Skip to main content

tv   The Daily Show With Jon Stewart  Comedy Central  June 7, 2012 7:25pm-7:55pm PDT

7:25 pm
(cheers and applause) yes, that was back in the days when cows smoked and drank. you know what i'm saying! back in 2010 conservative republican scott walker was elected governor of wisconsin by a margin of 52-46. it wasn't long before walker slashed budgets and constrained unions and did the kind of things you would imagine conservative republican politicians would do. so the people of wisconsin said "whoa! wait! what? what? you never said you were going to be this conservative republican-y." (laughter) they moved to recall him like a lead-painted toy made in a nonunion chinese sweatshop. (laughter) so after 18 months, a million petition signatures and, i don't know, $50ish million, governor walker would have to face the consequences of his tyrannical behavior.
7:26 pm
and feel the wrath of a venn vel wisconsin electorate. >> reporter: scott walker remains wisconsin's governor. >> beating tom barrett 53-46. >> jon: ha ha! take that! want to go again, tough guy? how's e 55% sound? (laughter) yes, the people have spoken saying... oh, i'm sorry, you didn't hear us the first time? yeah, yeah, we said we liked the tyrant-y union cutting guy. he's our guy. like we said 16 months ago. so what the (bleep). (laughter) and has now become customary, the news networks functionedless last night as repositories as news and analysises and more as extension of the winning and losing campaigns. fox went with gloat fest 2012. >> scott walker route it had recall. it wasn't even close! >> losing in wisconsin, again, a progressive state, by a large, humiliating margin. >> they got trumped. they got spanked.
7:27 pm
>> they're basically wallowing in their own unpopularity. >> obama's goose is cooked! (audience reacts) >> jon: or, to put that a different way... (cheers and applause) (laughter) so if fox was high, msnbc must be msnb-sad. >> to say i'm shocked and stunned is pretty much an understatement. >> jon: shocked and stund is an understatement. no, it feels tonight more like my heart was (bleep)ed by the devil. (laughter) no, wait, that's an overstatement. (laughter) to want i feel between... somewhere between shocked, stunned and devil heart (bleep)ed. (laughter) this is ed schultes. indeed, msnbc passed through all the stages of grief last night. stage one, denial. >> you know, nbc is calling it for walker, okay, i think it's
7:28 pm
awful close and there's a lot of absentee ballots yet that are still out. >> jon: yeah, no. (laughter) stage two, denial. >> this will not be a massive win for scott walker. >> jon: yeah. (laughter) finally stage three just really massive amounts of industrial-grade denial. >> tonight the really big winner the wisconsin recall election is president obama. (laughter) >> jon: just like obama drew it up on the chalk board, hey, guys, i gotten a idea. what if we should figure out a way to have the core of what we believe soundly rejected by voters in a swing state five months before the national election. it might just be b the boost we need. (laughter) as in any statewide recall election, it's not who wins or loses, it's the definitive conclusions we can infer from them. for the right...
7:29 pm
>> the unions took it on the chin. >> destruction of the union power. >> this is a devastating blow to unions tonight. devastating. >> jon: wow, i picked the wrong year to open my giant inflatable placard store. (laughter) perhaps the left has a more measured interpretation. >> if the republicans can use policy at the state level to kill unions, there will no longer be two sides competing when it comes to big money in elections. republicans will essentially be running unopposed. forever. all across the country. >> every single one of you out there in the nation, if you're watching, democracy died tonight. (laughter) >> jon: way to go, wisconsin! thanks for killing democracy, ass (bleep). (laughter) for more we turn to samantha bee in madison, wisconsin. madison, wisconsin, samantha bee! (cheers and applause) what's it like up there? >> well, jon, i don't know if
7:30 pm
democracy lost or if unions are dead or what. all i know is i don't know what the hell has happened to the people of wisconsin! >> people here are very upset as you could imagine here. a lot of people have poured their lives into this recall effort. >> yeah, this is a criminal. >> that's the criminal? >> criminal overtones. >> yeah, that's right mother (bleep)s. >> jon: that's a ton of anger. >> and this from wisconsinites, the nicest, calmest, most nonshouty people you'll ever meet. wisconsinites are the closest thing this country has to canadians. friendly, generous, even-tempered. but this recall has changed all of that. >> the milwaukee mayor was slapped while giving personal thanks to some of his supporters after that concession speech. apparently the woman who slapped the mayor was not happy he conceded while votes were still being counted.
7:31 pm
>> jon: holy crap! that little woman slapped the candidate she supported! you expect that kind of behavior in new york. >> no question! new yorkers are a *s (bleep)s. >> jon: totally. (cheers and applause) massive dick heads. but now wisconsin has tasted the douchey-ness. they've got douche fever. it's the contagion scenario we've always feared. (laughter). >> jon: is it to too late to stop douche fever? what can we do? >> there's only one way to restore niceness to wisconsin. we canadians have the antibodies. i've been biting everyone i can. >> jon: you've been biting everyone? >> yes, i have. yes, i have. >> jon: that sounds dangerous. >> yes, it is, for my cholesterol. (laughter) did you know that they're all filled with cheese? >> i dcheese. >> jon: i do not know that. >> i know!
7:32 pm
welcome to summer road trip, huh? yep uhuh let's find you a room. at, you'll always find the perfect hotel. because we only do hotels. wow. i like that. nice! no. laugh...awe hmm nice huh ooh, yeah book it! oh boy call me... this summer, we're finding you the perfect place - plus giving you up to $100 at
7:33 pm
7:34 pm
7:35 pm
(cheers and applause). >> jon: welcome back to the show! we turn now to pakistan. (laughter) i don't know which direction that might be. (laughter) but the bloom is off our once-strong war on terror alliance, if you will. watch. >> pakistan's parliament has unanimously approved new guidelines for the country's relationship with the u.s. they call for an end to american drone strikes. >> jon: no drones! no droning with the drones! no more drones! (laughter) that was in april. funny stuff. guess what we just did in pakistan? (laughter) >> u.s. officials confirmed today a drone strike killed the number two leader of al qaeda. >> jon: oops! (laughter) guys, you know how it is. when you're killing terrorists in video games and your parents are like "come down to dinner!"
7:36 pm
and you're like "i've just got a couple more to go! come on! five more minutes! i've got three more to kill! i can do this!" (laughter) it's hard to pull you away. i don't know what game you play like this. you know, like when you're having a up this war and you just... (laughter). all right, who'd we get this time? what's the name of the nefarious evil doer? >> the target was al qaeda's number two in command, abu yahya al-libi. >> abu yahya. >> abu yahya. >> abu yahya. (laughter) >> jon: really? abu yah yah. that has got to be the greatest disparity between the funness of a name to say and the meanness of the person. (laughter) at least since pol pot. pol pot. pol pot. pol pot. how are things with pol pot?
7:37 pm
that even beats jar-jar hitler. (laughter) me-sa taking over! (laughter) now to be fair... don't worry, lucas can c.g.i. out that mass tash. to be fair, not all drones are used for military purposes. some have peaceful domestic applications as well. for instance, the e.p.a. uses them outwest to monitor farms, make sure they're not dumping cow (bleep) in our drinking water. two fairly benign. but does it have to. when you use the word "drone, what do you think of? you think terrorism. you think death from the skies. >.>> jon: , my god! you're not actually going to do this, are you? >> spying on our nation's farmers? republican lawmakers demanding answer after learning the environmental protection agency has been using aerial spy drones for years! -to-spy on cattle ranchers. these are the same drones we use
7:38 pm
to track down al qaeda terrorists flying over nebraska and iowa. (laughter) >> jon: megyn! we love each other! don't make me do this! those aren't the same drones! unless the e.p.a. has hellfire missiles on the drones. it's not the same thing! or is it? >> you've got to picture yourself, right? as one of these midwestern farmers. what's been in the news lately? the fact that president obama's killed more terrorists with drones than any other president. that president obama has a so-called kill list and on that kill list sometimes civilian casualties go as well. even american terrorists, an american al qaeda was killed by a drone. so now you're in the midwest and you know you're not a terrorist but nonetheless you've got to get a little squeamish when you see a drone going overhead. >> what are you supposed to
7:39 pm
think? >> jon: you're supposed to think they're finding people who are pouring cow (bleep) in the water supply! because that's what they're doing! (cheers and applause) who in their right mind would even make that connection? that's what i'm saying! look, guys, if the idea of a drone is scary to you maybe we should find a less threatening face to put on the drone, make it seem less intimidating. >> liftoff for the cat copter. a remote controlled helicopter made ou out of a dead cat? (audience reacts) there's a propeller attached to each paw. >> i really love this cat and for me this is a way to actually him eternal. (audience reacts) (cheers and applause) >> remember folks at home if you're watching, remember to spay or neuter your drones. very important.
7:40 pm
like many of you, i'm a little nauseated yet incredibly intrigued by the cat copter. although that guy did steal my idea. (laughter) you know, i've been turning my old pets into military technology for years. in fact, i keep my cat copters on a cow carrier. (laughter) that's how i do it. actually, you know what's interesting? i had my dog dusty, an adorable pug, i turned him into a submarine. (laughter) or a pugmarine. i know what you're thinking. none of these tack determinemy robotoys is practical. except for my riding lawn hippo. i cut my grass in style. and the neighborhood kids love it. oh, you don't like it? well, guess what, i gotten a a.k.-arm dill low assault rifle complete with bullets and a mother (bleep)ing grenade!
7:41 pm
we'll be right back. (cheers and applause)
7:42 pm
7:43 pm
(cheers and applause) >> jon: welcome back! my guest tonight, the star of "prometheus." >> what did he say? >> i didn't think you'd want know tell you. >> what did he say? >> i'm sorry. >> oh, my god, i'll find it. what did he say? >> he said try harder. >> jon: i bet she smells nice. (laughter) please welcome michael
7:44 pm
fassbender. (cheers and applause) >> jon: you can't get enough of this, right? (cheers and applause) what's happening, man? >> nothing much, good to be here... >> jon: it's exciting. this "prometheus" is exciting. michael, tell me this, what are all the plot lines? (laughter) >> right, archaeologists. paintings. >> jon: do we survive as a species at the end and who wins-- the alientor humans? you can just nod if you don't want to say it out loud. >> okay, all is good at the end. for mankind. for now. (laughter) (bleep).
7:45 pm
>> jon: it's the "prometheus"... >> the "prometheus" finger. >> jon: were you an "aliens" guy when you were... >> i was. the first time i saw i it i think i was 13 or so. >> jon: are you serious? >> yeah. >> jon: are you that... did you wait a long time? (laughter) were you 13 when it came out? >> no, well it came out in '72, didn't it, and i was... >> jon: yes, it did. (laughter) >> so i was two when it came o out. >> jon: pretty (bleep)ing proud of yourself, aren't you? (laughter) two years old, look at you! >> i got to see it on video cassette. if that makes you feel better. >> jon: oh! oh! "when i was a kid we had to do the reel by hand, i tell you." >> you had to act it out. one person went to the cinema and acted it out for the whole family. >> jon: that's hilarious. where are you... are you living
7:46 pm
in london? where do you live? is that your base? >> london's the base. i would like to spend a bit of time in new york, actually. (cheers and applause). >> jon: we would love to have you. we would like to have you. we have space. (laughter) you weren't there for the jubilee? >> i wasn't, no. i was there just before because "prometheus" premiered there and that was thursday night. i'm pretty sure. and then i sort of... i came... i flew out, then, on saturday morning, the jubilee was over the weekend and all this week. >> jon: did they seem excited because we saw footage here and it looked like an old lady staring at boats. (laughter) >> exactly. and it was raining also. >> jon: it was terrible weather. >> essentially that's what it is. yeah. >> jon: i checked in on cnn and they were all like "look at the boats! is that the boat! are those flowers?" people were like "look! she's turning her head!" but is it... you know, it's a wonderful city to live.
7:47 pm
i think very similar to new york. >> very similar. i'm... from what i know of new york. i mean, i was always, like, sort of dreamed to come here and study here but it was just easier to go to london. >> jon: what did you... oh, you mean studying acting? >> yeah, to go to acting school. >> jon: i went to an acting school here, and you can see it's not very good. (laughter) you made a much better... (laughter). the choice that you made to study with the masters. whereas i came to new york and... >> jon: what did you study? >> jon: where or what? >> where. >> jon: i studied at a place called h.b. studios. and i can say this now because both teachers are dead. herbertbergoff and uta haggen very talented... >> oh, wow! >> jon: yes and for $5 you could sit in the class and have herbert in the back eating candies going "really?" (laughter) "why are you wasting an old man's time?" he would just flip role lows
7:48 pm
into his mouth and he'd scorn upon me. for five bucks. >> my teachers as well. by the time i got to the school it was... they were in their sort of twilight years and they were tape recording this one character and i was like, your, that's pretty impressive. but he was... he was pretty sharp. it was an interesting place. >> jon: did they bring in high-level actors to come in and give workshops and demonstrations and things like that? >> no, they just brought past pupils that wanted to come back to that school that still had that sort of thousand-yard stare. >> jon: (laughs) >> so the theory was to break you down and put you back together again but i have a feeling that a n a lot of the cases there were all these bits. off you go. go out into the acting world and good luck! >> jon: (laughs) i guess that didn't work out. good day! many of those people now driving barges in the jubilee. (laughter) "prometheus" will be in theaters
7:49 pm
on friday. the humans win? >> the humans win. for now. >> jon: ooh! fassbender 9swws get our creativity running.
7:50 pm
7:51 pm
then get some blades spinning, paper sanding, and bits turning. let's motor to the only place that carries our favorite tools... for our favorite people... armed with a budget and a mission... and see what happens when we put those tools to work for us. more saving. more doing. that's the power of the home depot. right now, get the ryobi four-piece 18-volt super combo kit, just $99 - our lowest price ever.
7:52 pm
7:53 pm
captioning sponsored by comedy central captioned by media access group at wgbh >> jon: that's our show. join us tomorrow night. here it is your moment so zen. >> i don't know if you can hear me but you can hear a lot of people still around the capitol building.
7:54 pm
♪ two... two, three... ♪ ♪ (applause) as mayor, it is my deeply tedious pleasure to kick off the 83rd or 84th annual e-waste recycling festival! (cheering) down in front!