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tv   The Daily Show With Jon Stewart  Comedy Central  June 26, 2013 9:00am-9:31am PDT

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comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is the daily show with jon stewart. (cheers and applause) captioning sponsored by comedy central >> welcome to the daily show. welcome to the daily show. i am john oliver, jon stewart still not here. he is currently walking across the grand canyon.
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my guest tonight from the roost, the great quest love is with us. (cheers and applause) let's get straight into it tonight. huge news this morning out of the supreme court. >> the supreme court just a short time ago struck down a key part of the voting rights act. now this part determines which states must actually get federal permission before they change their voting laws. >> okay, basically the key part of the voting rights act they removed was the one that applied strict scrutiny to states with a previous history of racial discrimination, those states, of course, being white sylvania, pale-afornia, caw cariacut, and mississippi. but look, look-- (applause) this is clearly a very bold move from the supreme court this was a landmark piece of civil rights legislation. i hope that chief justice
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roberts has a pretty compelling reason to get rid of it. >> in his opinion chief justice john roberts wrote our country has changed. >> oh, that's fine then, that's fine. (laughter) >> that's all. we're good, we're good then. because it has changed. we have got ipads, twitter, maxi pads with wings. (laughter) every one is allergic to bre now-- bread now and racially things have got better in the south. it's true, primarily because of things like, oh, i don't know, the voting rights act of 1965. do you remember that? (cheers and applause) >> do you remember that? interesting story. that's the piece of legislation that now has a hole of it the exact shape of john roberts middle finger. (laughter) now you might think, you know, it's so old, the voting rights act. it's probably obsolete. when does the justice department ever need to protect minority voters for invoking section 5. and the answer is basically
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never if basically never means, and this is true, 74 times since the year 2000. and just in case you needed a reminder of what the voting rights act was preventing, less than two hours after the supreme court's ruling, one of the states flagged in the voting rights act did this. >> in texas they have two issues right now, the redistricting case and the most restrictive voter-- in the country. they announced today they are going to start implementing those tomorrow. >> two hours! they couldn't even wait for two hours. it takes texas less time to disenfranchise minority voters than it takes for them to barbecue a pig. (laughter) and they do that well. they do that well. now-- now to be fair, to be fair, there is good news and bad news. good news, the courts did leave the door open for the law to be amended. bad news, it has to be
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amended by congress. so, so-- wait, wait, have some faith boys and girls. so can they be trusted to get this done? well, let's look at their recent track record. last week they took up the farm bill, famously one of the easiest pieces of legislation they have to vote on. and don't worry, they made history. >> in washington the house voted down a farm bill for the first time in at least 40 years. >> we did it! (cheers and applause) we did it! wait, wait, wait, wait. sort this out-- they voted it down? why would they poke the heartland right in the corn hole? >> 80% of it isn't really about farming, per se. the bulk of the farm bill is the country's food stamp program or what is now known as the supplemental nutrition assistant program or snap. >> or snap! did you just
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hear what he just called food stamps, he called them the supplemental nutritional assistance program, snap! (laughter) so-- hang on, hang on. hang on. farm bill is a fake name to trick us into feeding poor people. i thought that those billions of taxpayer dollars went to a good cause like paying local farmers like monsanto to not grow corn in their fields, and instead you're just giving money to hungry people for food, which they are literally flushing down the toilet after eating and digesting for vital nutrition. (laughter) i assume that that is why this bill failed. >> the farm bill failed because very conservative republicans voted against it because they said it costs too much. democrats voted against it because it cut too much from food stamp. >> okay. so not only didn't it cut enough spending, it also cut
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too much spending. it's like the bill was goldilocks and the first bear says i think your food stamp cuts are too low. and the second bear says i think your food stamp cuts are too high. and instead of there being a moderate bear the first two bears tear goldilocks limb from limb and eat her. that's basically what happened. (applause) to be fair, they are bears. it's not just that they are voting down bills that would do something. they are passing bills that would have no chance of ever doing anything. >> congress voted on obama care this week. it was the 37th time they did it in some way, shape, form or fashion. the republican lead house did vote to repeal it but the bill, of course, is dead on arrival in the senate. >> 37 different votes and nothing. it's almost impressive to vote 37 different times on something and still get
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nada. unless, unless maybe this isn't ineptitude, maybe congress is just attempting cantric lawmaking. it looks like they're doing nothing, keeping perfectly still, nothing happening. but in fact they're skillfully building up legislation until it eventually explodes in the greatest lore of all times. (cheers and applause) -- greatest law of all times! now this is not good. it's not just a voting rights act in congress's hands. the immigration bill is right around the corner. it's easy to despair at this. is there no major issue that congress could tackle that would stand a chance of passing with bipartisan support? >> mr. speaker,-- would allow the secretary of the interior to continue the sale of electronic duck stamps and also expands the program to include all of our 50 states. >> yes! (laughter)
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the beloved duck stamps finally a way to mail my ducks back home. i'm being told it's actually a hunting permit of some kind. but maybe, maybe congress can regain our faith in it just by passing this bun incredibly narrow bill enabling people to buy duck stamps electronically in all 50 states. do you believe, boys and girls? do you? do you? >> the yeas are 401, the nays are 0, thai thirds voting in the affirmative, the rawls are suspended. the bill is passed! >> this is the one! the system works! (cheers and applause) >> that is such a relief. when it comes to passing borderline meaningless legislation, you are the best around! so congress, here's a tribute to you for being able to do the things that don't need doing ♪ you're the best around ♪ ♪. >> hr-1157, the bill to
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insurance public access to the summit of rattlesnake mountain. >> the bill is passed. >> the bill to direct the secretary of state to develop a strategy to obtain observer status for taiwan. >> hr-251, a bill to direct the secretary of the interior to convey certain federal features of the electric distribution system to the south utah valley electric service district and for other purposes. >> the bill is passed. >> (cheers and applause) >> we'll be right back.
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>> the supreme court isn't the only court in the land. let's check in with our criminal courts. yesterday the begun the trial of george zimmerman who stand as caused of murdering trayvon martin, a tragic incident and i do not want to be glib by making a joke about this, so let's just see how the first day went. >> the way the defense began its statements, reportedly left folks in the courtroom stone-faced, a joke that fell flat. >> no, no, no. no, no, he did not do that. please, please tell me that zimmerman's lawyer did not open with a joke. >> let me say i would like to tell you a little joke. >> as long as you don't-- if
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you don't like it or you don't think it's funny or appropriate, that you don't hold it against mr. zimmerman. you can hold it against me if you want but not mr. zimmerman. if i have your assurance you won't -- >> you got to love lawyer jokes, by the way, always prefaced with a lengthy disclaimer preassigning legal liability to any damage that the joke might incur. (applause) the following joke here after referred to as the joke is provided solely to amuse and entertain the lisser owners. the joke teller-- resulting from any offense, embarrassity raised by said joke, par 2 the joke this joke provides that a rabbi an procedures pursuant to an oral agreement jointly purchase a car hereafter referred to as the automobile. after the said purchase, the rabbi witnesses the priest sprinkling water on the automobile and asks what are you doing? the priest allegedly responded that he was blessing the automobile. although the description of
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this statement is not intended to prove the truth of the matter asserted, nor to endorse the existence or effectiveness of a blessing. the rabbi replies okay, since we're doing that, and takes out a hax saw and cuts two inches off the tailpipe. the joke teller observes all rights concerning the reputation, dissemination and modification of said joke, i am outa here. (cheers and applause) okay. that's funny, people, all right, all right. all right, defense attorney don west, you had a year of preparation to write this joke. to do it in this scenario, you must be confident in it. take it away. >> here's how it goes. national hockey league. who's there. george zimmerman. george zimmerman who? all right, good, you're on the jury. nothing?
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>> what the [bleep] was that? don west, everybody, don west. and that-- that little joke from don west, my friend s how kanye lost a title for worst thing ever said to a crowded room by someone with a last name west. kanye, of course, took that title from adam west who in 1982 told a packed comic book convention to suck his back [bleep]. that is all true, that's all true. look, i'm a comedian. we've all bombed before, albeit not with someone's life at stake. he just got to let it go, dust yourself off, move on. >> any more bad-- no more bad jokes, i promise that. i am convinced it was the delivery though. i really thought that was funny. >> wow. >> that makes two people in that courtroom who have stood their ground after doing something awful. aylingedly, allegedly, allegedly, at this point. look, the point is, this is
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so bad, you have got to feel sympathy for george zimmerman. there are two things you do not want to hear at your murder trial. we find the defendant guilty, and knock, knock. in no particular order. now normally the most cringe inducing thing about these court cases is the media coverage. but zimmerman's lawyer has set the bar so low, the media may not be able to squeak under it. so i guess the challenge is yours to accept, media. can you limbo? how low can you go. you're george zimmerman, i'm trayvon martin. you're claiming i'm on the ground and i'm on top of you and i have actually, according to you, punched you 25 to 30 times. >> zimmerman grabs it, takes it out, and boom. >> trayvon falls back and says you got me, you got me. >> so he claims he spread
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trayvon's arms out like that opinions somebody's lying. (laughter) a word of advice, if i may. pace yourself. this is going to be a long trial. it's only day one and you are already illustrating legal points by dry humping in the minikitchen. actually, maybe it would be more helpful if i told you this in the form of a knock, knock joke. and let me just quickly say to the studio audience, dow not need to participate in this. knock, knock. who's there? orange. orange who. >> or whang-- orange you supposed to be better at doing your [bleep] than in? be rigl be rig
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have you seen this? seen what?
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>> welcome back. my guest tonight is the drama and co-founder of the band the roost, his new memoir is called mo meter blues. please welcome the fantastic quest love thompson. >> how are you doing. (cheers and applause) >> how are you doing. >> okay. >> i have been waiting so long to start an interview like this. [bleep] sweet bow tie. can we get a close up of that. look at that. >> yeah. >> scrabble tiles wonder bow tie. >> i got it in brooklyn, yeah. >> yes, you did. you didn't need to say that but it's good to know that was the case. the book is fantastic. >> thank you. >> and i think we'll both agree that that is often not the case with muss ig book-- musician books. most musician books can
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shake you off in about 30 pages. >> yeah. >> but this is like, it's part memoir, it's part an insight not music that you love. it's part anthology of hip-hop and part your manager shouting at you in footnotes. >> yeah. (laughter) >> i've been, my manager richard nickels kind of steals the show because i told my editor that i think that he should provide the sort of footnotes from the voice of god to contradict every story that i have ever told about the life that i lived. >> yeah. >> you know, and pretty much it seems that contradiction is what makes the book entertaining. >> it is great, so funny. because every story has a footnote with basically rich saying listen, it wasn't quite like that. basically every footnote in the book he is basically calling bull [bleep] on your memory 6 an event. >> yeah, yeah. it's really great. and there's a moment in there where you talk about the most influential moments you think in the history of
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hip-hop being an episode of the kosby show opinions yeah. >> there is the episode of the kosby show in which theo and denise get hit by stevie wonder. >> yeah. >> and stevie wonders way of apologizing for putting their life in danger is showing him the new toy sampler. so basically the entire kosby clan goes to the studio and says one word in the microphone and it goes as stevie's sampler. and pretty much every hip-hop luminary that developed across the '90s in the 2,000, they saw this episode and it changed their lives because we never saw a sampler before. you know, the technology was invented but that's the first time we saw it. so for christmas i got a toy casio sk sampler. you know, you only had 3
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seconds so you could say curse words, you know, [bleep]. >> that is absolutely what you do. >> but when i met my partner and the group black thought he was the one that, like, would say like yo, put drumbeats in that. and so i -- >> i just love the idea that you can trace back a pivotal moment in hip-hop history to a car crash in the kosby show. >> yeah. >> that is the butterfly effect. >> that changed everyone's life. >> exactly, the butterfly effect. >> also, you are a huge music enthusiast. you talk a lot about how memories of specific songs conjure up almost inexplicable thoughts in your head. you talk about curtis mayfield's feddie's dead and how when you hear that song now you just think about burning yourself on a radiator. >> yeah, specifically, when i was-- people, well, i was asked what was my first memory of soul train. >> right. >> which everyone that kind
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of knows me knows that i am absolutely addicted to. and so i guess i was running from the bathtub and i slipped and burned my entire right leg on the radiator leaving an imprint like a train mark there but at that very moment, the modulated bridge of freddie's dead is on soul train. and so whenever i hear that to this day t just traumatizes me to no end. (laughter) >> it's amazing how music can just have unintended emotional consequences. i remember once i was breaking up with this girl. and well, let me correct that. she was very much breaking up with me. >> right, right. >> i have been there. >> i was really up set. and as she was explaining why this was happening, ain't no sunshine when she's gone by bill widthers came on and i laughed because i thought that is just too ridiculously perfect. so i started laughing as she
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was breaking up with me. and she said see, this is exactly what i'm talking about. so now it's the same thing. every time i hear bill withers i kind of laugh at one of the greatest break up songs in history. >> that tends to happen. for me just because there wasn't a lot of tv watching in my household, but there was constant music playing. >> right. >> so everything happened to a soundtrack. and that's just how i remember everything. >> look, the book is, it's awesome, funny, interesting, inspiring. and there is some amazing stories there is an in here where you go roller skating with prince. i done know if there is any better reason to buy books than to find out the context of that anecdote. (cheers and applause) >> the context wouldn't make any more sense but it is an [bleep] amazing story. mo better blue-- mo meter blues is on the book shelves,
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quest lovehomps thomps
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>> that's our show, join us tomorrow night at 11:00, here it is your moment of zen. >> say one thing for congress, no matter how bad you thought they were, there will always captioning sponsored by comedy central captioned by media access g onight, political unrest in south america or they're happy. i don't speak spanish. then controversy in a florida courtroom. apparently you can't sue your grand kids for not calling. and my guest tufts history professor peniel joseph will discuss controversial changes to the voting rights act. i hope it doesn't affect "so you think you can dance." italy's president was convicted of paying for sex with


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