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tv   The Colbert Report  Comedy Central  February 18, 2013 11:30pm-12:00am PST

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captioning sponsored by comedy central captioned by media access group at wgbh [cheers and applause] >> jon: buy this book. buy. this that's our show. here it is your moment o captioning sponsored by comedy central ["the colbert report" theme music playing] [cheers and applause] >> stephen: thank you. [cheers and applause] [crowd chanting see it --
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stephen] [cheers and applause] yes! [cheers and applause] welcome. welcome to the report. good to have you with us. thank you so much. thank you, friends. [cheers and applause] folks, ladies and gentlemen, with an army like you at my back, i'm ready to go to battle any day of the week. [cheers and applause] and it's time to march again because there's no getting around it, folks we've got to talk about it. last night's state of the union address. big whup-iditdo. what type of narcissistic jerk expects people to tune in to hear a room full of people mindlessly cheer him. [cheers and applause]
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it is pathetic. [ laughter ] who here smokes pot? [cheers and applause] now, folks, i don't know why i subject myself to last night's socialist stroke job because it was more of the same old, same old new ideas. it was nothing but a nothing burger with all the fixins. laugh still nothing burger pretty tasty if you smoke weed. [cheers and applause] pathetic. [ laughter ] and folks, it just confirmed how out of touch the president is. >> simple fact, the more education you've got, the more likely you are to have a good job and work your way to the middle class. a rising live iting middle class, middle class. >> jon: middle class, really grandpa? we haven't had a middle class since the 90s.
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what is your next big idea travel agencies that advertise on cassette tapes. you are not fooling anybody with the middle class talk. this speech was about one thing only. >> president obama believes the government is the solution, more government. >> big government. >> big government. >> big government. >> this is the most progovernment speech since lyndon johnson. >> stephen: yes, i find it offensive that the head of our government would give a speech to everyone else in the government that was so pro-government. [ laughter ] not to mention, the president immediately declared war on the private sector. >> tonight, let's declare that in the wealthiest nation on earth, no one who works full time should have to live in poverty and raise the federal minimum wage to $9 an hour. >> >> stephen: $9? that is almost two feet of sandwich. where does it end?
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where did it end? a living wage spoils the working man. just ask c.e.o. and fox news resident smeagol robert luddy. jim? >> i worked for $85 cents an hour when i was in high school and i was happy to have that job. >> stephen: that's what i'm talking. america has gone soft. if everyone is living the fantasy life of cold and heat they'll have no drive. it's that suffering that lifts people up to start their own business and one day become a job creator like mr. luddy who lobbies to fight against raising the minimum wage because he was so (bleep) poor he had to fight off rats with a spat la. who is infected with rabies. yes, you are. [ laughter ]
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besides, president if i dfide -- fidel handout here said nothing about raising the maximum wage. for as long as i can remember earning more than i can ever need but folks can i imagine even more. [ laughter ] folks, that wasn't his only shock jobs program. >> tonight i propose a fix-it first program to put people to work on the most urgent repairs, like the nearly 70,000 structurally deofficial bridges -- deficient bridges across the country. >> stephen: wow, 70,000 structurally deficient death traps. on your way to your new minimum wage job you want to take the alternate route around the mississippi river through
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canada. [cheers and applause] but -- [cheers and applause] but the biggest -- i believe the the biggest failure of the night was how a balma kept unloading his work to us. >> we must do more to combat climate change. america must face the threat of signer attacks. america must remain a beacon to all who seek freedom. we must all do our part. we can get it done. now is the time to get it done. now is the time to do it. >> jon: ug. >> stephen: uhg. arrgh. that sounds like a lot of work, man. why do we -- why do we always have to face our global challenges? why can't america take a personal year? just some time to get our (bleep) together. maybe focus on our music, throarn home brew? -- learn to home brew?
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whatever. no, no. [cheers and applause] no, whatever. i guess we'll address our challenges. of course, obama was just the opening act for fortnight's mai- for the night's main event the long awaited rubio address given by florida senator and board certificateified minority marco rubio. >> rubio with the republicans have probably one of best communicators since ronald reagan. >> all eyes on our rising star. i might say our only star. >> stephen: no pressure marco, you are just the egg from which the new republican party will be born so we should put all our egg into one basket and then count our chicken before it hatches and while we're at it why not make the a hand basket and take it some place really
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warm. >> i'm marco rubio. i have the honor of responding to the state of the union address on behalf of my fellow republicans. the favorite attack is that those of white house don't agree with them only care about rich people. one of things for growth is the emergency industry over the next decade. [laughter] nothing has frustrated me more than false choices like the one the president laid out tonight. [ laughter ] >> stephen: don't worry, senator rubio, nobody noticed that you gave a speech. [cheers and applause] now, folks -- [cheers and applause] i think -- i say personally i think it's a bold move to duck off camera during the biggest speech of your life. i cannot imagine what he was thinking. jimmy, do you have any footage of what he was thinking?
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>> if we can grow our energy industry, it will make us energy independent. ♪ [laughter] false choices like the one the president laid out tonight. [ laughter ] >> stephen: folks, ultimately is this really that big of a deal just because it's the only thing that people will ever remember? [laughter] we turn to fox news. >> i could see for the first time that he was nervous. >> it was very awkward. this response is always a tough spot. here you are in a room with cameras and all that. >> stephen: yeah, hot camera and all that it's a unique situation. when you are president you are never under pressure. let me, folks, let me tell you from experience it's not easy being on tv. you've got the sweltering lights, audience, the cameras, you know, knowing you are being
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watched by millions that they are judging your every move and -- [cheers and applause] -- they make the biggest things out of smallest mistakes. can really give a person a little bit of cotton mouth. [ laughter ] [cheers and applause] it's not necessarily water where you need it but that's not really a problem because a true professional knows, you know, how to cover. you cover your problem by always maintaining eye contact with the home viewer and connecting with the audience on a human level, make them overlook your difficulties, just keep the words coming and no one will notice. [cheers and applause] you know --
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[cheers and applause] [cheers and applause] [cheers and applause] just never lose eye contact. [ laughter ] folks, you may not have notice i got a little thirsty there but that's how pros like me and marco rubio do it. we'll be right back. [cheers and applause]
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everybody. thanks so much. before the break -- right before the commercial break i told you all about one or two issues that marco rubio had with his response to the state of the union, but those problems were only during his english speech. he also made history last night but becoming the first person to rebut the president in spanish because marco rubio isn't just the republican savior, he's also [speaking spanish] he is
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his-spanish and he is the g.o.p.'s newest outreach to latino voters. up until now they had to rely on second lindsey graham out on a donkey painted like a zebra. the spanish speech was a huge success because at no point did he lung for [speaking spanish] but here is something odd, it turns out his spanish speech was four minutes longer than the english version. i got top wondering what was in the extra four minutes? was he making fun of los gringos? was he sending the secret signal to have the bus boys cut our throats during dessert? it's coming. yes, that's why i don't order dessert. i order it to go. [laughter] i found the spanish version of his speech in one of few places it was available and
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i turned on the closed captioning to get the translation. this is the actual transportation that plays with abc's video. jim? [speak spanish] >> stephen: i'm at the body in the homeless of august to pay thugs and what is the hamas you've got the able not because i was of them. i'll get the paneling and soap. [cheers and applause] wow. wow. what a beautiful language when it's being fon dphonetically transscribed by a computer that thinks spanish is english. it goes over my head but i understand him when he said when it often said michael mr. into.
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president obama, folks, president obama may be the democrats mlk but marco rubio is the republicans ellen ginsburg on payote. that's why rubio is so important to republicans. he is the only one who can speak directly to la hencehispania or as it would be transscriend bruce hannah. for seniors. at but it hint that it would lot of leprosy and the bush. [cheers and applause] and for students buried with loan debt sort of of course the human feces predicament to which
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we have been championed. [cheers and applause] and for all of you unemployed fret not because slope this young donovan's ripples if i had the muscles. i mean what -- what better vision for america? marco rubio truly is the g.o.p. savior. i can already see his campaign slogan for 2016 marco rubio hop alongrchglurchg
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everybody. my guest tonight made a new documentary called sound city. now he's about to sit down at the studios and record some of the greatest interviews. please welcome dave grohl. [cheers and applause] hey, dave. nice to see you again. >> good to see you. >> stephen: how are you been? last time you saw you we were hanging out in the white house together. >> that's usually where we bump
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into each other. >> stephen: that's what we do. >> you wouldn't imagine i would be let into the white house. >> stephen: you were fantastic, incredible for the kennedy center honors rocking led zeppelin. >> i was. >> stephen: drummer for nirvana, lead of the f.a.o. fighters but -- foo fighters now you are a document dlrks arian. you sold millions of copies of nirvana never mind alone. why not phone it in and get fat? >> i decided to make this movie because the studio where we made nirvana's never mind was closing. that studio changed my life. when we went there we were there for 16 days and those 16 days that we made that record, never mind completely changed my life. >> stephen: that's the name of the movie called "sound city." >> it's called "sound city." >> stephen: how do you go to a guy whop didn't make
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documentaries to mick a documentary about the place you recorded? >> i way i look at it i never took lessons to play the drums or guitar. i just sort of figured it out. i think you if you are passionae about something and driven and focused you can do whatever you want to do. >> stephen: nobody taught to me yell at people. >> and you are really good at it. you are great. >> stephen: thank you. >> i had an idea and a friend with a camera. i start calling everyone from members of cheap trick to members of rick springfield to stevie nicks. >> stephen: all people who recorded at the studio. >> yes and i asked to talk to them and i wound up with 40 interviews and i turned into an actual film. >> stephen: this soundboard in front this is the impetus. this started this thing rolling here. what is that? >> it's a mixing console. rupert needs made mixing desks
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in the 70s. still makes recording equipment. these are considered the cadillac of recording equipment. they sound great, great for rock music and simple. this say custom ordered board that everyone from evel knievil to tom petty to rage against the machine, charles manson recorded at sound city. the story is completey nutted. >> stephen: seriously. did evel knievil jump this board over charles manson? >> that's a movie. >> stephen: the guy offered to sell the board. >> i heard they were closing and because i considered that board to be responsible from where i am today. i said i would be honored to tell it if you want to silt. >> stephen: does it have a story to tell? >> the first thing we had to do when we got it is scrub the coke
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cane and fried chicken out. >> stephen: that was a great album, too, cocaine and fried chicken. >> yeah, yeah. >> stephen: legendary. >> amazing. >> stephen: did you have to listen to never mind again and as part of it did you think about what that recording session was like? >> interviewing like butch who is the producer or chris, the bass player of nirvana, sitting down and talking about it brought back a lot of memories. i remembered a lot more about the couple weeks we were there. >> stephen: is it like pulling out your high school yearbook and like (bleep) we were so young. >> nobody thought we were going to be a big band. at the time michael bolton was huge. >> stephen: still. >> still huge. >> stephen: the man plays red rock. >> nobody thought that they were going to sell millions of records so everyone just sort of left us alone which was great. >> stephen: do you think about the sessions now and say why didn't we turn up the drums. >>


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