tv At Midnight Comedy Central October 3, 2014 2:02am-2:33am PDT
>> stephen: that's it for the report everybody. good night. ( cheers and applause ) captioning sponsored by comedy central >> 11:59, 59 second this happened on tumblr today, yesterday was the an verse av worldy in orlando and the internet celebrated. (laughter) (applause) you're very right. but because of where are you sitting you probably can't see the best part about this is it was posted to the tumblr account goldencritors. (applause)
with no other explanation other than the comment this is truly the wildest [bleep] i have ever seen an i love it which is also anyone who has ever seen a golden critoris would say. >> do you know he put on a gold englitoris? gold finger! >> great song. comedians this obviously in the a licensed minnie mouse costume as is evidenced by the skirt hiking and fooling around the lower nudity. so who is this character? what is the name of this delightful disney character emily heller. >> that is booty and the beast. >> okay good. mr. tim minchin. >> miley sighmouth. >> -- i wouldn't mind being the cheese. >> all right @midnight.
>> i am going to pit the cheese in her mouse vagina. wellcome to at midnight. we haven't even started it's tag team thursday tonight's comedians are playing for their partner can both be winners. tonight's comedians from season two of ground floor emily heller. (applause) hello emily heller who are you playing for today? >> i'm playing for final destiny 13. >> excellent. his special orchestra and [bleep] are available now on hulu tim minchin. (applause) welcome thank you for being on the program. >> thank you for having me on the program. >> who are you playing for.
>> -- dns available on netflix now a fantastic show you should watch rhys darby is here. (applause) >> hello america. please, thank you. i've got a green card. >> you know, you don't have to say that all the time. >> oh. that's good to knowment. >> okay. who are you playing for. >> i'm playing for the wonderful casey ecep. >> how palomdromic. >> it is. (laughter) >> let's begin. ripped from today's internethead lines it's rapid refresh. (applause) well get out your fake passport and lithium because
homeland comes back for a fourth season this sunday. (applause) not a very conspicuousrb disguise. but just because brody is gone doesn't mean his love is the tumblr director commentary features what romantic homeland product homeland inspired valentine's day cards. b nicholas brody prisoner of love fuzzy cup. >> c dam onlewis ginger flavored condoms. (applause) >> emily heller. >> i think everyone on the panel tonight hopes it is the dam onlewis ginger flavored condoms. (applause) >> you would want that, but it's actually a homeland inspired valentine day cards. (laughter) >> happy valentine's day. comedians what is an even more inappropriate tv inspired product. emily heller. >> madmen drool pads.
(applause) now that's what i caller isuous television. >> yes oh good. >> tim minchin. >> i can't not think about sanitary products now. (laughter) >> what about presidential maxi bads now with west wings. >> also they will be sorping up all of the-- (applause) >> if you love music festivals but feel like the gathering of the juggalos has gotten too corporate you would probably consider having san bernardino california for knotfest a music festival starring horror metal greats. there they are. okay, good in case you don't know who they are they kind of dress like a tim burtoning.
>> off fantasy. now in an interview with rolling stone.com the band revealed the festival will have a signature smell. how is the band creating this supermetal odor. fans pointed at raw meat in energy drink, a chemical synthesis of their flatulence or flaming barrels filled with camel poop? >> tim minchin. >> i want it to be oscillating fans pointed at raw meat soaked in rock star energy drink but the great combination of things that are oscillating, and a branding of opportunity. >> is that your answer. >> but i think it's c flaming barrels of -- >> the correct answer is in fact c. the camel poop. maas plaus.
>> camel poop. >> bonus points what is something else fans can look forward to at knotfest advance like a knot door where you can learn to tie really good knots. >> some of them, some of them can slip. >> yeah. >> also you could just do really ones that can't slip. >> exactly. >> a whole-- like all the different knots it like where you can actually g if you have something secure. >> right. >> your wreath knots. your sea-- points. >> rhys. >> you could have a petting zoo for the children. >> what's wrong with that? >> my kid was enjoy that. >> while you're listening to the music. >> yes exactly. >> i enjoy your earnest idea. >> yeah.
>> points for rhys darby now time for the hashtag wars. as i mentioned earlier on this day disney world opened in florida making the state no longer only a tourist destination for spring break. not all theme parks can be as successful as disknow world so tonight's hashtag is bad theme parks examples might be shaved gardens tampa. or hershey highway park. i will put 60 seconds on the clock. begin. >> emily heller. >> six flags and they all have swas particular as on them. >> a very bad theme park. >> one flag. >> yes. >> two flags but-- (laughter) >> but wait you've got to swim between them. >> okay. >> oh. >> points. >> prego land.
>> "jurassic park". people died there were no rides. >> points. >> world war ii land. if the americans turn up late they get in half price. >> good points. [bleep]. >> i'm sorry i'm going to have to request your green card be handed over. >> emily. >> raging alcoholic waters. >> yes points. >> rhys. >> no parking land. >> no parking. >> okay. >> but where do you park -- >> i don't -- >> that is the end of hashtag, send us your hashtag bad theme parks to keep the game goingment we'll be back with more @midnight. >> congratulations to our tweet of the day from yesterday's hashtag war.
>> from the very-- of the ginger spectrum. >> you know what they say once you go ginger you're going to get yourself kicked kicked-- checked at a local clinic. >> it's time to play escape from the unchartered zone. >> all right guys. buckle your crazy belts, we're taking another trip to the unchartered zone a production company that makes music videos for amateur artuses using only a green screen camcorder and basically everything your dad had in the 80ses is where their technology cuts off. so i'm going to show you a video from their youtube channel. 250 points, you have to tell me the name of the album that it's probably from okay. first one, this young lady suffering from something called the itch. ♪ you gave me ♪ ♪ you gave me ♪ ♪. yeah and if you want to bring a chick over she can shoot a [bleep] video.
before we open up. >> yes. >> is that song in the key of life? by -- >> i think it might be. >> by pubic enemy. >> points.-é >> points. >> emily. >> from the chronic-- section. >> yes points. >> something tells me anyone who touches that pole is going to get the itch also. yup. >> that pole smells like -- >> this album is called don't give-- another chardonnay. >> next one, if you are familiar at all with this
video production you know one of the most famous guys is a guy named mark gormley who has a ton of amazing videos on there. he looks like your uncle. and this is a mark gormley cut ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪. >> the bass part got cull kd up. how's he breathing, where is the sound coming from this is insane. >> yes rhyses this is obvious, meet me under the pier i'll take you to the moon. >> and that brings to us the end of escape from the unchartered zone. our text game tat screwed. (applause) >> if you get a tattoo, you have to be prepared to live
with it forever. it's to the going to come off. they have to burn it off with lasers and it [bleep] hurt i'm told. but thanks to the perfectably claimed no bad tattoos couple we learned some of the people who chose to get tattoos have very poor judge. come ed yens hi will describe tattoos you let me know which you think is real. first one a lower back tattoo that says-- it's what is for dinner. of above the breast tattoo that says top staring bitches. >> stop staring. >> we'll get to the bottom of this. >> emily. >> an above the breast tattoo that says stop scarring. >> yes so, it does-- it does say-- (applause) >> that is such a bad idea. >> oh my god. (laughter) >> now i-- i like to think
that these eyes are judging for for bad spelling. but -- >> does that turn you on? >> what are we looking at? >> the nipples are its eyes that's weird. >> stop starring. matching tattoos of o billiona and bin laden or a dispicible me tattoo. >> tim? >> oh please let it be the first one. but it's the second one. >> you think it's the second one. >> show us. >> no! >> oh my god. >> no! >> i got a -- green card for this? well-- that brings to us the
end of tat screwed it's time for our live challenge. paging old laldee, paging old ladies. so a great chrix of random photos called yes, this happened. they are right, this did happen. we're superglad someone was there with a came where-- camera when it did. this is at the airport in istanbul. the driver attempting to pick up someone mysteriously referred to as old lady. old lady in istanbul what? how, why no. >> comedians please call this car service to reserve a car for old lady. we'll get your answers. we're right back with more @midnight.
before the break i showed new image from coed magazine of a driver at an airport in istanbul, holding up a sign to pick up old lady. i asked you to call the car service an reserve a car for old lady. let's see what you wrote. emily heller. >> hi yeah, i need a car to pick up pa done's-- madonna. (laughter) >> tim minchin. >> i've got a nasty cold so i need to you pick up my mother from the airport first name old as in oliver third tame lady old lady. >> get in there. get in there. rhys. >> please meet paul mccartney's plane in turkey.
>> that's all right. he'll be all right. >> i'm going give a thousand point to rhys and 500 each to tim and emily. >> there is so exciting. >> it's time for drummer unwanted. drummer unwanted. (applause) >> the musician section of craigslist is an amazing cross-section of people posting ads looking for a jam like ponytail guitarist seeks over burn out dads or if he male screamo rapper seeks same. come up with as many bad musician ads that would never get you invite mood the band. 60 seconds begin. >> lead singer of corn seeks other members of corn. i'm at the food court where are you guys? >> headliner not-- looking for guitarist and camel ring. >> points.
>> help wanted, trapped in guitar center. foot horn and french horn, can't elaborate. running out of air. laugh of laugh. >> points. >> emily. >> group seeks fiddler for participation in metaphor about tradition plus jew is life. >> points. >> that is it the end of drummer unwanted. (applause) >> i don't, i don't normally do this but i think are you such a-- i'm to the going to eliminate anyone going into the final round. (applause)a i so want to see what you guys are going to do. i know you have to go tim, but you have to stay now. you have to statement i know you want to take a spoke break. right now it's time to flash those puppies it's for the win. (cheers and applause)
>> it's special. >> it feels like a really good vibe. >> it's good, man real good. >> this reddit post was brought to our attention by a user name it destroys what you thought would you expect from a veterinarian's office take a look at this new offer from the animal medical centre, free lap dance and sloppy kisses. >> they are just referring their loving animal patients but now we're pretty sure this means the doctor are free. so comedians during the break please write a yelp review of this veterinarian's office, we'll have the comedians answer and name a winner when we come back on @midnight ♪ [robot sounds] i love human women
freedom of the car, with the virtual freedom of wi-fi. chevrolet, the first and only car company to bring built-in 4g lte wi-fi to cars, trucks and crossovers. hi mom. you made it! anncr: it's the new independence. . >> okay. welcome back to @midnight. for the break i asked to you ask a yelp review about this veterinarian's office that had a sign that read free lap dance and sloppy kiss let's see what you wrote. first one the vet at the animal medical centre has unconventional techniques, my dog was getting his rabbee vaccination and the doctor pulled the neidle out and sprayed it all over his face.
>> okay. laugh of laugh. >> number two. >> it was an extremely deworming experience and assured me all the pup yees were 2.5 that is 18 in dog years. or help, in need of rescue trapped in animal medical centre, to the caught in french bull dog no time to elaborate. running out of air five stars. (cheers and applause) >> that was amazing but i till think number one has it who was number one. >> tim minchin! congratulations. you and have won the internet. see you monday night. my test gusts will be dan levy alice wetterlund and barron vaughn.