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tv   The Daily Show With Jon Stewart  Comedy Central  November 26, 2014 11:00pm-11:32pm PST

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shocking new evidence suggests that the first thanksgiving might also have been haunted! - there is certainly no evidence that the first thanksgiving dinner was not haunted. - the pilgrims welcomed the indians, but did they also unknowingly welcome spirits from beyond the grave? - ohhhh! - oh, come on! -- there comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is the daily show with jon stewart. chooers plaus (cheers and applause) >> jon: welcome to the daily show. my name is jon stewart. we have a tremendous show planned for you this evening. we is prepared it with the greatest of the care, the greatest of love, our guest tonight a young acker named
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carol. (laughter) carell, steve carell. not familiar but i hear he's good. (laughter) but first, last night we poked a little fun at the apec summit in beijing for making world leaders wear goofy clothes and displaying what i believe pyrotechnic officials refer to as fireworks out the yinyang. (laughter) but fair's fair. there were some results. >> president obama and president xi jinping of china announced a major deal on climate change. >> the world's two biggest polluters agree to reduce their carbon emissions. >> jon: oh pie god, that's-- i had no idea that was going to happen. less carbon emissions from the two of the world's largest polluters. this calls for a celebration. no, that-- no, that-- no, no, no. the fireworks things is actually working-- okay.
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i think this deal is going to call for a bit of a cultural shift. but listen, great, so obviously you can't do anything real about the environment without china on board. which brings us to our next issue. >> chinese gangs are being accused of smuggling huge amounts of ivory from tanzania, with the official of their officials. >> chinese embassy staff were major buyerses of the ivory. the consignments were sent to china in diplomatic bags on the presidential plane. >> jon: ivory sent in diplomatic bags. what-- what is that in my bag? nothing-- no, it's not an el fant's tusks, it's a giant dildo. (laughter) >> jon: not made of ivory. i have this thing for incredibly oversized
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dildoes. if you will excuse me, the punisher and i have to catch a plane. how you could, china! providing a market for illegal poachers. i don't know how you, china, can even look at yourself in your incredibly intricately carved ivory. what kind of soul of a country with be the largest retail market. >> the united states is the second largest retail market for elephant ivory. >> hello. (laughter) wait, how can that possibly be? unless the i stands for ivory. (laughter) i always thought it was-- needless to say our insatiable hunger for ivory trinkets, did you enjoy that, our in-- insatiable hunger for ivory trinkets is having a catastrophic impact on the ivory's original owners.
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>> 100,000 elephants were killed for their tusks over just three years. the animals have reached a tipping point. with more elephants killed each year than those being born. if it continues, they will be wiped out. >> jon: all right. we have two options, people. either we as humans can decrease our consumption of ivory by no longer buying trinkets we don't even need. for an elephant to use that and start shooting out pups like-- i mean chop chop, will fants, your careers can wait. come on. start [bleep] come on! look, clearly we're to the going to save elephants because it is the right thing to do. that's just not us. so sweeten the pot. what's in it for us, the tuskless. >> terrorist groups have another source of fast cash to buy guns and fund the
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rest of their illegal activities. they're slaughtering african elephants and selling the ivory tusks for a lot of money. >> only 1.6 tusks would be required to fund a spectacular double terrorist attack on two embassies in east africa. >> jon: so you're saying elephants can keep us from being vk dk -- can speed us being victims in a terrorist attack. we will take off our shoes at airports to prevent terrorism, surely we can stop buying souvenir ivory figurines made in the likeness of the ivory donor. apparently ivory money is funding almost every civil war, genocidal militia and terrorist group in africa, from al shabaab to boko haram. this didn't we ban ivory imports if in 1989, to which i would say-- (laughter) i was not aware of that.
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but we did. we did ban it but that will be loopholes in it. >> you have been able to walk the streets of new york and find ivory for sale. >> if you are a cop and say i think your ivory is illegal, the first thing that the ivory seller will say to you is no, no, no, mine is antique. >> jon: oh, antique ivory is grandfathered, that is the loophole. guess what, that's not how our laws work. you can't say gee, officer, that cocaine was purchased by my grandmother in 1912. so i think we're good here. you know what. back then people were polite and had respect. would you like the cocaine? that's why earlier this year the obama administration proposed a new ban on all commercial ivory sales within the united states. and stricker documentation requirements for antiques.
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>> the new regulation effectively change the burden of proof. >> exactly right. it shifts the burden of proof from the government to the holder of the ivory to prove any ivory they have is an-- antique. >> jon: you know democrats will enforce these rules, there are no animals they won't protect, that is why thousands of-- set aside in prezfbs. but republicans, republicans? except-- accept a new regulation from the obama administration, even one designed to save their beloved mascot. (laughter) >> you have terrorists and rebel groups capitalizing on this trade. >> we need very aggressive action. >> i find it horrendous that people are doing this in the 21st century. >> (laughter) >> jon: we just witnessed something rarer in nature than the african elephant. bipartisan commitment to an
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issue. no-- (cheers and applause) >> but of course, it makes sense. it makes the all sense. elephants get preserves, terrorist get denied funding, what kind of an ass would be opposed it. >> we are trying to defeat the ivory ban rz oh nr. >> is there anything that you would keep trying to kill that would keep other things. why would you be against something that keeps illicit airports out of terrorist. >> it is also an firearm issue. >> you just inherited, is worth its. >> it is going to drive the price of ivory up. >> make the owners criminal. >> it is going to hurt americans. >> jon: so i guess the only thing that should be hurt are giant land mammals and victims of african terrorism. you know what, why are you
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sitting in a studio yaking in a radio, that can't put a dent in this. no lawmakers is going to take the bathe. >> for those who are concerned that this administration is trying to take away our guns, well, this regulation could actually do that. >> i've introduced legislation s2587. the lawful ivory protection act of 2014 to stop this misguided policy from going forward. [bleep]. >> jon: see, this is why we can't have nice things. like elephants. we'll be right back. ♪ this is the iphone 6. and this is the iphone 6 plus. you know the new a8 chip is powerful it brings gaming to the next level. i mean, if you're into that kinda thing. yeah, if you're into that kinda thing... watch out for that enemy turret, koshka! i got it, glaive! alright, now let's destroy the vain crystal! wait, i'm going to upgrade from barbed needle to serpent mask. i'm going to buy some minion candy too.
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the bacardi family didn't just survive, we thrived. because true passion can't be tamed. >> jon: welcome back to the show. you know we cover a lot of -- . >> community organizers were on the ground in their neighborhoods canvassing to encourage people to get out and vote. >> one of the volunteers, the woman you see here in the purple hoodie sweatshirt is minneapolis mayor betsy hodges. she's posing for a photo with another volunteer named neff ill gordon. >> jon: that is awesome, grass roots democracy at its finest. or to put that another way. >> this is a photo of minneapolis mayor betsy hodges arm in arm with a man
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flashing what law enforcement agencies tell sus a known gang side for a north side gang. (laughter) >> jon: that's a gang sign. all this time i've been the lead in for a in the oruous gang member. (laughter) incredible. you know what, that's it i don't want that gang member, i want that guy gone by the end of the year. (laughter) anyway, eye witness news 5 is faking this story very seriously. >> tonight law enforcement sources alerted to us a photo that has them fuming over the actions of minneapolis mayor. >> they want to know item mayor would take a picture with a convicted criminal while he and the mayor flash gang signs. (laughter) >> jon: i think it's obvious.
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to warn clown ass bitches, not to snitch. (laughter) just not a sentence i say a lot. how on earth can the mayor's office explain this blatt ept endorsement of criminal activity? >> a spokesperson concludes by saying quote she and the man in the photo are just pointing at one another to which the head of the police union says she's been around long enough, she knows better. >> jon: come on! she has held lechive office since 2005. whereas pointing as a gesture only goes back to literally the very first form of human communication. by the way, that of course-- no, do not encourage notorious gang kingpin huggie --
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>> the mayor was doing voter registration work with a man who wasn't in a gang and was brazenly flashing a not-gang sign. so how did this get painted as a gang thing. >> one month ago she took a strong position on law enforcement and community relations. she wrote this in an open letter to the community. >> quote some officers abuse the trust that is afforded it to them. and take advantage of their roles to do harm rather than prevent it. >> oh, i get it. this isn't so much about the mayor flashing this sign, as it is about the police flashing this sign at the mayor. anyway, the cops are mad. because the mayor criticized their conduct. when they came across this picture they told everyone that it was actually this picture. which means unfortunately, it's time to once again
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update our list of innocent things black people do that look suspicious. (laughter) hold on, hold on. here we go. don't wear a hoodie, don't carry skittles. don't carry keys, don't reach for a wallet. don't drive in a car in a nice neighborhood. don't drive in a car. don't be a passenger in a car. don't knock on a white person's door. and now don't point. which of course for god's sakes mean black people, whatever you do, stay away from sporting events. from sporting events. we'll be right ♪ ♪
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>> jon: welcome back. my guest tonight, oh,
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gentleman has a new film out called "foxcatcher" i'm really sorry about your mother. >> oh no, no, no, it's fine, it's fine. >> are you okay? >> yes. >> are you sure. >> david, there's a lot of work to do in the next couple of months. and you're an integral part of that, understand. >> i understand. >> i'm going to need you. and i will be relying on you to a great extent. i want more than anything to win a gold medal. >> jon: welcome back to the program, steve carell. (applause) steve carell. you're going to have to
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explain something to me. i will need some help here. so i go, an this is something, a don't mean in no way to be disrespectful. i go to see the movie foxcatcher. it is a brilliant movie, wonderful movie. the performances are incredible. you're not in it. >> no. >> jon: i don't see, i watch the whole thing, they keep telling me steve carell he is great in this you won't believe it, he's so good. i know you, you're not in this. >> no i am not. >> jon: you weren't in that. i looked all over -- there is a gentleman in it who is -- >> tell me about that. >> jon: he plays this character dupont who is sort of a twisted eccentric, rich, plays it, it's not even acting. it's being. >> does he disappear. >> jon: let me tell you something, i'm watching it, with pacino, al and i went to the movie. al turns to me in the middle of it, i don't know who that guy is, but i'm quitting.
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because that guy is so acting. what would they call t good. >> acting-- good acting. it is ridiculous, dude. did you have any-- when you watch it, does it even feel like you? >> do you answer remember it? it is an incredible performance. >> i will admit t was weird. it was weird. we wept away for three months and that was three hours every day getting into that stuff. and it was strange. this real guy, and we modelled after this real guy. >> jon: the gestures, the voice, everything. and it doesn't feel, you know i'm talking you watch a movie and go oh, look at that guy, actoring, doesn't feel like that at all. >> thanks. >> jon: it's like inhabiting. and you were here for years and i never thought you were talented. you were, you know, we-- we would have you out there, you are eating crisco, you're getting drunk, you're in shorts. you know. >> i know. >> why didn't you say anything?
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>> i tried but you would never listen. >> can i just say, i saw jon stewart's movie. >> yes, he did see that. >> and it is equally remarkable and fantastic. >> jon: you know what we should do? here's what we do. >> i'm serious. >> jon: here's what we do. let's have a fawn off. >> all right. >> jon: your acting shakespeare from the grade got an erection watching your movie. >> i have never seen a director achieve in any movie in history what you were able to achieve in the movie road watcher. honestly, honestly t is, i know you are trying-- are you block, jon. >> jon: come on. >> because you don't want-- you don't want me to embarrass you. >> jon: no, i'm very proud of it. >> it is fantastic. >> jon: thank you so much. he came to see it in
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telluride t was the first time we showed it to a crowd. and we saw steve come out through the crowd, it really, like i got watery. like you came up and i was just like -- >> i know, i know. what are we doing here. >> jon: i know. had you been to telluride previously. >> no, i hadn't. >> jon: it's 50,000 feet above sea level. i felt like, tell me if you fell like this when i got off, there is gondolas that take you places because you can't walk. i remember to the being able to breathe but everybody else was walking. i felt like i was in a science fiction movie. >> everybody was fine. you need a mask, some sort of oxygen mass stock walk around. >> jon: i wanted to grab people and go don't you see they're suffocating us? >> yeah. you just have a perpetual headache up there. beautiful, though yz it is beautiful. we think, or maybe that was a hallucination. when you-- when you go through this and inhabit
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something like this a dark place for three months. and are you not a dark individual. i have known you for a long time. are you not, right now maybe. but -- -- or what question dow want to answer? it's up to you whatever question. but do you understand? you're just a good person. i would think it's difficult to live in that for a while. >> it was strange. actually, we shot it in pittsburgh and i'm glad, i went home on the weekends. but it is a weird thing. and not to sound too actory or methoddy, but you kind of stay in it. not like i was walking around in character the whole time, but you stay in that, and it's pretty heavy and dark. >> jon: the kids are too young to see this. >> oh, yeah, it would not be-- it wouldn't be a good thing to see dad doing that. >> jon: you know what will be awesome though when they are like 18 and acting up a little bit.
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and you go look at this put on the dvd player. >> and i will sit behind them going-- (laughter) >> jon: well, i got to tell you, it is remarkable. and i'm going a this and i know you don't want to hear it, but here's how good it was. oscar, the statue will open his arms for steve carell. (cheers and applause) foxcatcher. in the theatres on friday. steve carell. steve carell ♪ ah, push it. ♪ ♪ push it. ♪ p...push it real good! ♪ ♪ ow! ♪ oooh baby baby...baby baby. if you're salt-n-pepa, you tell people to push it. ♪ push it real good. it's what you do. ♪ ah. push it. if you want to save fifteen percent or more on car insurance, you switch to geico.
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this is how you sonic. >> jon: that's our show. if you get a chance, tomorrow night, thursday night we're going to do what they call a sneak preview of the film rose water and simulcast it to a bunch of theatres and afterwards young stephen colbert who is a talented interviewer will talk to me and the journalist. get a chance to join us for that, great. if not, we will see you tomorrow at 11:00. if not, your moment of zen.
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>> to fight the 230 particular she got on halloween day a caused with dozens of other drivers of not stopping to let a six foot four donald duck cross captioning sponsored by comedy central captioned by media access group at wgbh captioning sponsored by comedy central [crowd cheering]

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