tv The Colbert Report Comedy Central October 25, 2011 1:30am-2:00am PDT
(cheers and applause) >> stephen: welcome to the report, everybody, glad to have you with us. thank you so much. please, please, thank you, heroes. heroes all, folks, thank you very much. folks, tonight's show is historic as always. we have got presidential candidate jon huntsman, a new poll places him among the top two mormons in the republican presidential race. but first off, a shocking report on attempts to
influence the election by a shadowy organization armed with unlimited money, colbert superpac. now folks, i don't want to brag but we have raised enough cash for me to hire a team of professional braggers. and one of those donations came from two little kids, charlie and grace, 8 and 10, who sent me $13, and a note that meant almost as much as their money. (laughter) >> jim. >> they want to do a lemonade stand for the superpac. they wrote mom says we can't do a lemon said stand for it until you decide what the superpac stands for so let us know. (laughter) kids ask the darnedest questions that the press generally doesn't. so what do we stand for? i asked you to tell me at colbert superpac.com, 53,000
of you responded and i used your answers to create a word cloud. it turns out the things people care about most, people. kind of self-involved. but i dug deeper and i created another word cloud of the words you used with people. and the next most commonly used word, corporations, right there. that can mean only one of two things. and i choose to ignore one of them. leaving only one possibility, you want colbert superpac to stand for the self-evident truths that corporations are people. so charlie and grace, you can start that lemonade stand now. or better yet, start lemco inc., the purveyors of all natural lem n ade. warning, contains no lem or ade. and folks this is a crucial time in the fight for
corporate civil rights. just look at the hateful signs that occupy wall street. corporations are not people. wow. i thought we were passed the point in this country where some people aren't people. just because they have different color skin or different religion or were born in a lawyer's office only exist on paper, have no soul and can never die. (laughter) now for help with this message i turn to friend of the show frank luntz, he is the conservative messaging guru responsible for such catch-phrases as climate change for global warming, death tax for the estate tax, and firemen job creator for arsonist. i sat down with luntz in the luntz layer. >> dr. luntz, thank you so much for talking with me today. >> pleasure. >> i want to you help me make the idea that corporations are people appealing to americans. is that possible? >> it's going to be a
challenge but i believe it can be done. >> what are some effective ways to use language to lie to people. >> dow lie to people. >> what's the right answer. >> you tell me. >> what would people want to hear. >> dow lie to people, yes or no, the simple question. >> i want to get this answer right, yes, so what is the answer, yes or so, do you lie to people. you tell me, if you focus tested that answer what would people want to hear. >> they would have already said this man i'm not voting for. >> but you -- >> dow lie to people. >> no. >> that's the correct answer but why do you go nnn no. >> ask me again. >> dow lie to people. >> no i do not frank luntz. >> you look me straight in the eye and say no. do i have to mean it, yes. could you tell whether i did. >> i thought you meant it there. did you not? >> yes, i did. it is too long to answer. what is the pause. >> a second ago no was the answer, i didn't want to blow this un. >> you are a very confusing man. >> thank you.
>> as a messaging expert what do you think of the colbert superpac sign. >> making a better tomorrow tomorrow. >> we don't want to do something tomorrow. we want to do it today. we want to do it now. >> we want to feel like we're going into the future tomorrow. >> that's a better tomorrow today. >> but it's not today it's tomorrow. >> but are you making a better tomorrow today. >> you can't, then it would be making a better today. i want to make a better tomorrow when tomorrow gets here. >> you want us to think about the future. >> yes. >> and make it happen sooner. >> let's move on. what is the focus group and how do they work. >> 25 people, they react on a seco by second basis to visuals, to words, and it is the most precise methodology for understanding what communication works and what doesn't. >> so you find 25 people who essentially in this case are standing in for america. >> yes. >> how are these people chosen, because i want to make sure we're getting, you
know, the right people. >> well. >> americans. >> yes. >> not, you know, americans or you know like americans, i want americans, you know. >> are you going to get all of those voices that you just said. >> even americans with. >> those too. >> really? >> yes. >> wow. can i ask you a favor. will you watch and listen. >> i will be in there with you. >> i will be in the room and you will be behind watching but i want -- >> behind what. >> behind a one way mirror so you have to look at my ass i apologise. >> no, no, it's lovely. >> no, it's problematic but that's all right. >> it's not, it's not frank. you have a poor body image. >> yes. >> and i'm here to tell you i'm to the gay, you're not gay, but i tell you if i was, gone to my head, absolute-- gun to my head, absolutely. >> gun to my head, i don't care. >> (laughter) i opened up to you just now.
it was uncomfortable for me and you said i don't care. and i was threwing to make you feel better about that chopper pad you call your ass. >> i accept your apology. >> you utilize what you call dial technology. can we test that out. >> i could dial you right now. >> all right. >> start at 50. you have 30 seconds you can see the time right here. and i want to you get me up to an 80. >> let's do it. >> frank. >> see what happened already -- >> what happened. >> you took too long. >> i breathed. if you are passionate and you really care-- no, you can't take with it. you waited so long that i now know you're trying to manipulate me. >> i was trying to gather my thoughts. >> but it took too long. your thoughts should be right there. you should be able to communicate something in 30 seconds. i'm not asking for the gett gettisburg address. >> let's start again. >> frank, i can't do this without you. i need your help. and one of the things i like you to try is to turn your
dial up to 80, try it for 1 second and see what happens. turn it up. >> no, you had me up to 60 and then you tell me to do something. >> okay, i got it. thank you so much for joining me today. i need your help to make america a better place. because the american people are the ones who will fix our problems. not the politicians in washington. i want to know if the hopes you have for your children, the hopes you have for your own future, 80. >> 84, i won. >> you won nothing. >> you don't stop at 38 or 84, you go for 100, you go for perfection. >> let's do focus grouping, let's get this thing on. let's fire up the propaganda machine. >> i would hope that you are not a propaganda machine. are you? >> no. >> good. >> folks, we will continue
watched. jim? >> on behalf of the colbert superpac conservative message guru frank luntz convened this actual focus group while he watched behind a two way mirror. >> we're going to talk about some of the most pressing problems facing america today. and i want to know how you think and how you feel. corporations are people. how many of you believe the statement raise your hands. >> this wasn't going to be easy. >> what's the problem? aren't corporations people. >> corporations pay off politicians every year. >> with donations. >> they're getting away with murder. >> corporations aren't people. >> fight, fight, fight. >> the perfect visual for my corporations are people ad. so i had frank dial test everything from babies to truck a saurus. turns out america loves the statue of liberty, the grand canyon, ballistic missiles, puppies in boxes and a
shirtless matthew mcconneghey. but to create the perfect ad, we would need a phrase that tested better than corporations are people. i have to figure out how to communicate the corporations are people. i could see the lifecycle of a company, starting small and going big. >> i would try to show them as people literally but metaphorically and what they do and how they do similar things that people do. >> they have to humanized company. >> i didn't catch everything they said. >> is there any more cheese. >> fortunately, frank luntz i fewed all the data into one memo and then sat down with me to explain the strategy in the colbert superpac headquarters. >> all right, frank, how i can best say corporations are people. >> we got three slogans for you to consider. >> okay. >> number one is corporations are human. >> that is fantastic because i believe that corporations should be afforded all the rights of human beings. >> okay, free speech, right
to bear arms, right to get married. >> right to get married. >> sure, not gay married, heterosexual. >> so is apple a man or woman. >> woman, microsoft is a man. i wouldn't want, you know, johnson & johnson getting together, you know, procter & gamble, that seems on the up and up. >> procter is the guy, by the way. >> can we dot next one. >> okay. >> the second one is corporations are people but the question is will they be chise people or american people. >> i like that because that plays on my innate patriotic sense and my fear of chinese people. so. >> now you take the flag out. >> okay. >> hold it up. >> got it. >> do i want it to be american people or a chinese people. have you ever met my character ching chong ding
dong. >> oh, it's too hot. i got cool that off. >> frank, i'm not responsible for anything my character just said. >> yes, are you. >> no, my character is ching chong ding dong. >> my life depends on you not putting that flag into that-- you cannot do that. >> it's not coffee, it's tea wing no ding dong. >> no, ching chong ding on. okay w go ahead. we've got one more for you which are people are considerations. >> people are corporations. >> yes. >> you just reversed the order of the words. >> yes. because the order matters. >> did yo just poop that out be the can ride over here. >> no, order language order matters a equals b, b equals a. >> a plus b equals c. b plus a does not necessarily equal c. c plus a may equal b but c
minus b does not necessarily equal a. (laughter) within are you just blowing my mind. (laughter) so sometimes word order helps. >> order order makes all the difference in the world. >> stephen: can we take it further can. we say corporations people are. >> no. >> stephen: we could get yodda to do it. is this all that you gave from the focus group. >> i'm trying to add what you have given me. you gave me a foundation i can build on. i'm trying to build on it. >> from here we can develop the ad. which know which words to take out. we know which visuals work. i think we can create a killer 30 second ad. you up for it. >> stephen: i'm up for it, frank. folks in the coming weeks we will be working with frank luntz to create the perfect ad to change the hearts and minds of those 99 percenters. but it won't be easy. because that's like half the country. (laughter) >> stephen: we'll be right back.
we're going to head on into the interview. mr. and mrs. nadimpalli... baba... what's the difference between the fusion and other hybrids? the look. yeah, it doesn't look like a box. we wanted a hybrid and we wanted... didn't want it to look like a hybrid. and ford hybrid was fantastic for that. what are your favorite uses for sync? movie listings for me. yeah, i do everything with it. who uses the navigation system the most between the two of you?
dad, a big giant bee! get it! hang on, pumpkin. aw! bad call, dad! hey, sweetie. guess what, the bees came back and i broke the phone... no, no that was unrelated. you know what, why don't you call it to see if it works? pretty sure it's broken. probably right. looks like we're in new phone territory. when it's on your mind, it's on ebay.
(cheers and applause) >> welcome back, everybody. my guest tonight is a republican presidential candidate and former ambassador to china. i'll ask him if the artificially depressed currency affects our trade deficit-- deficit in bed. please welcome jon huntsman. (cheers and applause) thank you. hey, governor, thank you so
much for coming on. sir, what a pleasure. i love having the candidates on to hash out the issues. >> the honor is mine, thank you for having me. >> stephen: i know. now i should just warn you i have a superpac so legally we cannot coordinate our, your campaign with my superpac's money so don't say anything that you mean. you were obama's ambassador to china legally i have to do that. how can i trust you. you work for o bomba. >> let me tell you this. i was raised with the belief in my family that you always put country first. that when your president asks you to stand up and serve, particularly during a time of and economic hardship, you do as told. >> stephen: are we at war with china (laughter) >> based on this interview we could end up there and i hope we don't. but-- (applause)
but listen, i'm one who beliefs in putting country first. i know there are certain members of my own political party who will say that huntsman guy, no how, no way, no way could i ever vote for him because he worked for a democrat. and i say gee, i worked for a lot of presidents, president reagan, president bush, president bush, you put country first. and i will take that philosophy to my grave. i think it's important for all americans to believe in country first. >> stephen: okay. but that is-- (cheers and applause) >> stephen: yeah that is praise worthy that idea. but i think that the danger is, is that it has garnered you some, a label that if you don't mind me using there's no way to make this sound nice, you're a moderate. (laughter) how can you be a moderate in today's republican party? are you extreme about anything. say something that is going to alienate some people right now! >> here's the deal. (laughter) >> i ran for re-election as
governor. in 2008. i won republicans, i won independents, i won a whole lot of democrats, more than my democratic opponent that is not carrying a label, that is being a leader. you tell the people what are you going to do and deliver for the citizens, they just want straight talk. >> stephen: why not run as a democrat. if you got more democratic votes shouldn't you run as a democrat. >> i think that is rare in the state of utah so i like to fly that flag. >> stephen: now let's talk about, a lot of ugly talk in the campaign lately, about the faith that you and mitt romney share. okay, mormonism. what do you make of people calling mormonism a cult. and by the way i'm a catholic. you're a mormon. let's not argue over who's right and who is not a catholic. but-- (laughter) let jesus decide, the last judgement. why do you think people feel like it's okay to attack mormons? >> well, first of all, you get into a lot of trouble talking about religion so
you should never go there particularly when are you seeking votes and rubbing for public office but when john f. kennedy ran in 1960, what were people calling catholicism, a cult. so they come out, they become more mainstream, people find out about them, john f. kennedy wins. religion goes mainstream. probably the same with mormonism there somebody an important time ubs for us all to pull together as americans, you know what i mean. >> stephen: i don't know what you mean. >> you know, it is unnarl and unhealthy for the most blue sky optimistic people in the world. we as americans to be as divided as we are today. >> stephen: don't we have to take our country back. >> we have to fix it. >> stephen: we have to take it back first before we can fix it. haven't you heard those chants. take our country back. >> we have to fix it i lived in china. >> stephen: i heard. >> we covered that earlier. and here's the deal-- . >> stephen: i'm sorry. but legally we have to do that. by the way, i find as i, as you have seen, i'm scared of chinese people and not
chinese americans, greatest people in the world but chinese people. you speak mandarin. do you not. >> i do. >> stephen: okay. say the most nonscary thing in-- if you don't mind, would you say the most nonscary nicest thing in mandarin please. >> (speaking mandarin). >> stephen: terrifying. what did you just say, what did you just say. >> i just said i think that you ought to consider being my running mate for vice president. (cheers and applause) >> stephen: i think that might be, that might be considered coordination. >> where is that code of silence when you need. >> stephen: i'm part of the 1%. you're part of the 1%. >> how did you know. >> stephen: i read your biosomeone has a chemical company. and it's not my. what can we do as members of
the 1% what can we do to build, there's a wealth gap in the united states. you may have heard cantor's speech that he didn't give about it. it was fantastic. a wealth gab in the-- gap in this united states of 1 percenters or 1/10 of 1%ers and the 99%, can we build a bridge to them? that then we can draw up at night? how do we communicate, how do we communicate to the lower 99% to not be mad at us 1%ers. >> i don't know about the drawbridge, steven-- stephen. >> stephen: it's a handy thing. >> we can build a level playing-- playing field. we need a level playing field for education, we need everyone regardless of your socioeconomic status an opportunity to succeed. >> stephen: recent polls you were at 2%, are you ready for the colbert bump. >> i am so ready for the colbert bump. >> stephen: we're going to get you, governor, you may