tv The Daily Show With Jon Stewart Comedy Central September 11, 2012 7:15pm-7:50pm PDT
presidency, it was a speech full of sentences. that i thought he really delivered in english. we will have more details tomorrow. but yesterday, it was romney's running mate paul ryan's party favorite, and electric speaker and to highlight the theme, we can change it. either a reference to the terrible state of this country or something convention organizers just put in as a placeholder and, you know. either way, the main event, ladies and gentlemen, the jack of janesville, the wisconsin wonder boy, mr. paul -- holy (bleep) that guy is and some! look at those eyes! paul ryan, aruba call and wants the pools of blue tranquil water back.
whoo! >> young and fit, has a political party ever had a greater disparity between the vitality of one of its vice presidential nominees and the member of their party's last, who last held the position? i mean, that is -- wow. i mean, that is -- no! he stole his vitality! he turned himself into rock hudson? how did the effects guy do that? here is the good news. ryan doesn't need to rely on his looks. the man has got game. >> with paul ryan, honesty. >> spokesman of hard truths. >> here is a man not afraid to tell the truth. >> ryan and romney are going to run on facts. >> paul ryan is so honest every time he talks, his nose shrinks. paul ryan is so honest his poker tell is, i am staying in, but i
have terrible cards. paul ryan is so honest you know what he calls honest abe lincoln? a (bleep) liar. that's what he calls him. okay. come on, paul ryan, i am brace ford the hard truth, hit me. >> after four years of getting the run around america needs a turnaround. >> okay, i would have gone with reach around, but -- >> that's why i am where i am and why you are where you are. all right. let's get to the ideas. >> we will keep federal spending at 20 percent of gdp or less. 12 million new jobs over the next four years. >> strengthen medicare for my mom's generation and we will put government back on the side of men and women who create jobs. >> that is ambitious. that is going to be hard. i am ready for the tough truth of how it is going to get us there. all right. hit me with the deets. >> we will take responsibility.
we will reapply our founding principles. we will not duck the tough issues. we will lead. >> jon: oh. a romney-ryan administration will do good, not bad. because bad is the lesser of those options. that is a speech, you are a policy expert. ladies and gentlemen, aretha franklin will come out and knit for you. oh, come on. all right. no details, but perhaps you would like to expand on this week's theme, that any successful business is solely the result of individual achievement. >> and i hope you understand this too. if you are feeling left out or passed by, you have not failed. your leaders have failed you. >> jon: time out, chiseled chin mcnice face-ington.
>> really good-looking. >> let me get this straight. so if your dry cleaning business section with a democrat in office, you built that, but if your dry cleaning business fails with a democrat in office, the government (bleep) you. so show me more hard truths. that sounds like it just is a convenient truth. you know, at this point in his speech i would settle for any truth. >> $760 billion funneled out of medicare by president obama. >> what? you mean the $716 billion in payments to provider exact same amount republicans also proposed for cuts to medicare in their highly praised what was the name of it ryan budget? i can't believe ryan seacrest would suggest -- wait a minute! ryan! >> he created a new bipartisan debt commission. they came back with an urgent
report. he thanked them, sent them on their way and then did exactly nothing. >> jon: oh, right. that was the bowles-simpson proposal that was never officially presented to concert in part because it was voted down by a blue-eyed dream boat named ryan. ryan gosling -- wait a minute! you know what? we need to tell a personal story about an auto plant that closed in ryan's district. perhaps this will hold hard truths. >> president obama, candidate obama said i believe if our government is there to support you this plant will be here for another 100 years. that is what he said in 2008. that plant didn't last another year. the recovery that was promised is nowhere in sight. >> jon: yeah, except that plant announced in june of 2008 that it would be stopping production, hold on a second, siri, who was president in june of 2008? george bush! thank
you, sir i are, thank you, siri, this was the intellectual leader of the new republican party's big night. how will he spin his way out of it. >> i didn't say president obama shut down that plant, what it was was an indictment on a deeper level which is a debate i would love to have. >> i think he didn't provide context. >> well, you know, broader point i think is how is the my doing under president obama and did he keep his promises? >> in broader terms what it is they believe, that is the debate i think the american public is going to watch very closely. >> well, look, when people give speeches, i not every packet is always absolutely accurate. >> jon: oh, yeah? well, they just take a couple of facts and just comb them over a giant area of (bleep)? here is a problem, mr. julien, if you have a fact that is not accurate, it is no
longer considered a fact. at that point it is considered, what do they call it, an unfact. i am sure will is a quicker way of saying that. we are joined by jon, our correspondent john oliver: >> you obviously, you were on the floor and saw the speech last night. >> i did, jon, and it really hit home for me. >> i guess because my parents once owned a small business, a candle emporium in akron, ohio. in 2009, president obama visited and promised it would become the biggest candle company in the world. two weeks later it burned to the ground in a terrible beautifully tainted fire. obviously i still tear up whenever i smell lavender. >> jon: right. it is a powerful story. obviously none of that is true. your parents are defense in england. >> that is not the point, jon. what was the theme of last night's convention? >> jon: we can change it.
>> exactly. and that is what i have just done. last night's theme i chose to change facts, reality and the meaning of words in order to make a much larger point. >> jon: but you can't do that. what you need to do is -- you don't ignore the truth when it doesn't support your purple. >> you can when you are trying to save your country from a socialist tyrant. >> jon: who is that? >> barack obama. >> jon: but he is not. he is -- >> i know, jon, and that's why the republicans changed that. >> jon:. >> do you agree they want to win the white house? >> jon: of course they do. >> wouldn't it be easier, jon, to defeat a socialist tyrant, hell-bent on destroying the american way of life rather than a fuzzy center left likeable technocrat? >> jon: sure, i mean that is
obviously -- >> exactly. >> jon: but that would be a lie. >> millions they changed it, jon. >> unless they changed it, jon. >> that is what last night was about and for good reason. reframing the broader debate as tyrannical democrats versus freedom loving republicans is one republicans can win. >> jon: but it is not the real debate. >> yes, it is, they have changed it!. >> jon: you are saying as long as it helps them get what they want they are allowed to do whatever they want. >> let me tell you a story, jon. last night i met a very attractive and very drunk girl. and like paul ryan, i delivered a speech to her about my life. now, am i a purple heart recipient on, or an olympic gold medalist? >> jon: no. you are not. >> true. but did she wake up next to me this morning before going and telling her friends that she just had sex with a war hero
olympian? >> yes, jon, yes, she did. and who is to say that her truth, jon, is any less true than mine. >> jon: you lied to her to get her into bed. >> jon, when she saw me she was not attracted to me. i instantly thought, we can change that. so i told her a series of facts that were not absolutely accurate in order to realize the much larger truth that i wanted to have sex with her. >> jon: that is horrible. >> what choice did i have, jon, if i didn't say that i wouldn't have had sex with her! >> jon: you are a terrible, terrible person. >> debt usn't matter, jon. i can change that! >> jon: all right. john oliver, everybody. we will be right back.
>> jon: right before mitt romney's succession speech conventioneers will as always be exposed i mean treated to a brief biographical film about the nominee. you may not have seen it, luckily we have received it, received an advanced copy of said film and as a public service we would like to show you mitt romney's biographical film shown at the convention. >> this year, the american people face a choice between a
self-made businessman. >> i know how extraordinarily difficult it is to build something from nothing. >> and a radical collectivist who says things like. >> if you have a business you didn't build this. >> i was not born in this country. >> and the leader of al qaeda. >> this i is the story of mitt romney, a human being who built that. >> george w romney was a well with think auto executive and future michigan governor, but being born his son was anything but luck. little mitt romney won the coveted position only by outcompeting thousands of less motivated sperm. and though when he was a teenager the romney family was for a time forced to take shelter in public housing, young mitt refused on prince billion to take taxpayer money for his schooling, instead convince ago local businessman to invest in his future. and then t the vietnam. romney volunteered to serve in
france. a mormon missionary bravely fighting the french people's love of wine. >> it was a quagmire. sometimes at night he feels he is still there. >> back stateside, the handsome connected young man bucks the odds, feigning admission to harvard, renicing on principle to go to school with taxpayer money instead with his own hard earned stock given to him by a local businessman. her name was ann davis and the moment mitt saw her he knew he was totally going to build that. she was the ideal gender, for a wife. they wed according to human custom and then meshing their private sectors produced five male offspring, tag, craig, blig, marble and flapjack.
>> armed only with ivy league business and law degrees, and the mitt romney trailed blazes his way to a pioneering new boston firm, where he learned how to secrete money. from there, it was a series of personal triumphs, from single-handedly saving 2002 salt lake olympics to electing himself governor of massachusetts. but there is still one thing left for mitt romney to build, a presidency. as the elite east coast harvard educated creator of romney care started to run, in the most conservative republican field in history, romney realized that terrible truth. >> i am someone who is a moderate and my views are progressive. >> i will preserve and protect a women's right to choose. >> we also should keep weapons of -- to be on the street. >> he billed himself the wrong way.
it would take a monumental feat of self reconstruction. >> i am pro-life. >> $122 billion. >> i don't happen to believe that america needs new gun laws. >> around the clock operations across 14 time zones until finally. >> i was a severely conservative republican governor. >> mitt romney had done it. all by himself. mitt romney did it all by himself. mitt romney, he is a human being and he built that. >> jon: we will be right back. [ train whistle blows ]
>> jon: all right. with us tonight, the former chairman of the republican national committee, currently she a political analyst for msnbc, please welcome back to the program michael steele! >> it is so nice to see you. you were the rnc chairman. >> yeah. believe it or not. >> jon: and so now the rnc gentleman is a person named a made-up name. reince priebus. >> yes, sir. that is correct. >> i saw him, i wanted to show you this. show the tape quickly of reince
priebus. >> president obama has never run a company. he hasn't even run a garage sale or seen the inside of a lemonade stand. >> jon: now, i don't know if you have ever seen the movie arthur with -- >> very much. >> jon: and how was that? >> i don't know. >> jon: no love lost. now what happens when you leave do you get to enjoy the fruits of your labor at this convention? or are you persona non grata in the halls of party power. >> yes, that would be all by myself. >> jon: oh, really? .. >> no invitation. no credentials. >> that is what happens. >> jon: that is not right. how do you repair that type of relationship with a party? or are you not interested in that? >> i am not interested in that. look the bottom line is i was
hired to do two things, one raise money, $198 million and win elections, 53 seats in the house, many legislative seats in the company and flipped a number of legislatures, and congressmen, tim scott to alan west, susanna martinez who was awesome the other night. >> i can see why they got rid of you. >> yes, exactly. >> jon: let me ask you this. do you know paul ryan? >> yes, very well. >> jon: now he is considered if i am not mistaken, and i am using just a nic nickname, the brainiac. >> he is the intel beck chul soul of the republican party. >> there is a lot of gravitation to him, his boldness to put a plan in writing on the table which he knew would be, you know, advice rated and taken apart, and interestingly must have not just by the left but also by the right, because folks forget -- newt gingrich showed it right wing social engineering. >> you have that and before that you have the leadership when
confronted with the plan and asked about it say that is not our plan. so he knew full well what the risk would be but he was willing to take it and so my argument to him was do it now let's talk about it. >> jon: were you surprised last night when he gave a speech that was devoid of those kinds of policies and boldness and included for a guy with a reputation of being from what everybody says a straight shooter, a guy of hard truths that played so fast and loose with context and facts? did that surprise you and was that something that comes from the campaign? if you stand near mitt romney you are automatically deluded? what happened to that man that we heard about that, but then what we saw. >> it is like before. >> jon: that's what i am saying. that's what i am saying.
>> no. the fact of it is, and i understand very much where you are coming from but you have to understand what these conventions are, you know, designed to do. they are largely infomercials, they are not really to get into the nuts and bolts of substance of the argument. that is what the next six, seven weeks are going to be about. >> jon: i understand the infomercial idea but it seems like the infomercial is to get people to buy a product. >> well, you said it in, you say some broad things and give people an idea where you want to go and, that is what gets folks fired up and lay out thematically what your vision is. now the interesting thing that you note and you are very good at this. you are pushing it. >> jon: 80 years. >> the new age of information is changing, i think will change the way these conventions are run and the information that you get out of them, because there is more push by the american citizens to say i want to know now what you are doing.
last four years. for golf caddies. captioning sponsored by comedy central captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wg . >> come on. we're roasting. look at you. stupid, fat, ugly, dumb, jew. come on. i got it down! stupider, ugly hair, look like you have [bleep] on your sweater. over there it looks like you have [bleep] in your hair. every [bleep] one of you. it's a roast you [bleep]ers. >> feel the burn. tonight, snooki and her baby. todd glass anthony jeselnik and jeff ross! >> all right. we're here. thank you. welcome to "the burn."
how do i look? >> i had my hair done by hurricane isaac. let's start with some birthday shout-outs. here's a booty call i'd like to give 31 spanks to. happy burn, baby. i'm sure beyonce's wish is that her daughter doesn't look like her husband. [laughter] listen, everybody knows i love jay z but he always looks like he's having an allergic reaction to shell food. and happy birthday to sean white. a guy best known as the slightly more [bleep]ed up rocky dennis. [laughter] [applause] and this is betsy cooper, the world's oldest living person. this week she celebrates her 116th birthday. [applause]
doesn't look a day over 109. one of her favorite childhood memories is taking a boat ride with two of every animal. she's 116! when she was asked how she lived to be so old, she said cold? i'm not cold. [applause] happy burn day, betsy! [applause] everybody is talking about pussy riot. you heard about pussy riot? the all female band from russia that has been sent to prison because their music criticized the government. everybody in the world knows their name but nobody has heard their music. so listen! ♪ >> everybody! [applause] they're terrible! did somebody put bath salts in their borscht?