Skip to main content

tv   The Daily Show With Jon Stewart  Comedy Central  January 13, 2015 5:58pm-6:30pm PST

5:58 pm
>> jon: hi! well company to the daily show. my name is jon stewart. my guest tonight, thank you very much. pie guest tonight a young man by the name of jimmy carter. he is former president and he really, he is like the charles bronson of fighting guiny worm in africa. he has a vendetta against these worms. he'll talk about when he comes out here am but first as you remember last week islamic extremists carried out a deadly attack on the offices of "charlie hebdo". trying to strike a blow against free expression, the right to express. this sunday france answered. >> the largest demonstration ever in french history between 1.2 and 1.6 million people rallied in paris. >> charlie charlie! >> jon: wow!
5:59 pm
i don't speak french. 1.6 million parisians in the streets. are we sure they weren't on strike. was that a strike? (laughter) i mean i don't blame them a 12 hour work month that will push anyone. (laughter) no really it's inspiring to see millions of parisians taking time out of their mandatory month long vacation to participate in-- look, we're all united behind france but if we suddenly start shying away from mock the french with tired ster why types the terrorists win. and i-- (laughter) swrz and i'm to the going to threat that happen. by the way the march also gave parisians-- (laughter) is my pronunciation of parisians that bad? the march also gave-- parisians a chance to introduce a new icon of liberty.
6:00 pm
>> the pencil the new symbol of from dom of expression was everywhere. >> jon: people were holding pencils waving pencils raising pencils a lot of. bow before new graphite king! be not afraid! (cheers and applause) jdz the pencil! >> simultaneously taking a stand for free expression while bringing hope to one of france's most forgotten and threatened industries. pencil making. as you will see in my new yet strangely timeless potist realist film. chaers plaus. >> these pencil factory has been in our family for seven
6:01 pm
generations. but i now must close it forever. damn you inevitable technological progress. >> papa papa! i have wonderful news papa. it seems everyone wants pencils again! the pencil factory is being saved! >> oh my god pascal you have brought such joy to this old man's heart. for that joy pascal i'm taking you to the fanciest whore house in town. >> hooray! this is my best 9th birthday ever! (applause) >> jon: that film has new already been seen by more people than rosewater.
6:02 pm
damn. vivla-- it wasn't just ode parisians without took to the streets. >> at the head of the rally a line of political leaders from around the world. >> hine a line of 40 world leaders their arms linked in a show of solidarity, they marched. >> jon: oh my god it's the world's most powerful game of red rover ever! they are daring terrorism to come over. and of course no grand show of liberty is complete without america the country -- >> watch president obama was there front and center. >> no top level u.s. president is here no president, no vice president no first lady no former president. >> we are with the president. >> where was president obama. >> jon: i don't-- how could obama not be there. look how many world leaders he could have bowed down to
6:03 pm
and apologized. he missed an opportunity. how cot u.s. not be there? when representatives of such beacons of freedom and lack of censorship as journalist journalist-punishing russia was there journalist-jailing turkey was there. egypt enough said. palestinian cartoonist-jailing israel was there and of course our greatest ally saudi arabia was there although a little out of breath having just days ago nothinged a blogger. -- floinged a blogger. couldn't obama have at least sent a friend. >> attorney general eric holder was in paris. >> jon: okay, all right, there you go. i'm sorry. i jumped to conclusions. eric holder the top law official in the united states our attorney general i mean come be o, france hold certificate not good enough you. you are only happen with the grande fromage. >> although attorney general eric holder was in paris for
6:04 pm
counterterrorism meetings he did not attend the march. [bleep]. >> jon: eric holder you were in france in paris at the time of the march and were like-- (laughter) oh, i get it you were probably taking advantage of the shortest tourist lines in french history. while the march is going on you're kicking back snapping self--years with the mona lisa stealing catacomb bone finally getting a table at france's most popular rat-owned bistro. is that what you were doing it? unbelievable. an enormous global rally in supporting freedom of expression after attack on a close ally and the u.s. was a no-show? it is going to take a lot to make up for this. >> john kerry said this morning he will go to translater this week. (laughter) >> jon: je suis to be kidding me.
6:05 pm
no chest-beating monologues about engine size, horsepower, or performance. no anthemic soundtracks to stir the soul. just a ram heavy duty that can carry more weight than any other heavy-duty truck. get more facts at ♪ ♪you better pledge your allegiance♪ ♪you're not the only one♪ ♪listen up forefathers♪
6:06 pm
♪let them have some fun♪ ♪some fun♪ ♪some fun.♪ there are lots of reasons to finish college. at devry university we can help... by maximizing qualifying transfer credits so you can graduate sooner. all you need... is a good reason to finish now. get started at (richard) when we said we'd get you all of your money back... ...we meant we'd get you all of your money back! get your billions back america! who cares what it holds, if it can't hold your gaze? who cares how tight it can turn, if it can't turn heads? who cares how capable it is, if it's incapable of creating
6:07 pm
a reaction? any suv can move something. but can it move you? introducing the first-ever lexus nx turbo and hybrid. once you go beyond utility there's no going back. when you ache and haven't slept... you're not you. tylenol® pm relieves pain and helps you fall fast asleep and stay asleep. we give you a better night. you're a better you all day. tylenol®. (cheers and applause) >> jon: welcome back. of course one key question about last week's paris brutality is who bears responsibility. and an easier question, that is who is most likely to utterly bosch that first question. >> i want to take look at a tweet by media magnate rupert murdoch. maybe most muslims are peaceful but until they recognize and destroy their growing gee add-- jihadi can ses -- cancer they must be
6:08 pm
held responsible. >> his excellency from the republic of media conglomi stan. moderate muslims until you have completably wiped islamic extremists from this earth [bleep] you. because you see rupert murdoch has a very firm stand that when some small-- commits terrible criminal acts all members of that group should be considered guilty by association and held responsible. except if the criminal acts are newspapers hacking dead people's bones and if the head of that newspaper company is rupert murdoch. >> ultimately are you responsible for this whole fiasco. >> no. >> are you not responsible. who is responsible? >> the people that i trusted to run it and then maybe the people they trusted. >> jon: and then maybe i don't know maybe then muslims. how about that muslims. murdoch wasn't alone in demanding answers. >> moderate muslims know who the radicals are.
6:09 pm
why don't they drum them out. >> got to be stopped by other muslims moderate muslims. >> their silence not only is deafening but to a certain degree encouraging of this radical islamic attacks. >> plenty of muslims that are moderate. why aren't they marching in the streets saying end this right now. >> jon: i think the muslim muslims should do that. (laughter) but these issues of who is to blame and who must apologize are big ones. for more we turn to swra son jones jessica williams and hasan minute handle. thank you for joining us. obviously this is a ferbl tragedy one that we should condemn jason jones. >> are you darn right, jon i wholeheartedly condemn these agos and those responsible for them. >> yes and so do i. i definitely condemn them as well. >> and jon, yes i as a muslim, of course absolutely 100% unequivocally condemn these actions.
6:10 pm
>> yeah i got to be honest, i just did not feel that last one coming from him. >> yeah, don't know. it just-- hasan's wasn't as condemny as i would like. >> jon: i felt that as well. >> i condemn just as hard as you guys. >> jon: no, no guys it is not a contest although i think we can agree hasan you could have put in, you know, a little effort to that. all caps or something, i mean that was -- >> that was all caps. >> jon: it went sincere. i think it would have been a little more what is the word shameful or just, like denouncier. >> denouncier is a good word i think. >> i know what is going on. because i'm muslim, i got to be condemnier than you guys. >> jon: no that's not-- no no. >> are you holding me to a condemnier standard. muslims around the world have already spoken out. at rab league french muslim religious council muslim leaders in india, spain austria ukraine australia, lebanon all have released
6:11 pm
statements of condemnation. and terrorists just to show how condemny we are and to honor the kosher supermarket victims muslims were holding i am jewish signs. >> i don't know no, that si sandwich board. he's wearing the lunch special dude. >> jon: that is just a menu. >> listen-- i hate to bring this it up aasif but i-- i just don't even think you condemned this yet. >> yeah. >> the fbi is investigating a bombing outside the n.a.a.c.p. office in colorado springs. >> investigators relessed this sketch of a man they believed may have detonated the bomb. >> what? why would i condemn that that dude is white. i mean i do condemn it but that's your job jones. >> what, i don't have to condemn that. >> nah, you white, jason you have to condemn that. >> so now i'm responsible for some rogue extremist white guy? no, no no. if i have to condemn that, then you have to condemn the entire city of chicago black on black violence.
6:12 pm
>> what? [bleep] that i have never even been to chicago. >> no, no if i got to own up for all the crazy muslims you got to own up for the crazy things your people do. >> i'm sorry, what dow mean your people. >> jon: guy guys guys! listen look. maybe it's not necessary. for each individual to have to own the worst actions of the people in their community. maybe that's not necessary. >> oh [bleep]. >> jon: yeah. >> look who is trying to get out of this. yeah! mr. insider trading. >> jon: what, no. >> yeah mr. crash the economy swrz my people didn't -- >> cash and bail me out. >> jon: i don't work in finance. i don't do-- okay okay. actually the last guy they nailed for insider training was raj gupta. >> oh, so i got a double apologize now?
6:13 pm
all right, fine okay. i double condemn that too. >> thank you! >> finally. society solved. >> jon: jason hasan and jessica, we'll be right back. chaers pla discover card. how can i help you? oh, you're real? you know i'm real! at discover, we're always here to talk. good, 'cause i don't have time for machines. some companies just don't appreciate the power of conversation! you know, i like you! i like you too! at discover, we treat you like you'd treat you. get the it card and talk to a real person. loving your pizza but not the crust? problem solved. only pizza hut's new menu finally gives crust the flavor it so rightfully deserves. get any one of ten new crust flavors for free. like, toasted asiago. salted pretzel. or honey sriracha for free. for a limited time carry out a large two topping pizza with the $7.99 flavored up favorites deal. the flavor of now menu only at pizza hut. the chevrolet malibu. respected.
6:14 pm
efficient. safe. when you set out to find new roads, you become the most awarded car company of the year. right now, eligible competitive owners can trade up to this 2015 chevy malibu and get $3000 total cash allowance. find new roads at your local chevy dealer. with t-mobile and iphone 6 you can make wi-fi calls beyond the reach of cellular networks. hey brandon what's up? so you can talk from down here. smile for grandma! or text pictures from up here. ok, there we go, should we send a photo? you can even make calls, way over here. talk and text over wi-fi, with wi-fi calling on iphone 6. only from t-mobile. now get iphone 6 for $0 down.
6:15 pm
we love... love... love... chocolaty, creamy... with a little something extra. mmm deliciousness. cookies or almonds. yumminess. hershey's is mine, yours, our chocolate. mom: boys can i get some help!? boy in green shirt: i don't know can you?
6:16 pm
guess you don't want doritos. [loud crow screech] ♪ [boy whistles] [dog groans] ♪ hah! [dog groans] [crunch]
6:17 pm
. >> stephen: welcome back my guest tonight the 39th president of these united states will have an exhibit on display at the museum of natural history in new york beginning tomorrow. the countdown to zero defeating disease well company back president jimmy carter. sir! you. >> how are you? >> i'm doing fine. >> let me let me start by saying that is a beautiful necklace you're wearing. >> thank you very much. >> jon: what is that, sir. >> this is a-- i brought it for you. if you go to south sudan and you are thirsty and you
6:18 pm
find an empty water hole that is maybe stagnant with scum on top put this in your mouth and stick it through the scum and suck it and you won't get guiny guinea worm. >> thank you. for a second i thought its with back in the '70s and me you and willey nelson were heading up in the room in the white housement i didn't know what was going on. >> i understand that. >> stephen: all right. -- . >> jon: now you have manufactured these for the people of sudan. >> we sent 13 million of them into south sudan. so everybody can have one. >> jon: is this what has-- was this done the job to eradicate guinea worm. >> absolutely t has a filter cloth on the bottom. >> so the you suck that the and it tacks out the eggs and you won't have a worm this long in your body a year after you drink the water. >> jon: how many cases of guinea worm have you, are there now? is it -- >> well, we started out with
6:19 pm
3.5 million in 20 countries 23,600 ville ams and now we have 126 cases in the world. >> jon: 126 cases. >> yeah. (applause) >> jon: hold on a second. i am announcing a program tonight that saves the endangered guinea worm. there are only 129 left. >> is 26. >> jon: 6. you're incredible. obviously the events in the world this week were tragic. president obama taking lot of schtick for to the going to paris to mark in solidarity when cheeto died in juing slav ya you also took a fair amount of heat for that it what does it feel, and what is the decision-making process to say i'm going to g i'm to the going to g is it lit call personal, how does that go? >> i think it is both. political and personal. first of all there is a
6:20 pm
tremendous amount of effort has to be made for a president to go somewhere on 36 hour notice. i can understand how it wab very difficult for president o billiona to go at the last minute. secondly, he has a lot of other duties to perform. he has been on vacation for a couple of weeks i'm sure his desk is piled up this high. i don't blame him for not going. john kerry the secretary of state speaks fluent french and was the first one to send condolences and a bond of common commitment to freedom to the french people. >> it's incredible to me when you think back to the last oslo there was a certain hope. but that camp david peace accord, there was a real sense of hope during that time. >> there was. >> jon: that it is it heartening to you to think we can get back to that feeling or dishearteninging iting to see how many years have gone by with the redundancy of this sake elf have a lens? >> disheartening. >> disheartening absolutely. at least the palestinian leader and the israeli
6:21 pm
leader are at opposite ends of the line. i hope some day they will come together. >> jon: they were both in paris. >> they were both there marching. >> and we still have a hope for peace in the middle east. but it is difficult. and i think that in order to have that happen the united states has got to be in the forefront of demanding that both the palestinians and israelis come together and accept a reasonable solution to the problem. >> right. >> you have to withdraw from the west bank in gaza and injuries limb-- jerusalem as well and the palestinians have to make sure they-- without provocation to the freedom of israel to live in peace. >> now this extremeism in that region was around during sadat's time. >> yes t was. they had four wars in 25 years before i became president. >> uh-huh. >> when i got began and sadat together for the first three days all they did was
6:22 pm
is out at each other about the four war sometimes they went back to the old test am times but they shouted. >> they would carry it back. >> dave, i gave up on them. so i told them you stay in your cabin. you stay in your cabin. and i will go back and forth between them. so for ten days, they did that. >> can you give world leaders a time out? is that-- is that possible? >> well not now not now not now. when i was in the white house, maybe i could. >> jon: why do you think-- why do you think i view this extremeism as a funk, as sort of a pretext. this idea that it is a religious backing a pretext for just powerless. you know they're angry nilistic it doesn't seem-- if it didn't have a religious part to it it would be something else. they would use some other pretext to be violent in this way. is that --
6:23 pm
>> one of the origins for it is the palestinian proper. you know, this aggravates people who are affiliated anyway with the arabs people who live in the west bank and gaza. so i think that's part of it. but i think this is a new evolutionary development. and where people go into syria, they get trained there, they have a passport from france from great britain or the united states. they stay there for a few months and learn how to be a terrorist and then come back to turkey and you know they have been there. you know who they are. and i think this event and paris is going to waken up the people in charge of security and watch those people more closely and not single out all of it. >> and it's hard you know, it seems like a very small amount of people can now do a tremendous amount of damage. but it's hard to see them going any further than that. in terms of their selling points to the world. i know this is a big propaganda.
6:24 pm
but their selling point to the world needs to it be join us we're crazy. we'll kill everybody. i was really encouraged a few minutes ago to see this muslim really condemn -- >> you're right. >> jon: . >> this is a good omen for the because i know all the people watch this show so it will be a transformation. >> jon: no i think, you know i have always said that we're part of the solution. so i've always said that it's always a delight to sigh any diseases on the horizon you are going to be curinging anything we should keep our eyes out. >> river blindness. >> as well as glaucoma lymphatic polorisis, just a few of those still over there. >> jon: will you adopt me? countdown to zero defeating disease. president jimmy carter. sir.
6:25 pm
every truck can tow a boat. every truck can climb a hill. every truck can haul a trailer. but not everyone can say they're the fastest-growing truck brand... in america. guts. glory. ram. over 20 years 31 million students started college, but didn't complete a degree for lots of reasons. at devry university we believe there are also lots of reasons to finish. so we help you maximize qualifying credits you've already earned. so you can graduate sooner and get on to a great career. because whatever kept you from finishing before... all that matters is your reason to do it now. see more reasons to finish and get started at
6:26 pm
♪ ♪
6:27 pm
♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ the evolution of luxury continues. the next generation 2015 escalade. i've been called a control freak... i like to think of myself as more of a control... enthusiast. mmm, a perfect 177-degrees. and that's why this road warrior rents from national. i can bypass the counter and go straight to my car. and i don't have to talk to any humans, unless i want to. and i don't. and national lets me choose any car in the aisle. control. it's so, what's the word?... sexy.
6:28 pm
go national. go like a pro. that's our show here it is, your moment of zen. comedy central captioned by media access group at wgbh ♪ i'm going down to south park, gonna have myself a time ♪ ♪ friendly faces everywhere ♪ ♪ humble folks without temptation ♪ ♪ going down to south park, gonna leave my woes behind ♪ ♪ ample parking day or night ♪ ♪ people spouting "howdy, neighbor" ♪ ♪ heading on up to south park gonna see if i can't unwind ♪ ♪ mrph rmhmhm rm! mrph rmhmhm rm! ♪
6:29 pm
♪ come on down to south park and meet some friends of mine ♪ stan, you know it's almost valentine's day. i know. maybe we should go on a cruise or something. i can't afford a cruise, dude. i know, but we can make a little boat out of cardboard and pretend it's a cruise! [ laughs hysterically ] shut up, cartman! [ laughing ] that is so lame! [ laughing ] [ panting ] oh, oh. oh, man. oh... and then we could dress up in little costumes and pretend we're getting married. [ laughs hysterically ] [ laughing ] stop, seriously! you're killing me over here! children, i have some difficult news for you. mr. garrison won't be teaching for a while. he has to have surgery. [ cheering ] so you're going to have a substitute teacher.


info Stream Only

Uploaded by TV Archive on