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tv   At Midnight  Comedy Central  January 6, 2015 1:31am-2:03am PST

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>> it's 11:29 and 59 second this happened on youtube, it's its new year, you they what that means, a lot of people hitting the gym with resolution. remember, keep your eyes on the prize not that ass as this guy faithfully proved. and push it out, push it out. a little recovery. yeah. and by the way, if you ever find yourself at walt disney world with the need to crank out push-ups gaston is here to help. gaston is the self-obsessed character from the beauty and the beast movie who spends the entire film traying to get belle female pro nag nist to mary him
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against her will and when that fails he results to bullying children at a theme park. a push-up con cess. >> . yup that reconfirms it gaston is a dick. comedians what is something that you would challenge gaston to that you know you can could win nikki glaseser go. >> penis size. jon daly go. >> breaking into show business. >> ron funches. >> supporting feminism or taking bong hits. >> it's time to start 11:30 @midnight. (cheers and applause) captioning sponsored by comedy central
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>> welcome to @midnight, sort of, @midnight, around midnight. it's midnightish somewhere probably. how about this we announce a winner @midnight. yay! (cheers and applause) >> because twitter handle@11:30 was not available. and if you are in the central time zone [bleep] yourself. it's like 10:30 or 10:15 there. it's new area, we have a brand-new schedule. chaers plaus. >> tonight's comedians performing at up come dae chicago club january 8th to the 10th nikki glaser. chaers plaus. >> from kroll show, the fanl season premares january 13th say it ain't so on comedy central jon daly. (cheers and applause) performing at san francisco sketchfest, it is ron funches. (cheers and applause)
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let's start the program ripped from the internethead lines it's rapid refresh. (cheers and applause) a lot of important stuff happened whale we were be break holidays, new area and all that kind of [bleep]. but by fire the most was taylor swift did a thing. oh my gosh oh my gosh! the internet sensation was adorable down to earth continued when tay-tay made a video of her giving christmas presents to random fan, oh goddamn it, roll it. >> meredith that is sophie opportunitiests. >> oh my god. (cheers and applause) >> [bleep] adorable.
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i was so inspared with her genuine not at all staged outbursts of generosity i desaided to make may own gift-giving video. >> blooep blaep okay ready one two, tlae roll. >> and what! what a long crazy giving day wrapping presents core my comedian friends t will be a great hardwickmas this area. blaep blooep this cat here. i hate this. >> jerk! >> oh my god these are the underwear that i had stolen from the laundry-- laundromat. (laughter) >> it's just what i wanted. mom mom, i got it! (cheers and applause) >> yeah, i know, well, i am a giver. i just give until it hurts. and eventually an empty shelf a man who has anyone erds any more because i gave some of.
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we never really got a good luck at what taylor swift has been giving people wa do you think a multimillionaire would give her fans,. >> slaves? >> sorry. i mean, you could mean like ancient world egyptian slaves t could be any -- >> yeah i didn't mean that. all right points for nikki glaser jon daly. >> snapchat of her secret dish. >> you know what she does when she is peeing shake it off shake it off. >> ron funches. >> i heard she gives great gifts like faberge eggs but if you break it, you will never, ever, get it back together. >> points.
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season five of downtown abbey premiered in america last night. social media was a flutter with the news that modern tames have finally come to the internet's favorite servant masters, let us take a look. >> i hate her. >> that's right. tom's not a hatedder this is clarely a ploy by the writers to appeal to the goddamn millennials. what are other modern phrases they will force down your throats in downton abbey this season. >> they're changing the name to turn downton abbey fwhoor? >> points. >> yo who is this downton abbey bitch everyone is talking about. >> ron funches. >> lady edith is going to call lady mary a rancid assbitch. >> points. >> i see no other alternative. >> that is the end of rand i
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had refresh. if is new time for the #wars. (cheers and applause) >> this is the first monday nft new area which manies you're probably feeling the afteraffects of holiday traveling long distances it eat starches with people you secret leigh resent with that in mind the #war is edable gaeography. examples might be mad gascarb or foodapes, or the grand funyun. oh my god, i would so go to the grand funyun. i will put 60 seconds on the clock and go. >> -- it was right there. >> now i'm tired. >> snacktakistan. >> sasskatchewontom soup. >> you may know it as burma but it will always be myanmarshmello.
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>> orange county. >> points. >> chili chili chili. >> points. >> vietnam-nam-nam-nam. >> nikki. >> sack ra-mentos. >> the breath maker. >> -- >> i mean you just greatly expanded your dating possibilities. that is the end of the #wars send us your hashtag edable geography to keep game going. we'll be right back with more @midnight at 11:30. >> our tweet of the day from the last hashtag war from 2014 was sent by@nafeesatv. well done
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asiago, we love you... asiago... over here... there's only one chicken sandwich this exciting... wendy's asiago ranch chicken club. with rich asiago thick-cut bacon and creamy ranch. . >> welcome back to @midnight
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at 11:30. it is time to play the blunder years, the blunder years. it is back-to-school time i'm sorry for reminding you that. before the break we asked the viewers at home to send old photos of when you used to be a kid at school. so come on let's make fun of some children. i will show you a real school photo tweeted by a viewer for 250 points i what like you to give me their class superlative and tell me what they were voted most lakely to do. all right. first one this hell racer. >> time to play. >> the most likely to truly get lip knocked. >> points, points. >> jon. >> most likely to wear denim shorts and shoot bottle rockets at a dog. >> points. >> most likely to use a skateboard as a weapon.
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>> points. >> someone needs to harvest that corn up there. i mean corn with a k. next one. >> the perm queen. >> the perm queen. >> yes nikki. >> most likely to be mistaken for a camp fire. (laughter) >> stop trying to put me out. >> ron funches. >> most lakely to actually be jim carrey. >> points. >> next one. >> this o-boener. >> yes nikki. >> most likely to be cyberbullied by his aunt. >> her aunt. that's a little girl. >> oh [bleep].
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>> i'm so sorry amanda. you turned out lovely. you turned out great. >> last one. >> this five-inch tall teddy bear-thusian. what do you think about that ronald funches. >> most likely to lose her virginity to that teddy bear. >> points. >> that brings us to the end of the blunder years, thank you for submitting your pictures and we hope you know that we love you. it's time for our next game photo bomb. creepy or cute. there is our classic game where we show you a piece of photo bomb that has gone viral and for 250 points you can tell us if it is an adorable junk of whoop dior horrific snapshot from a living hell scape. creepy or cute. let's begin, first one the victim was the top of reddit what is going on behind that.
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>> i'm going to say it's creepy because i don't like those. >> you already-- so you are defining what is going on back there based on your dislike of these people. >> yes. >> well let's find out. horribly creepy! >> oh my god. >> if this caught your attention what you didn't see was the blening with the color is this tiny hand. (applause) >> is it creepy and cute? >> no it's not, it's all creepy. >> i find it kraepy too. >> all right, next one. this noble steed. creepy -- >> what? >> somebody help him the horse is stuck in the fence!
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how did he get in there? >> jon. >> i think there is something real cute coming out of that horse. real cute. >> do you think it is going to be taylor swift giving christmas presents. >> i think that would be a dorbl. let's find out. >> so cute. so cute so cute. >> is that a chick fill aye commercial? -- chick-fil-a commercial. >> last one this sulen little girl, creepy or -- >> oh what's going on nikki glaser. >> cute. >> let's find out. adorable. >> that's so cute. that's cute. that is the end of photo bomb, creepy or cute it's time for our live challenge.
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the oakman cometh. so football has a new breakout star named shawn oakman. destroyer of worlds. good god was this before or after he broke bachman's back. this picture of 6 foot 9, 280 pound monster from behler was trended-- he is at that timed up. i thought a bunch of kids thought he was a wall. this guy was trending on twitter for days with people adding their own shawn oakman terrifying bad ass jokes like this one rate here. chipotle employee-- you are he right, ma'am have some more. >> or this one which is fun liam kneesson i don't flow who you are but i will feigned you and kill. >> in is shawn oakman. >> keep her.
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because we're thick this is our absolute favorite one. >> helen keller shawn oakman speak helen keller yes dad's. >> what i what like you to do is add to the legend of this gridiron bad ass and wait your own shawn eckman meme. we'll get your answers when we company back on@mid nature at 11:30. you pay for you data every month. so why does your carrier take back what you don't use? it's your data. @ now at t-mobile, all your unused data rolls forward to the next month. and we'll even get you started with 10gb of free 4g lte data.@
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>> welcome book@mid nature. before the break i show you a human nature shaken oakman and asked you to wait your own meme. >> then as ace ill. >> no ace is you're rate. >> shakespeare to be shawn oakman shakes pear or not to be whatever you want we're cool. >> ron funches. >> martin luther king i have a dream, shawn oakman was it about robots mlk. it is now. >> okay. >> that's how all of that would play out. 100% sure. so i got to give a thousand points to ron 500 nikki
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250 to jon. as we jump to our next game. 2015 predictions. 2015 predictions. 2014 was a whirlwind of a year. we started our show basically, there were corn scenes, naked pick taurs of celebrity, seth rogen and james franco almost instated the next nuclear winter. how could 2015 possibly stop that. you tell me comedians, come up with as many prediction for this area as you can. let's put 60 seconds on the clock and begin. nikki. >> bruce jenner will complete his transition that a glamorous scare crow. >> points. >> jon daly. >> johnny depp will con sum mate his relationship with marilyn manson. >> e bolla 2 judgement day. -- ebola 2 judgement day. >> medicinal heroin.
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>> nikki. >> missouri legal identifies gay marriage but just to piss off the parents. >> uber murders of 2015. >> ron nuferj funches. -- >> undatable is the number one new company dae in the world! -- come dae in the world. i said prediction, in the fantasies. >> a rich old white man makes may birth control more expensive. >> points. >> too real? yeah. too real. >> jon daly. >> boy hood 2 boy hooder. >> yes points. that is the end of 2015 predictions. i see that jon daly are you in third place and therefore we must eliminate you. >> blaep blaep. >> i know it seems that way do you have any last words
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before we release you that the wild. >> i love nikki and ron. thank you very much. >> watch kroll show. >> jon daly red late. -- light. >> i do leave. >> that manies-- don't cross the barrier you'll all die. that means it's time to see if you are paying attention. it's for the win. >> all right. for you sports ball folks last nature's cowboys lions game had a controversial penalty that caused much whaling and nashing of teeth yen line including the live journal of george rr martin author of game of thrones novels and living garden gnome in a train conductor hat sean hear. very nase man i enjoy george very much. still uses livejournal by the way which is amazing because who needs newfangled sites like mayspace or-- the play was text back pass
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interference. the penalty needed to stand. one for the backs followed by a clip art thumbs down rate there. and an angry alien face ta. the and real estate alien face down there. the missed call of course lead to the lions being knocked out of the playoffs. sucks when your favorite characters get eliminated huh george. so coldians over the break, craft a complaint about last nature's game more befitting of the author of the game of thrones for els. we will have the answers and name a winner when we come back on
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new trident unwrapped is the gum you love without a wrapper. welcome to the easy life. ♪ trident unwrapped. super useful. helps fight cavities. 11:3. >> welcome back to@mid nature at 11:30. it is tame for for the win. i'm going to bip your scores chraen. wap wipe wipe. it all comes down to this moment. you guys will desaid who shall emerge the victor. before the kbraek i showed you george rr martin's angry livejournal about last nature's football game and asked to you wait a new post in the style of game of
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thrones. let's see what you wrote. first one, first one. that was horrible. i'm seeing red, wait, never mind t turns out i ate so many hot wings i'm craying buffalo sauce. carry on, lads. >> or tra vesty ney tragedy an injustice of such magazine tawd that never again shall i utter the words are thine ready for some football smaley face. >> number two is the winner. reason funches, you claim the victory. you are the funniest person in the next 23.5 hours nikki glaser nase to sea you. we'll sigh you tomorrow night. our guests will be paul f. tompkinses tom lennon and paget brau ster. good night we'll see you tomorrow at 11:30, - welcome back. we're here talking with all-star shooting guard charlie sanders about his amazing career. now charlie, you grew up in a tough neighborhood, didn't you?
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- that's right. drugs, violence. my whole life, i had to deal with adversity. - and that continued when you went on to the pros? - that's right. you know, fines, injuries, everything. no matter how big a star i am, i'm always gonna be dealing with adversity. - adversity johnson, what's your take on this? - i don't know, girl. i just like [bleep] with him. just like, eh. - ah! come on, adversity. - deal with me, dog! [laughs] [loud slap] - [groans] - [laughs maniacally] i said "deal with me!" - always. wherever we go, it's-- come on, no, don't. don't drink my water. don't drink my water. adversity, leave me some. leave me a sip. leave me a sip. damn, come on, man. [loud slap] aah! - deal with me! [laughs] - this--he doesn't-- i'm sorry. no, he doesn't pick up social cues. what? here we-- [screams] - deal wit
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