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tv   At Midnight  Comedy Central  January 29, 2014 2:00am-2:31am PST

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>> chris: it's 11:59 and 59 seconds. this happened on facebook today. america's favorite actor named after a liquid fuel, vin diesel, graced his facebook fans with a seven and a half minute video of himself dancing alone in a room.ei and then looking to see if anyone was inside of his computer. in less than a day the video racked up over 500,000 likes. vin december sell bigger than me so i'm always going to say anything he does is awesome! even if it's a multimillionaire dancing it looks like a sad studio apartment. comedians please name the movie he is preparing for. myq kaplan. >> the chronicles of ridiculousness. >> i like it. jamie lee. >> from the housers of "save the last dance" it's diagnosis delete the last dance ." >> 12 years of rave.
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>> >> chris: it's time for @midnight! welcome to @midnight. i'm chris hardwick. the show where we wrangle up thes of social media and our comedians break their spirits for points. tonight's comedians are: ordered in ascending height. first host of the "hang out with me" podcast on the keith & the girl network, his album "meat robot" is on comedy central records it's myq kaplan. [ applause ] >> thank you. who has been hanging out with you on the broadcast? >> i have had a number of people. the number is bigger than i know. >> i hung out with you. >> jamie lee steve agee hasn't. >> are we going to change that after this. >> we are right now. >> ok.
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>> chris: from "girl code," tuesdays on mtv, it's jamie lee. [ applause ] jamie, you only follow nine people on your instagram account. and if you expect a follow back you are [bleep] out of luck because you follow like nine people on your instagram. >> fun fact -- that's not even my instagram. someone made a fake instagram out of my twitter handle. >> realty? >> they take pictures from my instant game really jamie lee which has more following that happen the fake jamie lee. >> chris: performing at sf sketchfest january 31st through february 2nd, it's steve agee. [ applause ] steve agee, it's flu season. you're a notorious hypochondriac. i feel like i bring it up so much and i apologize. when steve gets sick with the flu, he writes a death note on
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his computer so if he dies in the night people will find his last words. what was the last death note you wrote? >> i was saying goodbye to my parents. this will probably be the year i die. >> do you think so? >> do you understand how messed up this is? if he dies this year they will be playing that video and you guys will be clap. >> can i get points? >> not until you die. >> ok. ripped from today's internet headlines, it's "rapid refresh." the first comedian to buzz in with the correct answer gets 100 points. the olympics start next week and has reported that mexican alpine skier hubertus von hohenlohe has decided to wear a special outfit that showcases his country's rich history. which of the following items of clothing will hear wear during his olympic performance? a. a helmet shaped as a sombrero you think i'm being racist. just see where this is going
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first. let it happen. b. an aerodynamic poncho. c. a mariachi outfit. myq kaplan? >> a. a helmet shaped as a sombrero is the most racist thing possible so it has to be. a helmet shaped as a sombrero >> it's not but it's pretty amazing. a mariachi outfit. let's take a look. there it is. that is [bleep] like a tuxedo t-shirt. >> that is the mexican version of the tuxedo t-shirt is the mayor of ay unitard. bonus: for 250 points, what would a member of team usa wear to showcase american culture? >> jamie lee? >> ranch dressing? >> coated in ranch dress. >> bonus points for the ranch dressing. >> chris: "deadspin" is reporting that to coincide with the super bowl this weekend, a washington state butcher is marketing a sausage called "beast mode" in honor of seattle
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seahawks running back marshawn lynch's nickname and not after an upcoming sci fi movie about shape shifting alien werewolves as i was hoping. what is the special ingredient in "beast mode" sausage? a. wild boar tongue b. skittles c. an actual seahawk jamie lee? >> skittles. >> it is skittles. they say you never want to see how the sausage is made, but look at this. >> now it's time to add skittles. >> oh, it's so beautiful. >> there we are in seattle.[ applause ] a lot of crazy [bleep] going on. oh my god, no, no. >> that so disgusting! >> it's not vegan though because
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skittles have gelatin. >> otherwise 100 percent vegan. i'll give you points for that myq kaplan. this is amazing and what makes me enjoy the power the show is beginning to have. we showed a video from world star hip-hop of a wrestling fan freaking the [bleep] out because batista won rumble. if you watched it looks likal looked like this. >> michael? >> he win >> apparently we got his attention because he sent us a video in response. >> people have been tweeting me all night telling me i'm on the show @midnight. >> there's no reason why anyone should be single -- >> you got me. >> i hope they cancel walking dead so he got no job.
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how about that? >> i have walking dead dvd. chris hardwick don't got no dvd. [bleep] chris hardwick, that doesn't show! >> i would like to apologize to michael because we said some things about him in jest and sometimes words hurt more than knives so i want to thank michael and his insanely understanding girlfriend. who was videotaping that. look, you saw what happened n. the video. it wouldn't have happened if we did not have that on the show. because we feel partially to blame for that broken lamp, we bought you a new lamp. [ applause ] it works. until michael gets his hands on
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it. and i felt bad you didn't have one of my dvd's and i'm also going to send you a dvd of my comedy special "mandroid," so that you can break it in half. so do that and send us the video, michael. >> chris: and now it's time for tonight's #hashtagwars. earlier, we told you that a butcher is marketing a sausage with skittles in it in honor of seattle seahawks running back marshawn lynch. since the superbowl is on sunday, tonight's hashtag is.ù #foodathletes examples: lebon bon james. bacon manning. jose clamseco i'm putting 60 seconds on the clock, starting now! myq kaplan. >> shah keep ham kneel. >> muhammad cuisine. >> lou rig teeny.
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>> kareem cheese abdul-jabbar. >> points. >> tim t-bone. >> points. myq kaplan. >> hussein blt. >> points. >> steve? >> jerry rice? >> it's done! it's done for you. points. yes. myq kaplan. >> willie mays, or you might call him willie corn. >> wow. wait. hey, guys, i have an idea -- send us your #foodathletes and tag them @midnight to keep the game going. we'll be right back.÷ >> chris: our tweet-of-the-day from thursday's hashtag wars was sent to us by @donovanstrain. well done!rls!
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>> chris: welcome back to @midnight! i showed footage of what is calling the "worst wedding ever caught on film." i asked our comedians éádv,q first line of their toast to this couple. comedians, toast away. myq kaplan. >> i can't think of another couple i would rather see heading to death do we part. >> jamie lee? >> when lupe told me the theme for her wedding was meth lab convince their a,i thought this girl is a dreamer. >> i like);that. >> if someone told me two years ago after your last wife died at your wedding that you would be getting remarried, i would have said they were crazy. >> . >> well done. i think i'm going to give a thousand points to jamie lee, 500 to steve and 25020 myq
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kaplan as we jump to the next game. "you can't sell that on ebay" >> good enthusiasm you can try to sell almost anything on ebay. some real items currently for sale are: false dentures ice tray comedians, you have 60 seconds to come up with things no one would want to buy off ebay. for each funny item, you get 250 points. i'm putting 60 seconds on the clock, starting now. jamie lee? >> slightly used anal beads. [laughter] >> points for jamie lee. >> myq kaplan. >> very used anal beads. >> points for myq kaplan. steve agee? >> my anal beads. >> just a refreshing theme for a midnight show. points for steve. >> a brillo pad condom. >> oh, dam it. i just started thinking about
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it. yes, i will give you points for that. steve? >> >> you know to be fair that's something that's you would never see on ebay. >> all of these fingers i found. >> points. >> steve? >> my 9-year-old son eddie. >> points. >> and no points for eddie. jamie lee? >> a blanket made out of all of the weaves that have fallen out of real wives of atlanta cat fight. >> points. that is the end of that game. myq kaplan you're in third place i feel heart broken for you have. do you have any words? >> nothing matters. we're all going to die. >> don't say that in front of steve. he doesn't mean it. you will be fine. >> especially steve agee. >> well steve sir vice versa and we get to go for the win.
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i'm so satisfactory. that means it's time for for the win an imgur user posted this photo with the caption "was visiting my grandma and found this photo from her new years cruise. what the hell, grandma!?" >> comedians, please write the trip advisor review of the cruise from that grandma. >> chris: we'll have our comedians' answers and name the winner when we come back on @midnight.
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>> chris: welcome back to @midnight. it's the moment you've been waiting for: it's time for for the win. i am going to wipe your scores >> audience member: you're awesome. >> thank you. celebrating the show by saying words. ok. this all comes down to this head-to-head challenge. >> no you're awesome. no you're awesome! all right. i will read your answers aloud without revealing who wrote them and the winner will be decided by our live studio audience. this is where you get to be involved in the show. before the break, i showed you this imgur of someone's grandma from her new years cruise and asked you to write the trip advisor review from that grandma. let's see what you wrote. the first answer was: much better than the italian cruise where my husband was killed.
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two stars. would have been one star but i got that sweet shrek tattoo on my mangina. or the food gave me the poops. i think the first one has it. steve, you have won the internet! i hope you live long enough to celebrate it we'll see you all tomorrow night. until then, keep the game going on twitter by tweeting us @midnight with your #foodathletes and beme tomorrow's tweet of the day. fool me on instagram scott twitters. goodnight! - ♪ i'm going down to south park ♪ ♪ gonna have myself a time ♪
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