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♪ hood ♪ making unity so clear, gotta save this opportunity ♪ ♪ you big over here ♪ they weak in they lane when they speaking my name ♪ ♪ hands up, hands up ♪ yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪ because i'm getting it right here ♪ ♪ gutter rainbow. peace ♪ [cheers and applause] talib kweli. the album is "gutter rainbows." we'll see you tonight
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(mysterious music plays) (zapping) (electronic pulsing) (burbling) (cool jazz rhythm playing on cymbal) (camera clicks) (lounge music version of theme song playing) ♪

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