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tv   The Daily Show With Jon Stewart  Comedy Central  July 26, 2013 7:25pm-7:56pm PDT

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as of i will incorrectly pronounce it for your comfort, aluminum. for years, aluminum has helped build our airplanes. it's kept us from sipping beer out of our hands. and provided much-needed headgear for our crazy people. ( laughter ). but wall street's darling has worked out that there is gold in that there aluminum. >> hundreds of millions of times a day, thirsty americans open a can of soda, beer, or jees expemp time they do it, they pay a fraction of a penny more becauseave shrewd maneuver by goldman sachs. >> the "new york times" reporting over the weekend that goldman sachs is running a scheme to artificially inflate aluminum prices. >> john: that scheme-- to marry an elderly aluminum heiress and murder her for her money. so goldman sachs is running the classic reynold wrap grist on the american people, which means it's time for another
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installment of john oliver's details of foreign metal pricing update. wait, wait! don't change the channel! i promise this story is worth listening to. maybe we can just juice up the opening a bit. ♪ ♪ >> john oliver's arcane details of boron group metal pricing update. ( cheers and applause ) >> john: heavy metal what, is technically classed as light metal. ahhh! no, sax has two-- goldman sachs has two separate ventures in aluminum. had oans warehouse where aluminum is stored and also trades aluminum. see if you can figure out what happens next. >> the report claims goldman's warehouse creates bottlenecks,
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lengthening delivery times. the bank profit from extended rent and bets made on the future of those metals by their trading arm. >> john: so let's get this clear-- if these reports are right, goldman can bet on the future price of aluminum while simultaneously having the ability to goose the future price of aluminum if that's something they find interesting and/or profitable. ( laughter ) in the stock market, that's what's known as insider trading. in the commodities market, that's known as simply thursday. or monday or tuesday, friday, or wednesday. ( laughter ) so how much is this scheme costing the american citizen? >> the beer institute estimating the higher premiums caused by the bottlenecks cost them an additional $3.6 billion each year. >> john: wait, first things first-- there's a beer institute? ( laughter ) ( applause ) >> john: that's a party store right there. i assume their mascot is the
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fighting blaah. so goldman sachs is making us pay billions more for aluminum cans and profiting off the back of that, that makes he so mad. i think i need a cold drink. oh, i'm playing into their trap! every time i use a can, i make them money. you know what? i've got to call my accountant. hello, bear? oh, no! diit again! get a phone, barry! now, you might be thinking surely there is a rule in place to prevent aluminum hording. well, relax, there actually is. the rules state 3,000 tons must leave the warehouse each day. however, that leaves a loophole big enough to drive several liewm-laden truck throughs. >> on a daily basis a fleet of trucks move the aluminum around and around from one warehouse to another. a forklift driver calls it "a
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merry-go-round of metal." >> "a merry-go-round of metal. coincidentally, the most popular ride at hurtsy park and family fun zone. and the truck drivers at those warehouses seems to realize how ridiculous this scheme is with one worker saying he would joke with his nephew at another warehouse asking, "did you get all that metal we sent you?" to which his nephew replied, "yup. did you get all the stuff we sent you." it all sounds like fun and games but i bet you there's a disillusioned aluminum deliveryman saying i got into this business to bring aluminum to the people, man. i just don't know what we're doing anymore. ( laughter ) the problem here is that there used to be rules prevent, banks from controlling physical goods so that they couldn't manipulate prices for their own benefit. but, like marilu henner, those rules pretty much disappeared some time in the 1990s.
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but this is still enough of an issue that on tuesday, as many as four, maybe even five members of the 50-member senate banking subcommittee gathered to hear testimony on the matter. >> the connection between banking and commodities is not a new development. it has very ancient roots. physical commodities such as grand and salt were among the first forms of money in ancient mesopotamia, egypt, china. ( laughter ). >> john: yes, but then, they invented money. ( laughter ) by the way, if your excuse for serving, "well, hamarabi did it," then i think you're on shaky ground. do you see what i'm saying? ( applause ) now the counter-point of the argument is this-- >> just because some banks somewhere in the past did something and it was okay, doesn't mean necessarily that it's okay today. for example, i am sure that somesometimes some bank has
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amphibioused slave trade, right. that doesn't mean j.p. morgan today should be financing human trafficking. >> john: that's a fair point. it's a fair point. i get it. the problem is you know that someone at j.p. morgan just saw that and went, "wait. we were not financing human trafficking ?trafficking? have you seen the profit margins on romanian sex slaves? they're right. i have to get into this myself. barry, barry! buy! how is this line busy, barry! hold oi'll use my cell. barry! barry! ( cheers and applause ) good luck. good luck finding a stupider aluminum can-based joke anywhere on television this evening. ( laughter ) if these allegations are true, this seems pretty objectively outrageous behavior. or if you work for a major financial news network-- >> i want to tell that you i did not understand that story. okay, i read it three times.
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i had my producer, who is very financially literate, read it three times. i don't quite get the scam. i read that story how many timeses? i read it five times. somehow they manipulated the price of aluminum. i don't know how. >> john: how do you not get it! you're a financial expert seemingly flummoxed by the easiest financial story in a decade. this is something a child could understand. in fact, i'll show you. elliot, elliot. come in here, elliot. elliot. >> yes? ( applause ) >> john: elliot. >> yes? >> john: did you read that story about goldman sachs? >> yes. they're artificially inflating prices through storage. >> john: just to be clear, elliot, you understood it. >> obviously, i'm eight and a half. >> john: right, right. ( cheers and applause ). anything else? >> what goldman sachs is doing
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is worse than cooties. >> john: it is worse than cooties, elliot. thank you, elliot. >> by the way, when is john coming back. >> john: jon stewart is coming back in a few weeks. >> oh, thank god. ( cheers and applause ). >> john: i've got-- ( laughter ) she's just saying what america is thinking. relax. i've got to say, now that you think about it, the new version of monopoly is actually perfect. you just move pieces of metal around and around in a circle, collecting money whenever you want, and it's guaranteed that nobody is going to jail. ( cheers and applause ) e righ be righ
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( cheers and applause ) welcome back. congress becomes the least productive in history, having passed just 15 bildz.
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what we wanted to know what, kind of person aspiers to be a member of this illustrious club. >> amidst record low approval ratings, both parties are on the hunt for promising congressional candidates to head to d.c. so when lettiesia perez, an up-and-coming democrat, captured the supervisor seat in a strongly republican california county, the d.n.c. knew just what to do. >> i received an e-mail from the chairman of the democratic party which said, "we've heard a lot about you. we know that you're a rising star in california, and we'd like to you consider potentially a run for congress." >> it's such a great job. you must have been really excited. >> actually, i had to say no. >> you decided to say no to d.c. >> that's right. i did. resoundingly. >> reporter: and her resounding no eff'ing way has become a worryingly common refrain. across the nation, the parties are struggling to find anyone willing to run for congress.
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but why? >> it's no secret, there is remarkable gridlock in d.c. i don't want to be at a place where i have a good, fancy title but i'm not actually able to deliver for people. >> wait a minute. something isn't right. okay, i see what's going on here. this hesitation of yourself to go to d.c., is it scandal based? >> absolutely not. >> drug use? >> no. >> you're not a citizen. >> i'm absolutely a citizen, and proud. >> you have sent pictures of your penis over the internet. >> never, wouldn't even consider it. >> why wouldn't you consider that? >> elected officials have a high duty of morality, of ethics, of personal, professional conducts. >> does it have anything to do with the fact you don't have a penis? >> the question was would i consider sending pictures and i would not. >> do you have a peens or not? >> i don't. >> no scandal, no peens, she's an amazing candidate. clearly perez doesn't understand the honor and privilege of serving in the u.s. congress.
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luckily, stephen latourette, an 18-year member of the house and subcommittee vice chairman knows firsthand the profound satisfactionave rewarding career giving voice to the american people. give me three words that sum of your experience. >> frustrating, maddening, gridlock. >> okay. three words that aren't those words. >> uhm, sad disappointing, difficult. >> okay, forget about words. i'm looking to inspire somebody to run for congress. >> you'd have to be crazy to run for congress. >> why? >> the leadership in the house is more concerned about gaming the other party so that they can be in charge than they are in actually accomplishing something. potential candidates shouldn't be motivated by accomplishing anything. >> okay, this sound like an objectively terrible job. if we want to get someone like
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perez to run for congress, we are going to have to recalbright her expectations so she libraries to love d.c., despite the 535 obvious flaws. >> well, i don't see much compromise taking place in d.c. i want to talk. i want to find solutions. >> this is not about what you want. this is about what the broken machine of the u.s. congress needs to keep limping along. >> it's not the right place for me. >> all you have to do is manage to kill the thing inside of you that thinks and cares and you're good to go. >> i could never kill anything inside of my that's cares about people. it's what fundamentally drives me. >> wow, we have a real problem. washington is too gridlocked to attract the kind of results-oriented politicians we need to break the gridlock. so the question remains-- who will run for congress? >> i think people who are so blatantly partisan that this is fun for them. they're run.
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i think the goal is to find people that aren't... but if you're asking me who i think would be most interested in the job, it's probably the. >> so there you have it. the u.s. congress 2014. ... wanted. ( cheers and applause ). >> john: thank you. we'lghtright
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( cheers and applause ) >> john: welcome back.
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my guest tonight is the former head coach of the u.s. men's so, traem teamand is now the head coach of the egyptian national soccer team. please welcome back to the show, bob bradley! ( cheers and applause ) >> u.s.a.! u.s.a.! u.s.a.! >> john: egypt! egypt! bob, thank you so, so much for being here. i'm so-- i've been excited to talk to you because you are in an amazing situation. you're not just an american. you're an american from jersey. that's turbo american. ( cheers and applause ) >> new jersey! >> john: and you're heading up the egyptian national so, team-- i cannot believe i'm saying that word-- soccer. every time the british person uses that word, somewhere in the
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world another british person dies. ( laughter ) you are in an amazing situation. you have a very divided egypt. you could qualify them for the world cup for the first time which could, in a way that nothing else could, unify that country. no pressure. ( laughter ) >> the only thing egypt agrees on right now is that we must go to the world cup gliewn and that's on you. that's all on you. it's an amazing-- it was an amazing job to take on, and there was a key turning point in your experience and tha that wae port said massacre, wasn't it. >> right. >> john: and the fact you used that word is key. what people might not be aware. there was a game between two premiere league teams in egypt. at half time there was a riot. 74 fans were killed. many believed it was oh, straight or at least assisted or
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enabled by the police. i came out and you called it a massacre. that's a big statement to make. you marched with the families afterwards. you have been taken to the heart of the egyptian people. how was the phone cawls with president morsi after you said that? >> about what? >> about the "m" word. >> i didn't hear from president morsi. i think he knew i had been on the "daily show" in the past. ( laughter ). >> john: how are your players handling this situation at the moment? they're in a weird emotional spot. >> the players are amazing. they've been resilient. the league has shut down again so these guys don't know whose happening with their years. they're not getting paid. but still there's this dream of going to the world cup that drives them, and their belief keeps us going. >> john: after port said comely was shut down, which your players, play in, and the games
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were in empty stadiums. >> so for a year and a day, the league stopped and it finally got is going again, and with recent events it's been shut down again. >> john: how does it feel for a team to play in an arena of 86,000 empty seats? that's a weird psychological jump for an athlete. >> it's eerie. you can hear everything. but it's not the right thing. because the game needs fans. >> john: exactly. so what do you say to the players? it's an emotional situation that they're in. what do you say to them? >> the first time, i came up with something good. i said, "we need to look into those stands and see all 85 million egyptians because if they had the chance they'd be here." but you can only give that speech once. ( laughter ) ( applause ) >> john: that's right. you did your al pacino speech once and then went ( bleep ). get out thereof, i'll slap you on the arse. it's impossible to overstate the
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frns and the relevance of football or so, everyday lives here. thinking how in america it's still seen as a minor sport. this is beyond sport elsewhere. in egypt it's hours and hours of television programming about the game every night. >> they love their football. you know. and the two big teams are once again divided. most people choose between these two teams. but the only thing everybody still stands behind is the national team. >> john: right. and at a time when america is viewed in egypt with such suspicion by both sides, really, it's all on you. ( laughter ) the hope of egypt and the opinion of america is all on your head. >> egyptians don't really have a problem with americans. it's more policy and government and all that other stuff. >> john: you can stick around and we'll talk more about this
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on the web because it's an amazing story. >> i'd love to. >> john: that would be great. bob bradley, ladies and gentlemen, bob
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( cheers and applause ). >> john: that's our show. join us next week at 11:00. if you're not already seeing me on my television, my stand-up series starts its new season tomorrow night. it will be on every friday at 11:00. it will be lovely if you watch it. i will understand if you don't. please join us again next week. here it is, your moment of zen. >> tourists don't know how to walk. it is-- if you come here, go faster. figure out where you're going first. yes, the buildings are tall. step over to the
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>> videos from the internet and intended for a mature audience. enjoy. >> oh jesus. >> get up. woe. [applause]. [laughter]. what will that kony guy do next? welcome to tosh.0. if you enjoy the show send me $5.
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my spring colors are brought to you by e tro. we talk to a third grade er and her husband and see how hard core you can par core. watch that stair mast er again. that is a good grab, now mop up your spinal fluid. he did reach the foryeah in record time. drunk games are way better than "hunger games." that joke is for the seven girls that watch this show. who doesn't like going to a rave? ♪ ♪ i give black people the same look when theyl