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tv   The Nightly Show With Larry Wilmore  Comedy Central  February 6, 2015 1:34am-2:07am PST

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this site where anybody could donate i think like $10 billion, a lottery to win a trip to new york and be interviewed her on the program by some asshole. i'm sorry. i should have said me. (laughter) the winner was a fine young man by the name of paul dorso. here is his interview with your moment of zen. >> affirmative or negative. of raising the minimum-wage? yeah. negative. boom, done, you start. well you're the affirmative, you start. >> you start anyway ♪ (cheers and applause) captioning sponsored by comedy central >> larry: tonightly. we're talking genetically engineered babies. who's terrified and who is just a cute little baby? we'll ask the questions. who get to play god? sorry, morgan free man, we're going white on this one.
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this show's been in vitro long enough. i'm ready to give birth. let's do this! ( cheers and applause ) ( cheers and applause ) >> larry: wow. thank you very much. thank you! welcome to "the nightly show." i'm larry! thank you so much for coming. you know before we start i just have to address a little something up top. last night we did our black father show. i had a great time. the show was really powerful. but during the "keep it 100" i made a joke that may have rubbed a couple of people wrong way. >> we reflect on marriage and
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how a lot of people just aren't marrying anymore? is it because black women are too bossy. on a scale of one to 10, just how bossy are black women? it better not be under five. like i said-- ( laughter ) it was the a a joke. but i get it. some people thought we were picking on black women. we were not. you guys know i love you. i was raised by a single plaque mother. you know it's all right here. but i'm sorry. i'm sorry. i didn't want to do anything exw-- all right, i'm fulm fumbling. you know how i feel. we're doing a special show at the end of the month just for black moms. that's for you. if some of you are still upset. this, please send all of your suggestions to @common. ( laughter ) ( applause ) just send it to him. i'll be-- i don't know why i let common talk me into that one. that's that one's on me. ( laughter )
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he's going to be very happy. okay, now, at the end of the day we all just want what's best for our kids, right? and that brings us to tonight's topic. >> there's that phrase "designer babies here" where people now fear what you are doing is going to allow people to change height, weight sex, eye color. >> larry: wow. you can choose the kind of baby you want? that's kind of like baby tirnd, right? blue eyes, nose black hair. poops in his pants? who wrote this profile? >> whose profile is that? that's pretty cool about designer babies. this is amazing because we only just perfected designer food. ( laughter ) the other one was a chicken bun for burgers. this one is a chicken bun for a hot dog. the future is now. the future is delicious. ( laughter ) now, while food scientists are increasing our food options,
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baby scientists are increasing our reproduction options. it's not just about picking eye and hair color. they're using d.n.a. editing to try to eradicate diseases and it appears the brits have decided to legalize what one might call a cheeky way to do in vitro fertilization. >> great britain approves three person in vitro fertilization. yes, three people. >> larry: aren't you getting a bit naughty. how french of you britain. i can't wait to get all of the details of the sexy little in vitro three-way. carry on. >> the donor's nucleus is taken out of the embryo leaving behind healthy mitochondria. the nucleus is then extracted from the parent's embryo and added to the donor's embryo which is then implanted in the womb. >> larry: oh? >> ( laughter ) so they don't say?
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how bloody disappointing? thank you very much. now, look, okay, i guess the whole having a child without inherited disease thing is the point. that's fair. and while all this genetic scanse seems a little bizark it's also a little bizarre when an ugly couple has a cute baby. no offense but let's be honest. i just want to know where those genes were hiding. that's all i want to know. i just didn't see it coming okay. all right. this issue is what you like to call "fraught as hell." there's a lot of emotions, because what we're talking about is kind of hitler-y. ( laughter ) right? you know in that eugenic-ishy kind of way. we're not in hitler down townbut we're definitely in the suburbs okay. hitler meadow, maybe. ( cheers and applause ) we are hitlertown.
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now, that being the case, i just want to do something that hitler never did. i'm going to weigh the pros and cons of this. all right? so let's bang out some ps and cs. any time you abbrev monosyllabic words it takes the same amount of time. okay. hey, it's thursday. take as long as you need. this is fantastic. pros of baby designing. you can get rid of genetic diseases. con, it could create genetic super diseases. pro: smarter, more athletic kids. ( laughter ) con: they just might turn on you. ( laughter ) ( applause ) oh pro: create real-life x-men. con: wait, the x-men were mutants so if anything it could hinder the creation of real-life
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x-men. ( laughter ) pro: playing god. con: playing god. pro: increased life span. con: only for the rich. ( applause ) okay. now look, good or bad. designer babies are coming. and the thing that's really worrisome is that most people won't have the money to go to a lab and build their genetic super baby which means we're going to create a permanent underclass of people who are conceived the old-fashioned way-- on a haunted hay ride or in the snack shack at the outdoor driving range or against lincoln's right leg at the lincoln memorial. you know the old-fashioned way. and as unjust as it will be for both people that will be stuck with kids who are more prone to disease, not as pretty and half as smart as the rich counter-part as least you can put a hipster spin on regular babies to make them special.
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just tell them, "billy, you're an artisanal baby. you are a 100% love-crafted organically made and served steaming hot vagina to table. ( applause ) we'll be right back. ( cheers and applause )
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( cheers and applause ) >> larry: welcome back. okay we're talking about designer babies.
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joining us onor panel are the star of "being mary jane," gabrielle union. and he's one of the most amazing men on so many different levels from penn & teller and "wizard wars" on syfy, penn jillette. cbs news medical health contributor dr. holly phillips. ( cheers and applause ) and one of the funniest comedians working the circuit out there, rachel feinstein. ( cheers and applause ) doctor, i want to start with you on this. it's kind of a two-part question. first, tell us the difference between embryonic repair-- i think it's called-- and designer babies. and the second part is will the human butt finally be perfected? and answer the second part first. just give me a year. >> yes, of course,. >> larry: 2018. >> sure sure. you know what all we're talking about with this my might on condrial transfer is perfectly for scientific advancement
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people with genetic illness transfer through mitochondria. it is not going to change the main genetic of the cells. >> larry: it's strictly for the genetic disorder. and it doesn't affect our chromosomes, it doesn't affect our 20,000 genes so you end up being the same person. >> larry: what about the genetic design? >> you know, what the-- the issue is whenever these things come up, we hear it goes very ayn rand very quickly and you hear people talk about a slippery slope. the only reason i think that's misguided is because -- >> whenever i think ayn rand i think slippery slope. >> i know. >> hubba hubba. >> can you get butt neighborhood approved is. >> i think that in time not now, but in time, i don't know how many years or decades, we will be able to look at d.n.a. and see what everything's going to look like-- eye color, hair color. >> larry: right. >> butt shape, whatever it is. >> you and your wife did i.v.f.?
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was there any concern about the science? >> i was so excited to be on the show because it's the first time i have been on television with a subject at least can gentialy i knew something about. my daughter, moxie, who is nine now, is a test tube baby. >> larry: she was conceived in a test tube? >> you know, i.v.f. and while she was actually conceivedded, i was working on the-- in a doctor's office. i went into the area i guess called the masturebaitorium. >> larry: and did you take the cards with you? >> i did. had them in my pocket and they're right here now. and they had pictures up for me to be able to do that. it was all-- all women who i made cry on tv. it just happened to be. that wasn't their plan. it just happened to be people -- >> i.v.f. has a lot of shame and
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humiliation. >> lots for me. here's the thing that bothers me. everybody 40 years ago i guess it was, when it started in england, the i.v.f., where they first made it legal, everybody was talking about this is going to be horrible. this is a terrible thing. boys from brazil. the only reason people were against it was the movie "the boys from brazil." >> larry: i made the jokes about the nawts naughty-- >> we weren't even given the hitler option. do you want your child to be hitler. >> larry: how do you like this mustache? >> they didn't even give us the option. >> larry: i'm concerned about the class issue because some people aren't going to be able to pay for this. are we setting up a super class of people? >> we have that already. they're called white people. ( laughter ) ( applause ) >> larry: oh! >> keeping it honest. >> larry: oh, snap. >> no i mean, realistically, i.v.f. is incredibly expensive
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without adding extra genetic testing. i think if you do a five-day transfer, you have the option to do genetic testing and you can find out the gender. that's an additional 10, 20 grand. so when you add in eye color, all of that other stuff, it's incredibly expensive. so the people who could even afford is, it's a very, very small, small -- >> it's small now-- rachel are you single or married? >> i'm single. >> larry: i don't want to get you in trouble. >> i think-- yeah, for every woman, pregnancy, whatever they want to do it's their own journey. >> larry: and it's very emotional, a very complicated issue. >> some people choose to adopt. some people it's very important for them to conceive. i'm pregnant but not for long. we all have-- no -- >> larry: well done, rachel, well done. >> all fun-loving abortion jokes aside.
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>> larry: i'm aborting my child right now, larry. >> i mean, i think the whole idea is kind of interesting that you can design your child ahead of time or whatever. but like i also feel like the idea that you-- that you have two women and then a little-- and one guy and then-- but there's, like, a main woman, and then you can put a little bit of d.n.a. from a second woman, i've heard they do that now. >> larry: i don't think it's d.n.a. the mitochondria is just like the motor-- >> the mitochondria-- look i don't understand any of these words. >> larry: you're just making this ( bleep ) up. >> a piece of this a dollop of that, a whisper-- the point is there's one main woman donor and then there's, like, a man and they can do this thing where they just put a little of a second-- just like a three-some. >> larry: you really are making this up now. >> that's how it works. there's a main woman and a side piece, just like a three -- >> right, a side piece. >> it's 99.9% the parents and the side piece is only .1. >> larry: it would be
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encouraging more side-piece relationships. >> why is the and which, the only one sitting here who actually has blue eyes. why would you choose blue eye glz you're doing pretty good penn? >> it's not a big deal. i have the blue eyes. my parents would have much rather have smarter or better looking. the blue eyes doesn't do much. so much of is not just the environment of how you're raised but also the environment the genes form in in the-- during the whole time the baby is carried to term. all of that does-- what we're finding out about d.n.a. is it's not a recipe. there's very little a-to-acorrespondence. we find out even for simple things like height, which is very genetically determined, there are hundreds, thousands, tens of thousands of genes that work together in concert in ways we don't understand. we're trying to make the decision, talk about it now, and we don't need to. smarter people, our children our grandchildren our
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great-grandchildren will have to confront this. we dopt have to because all the stuff we're talking about we can't do. >> larry: we kind of do because we have a tv show right now. >> sorry. >> larry: i am fascinated-- >> brown eyes do better. brown eyes are the professionals. >> larry:... the whole turning off the gene thing, where you-- like, if you could turn off one trait. if you wish your parents could have turned off one trait from you what would it have been? >> that they gave me. >> larry: yes, that you is have. >> failure to be able to do mathematics. like i suck at math. i'm pretty sure i got it from my mother. >> larry: any trait you have that you would like to get rid of? >> yes, i'm deeply incoordinated. but i have to say, we're everything else. maybe i should have done more gymnastics. >> larry: what about you, rachel. >> there's always some rancid thing in your gene -- >> rancid? >> yes, i'm eastern european jew and irish so there's just like, a cocktail of you in rose ease
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and nedregz. >> larry: get it all out. >> are you arosed right now. >> larry: i'm very aroused. penn anything for you? >> anything that would make me someone else. >> larry: there gu. >> just turn off anything that's penn jillette. >> larry: we'll be right back and talk more about this. since the beginning of time, we have protected mankind. you are the seventh son of the seventh son, and war is coming. ♪ [epic music] ♪ hell... is here! i'm no hero. i'm no warrior. i'm something else. seventh son rated pg-13 hey, mr. smith. want to try out my time machine? it runs on doritos. [ barks ] sure. so now what? got to put the whole bag in. okay.
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( cheers and applause ) >> larry: thank you very much. now it's time to get real on a personal level. let's "keep it 100". ( cheers and applause ) you know how it goes, guys. i'm going to ask each of you a question and you have to keep it 100% real with your answer. if the audience things you're keeping it 100% real they will applaud, and if you do not they will. >> boo! >> larry: if you keep it 100 you get the sticker if not i serve you weak tea. we did something fun last night. everybody is going to get the same question. so that's kind of fun. we're going to start with you,
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gabrielle. so if any of you guys have kids, we're going to pretend that nobody has kids now. so we're assuming you're at that point and you have the chance to genetically engineer your baby right now. here's the caveat-- you can only have one baby. this is it. this is your only shot. >> a super paeb. >> larry: it might be a super baby. this is your only child. you can never have another baby you can't adopt, no tricky stuff like that. but you have to decide whether it's a boy or a girl. what do you choose? >> girl. >> larry: and why? >> hopefully she looks like me. i'm a little vain. ( cheers and applause ) >> larry: that was 100. that was 100. >> wow! >> larry: boy or girl? >> i'll go with girl. they're just smarter. ( cheers and applause ) >> larry: hold on! hold on! hold on, audience! hold on! hold on!
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are you-- are you clapping because you like that answer or because you thought she was keeping it 100? keep it 100. >> i'm being honest! ( cheers and applause ) >> larry: all right. i'm going like this-- hmmm. okay rachel, boy or girl? >> i'd have to say-- i mean i perform -- >> you perform? >> >> i prefer women in general but i have to say probably a boy because his life will be easier. you know, he doesn't have to-- i like how disturbingly silent you are. you're like really? it's somehow harder to be a woman. >> larry: so a boy? >> yeah life is easier. people give him less of a hard time. doesn't get harassed when he walks down the street. >> larry: what race, black or white? >> black. you know why? because i'm worth it. i'm worth it. >> larry: hmmm. >> i want a black son!
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( booing ). >> larry: no? what do you say? ( cheers ) i think you have to have a little bit of both. there you go. there you go. all right, you haven't had kids, department do the i.v.f.. and now you're going to do the "b" or "g"? >> i would say a girl because all statistics say the more women you have in a society, the more women you have in power, the more peace you have. ( cheers and applause ) and also i'll add to that because of that because of-- because of things that were done in china in the middle east mostly, we now have an imbalance we have too few women in the world. for world peace the only choice is women. >> larry: that is one of the most "keep it 100" answers i have ever heard. you're going to get a couple of stickers. we'll be right back! ( cheers and applause ). >> if you are in new york city or making plans to visit, grab
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in free tickets tickets to attend an upcoming table of "the nightly show."
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♪ [acoustic folk guitar] ♪robin hood and little john walkin' through the forest♪ ♪laughin' back and forth at what the other'ne has to say.♪ ♪ ♪reminiscin', this-'n'-thattin' havin' such a good time♪ ♪oo-de-lally, oo-de-lally golly, what a day.♪ ♪ ♪never ever thinkin' there was a danger in the water♪ ♪they were drinkin', they just guzzled it down.♪ ♪never dreamin' that a schemin' sherrif and his posse♪ ♪was a-watchin' them an' gatherin' around.♪ ♪robin hood and little john runnin' through the forest♪ ♪jumpin' fences, dodgin' trees an' tryin' to get away.♪ ♪ ♪contemplatin' nothin' but escape an' fin'lly makin' it.♪ ♪oo-de-lally, oo-de-lally golly, what a day♪
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♪oo-de-lally, oo-de-lally golly, what a day♪ ♪
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( cheers and applause ) >> larry: okay, that's all the time we have for tonight. i want to thank our panel gabrielle union, penn jillette, dr. holly phillips, rachel feinstein. give them a nice round of applause, everybody. as always, thanks for helping me keep it 100 on twitter. each of our panelists had to answer a tough question and i hold myself to the same. i don't get a chance to see the question until now. tonight's question comes from @gtrippo. if your child could be the next michael jordon or the next neil degrasse tyson, who would you choose? actually, i almost gave an answer quick there. i think i'm going to go with neil degrasse. because he can neil degrrks
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rasselonger than he can michael jordon. i get a sticker. i get a sticker. join us next week for all new episodes of "the nightly show." remember to follow "the nightly show" on twitter and keep an eye out for the topic we'll tackle on monday. until then, good nightly, everybody. it's 1 is can 59 and 59 seconds this happened on youtube. yesterday we showed you the steamy remake for magic mike 2, you're welcome but today we have an even hotter trailer that was released, by hotter i mean that it is wretch ed and will make you want to burn your dick off with a lighter.


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