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tv   The Daily Show With Jon Stewart  Comedy Central  November 4, 2013 11:00pm-11:31pm PST

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ah! from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with jon stewart. ["daily show" theme song playing] [cheers and applause] >> jon: welcome to "the daily show". my name is the jon stewart. we've got a good show for you tonight. what is going snon. [cheers and applause] -- wow, what a show tonight. tonight's guest bob woodruff. we'll talk about liz veterans foundation ant big benefit coming up. you remember a few months back we talked to the mayor of toronto rob ford was a crack head. that there was maybe a piece of video of mayor rob ford of
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toronto smoking -- crack. [ laughter ] and i now understand the videotape is exhibiting the poor judgment you often associate with smoking crack. >> i cannot comment on a video that i've never seen or does not exist. >> he can't comment on -- good news, everybody. [cheers and applause] now toronto mayor rob ford can comment on a video of him smoking crack. >> police say they have video of mayor ford smoking a crack pipe and making racist and homophobic remarks. >> smoking crack and making racist and homophobic remarks, i believe in canada that's referred to as a hat trick, am i right? i don't know much about hockey but -- [laughter] from the picture of mayor here with his crack-stituents the
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racist thing seems to be accepting of anybody that smokes crack with him and a homophone that attitude won't last. at some point while pursuing this crackhead lifestyle he will end up sucking some (bleep). [cheers and applause] [laughter] and then he will feel bad for the previous remarks. [laughter] withbut mr. mayor while you are still able to speak -- [laughter] can you tell us what were you thinking? >> i made mistakes. what am i thinking? >> jon: i find in situations like this it's best to begin with crack smoking but of course i do not. >> i shouldn't have got hammer.
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if you are going to have a couple drinks you stay at home. but then that's it you don't make a public spectacle of yourself. [ laughter ] >> jon: one, i would very much like to know what happened down there and two, you realize, from now on i'm just going to (bleep) at home. may not be the answer to either your substance abuse problems or your job as the guy who runs toronto. [ laughter ] if you guys need me i'll be in the basement. [ laughter ] getting all drunk and (bleep) and sucking (bleep). [ laughter ] must be nice to look at a city so problem free that can be run for years by a hard drinking crack mayor. new york doesn't work that way,
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the city never sleeps. the big apple. [cheers and applause] boom! [cheers and applause] the city so nice they named it twice like sirhan sirhan. bad example. [ laughter ] as you know for the past dozen years we've been under the control of a soda hating leprechaun. [ laughter ] who as you know -- [cheers and applause] -- purchased the city with his pot of gold. [laughter] but tomorrow new yorkers will go to the polls to decide who will fill his shoes, his tiny, tiny shoes. i believe we have a picture of those shoes. hey! hey, you -- stuart little. get out of those. those are the mayor's shoes. get out of there. ps, the mayor and i are the exact same size. right now the mayor's vase
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between democrat bill de blasio and republican joe lhota. >> de blasio has a 45% lead in the race to be the big apple's next mayor. >> jon: 45% -- that's the same amount that hot dog is beating rat on a stick. joe lhota may come in third to drunk antisemitic times square el mow. but the second place status is an asset according to lhota. >> he said he is the underdog but added new yorkers love an underdog. >> jon: if you were ten points down you would be an underdog. at 50 points you are a sad dog. you are like the kind of dog that sarah mclachlan sings
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songs over the top of. ♪ through the arms of an angel [laughter] wow. right now there's a mayor in toronto going i'm smoking way too much crack. [laughter] i almost feel bad for joe lhota. his opponent has a ton of charisma with his family with their own signature dance moves. check that out. how do you fight that? >> he talks a good game but boy he can't even get into the first inning because once you ask a detailed question it's blah blah blah blah blah. [ laughter ] >> jon: that's your best shot when you ask him a question he answers it with wores. you have to do better than that especially when you look like what happened when new jersey governor jon corzine (bleep) the grumpy cat.
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[ laughter ] for more we go to senior mayoral correspondent john oliver. john, where are you? [cheers and applause] >> jon i'm at de blasio headquarters where the victory parto is well under way. >> jon: the election isn't until tomorrow. >> doesn't matter. the old rule of politics doesn't apply. he can do anything. as you see his final campaign poster it's a big -- >> jon: i thought was the empire state building. i didn't realize. >> displaying your penis in public is usually the end of a new york political career but when de blasio relosed that his poll numbers went up by five
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points. you may have seen the commercial. >> this tuesday vote for bill de blasio or don't. either way he has got this. already the mayor. >> already mayor, jon. >> jon: wow. >> mayor de blasio. he is coming now. >> jon: whoa he is so tall. crazy how tall he is. i have to say when you see it like this he is enormous. >> he is almost implausibly tall. >> jon: almost comically tall. >> so big. such a big man. [ laughter ] there we go. >> jon: did he just ask you for money? >> of course he did, jon.
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we no longer have mayor money itsbawgs. unless hes up a woman and tosses her from the empire state building. >> jon: you are going to talk about him with his standing next to you. >> he can't hear me up there. their lack of management experience will be woefully insufficient in the face of wall street lobbying. nothing, jon. only hears the birds and the occasional jet. >> jon: he reas
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[cheers and applause] >> jon: welcome back. now -- i will say this, new york's mayoral race not the only election tomorrow n. virginia voters will decide between two truly remarkable gubernatorial candidates of their own. [ laughter ] somebody here is from virginia. al madrigal has more. >> virginia in tomorrow's governor's race she could give birth to another leader republican ken cucineeli or democrat mcauliffe. >> they are the worst candidates i've ever seen. >> apparently neither is fit to lead. >> for virginians it's a choice
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between a far right wing tea party social conservative and a democrat who has been guilty of sleazy business deals and questionable fund raiser. >> reporter: professionor we've heard this before? how bad could they actually be? >> i've never seen unfavorable ratings this tie for the candidates. less than 30% of virginians have a favorable of either candidate. if they were that bad i had to see it for myself. >> they are trying to outlaw common forms of contraception and want to make the pill illegal. >> terry said you help me, i help you. it's politics. >> reporter: they seem like the run of the mill jerkoff politicians. >> two (bleep). [laughter] >> maybe i just want paying
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close enough tension. this seemed familiar. the cuch is a typical tea partyer and teflon terry mixes power and money. >> there's something called gift gate where he accepted money. >> you mean mcauliffe. >> this is cucinelli. >> anything else. >> mcauliffe he was taking his wife and newborn son back from the hospital to home but he stopped at a democratic fund raiser for an hour while the wife and newborn stayed in the car. >> what? people know about this? >> yes, he bragged about it in his own book. >> sorry, i just vomited in my mouth. wait there's more. >> terry mcauliffe say walking negative add. >> ken is out there. >> homophobic and anti-choice. >> there's a question of private
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jets and vacation homes. >> this will is not -- >> holy (bleep) this is a nightmare. even major newspapers are enborissing none of the -- endorsing none of the above and guy who is not even running. >> you see why so many virginians virginians are flum. i moxed; that a southern word for (bleep). >> i had one voter tell me it was a choice between a heart attack and cancer. >> the voters have to actually pick a heart attack or canier to be the governor. what involuntary looks of horrible disgust run across each voters face to make the decision. we made two drinks a terry mcauliffe and the kencucinelli. we took our samples to the streets. first up the cucinelli.
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let's see that again in slow motion. how about the mcauliffe. do you want to vomit right there? >> just a little. >> no one was prepared to make the choice. which one would you rather drink for the next four years? >> they are both horrible. i love virginia but i don't know what part of virginia this represents. >> perhaps we we have to find me suitable stand-ins for foam ingest. no credible ran in the state. they say 36% of likely voters will choose pond exum will 43 become the are supporting dog food. what does this say about the current state of politics. it was out of the mouth of babes where true wisdom came. >> i can't believe how many people is dumb. >> crazy world we live in?
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>> yes, it is. is.
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[son] all right,she has no idea. [man] no one told her,right? [son]hi! [mom screams] applause]d >> jon: welcome back. my guest tonight abc crend cent
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and cofounder of bob woodruff foundation. stand up for heroes taking place in new york city this wednesday. please welcome to the program bob woodruff. [cheers and applause] nice to see you. >> good to see you. >> jon: how many years now? we're talking about woodruff foundation, how many years has this thing been going on? >> seventh year. >> jon: and you've raised how much money in that time? >> almost $20. >> jon: almost $20 million. and out after this -- [cheers and applause] -- out of that what is your zmut. [laughter] >> 67%. >> jon: that's a smart choice. what have you been able to do. the facilities there. explain very quickly it's for ptsd, research into brain injury, these types of things, yes? >> a lot of this is this transition. early on we have so much attention for those in icu,
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those who come back from the wars and need medical care, then they go back to the neighborhoods. we have to work out that transition where when they go to the new world for them and there's creative and new organizations and programs that we're now funding, the ones that are the most efficient and try to help them the most you possibly can and get the money toll really be well spent. put it that way. >> jon: give me an idea of a program that you have found that is effective and kind of like a good model nor transition. >> well, there's one music core is one. you'll see this at the event as well. it's started by a great musician who is a pianist and he has realized that music say therapy for these guys -- is a therapy for these guys in the hospital and they need this for a longer part of their life when they get out and they can do that in the local areas. there's programs we've got. when the kid goes back -- these men -- go back to college and get their gi bill. the gi bill you can get but what
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happens when you suddenly have to drop out and you can't make it because it's a new world for you? the organization which has been wonderful. they get in there with a lawyer. they can work you through the issues they need to get through. one guy went through that. he thought he would never come back but he has a job. >> jon: are they learn being the specific issues veterans face. you have ptsd issues at times. you have this loss of camaraderie and sense of purpose that, i think, can be incredibly debilitating to be away from your platoon without that idea of direction can be incredibly isolating. >> there's an addiction and a simple, life gets more simpler when you are in the war zone and you have x to accomplish. you have this as your scheduled and you have this d like you said, your friends you are still close with. then you go back to the civilian
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world. this gigantic world. what are you going to do that day when you come sphwhak and if you add to that some kind of wounds whether it's visible or invisible and imagine how it is to adjust from that? >> jon: it's hard for anybody to adjust. you find mayors of big cities. >> they don't want to smoke crack. >> jon: a mayor of a major city. >> stay away from that. >> jon: you are doing a tremendous amount of reporting. you have story. something cooking for us? >> we just got back from colombia to check out the emerald industry. >> jon: right the emerald industry, yeah, yeah. i've heard that we're going to colombia to look at emeralds. i hear you. >> i got one for my wife. >> jon: really? >> i didn't find it though. >> jon: emerald. how big is the emerald industry in colombia? >> it's huge. it's number two behind rubies.
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>> jon: i thought zambia. >> colombia used to produce 80% or 90% of the world's emeralds. zambia is involved and they took a lot a way. >> jon: isn't it surprising i knew zambia off the top of my head. it's almost like i was talking to you back stage. >> yes. [ laughter ] can i point out this -- >> jon: please. >> i know anybody can come on wednesday but you can watch this -- you can actually live streamed. you can watch bruce. >> jon: bruce springsteen is coming back. he is a terrific young kid and i think he will do well. >> he is knew new to it. not local but he is good and roger waters. >> jon: put together a group of 20 guys, a band of veterans, they performed last year. blew the house away. killed it. they were so good. >> you can watch it and if you are not going you can see it.
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chevon philips is here. a sergeant in the marines badly injured. [cheers and applause] [cheers and applause] >> and his amazing mother right next to him gail. they've been here almost every year for event. they are absolutely amazing. >> jon: i'm looking forward to chatting later. it's always such a great night. it's a great event. >> you've been there every year. you know it and you've done so much -- >> jon: i enjoy it. we always have a great time. i get way more out of it than i ever give. >> this year no crack. >> jon: no crack? >> nothing for you. >> jon: didn't you read my green room rider. i get crack. >> you can run for mayor.
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[ laughter ] >> jon: bob woodruff. wednesday night it's a great show. [cheers and applause]
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>> jon: that is our show. join us tomorrow at 11:00. here it is your moment of zen. >> lhota warns new yorkers they are about to elect a mayor who has a habit of oversleeppedding. >> what do you call it sleep


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