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tv   The Daily Show With Jon Stewart  Comedy Central  January 19, 2015 11:00pm-11:32pm PST

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- the [bleep]? captioning by captionmax www.captionmax.com captioning sponsored by comedy central >> from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is the daily show with jon stewart. (cheers and applause) >> jon: welcome to the daily show! my name is jon stewart. we got a night for you tonight. my guest tonight unemployed bass player michael huckabee will be joining the show. but first it has been i don't need to tell you this an exciting week with international relations. pope francis took his tour to its philippines.
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he drew a crowd of 6 million people! and i just want to say something a faw years back i presented a plan to the manila zoning board for a six million seat stadium. they said i was crazy. well who's crazy now! me? or the people who refused to build the stadium that until this weekend would have remained laughably empty? he drew six million people, that's craziment while the pope left home to spread his message of peace. david cameron visited the united states to discuss a world on the brink of wider war. >> well i still think those two most powerful men in the free world are squandering their chance at a hilarious buddy cop movie. i just think the two of them one is black one is white. from different world john bangers with an uptight prime minister who always played by the rules until he met his mash henry mash.
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now they fight crime and argue about pop culture. the tired stereotype. (cheers and applause) >> obviously i jest. there are serious issues for the two leaders to discuss as we learned in this interview on face face. >> you say he calls you bro. what do you call him? >> well normally barak and david but every now and again there's been some other things thrown around and i suppose bro was one of them. lev (laughter) >> why don't you call me [bleep] face. i didn't like that. call me bro brosephus. you know, it is nice, you know, what are you going to do there of course the bama administration is reticent to use certain terms to call
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it -- >> others of your allies have described the ideology that you call-- by calling it radical islam. >> either individuals who carried out an ago of terrorism and later tried to justify that act of terrorism by invoking the religion of islam. >> jon: well later they did try and-- but also before. and during. come on press secretary josh earnest if that is how the brash-- that john ernest. so describing his manner, if that is how the brash cowboy shoot them up americans are describing these terrorists i can't even imagine how tiptoeing this will sound coming from old downton abbey cameron-- cameron. >> it means posing to this death cult of a narrative that is perverting the religion of islam-- (laughter)
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>> jon: okay. i guess that really shows the impotent-- impotence of being ernest anybody? anybody? is that -- >> i have been asked by her majesty's government to thank you. (laughter) >> jon: thank you. the president obama had a successful bro-time hangout with the british prime minister. but how do we make up for last week's no-show on the champs-elysees. >> secretary of state john kerry is on a charm offensive this morning in paris. >> jon: i know what you are thinking. is it a good idea to send a man who appears to be a love child of andrew jackson and a wooden cigar store indian-- (laughter) >> on a charm offensive. (laughter) it is a good idea if he's going to france. >> john kerry speaks french, loves france studied in
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france. >> jon: favorite type of fridays french! favorite type of bull dog french. favorite kind of maid french. favorite mustard? heinz. come on he's not going to jeopardize his marriage over mustard. (applause) i will tell you this though late at night late at night when john kerry's wife is sleeping what condiment does he secretly retraef from the hiding space behind that loose pile under the toilet tank-- wink. don't you see this is a brilliant move. kerry's general frenchieness, the thing that lost him our presidential election is what makes him our perfect enjoy-- envoy. here is he meeting french president hollande, no, i done think-- no, he doesn't-- he doesn't want to-- no pull out. no! he's not wanting that.
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you know, i got to check out that hug utilizing nfl replay technology. because hollande face is of a frenchman not being healed but being forced to eat his first velveeta sandwich. let's see, walking in kerry, now the french president goes with the oprah hand. i just want to touch hands i just want to touch hands this is the distance. keep it at this distance but kerry says [bleep] that come on baby, bring it in we're bros. now the french president said okay, i've had enough and-- no, all right i'm done. i'm done. hollande tries to get out but watch kerry he says i tell you what though i am never letting you go. i am never-- look at hollande, he's he says-- no. >> that's not what i wanted. that is not -- worthy.
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>> look at kerry looking at him like huh? and the french president is like-- all right. so phase one did not necessarily go off according to plan. but certainly phase two will win french hearts and minds. >> secretary kerry brought james taylor to perform you've got a friend for the people of france to help ease tension ♪ you've got a friend ♪ ♪ (laughter) >> jon: are you traying to get news a war? is that what this is? james taylor singing "you've got a friend" a little on the nose don't you think? for god's sakes, kerry you couldn't fly the rembrandts over to do the friends theme or-- maybe do the schwomener. or maybe the zack attack.
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don't act like you don't know the zack attack. ♪ always be friends ♪ ♪ (laughter) >> jon: i don't know, man by the looks of that guy in the back, i think he's going to try and stab a dude. we'll be right back. at t-mobile, you can hook up the whole family for a $100 a month. get 4 lines with unlimited talk, text and up to 10 gigabytes of 4g lte data. and now the next big thing is here. get the hottest device for everybody in the family for $0 down. ...so you can switch today.
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now two weeks ago terrible event in paris france because of an upset about this picture of prophet mu ham ad. but then world leaders united in an inspiring freedom expression but people found pictures of that event unacceptable. the ultraorthodox newspaper as god dond mad used photo shop to rid the event of women. which brings us to our new recurring segment, which picture is upsetting the middle east this week. sponsored by gopro. gopro what does your cat do all day. so-- so what picture, what picture will anger the middle east this week. isis beheading ayatollah on toilet hard core ankle porn. >> a selfie tiring up attention. >> the selfie can at the misuniverse pageant. >> when misisrael posted this picture with mislebanon
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also in the same picture, it turned political. >> causing an international incident. >> they're not making out. i mean i would understand the incident if they were making out. is there one where they're they're-- never mind. what is the problem with the selfie. it's not even coed. >> in beirut lebanese television station al jahid says miss lebanon should have known better that to appear in a picture with miss israel because lebanon and israel are enemies. >> it's a beauty pageant. they're all enemies! (laughter) lebanon was probably just trying to-- (applause) >> trying to win israel's trust so she could hide her chicken cut lets at the right time, yeah those things kidding a siding good for miss lebanon and israel rising above your country's political squabble to say toot world, on the inside we're the same. and also on the outside,
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apparently they're the same. they're almost completely identical it's inspiring. >> miss lebanon wrote quote i was having a photos with miss japan and slovenian and she jumped in. >> salty dreesh claimed she was photo bombed by miss israel. >> oh for the love of-- (laughter) >> does everything that happens between middle east countries have to be a bombing? does it have to be? photo, unphoto? even just standing near someone? and smiling. and why not just let miss israel be. in the overall area of that photo, she's only taking up a very narrow strip at the edge. i mean what do you want to do put your back to let's say pre1967 photo borders. i mean is that where we are-- (laughter) >> once again we find ourselves with a tensionly explosive international incident involving israel let's just hope a sensitive skilled diplomat will be on
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hand to diffuse the tensions. >> donald trump owns the pageant with a joint venture with universal. >> well grab your gas masks kids, and head to the shelter we're going down. i condition believe i'm saying this maybe kerry could handle this. bring billy joel to sing she's always a woman or something, that will ease the tension. anyway, what does trump even know about the middle east other than price per square foot. >> this is long-standing hatred. this has been going on for many many years. and decades. you see it going on to something as beautiful as what is taking place in miami. and it certainly has an impact. it's very sad. >> it breaks my brooep blooep to see these beautiful ladies fighting when they could be busy putting vasoline on their teeth or taping their swimsuits to their buttocks. however i don't say this very often donald trump has a point. i get that israel and lebanon share an intractable em nitty, come on the miss
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universe pageant,ed one chance in the whole year when all nations can put aside their difference come together in miami and as one treat women like expensive food instead of human beings. don't ruin that. we'll be right back. (cheers and applause)
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>> jon: my guest former governor of arkansas, former presidential candidate also a best selling author. his new book is god guns grits and gravy which happens to be the name of my theme restaurant. please well company back to the program mike huckabee. sir! >> beautiful hug. >> jon: how are you? >> i'm doing great. good to be back. >> jon: i want to talk to you. this is, the book is called god gun, grits and gravy. you have a show on fox news you had a show. >> i had a show. >> jon: how long did you have it for. >> six and a half years better than i deserved. >> jon: and you quit. >> yes. >> jon: to run for president. >> well, very likely, very possible. >> jon: let me tell you something go back and beg
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them for your job. (laughter) >> jon: you have made a terrible terrible mistake. what are you doing? >> see that's the view of the people who live in the bubbleville that i talk about in this book. >> jon: what dow mean america? >> no no the whole point is that there is-- there's a real clash of cultures and there is a disconnect between people who live in the bubbles of new york washington and hollywood versus the people who live in the land of the bubbas. >> jon: it sounds like there is an idea, there is a sense of like well people who live on the coast are not real. that you're talking about like the bubbas are real and we're not. >> no it's not a matter of reality. it's a matter of different perspective. i will give an example. >> jon: sure. >> there is a big difference between people who are well educated and people who are smart. a lot of people who are very well educated let's say the harvard faculty believe that the people who live ot in this part of the world where i live and fly roefer
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country, the red states where people think those people are nuts. >> jon: but you believe that the bubbas are better than the bubbles. >> no different. >> jon: no better. >> i want to explain who we are to the people who live in the bubbles. because those of us who live in bubbaville, we get the people in the bubbles because all the television shows and movies are all about the people in the bubbles. >> jon: you don't. no, you don't get them. >> six and a half years. >> jon: you don't get it. >> i have come to new york and i have seen the difference in the attitudes and lifestyles and culture. it is not that one is better. >> jon: yes, it is. (laughter) >> well, if it is-- . >> jon: you believe one is better. >> it would be bubbaville. here is-- . >> jon: this feels like this is contrived. there is no real bubbaville and bubbleville. you have this idea of the hollywood culture. and the example, you sort of use jay z and be. >> as an example of that. you view that as a sort of a permissiveness that you think is not great for our children; is that correct? >> well it was one page out
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of a 240-- . >> jon: i understand it. but it is representative of that idea. >> it is part of a chapter called the culture of crude. here is the point i was making. beyonce is such a megatalent. she can do anything. >> jon: right. >> she really she has the pipes to sing. >> jon: exactly. >> she's got the moves to dance. she does not have to go-- . >> jon: she doesn't need to. >> she doesn't have to be vulgar in order to set a trend. >> jon: exactly. and you see that as indicative as the difference between bubbaville and bubbleville. because we are more permissive in that way right? >> not necessarily. it's that the thing that disturbs me let's say about when you see beyonce who is a role model to young girls. young girls want to be like her. >> jon: right. >> do you know any parent that has a daughter that says honey, if you make really good grades, some day when you are 12 or 13 we will get you your own stripper pole. come on jon, we don't do that. >> jon: i think that is diminishing beyonce that is trauly outrage us. but here is why i am going to show you something.
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here is the blind spot of bubbaville. all this stuff about the culture and it's so insidious, you don't have to do that. this is a clip from a very wholesome show on fox news. >> i know where you are going with this. >> jon: i hope you do. >> i do. >> jon: play the clip. >> okay. ♪ ♪ ♪ with a stroke of my hand ♪ ♪ they know they're getting from me ♪ ♪ uh-huh ♪ ♪ know just where to go ♪ ♪ when you need some love ib man ♪ ♪ i do it ♪ ♪ cat scratch fever. >> jon: so that is a song called cat scratch fever. the bass player there was a gentleman by the name of mike huckabee. that is on a show in the middle of the day that children can watch. >> it's at night. >> jon: that ain't about bacteria. >> it's not? >> jon: no. but do you see my point? you excuse that type of crudeness because you agree with the stands on firearms. you-- stance on firearms. you don't approve of beyonce
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because she seams alien to you. johnny cash shot a man just to watch him die. that's some gangster [bleep]. >> let me respond. >> jon: all right. >> when ted nugent did that song, 1978. >> jon: uh-huh. >> never got nominated for a grammy. he didn't perform it on national television. in fact you know the song of the year that year was? it was a tie between evergreen and you light up my life. and john denver hosted the grammys. my point is that song it is an adult song. geared toward adults. but today we have a very different kind of depiction and things that are considered perfectly okay for kids. >> jon: my point is. >> that's the difference. >> jon: my point is you can't single out a corossive culture and ignore the one that you live in because you're used to it. and you don't feel that -- >> i want you to read the book. >> jon: i read -- >> did you? okay. >> jon: it ain't shakespeare. >> no it's-- i did not
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write this for the harvard faculty. it might be over their heads. >> jon: listen, the way that you use the term harvard as a derog difficult blows my mind. >> harvard is a wonderful place. >> jon: no it's-- but don't you think you are using it as a derog difficult. you are saying, you know those professors at harvard that are experts in their field-- like it's -- >> no. >> jon: it's weird. >> i have spoken at harvard. bright kids there. here is the point sometimes people who have lived in that world believe that the education that they have is absolutely so superior to the education that somebody may get out there in the interior of the country at a state school. now let me just-- . >> jon: and don't you feel that people who live in other parts of the country believe the education they got whether it be on a farm or in a thing is superior. isn't that my whole point. >> that's why i said the difference between-- . >> jon: each group believes that they are somehow different from the other and better. >> but there is a difference and this is the point i made. there is a difference
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between education and smart. if you-- your car breaks down in the middle of the night on a country road, who do you want coming by an mba in a beamer or dow want a couple of good old boys in a pickup truck with a tool becomes in the back? just tell me which one. >> jon: both of those scenarios feel very frightening to me. >> and they probably should. >> jon: i want aaa. god guns grits. and gravy. >> and gravy. >> jon: mike huckabee. ♪ priory "take the money and run" cover ♪ it's like you're getting away with something. new crunchwrap sliders. crunchy fritos craveable flavors, just for a buck.
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>> very enthusiastic crowd. thanks it's jon, right? (laughter) >> jon: yeah, man, i was over there the other day maybe afterwards celebrate. go out for drinks after the show. >> oh man, i would love to jon, but you know i got kind of busy, core's booker. we're all going go out-- and do our thank. >> jon: sure sure we'll do it tomorrow no problem. >> dinner plans man. >> jon: okay, okay. >> comedy central exec wants to go over my future at the network talking about how to make my show an hour long i don't know, i don't know. >> jon: what you mean bumping @midnight? or are you going to be -- >> sure sure, that's what they were talking about sure. anyway thanks for everything, man. superappreciate it, don. >> jon: jon. >> sorry? >> jon: that's our show. >> i can't really-- . >> jon: i get you, all right. here it is your moment of zen. >> i'm officially announcing that the tea party is taking
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dr. martin luther king away from the liberal left from this day forward have martin luther king is officially a tea party hero >> larry: tonightly: the oscar nominations are out, and they're so white, a grand jury has decided not to indict them. (laughter) oprah marched on selma this weekend. she has a dream... that "selma" shall overcome the "wedding ringer" at the box office. (laughter) we talk selma, ferguson and eric garner. it's comedy central's worst nightmare! a brother finally gets a show on late night tv. (cheers and applause) but, of course, he's got to work on martin luther king day. let's do this! (cheers and applause) captioning sponsored by comedy central

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