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tv   The Daily Show With Jon Stewart  Comedy Central  July 26, 2013 9:00am-9:31am PDT

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kidnapped and trapped in a cave in the middle east constructing his own iron man suit. ( laughter ) our guest tonight, currently head coach of the egyptian national soccer team, bob bradley will be with us and ( cheers and applause ) amazing stories, amazing stories to tell. welcome back. let's start tonight, though wnews from the game monopoly, congress becomes the least where big changes are afoot. productive in history, having passed just 15 bildz. >> they're taking the jail out what we wanted to know what, of the monopoly game. kind of person aspiers to be a member of this illustrious club. >> booo! >> amidst record low approval >> john: you heard right. ratings, both parties are on the the game designed to teach children how capitalism work has hunt for promising congressional removed the "go to jail" option candidates to head to d.c. to reflect the financial system so when lettiesia perez, an they're going to grow up in, presumably replacing it with a up-and-coming democrat, captured "get ideal at by congress and the supervisor seat in a then go directly to the caymen strongly republican california county, the d.n.c. knew just islands" option. ( laughter ) what to do. >> i received an e-mail from the ( applause ) chairman of the democratic party also, also this week, we actually have news from the real which said, "we've heard a lot
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about you. financial sector. >> the big story this quarter we know that you're a rising star in california, and we'd has been financial stocks, the like to you consider potentially bank stocks all had spectacular a run for congress." numbers. >> it's such a great job. here's goldman sachs, by the way, which had an absolutely you must have been really terrific earnings report. excited. >> actually, i had to say no. >> you decided to say no to d.c. >> profits double at goldman sachs in the second quarter to >> that's right. i did. $1.93 billion. resoundingly. >> john: yes, goldman sachs >> reporter: and her have been covering their resounding no eff'ing way has investors in goldman showers. become a worryingly common as an interesting sidenote here, refrain. across the nation, the parties are struggling to find anyone one of the reasonses that goldman is doing so well is its willing to run for congress. trade in aluminum. but why? >> it's no secret, there is as of i will incorrectly remarkable gridlock in d.c. i don't want to be at a place pronounce it for your comfort, where i have a good, fancy title aluminum. for years, aluminum has helped but i'm not actually able to build our airplanes. deliver for people. >> wait a minute. it's kept us from sipping beer something isn't right. okay, i see what's going on out of our hands. and provided much-needed here. this hesitation of yourself to headgear for our crazy people. go to d.c., is it scandal based? ( laughter ). >> absolutely not. but wall street's darling has >> drug use? >> no. worked out that there is gold in >> you're not a citizen. >> i'm absolutely a citizen, and that there aluminum. >> hundreds of millions of times proud. >> you have sent pictures of a day, thirsty americans open a your penis over the internet. >> never, wouldn't even consider can of soda, beer, or jees
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it. >> why wouldn't you consider expemp time they do it, they pay a fraction of a penny more that? >> elected officials have a high becauseave shrewd maneuver by goldman sachs. >> the "new york times" duty of morality, of ethics, of reporting over the weekend that goldman sachs is running a personal, professional conducts. >> does it have anything to do scheme to artificially inflate with the fact you don't have a aluminum prices. penis? >> the question was would i >> john: that scheme-- to consider sending pictures and i marry an elderly aluminum would not. >> do you have a peens or not? >> i don't. heiress and murder her for her >> no scandal, no peens, she's money. an amazing candidate. so goldman sachs is running the classic reynold wrap grist on clearly perez doesn't understand the honor and privilege of the american people, which means serving in the u.s. congress. it's time for another luckily, stephen latourette, an installment of john oliver's 18-year member of the house and details of foreign metal pricing subcommittee vice chairman knows update. wait, wait! firsthand the profound don't change the channel! satisfactionave rewarding career i promise this story is worth giving voice to the american listening to. maybe we can just juice up the opening a bit. people. give me three words that sum of your experience. ♪ ♪ >> john oliver's arcane details >> frustrating, maddening, of boron group metal pricing gridlock. >> okay. three words that aren't those words. >> uhm, sad update. ( cheers and applause )
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disappointing, difficult. >> okay, forget about words. >> john: heavy metal what, is i'm looking to inspire somebody technically classed as light to run for congress. >> you'd have to be crazy to run metal. ahhh! for congress. no, sax has two-- goldman sachs >> why? >> the leadership in the house is more concerned about gaming has two separate ventures in the other party so that they can aluminum. be in charge than they are in had oans warehouse where aluminum is stored and also actually accomplishing trades aluminum. see if you can figure out what something. potential candidates shouldn't be motivated by accomplishing happens next. >> the report claims goldman's anything. >> okay, this sound like an warehouse creates bottlenecks, objectively terrible job. if we want to get someone like perez to run for congress, we lengthening delivery times. are going to have to recalbright the bank profit from extended her expectations so she rent and bets made on the future libraries to love d.c., despite of those metals by their trading arm. >> john: so let's get this the 535 obvious flaws. clear-- if these reports are >> well, i don't see much right, goldman can bet on the compromise taking place in d.c. i want to talk. future price of aluminum while i want to find solutions. >> this is not about what you simultaneously having the want. this is about what the broken ability to goose the future price of aluminum if that's machine of the u.s. congress something they find interesting needs to keep limping along. and/or profitable. ( laughter ) in the stock market, that's >> it's not the right place for what's known as insider trading. me. >> all you have to do is manage in the commodities market, to kill the thing inside of you that's known as simply thursday. that thinks and cares and you're
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or monday or tuesday, friday, or good to go. >> i could never kill anything wednesday. ( laughter ) inside of my that's cares about so how much is this scheme people. it's what fundamentally drives costing the american citizen? me. >> wow, we have a real problem. >> the beer institute estimating washington is too gridlocked to the higher premiums caused by attract the kind of the bottlenecks cost them an results-oriented politicians we need to break the gridlock. additional $3.6 billion each so the question remains-- who year. >> john: wait, first things will run for congress? first-- there's a beer >> i think people who are so institute? ( laughter ) ( applause ) blatantly partisan that this is fun for them. they're run. >> john: that's a party store right there. i assume their mascot is the i think the goal is fighting blaah. to find people that aren't... but if you're asking me who i so goldman sachs is making us think would be most interested in the job, it's probably the. pay billions more for aluminum cans and profiting off the back of that, that makes he so mad. >> so there you have it. the u.s. congress 2014. i think i need a cold drink. ... wanted. oh, i'm playing into their trap! ( cheers and applause ). >> john: thank you. weright right every time i use a can, i make them money. you know what? i've got to call my accountant. hello, bear? oh, no! diit again! get a phone, barry! now, you might be thinking
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surely there is a rule in place to prevent aluminum hording. well, relax, there actually is. the rules state 3,000 tons must leave the warehouse each day. however, that leaves a loophole big enough to drive several liewm-laden truck throughs. >> on a daily basis a fleet of trucks move the aluminum around and around from one warehouse to another. a forklift driver calls it "a merry-go-round of metal." >> "a merry-go-round of metal. coincidentally, the most popular ride at hurtsy park and family fun zone. and the truck drivers at those warehouses seems to realize how ridiculous this scheme is with one worker saying he would joke with his nephew at another warehouse asking, "did you get all that metal we sent you?" to which his nephew replied, "yup. did you get all the stuff we
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sent you." it all sounds like fun and games but i bet you there's a disillusioned aluminum deliveryman saying i got into this business to bring aluminum to the people, man. i just don't know what we're doing anymore. ( laughter ) the problem here is that there used to be rules prevent, banks from controlling physical goods so that they couldn't manipulate prices for their own benefit. but, like marilu henner, those rules pretty much disappeared some time in the 1990s. but this is still enough of an issue that on tuesday, as many as four, maybe even five members of the 50-member senate banking subcommittee gathered to hear testimony on the matter. >> the connection between banking and commodities is not a new development. it has very ancient roots. physical commodities such as grand and salt were among the first forms of money in ancient mesopotamia, egypt, china. ( laughter ). >> john: yes, but then, they
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invented money. ( laughter ) by the way, if your excuse for serving, "well, hamarabi did it," then i think you're on shaky ground. do you see what i'm saying? ( applause ) now the counter-point of the argument is this-- >> just because some banks somewhere in the past did something and it was okay, doesn't mean necessarily that it's okay today. for example, i am sure that somesometimes some bank has amphibioused slave trade, right. that doesn't mean j.p. morgan today should be financing human trafficking. >> john: that's a fair point. it's a fair point. i get it. the problem is you know that someone at j.p. morgan just saw that and went, "wait. we were not financing human trafficking ?trafficking? have you seen the profit margins for over 60,000 california foster children, on romanian sex slaves? having necessary school supplies can mean the difference they're right. i have to get into this myself. between success and failure. barry, barry! the day i start, i'm already behind. buy! how is this line busy, barry! i never know what i'm gonna need.
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hold oi'll use my cell. new school, new classes, new kids. barry! it's hard starting over. barry! ( cheers and applause ) to help, sleep train is collecting school supplies good luck. for local foster children. good luck finding a stupider bring your gift to any sleep train, aluminum can-based joke anywhere and help a foster child start the school year right. on television this evening. ( laughter ) not everyone can be a foster parent, if these allegations are true, but anyone can help a foster child. this seems pretty objectively outrageous behavior. or if you work for a major financial news network-- >> i want to tell that you i did ( cheers and applause ) not understand that story. >> john: welcome back. okay, i read it three times. my guest tonight is the former i had my producer, who is very head coach of the u.s. men's so, financially literate, read it traem teamand is now the head three times. coach of the egyptian national i don't quite get the scam. i read that story how many soccer team. timeses? i read it five times. please welcome back to the show, somehow they manipulated the price of aluminum. bob bradley! i don't know how. ( cheers and applause ) >> john: how do you not get it! you're a financial expert seemingly flummoxed by the easiest financial story in a >> u.s.a.! decade. this is something a child could u.s.a.! understand. in fact, i'll show you. u.s.a.! elliot, elliot. >> john: egypt! come in here, elliot. elliot. >> yes? egypt! bob, thank you so, so much for
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being here. ( applause ) i'm so-- i've been excited to >> john: elliot. >> yes? talk to you because you are in >> john: did you read that story about goldman sachs? >> yes. an amazing situation. they're artificially inflating you're not just an american. you're an american from jersey. that's turbo american. prices through storage. >> john: just to be clear, ( cheers and applause ) elliot, you understood it. >> new jersey! >> obviously, i'm eight and a >> john: and you're heading up the egyptian national so, team-- half. >> john: right, right. ( cheers and applause ). i cannot believe i'm saying that anything else? word-- soccer. every time the british person >> what goldman sachs is doing uses that word, somewhere in the world another british person is worse than cooties. dies. >> john: it is worse than ( laughter ) cooties, elliot. you are in an amazing situation. you have a very divided egypt. thank you, elliot. >> by the way, when is john you could qualify them for the coming back. world cup for the first time >> john: jon stewart is coming which could, in a way that nothing else could, unify that back in a few weeks. >> oh, thank god. country. no pressure. ( cheers and applause ). ( laughter ) >> the only thing egypt agrees on right now is that we must go >> john: i've got-- to the world cup gliewn and ( laughter ) she's just saying what america that's on you. issi that's all on you. ofmonopoly is actually perfect. it's an amazing-- it was an you just move pieces of metal amazing job to take on, and
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there was a key turning point in around and around in a circle, collecting money whenever you want, and it's guaranteed that your experience and tha that wae nobody is going to jail. port said massacre, wasn't it. >> right. ( cheers and applause ) wrighte right >> john: and the fact you used that word is key. what people might not be aware. there was a game between two premiere league teams in egypt. at half time there was a riot. 74 fans were killed. many believed it was oh, straight or at least assisted or enabled by the police. i came out and you called it a massacre. that's a big statement to make. you marched with the families afterwards. you have been taken to the heart of the egyptian people. how was the phone cawls with president morsi after you said that? >> about what? >> about the "m" word. >> i didn't hear from president morsi. i think he knew i had been on the "daily show" in the past. ( laughter ). >> john: how are your players
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handling this situation at the moment? they're in a weird emotional spot. >> the players are amazing. they've been resilient. the league has shut down again so these guys don't know whose happening with their years. they're not getting paid. but still there's this dream of going to the world cup that drives them, and their belief keeps us going. >> john: after port said comely was shut down, which your players, play in, and the games were in empty stadiums. >> so for a year and a day, the league stopped and it finally got is going again, and with recent events it's been shut down again. >> john: how does it feel for a team to play in an arena of 86,000 empty seats? that's a weird psychological jump for an athlete. >> it's eerie. you can hear everything. but it's not the right thing. because the game needs fans. >> john: exactly. so what do you say to the players? it's an emotional situation that they're in. what do you say to them? >> the first time, i came up
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with something good. i said, "we need to look into those stands and see all 85 million egyptians because if they had the chance they'd be here." but you can only give that speech once. ( laughter ) ( applause ) >> john: that's right. you did your al pacino speech once and then went ( bleep ). get out thereof, i'll slap you on the arse. it's impossible to overstate the frns and the relevance of football or so, everyday lives here. thinking how in america it's still seen as a minor sport. this is beyond sport elsewhere. in egypt it's hours and hours of television programming about the game every night. >> they love their football. you know. and the two big teams are once again divided. most people choose between these two teams. but the only thing everybody still stands behind is the
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national team. >> john: right. and at a time when america is viewed in egypt with such suspicion by both sides, really, it's all on you. ( laughter ) the hope of egypt and the opinion of america is all on your head. >> egyptians don't really have a problem with americans. it's more policy and government and all that other stuff. >> john: you can stick around and we'll talk more about this on the web because it's an amazing story. >> i'd love to. >> john: that would be great. bob bradley, ladies and gentlemen, bob ?ç?çwóóooo?o?ówçwçwçí?zmooçoço
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( cheers and applause ). >> john: that's our show. join us next week at 11:00. if you're not already seeing me on my television, my stand-up series starts its new season tomorrow night. it will be on every friday at 11:00. it will be lovely if you watch it. i will understand if you don't. please join us again next week. here it is, your moment of zen.
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>> tourists don't know how to walk. it is-- if you come here, go faster. figure out where you're going first. yes, the buildings are tall. step over to the captioning sponsored by comedy central ( theme song playing ) ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: welcome to the show, everybody. welcome to the report. thank you for joining us. thank you so much. folks,-- >> stephen! stephen!
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stephen! stephen! stephen! stephen! stephen! >> stephen: thank you, ladies and gentlemen. i fight that. i can't fight that. ( cheers and applause ). thank you. thank you so much. please. ladies and gentlemen. thank you for being here. this show is really about you. i am but your humble servant. and, folks, it is nice for our royal baby coverage and we can
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