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tv   At Midnight With Chris Hardwick  Comedy Central  February 12, 2015 2:06am-2:38am PST

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to thenightlyshow.com to watch full episodes or download the comedy central yapp. like the show on facebook until then, good nightly everyone. >> it's 11:59 59 seconds this happened on news nine.com today. when the zombie apocalypse inevitably gets here you will need a new leader and unfortunately for us rick grimes appeared to be stuck in georgia but i know the next best man for the job.
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ladies and gentlemen, this guy. >> his name is john michaels. >> i saw the police helicopter circling around very low. and last week they were doing the same thing because i was laying out nude. (laughter) >> yes. this new president of the zombie a-- apocalypse is sir john michael who was knighted by the dairy queen for years of your soft service. rise sir john michael future blizzard king. just keep watching there is something else here that actually he says a lot right here. >> put down the gun and i was twirling pie ponytail. >> sir john michael and his ponytail were soon on the ground. so john doesn't actually live inside the home where deputies found the marijuana. he lived in a school bus
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fearby. >> wait to go channel 9 throw him under the school bus he lives in. this is news in oklahoma. (cheers and applause) and the guy is built for at pocolypse, the transient hair, the bear vest, the scepter and apparent leigh he's a knight. all we are missing is an inspirational quote. >> if life gets-- gives you lemons [bleep] life. (cheers and applause) kids kids when life gives you lemons [bleep] life. (cheers and applause) now i know i know that there is more buried in that ponytail brain of his so i would like you to give me one pore inspirational quote
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from this royal bumpkin lawyer a cohan goes. >> life begins at 40 duies. >> it does. josh mcdermitt. >> mountain dew or mountain do not. >> there is no try. >> robert kirkman. >> believe you can and then shank him with your crystal spear. >> yes perfect. a great place to start @midnight. (cheers and applause) captioning sponsored by comedy central >> welcome to @midnight walking dead edition. (cheers and applause) tonight our very special pan frel the walking dead sundays on a m.c. followed by the talking dead with me
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chris hardwick. i always miss the second show so much. >> let's introduce our panel. she plays maggie greene lauren cohan. (cheers and applause) he plays dr. eugene josh mcdermitt. and creative executive producer and writer of the walking dead comic and walking dead tv show robert kirkman. (cheers and applause) all right, let's start the program, ripped from the internethead lines it's rapid refresh. (cheers and applause) we put our attention in the most hard-core sport of the universe, i'm talking about the concept of kings
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chinese arcade poppa shot. so this pop a shot made it to the top of reddit for one reason and one reason only. one of these three guys is an absolute baller. do you have any guesses. >> it has got to be the guy in the khaki shorts. >> you think it's this guy. >> anyone who wears shorts that high and tight knows a thing or two about balls. >> all right classic nba truism. let's find out. [bleep]. >> a hundred points for josh. he is heating up with president power of a braided belt. the guy he is not content only dominating one lane. >> whoa. but now watch what happens when he wraps it up. all right he fools everyone. and nonchalantly walks away
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wipes a little sweat off and then-- (laughter) >> whatever. (applause) >> whatever is in a bag there. a human head. or whatever it is. contestants i would like you to put yourself in this guy's senseable loafers you just crushed it in pop a shots, what are you going to do now lauren cohan. >> keep lying to my wife that i have been out all day looking for a job. >> points. >> this is actually one where she caught him doing that, no i was cheating-- cheating on you because he wouldn't want-- no, you weren't. robert kirkman. >> he's going to the same thing he does every night. he's going back to his apartment and make oup with an anime sex pillow. >> okay points points. >> now it is time for tonight's hashtag wars.
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thanks in no small part to the popularity of the walking dead all manner of zombie products are available on-line am you can get darrell necklace of zombie ears there. pretty cool. i have one of the real ones but no big deal or anything. a form of zombie garden gnome. and of course because it's the internet a zombie dildo. (laughter) >> the funny thing is my grandma so enjoys watching me on tv but i'm not going to tell her about this one. the only product that i haven't found related to this is a zombie theme music which is why tonight's hashtag is zombie songs. examples, might be purple brain or walker this way or-- 60
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seconds on the clock and then go. >> mamas don't let your babies grow up to be zombies. >> points. >> robert kirkman. >> stand by me and kill anything that moves. >> points. >> josh. >> my mashona. >> points. >> midnight brain to georgia. >> yes. points. >> kirkman. >> what's going on seriously what's going on, i have been in a coma for six months this place looks like [bleep]. >> lauren. >> it's raining glenn. >> (cheers and applause) >> certainly was for maggie. >> josh. >> your body is a zombie land. >> points. >> josh. >> eugene blinded me with science. >> yes good one. that brings to us the end of an excellent hashtag wars send us your hashtags and
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tag them @midnight zombie songs. we'll be back with more. >> our tweet of last night was sent to us by@puzzle nation. well done. our "name your price" tool helps -- oh, jamie you got a little something on the back of your shoe there. a price tag! danger! price tag alert! oh. hey, guys. price tag alert! is this normal? well, progressive is a price tag free zone. we let you tell us what you want to pay and we help you find options to fit your budget. where are they taking him? i don't know.
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this seems excessive! decontamination in progress. i don't want to tell you guys your job, but... policies without the price tags. now, that's progressive.
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. >> welcome back to @midnight. walking dead edition. a version of talking dead, i will be hitting the road on my fun comfortable stand up tour in st. louis madison boston, detroit atlanta. all over the country. yeah. if it's still there. for tickets and tour information go to funcomfortabletour.com. now it is time to play the dating game. this weekend is valentine's day. not too late to find that special someone thanks to the internet. the day before the internet if you mr. a farmer looking for love you had to hope the guy who owned the feed store had a daughter without wasn't very picky. or a goat who could keep a secret. but not any more. thanks to farmers only.com.
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>> we used to be lonely. >> until we met on farmersonly. (laughter) >> farmersonly is just one of hundreds of insanely specific dating sites, i will give you the name of dating web sites that don't sound like they could be rel but one of them actually is will you get 250 points if you guess which one. first one the real dating site clown dating.com it hooks up folks who want to go out with clowns or juggle buddies.net a site for people who find romance who share an interest in juggling. which one? >> lauren. >> juggle buddies.net. >> well, i think the correct answer is unfortunately clown dating. >> oh so creepy. listen. everybody loveds a clown, let a clown love you. creepy. >> what if you took off her dress and like ten clowns came out. (laughter) >> i got to say i think they
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have done it. they can shut down the internet at this point. i mean what do we do now? >> next one, i can't talk about clowns [bleep] talking dead all right. it's not allowed. this is where that comes out. (cheers and applause) >> nobody can. >> nobody can. >> next one is the real dating site diaper mates.com a site for adults to find a partner to change their diapers or soulmates.com a dating site for adult foot fetishes. >> it's seoul mates because everybody loves feet. >> they do. but surprisingly people also love diapers. diaper mate. >> ew. (laughter) >> chris k i not be on this show any more? >> i was having a lot of fun and then -- >> it's getting ward. >> is it because you need to
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rush to the internet to sign up for dating sites. >> i was with you with zombie dildo. i can't do it any more i'm sorry. that brings to us the end of the dating game. time for our next game zombie movies. -- xom b movies. i think we can agree the walking dead is the zombie genre citizen kane but for every citizen kane there are countless battle fooelt earths. i will show you a scene from an amateurish zombie flick we found on-line and tell us what the next line of dialogue is from the film redneck zombie . josh. >> get her done.
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moipts. >> last one. >> from the walking dead a hard-core parody and by hard-core i mean a porn. >> we got lost and then united. -- my best friend. i got to know. do you have it in you to go there blaep blooep that girl. >> robert kirkman. >> i just want to say,. >> i'll give you points for your defense. josh? >> sure if it will get me mentioned on talking head with chris harddick. >> yes. >> our guest this week is
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actor josh mcfermitt. that's the end of zombie movies t is time for our live challenge. gato malo. as the immigration debate rages on in this country a new state has emerged south of the border with this malevolent cat lose the debate shouldn't be whether we need a wall between us and mexico but a river of fire patrolled day and night by a fearless army of vig leapt bears. ladies and gentlemen, i give you gato malo. >> no, no, no no. no no. (laughter) >> brutal. >> this is very malo gato was sent by the cartel to
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deliver a message. i would like you to give me another threat from this sinister cat dog. we will get your answers after the break. and be back with more cat midnight while others go in circles... and repeat themselves... we choose to carve our own path, in the pursuit of exhilaration. the 306 horsepower lexus gs. experience the next level of performance, and there's no going back.
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flo: hey, big guy. i heard you lost a close one today. look, jamie, maybe we weren't the lowest rate this time. but when you show people their progressive direct rate and our competitors' rates you can't win them all. the important part is, you helped them save. thanks, flo. okay, let's go get you an ice cream cone, champ. with sprinkles?
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sprinkles are for winners. i understand. @@ ready for another reason to switch to t-mobile?, p how about getting america's best unlimited04g lte family plan.@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ @@ get 2 nes of unlimited 4g lte data.qw b b b @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ for just a hundred bucks a@zmont 0wih4a0 < b ÷÷xúú smartphone, including the samsung galaxy note 4 for zero down.@h@hú(ú@@4 4, add more family members for just $40 bucks a pop. think the other guys have a family plan like this?@@@@@@@@@@@ think agai p b finally, it's full speed 4g lte data that?really is@ unlimited. b b b@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ú@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ b . (cheers and applause) >> we're back on @midnight. before the break i showed you a sinister cat the internet only knows as gato malo and asked to you give me another one of its threats. let's see what you came up with. josh mcdermitt. >> you see the office building across the street. a sharpshooter awaits my
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signal. and lasers. whee! >> he's going to be russian for me. but i will kill you unless you open up the curtain and make a tiny little sunbeam that i can take a nap in. >> very fair request. >> robert kirkman. >> pass by friday i will put you in a box hang my ass off the side of the box [bleep] on the floor next to the box then scratch your face as if i'm covering up the [bleep] on the floor next to the box. meow. >> nice. (cheers and applause) >> all right. i will give a thousand to josh and $500 to lauren and robert kirkman each. it's time for walking dead
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spoilers. walking dead spoilers. >> the walking dead ripped our goddamn hearts out of our chest and kills off major characters, two in the last two episode as loan. when you do a show i try to protect may self from spoilers, you have to keep all the information in your heads all the time and be conscious not to screw up. so i want to free you by letting you give me as many fake spoilers for the new season of the walking dead as you possibly can. this will be fun. (cheers and applause) >> i'm going to put 60 seconds on the clock. and begin. >> lauren. >> carlson wearing a wire. >> points. >> kirkman. >> maggie and eugene both die in next week's episode. >> points. >> brian williams admits he really wasn't in the cdc when it blew up.
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>> okay points. >> mishon has been played by you chris hardwick all this time. >> josh. >> beth comes back as a dog that can solve crimes. >> wait a minute. wait a minute. this dog is still going to sing songs, right. >> oh absolutely. >> points. >> kirkman. >> eventually a character named negan is slow duesed and will bash in glenn's brains with a baseball bat called lucille. >> points. >> it's a comedy show. josh. >> the gang gets a visit from the harlem globetrotters. >> so good. >> points. >> kirkman. >> the group stumbles across a working chili sits down for a nice meal and enjoys the premier episode of the a m.c. classic -- >> well, that is the end of walking dead spoilers.
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i see robert kirkman are you in third place. man, it really sucks to get killed off a show, doesn't it. >> how did this happen? hey, chris can you can put whatever color light you want on me i ain't going. >> all right. >> all right. >> because i love all three-of-you robert kirkman you can all go to for the win. when it comes to valentine's day getting the perfect gift this redditor however clearly didn't quite have the same level going. here we go one way ticket to dic city. >> with a layover in -- >> now this is a one-way ticket. this woman is presumably
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still in dyk city with to way to return and hopefully no immediate family in the area. just as i would like you to write a trip advisor for this romantic journey to dick city. we'll get the answers and name a winner whenwe we can a truck change how people feel about a guy? we talked to real people, not actors. we showed them two pictures of the same guy in the same location. the only difference... the vehicle behind him. which man is sexier? truck, truck truck that one has way more sex appeal. this guy is definitely the guy your mom wants you to marry. and this is the guy your going to run off to and leave him, to be with him. you know you want a truck. the all new chevy colorado. motor trend's 2015 truck of the year. ♪
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>> welcome back to @midnight walking dead edition. all right. i'm going to wipe your scores clean wipe, wipe, wipe, wipe, wipe, wipe. all right i'm going to read your answer as loud. you guys will decide who the winner shall be. before the break i showed new valentine's gift with a one way ticket to dick city where the grass is green and the girls got tities. and asked you to write a trip advisor of this journey. let's see you what came up with. >> dick city sucks we'll be back! >> fair review. >> number two. >> there's a great chilies too at the downtown airport. do yourself a favor and order the chicken crispers. the ride to dick city is nothing to write home about. two navistars is stretching it.
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