tv The Nightly Show With Larry Wilmore Comedy Central February 13, 2015 5:51pm-6:25pm PST
yes. he says he's sent protesters say he's guilty. there's a statute of limitations on the charges but there's no statute of limitations on my opinion and i am telling you that mother (bleep) did it. so let's do this! [ cheers and applause captioning sponsored by comedy central >> larry: thank you. thank you very much. no no. thank you very much. welcome. welcome to the nightly show i am your host, larry! >> yeah. second episode man i mean that was a lot of fun last night.
it was so much fun. i mean i could barely get to sleep last night. i was so pumped. i came into the office today to get my things and everyone was here and i was like, wait, are we doing this again? i guess that is what nightly means. i didn't know. we get to do it again. this is so much fun. all right. so we are talking about cosby and the hurricane of horrors still swirling around him. now most, most recently noted girl, lena dunham, took him down when she compared being obsessed with the cosby situation to being obsessed with the holocaust. now, now, hold on, hold on, to lena's credit she did apologize right away. but unfortunately, it wasn't before a surviving member of the hitler family, grandson chip hitler released this statement. all of the hitlers join me in condemning lena dunham for comparing our grandfather's actions to those of bill cosby.
however, we all applaud the bravery of the ass (bleep) episode of girls. >> chip hitler's got a point. but criticism isn't stopping cosby. cosby has been performing throughout north america as part of his far from finish tour. quick note to bill cosby's press team. if your client is being accused of brutal assaults on a weekly basis, maybe don't say he's far from finished. just a little tip. now -- [ cheers and applause ] >> watch the language there. all right? now cosby's to tone-deaf comedy jam attracted people both for and against the coz. >> no more jokes! no more jokes. >> he probably has $20 billion and they are probably after that, i am sure. >> it's fun all these people come out all these years later and there's no witnesses, not even a polaroid.
>> larry: so this guy only beliefs things if they were shot on a polaroid? oh, great depression? i don't think so. where's the polaroid? and his kid's like, what do you mean i smell like weed, dad? where's the instagram. like the worst question ever. the better question is why respect people people listening to these women? because most of this allegedly happened so long ago? is it because some of them went to cosby's hotel room alone the is it because he is so famous or just because they are women? because i would say enough have come forward. i mean the current tally stands -- the current tally stands at 35 women. really, folks. how many more do we need? 35 allegations. let's understand this number. okay? that's like if bill cosby drugged and raped every single u.s. president from george washington to john f. kennedy.
>> dude. but grover cleveland was asking for it, your honor. bah. you should have seen how he was dressed. with the twirly mustache and the 18 nineties bah, bah bah. i just realized grover cleveland actually had two nonconsecutive terms so bill cosby would have had to do it twice. >> now to be fair, now to be fair, the number is chaining so quickly that there are conflicting reports on whether the total really is 34 or 35, but if the difference between 34 and 35 women matters to you please (bleep) off forever. >> really. [ cheers and applause ]
>> larry: and, look guys, i know everyone is piling on cosby including me but i will tell you what, just think if cosby didn't do it. okay. we are done. >> he did it. >> what i am saying is regardless of whether cosby was innocent or guilty it seems like it is in poor taste for him to continue his comedy tour the worst place to address these allegations is from a stage look at what happened recently in a show in canada. stop it, stop it. that's right. shh, shh no clapping. that's all right. >> shush, shush, stop it, are you trying to quiet a heck her or is that your pillow talk? >> i am just saying, you know. all right. here to talk about how cosby could handle the situation better is professional comedian
and contributor mike. mike, thanks for joining us. >> thanks for having me, particularly. >> larry: no problem. so mike is cosby out of line here? >> absolutely, larry. that is not how you handle a heck her at all. >> larry: oh. okay. so wait. that is the part of the story that is rubbing you the wrong way? >> larry i have been doing comedy for 20 years, i have seen a lot of criminals on stage that doesn't mean you have to be sloppy. >> larry: okay. but i thought you were here to talk about -- >> larry, you don't understand he was being heckled in canada and his comeback was stop it? if you can't handle a canadian heckler it is time to get out of the game. [ applause ] >> larry: sir, okay. well it looks like we will focus on this so what should he have done. >> it is really simple, larry someone disrupts you show you have to refocus them and you
want the audience to think about your jokes not your crimes, go ahead, heckle me, call me a racist. >> larry: okay. it seems a little dangerous here. that is the seeked night of show. i will do it. okay. okay. you're a racist. >> who are you calling a racist matter (bleep). mother (bleep). take it easy i thought you would explain to me how this works. >> i'm sorry larry, that was just reflex. >> it just came out of me. >> sorry. >> what i am trying to say is when you are handling a heck her there are two different tactics you can try, one of my favorites is act like he said something else. here heckle me again. >> larry: i don't know, mike, i mean last time. >> , no i am good. i am in character now, go ahead. >> larry: okay. you are a racist. >> rape i psi, you want me to make jokes about the pope. the pope is dope, have you seen that guy's hat? gangster.
see what happens, now we are in vatican city instead of race town. >> larry: wow. i mean, wow. you really are a pro. >> i know, right. okay. all right. so what if the guy is persistent and won't stop, what do you do then? >> then i just tell the truth i tell him how you really feel. >> what do you mean? >> well i just keep it real and look him in the eye and tell him, listen you don't want to do that because i am going to hurt your feelings and then you are going to want to fight me and this is where it gets tricky i can fight an you will do the guy who gets his ass whipped by the comedian so sit your ass down and let me do my job. are you thinking of my crimes, larry, no you are thinking of getting your ass kick, ain't you. >> larry: wow. that is exactly what i was thinking. you can read my mind. guysly done, mike, everybody!
yeah, didn't think so. introducing speed perks from advance auto parts. a rewards program for guys who love getting under the hood. no cards. no points. no nonsense. ♪ don't touch that, larry. larry, don't touch that. larry! what did i just say larry? vo: you and this army. clash of clans. download for free. ♪ grab a refreshing canada dry ginger ale. real ginger.
real taste. real ahhh. ♪ ♪ the bold nissan rogue, with intuitive all-wheel drive. because winter needs a hero. now get 0% financing or up to $1,000 back on the 2015 nissan rogue. nissan. innovation that excites. okay ladies, whenever you're ready. i got this. no, i'll get it! let me get it. ah uh, i don't want you to pay for this. it's not happening, honey. let her get it. she got her safe driving bonus check from allstate last week. and it's her treat. what about a tip? here's one...get an allstate agent. nice! switch today and get two safe driving bonus checks a year for driving safely. only from allstate. call 866-788-0900 now. hold on man, is that a leak up there?
that's a drip. now that's a leak. that is a leak! and if you don't have allstate renters insurance... game over. protect your valuables from things like water damage for as low as $4 a month when you add renter's insurance to your allstate auto policy. call 866-788-0900 now. and, if you're a safe driver you can save up to 45%! just a few more ways, allstate is changing car insurance for good. call an allstate agent and get a quote now. >> okay. welcome back to the show. we will continue our discussion about bill cosby and joining me on the panel tonight is senior editor of ebony magazine jamilah lemieux. >> also comedian kathleen madigan. [ cheers and applause ] >> larry: and cofounder of cultivated with.com how to be
back. and also very funny comedian, keith robinson in the house tonight. >> you know i want to go to you first because i was really taken by the sheer number of women that came out, and all the skepticism even after the number. why do you think we can't believe women? >> i spent the last 30 years of my life trying to figure that out and if anyone can help me out i would certainly appreciate it. >> larry: oh -- >> you guys can help me out. i don't know. race is the only crime that -- yes, we have a system of innocent until proven guilty but we are a society community members, police officers district attorneys, really go so far out of their way to discredit victims, it is as if we can't accept the idea that a man, particularly a powerful man would take measures to take something from a woman. >> larry: how do you think people think that the women are
even some of them are lying? do you guys believe the women? do you think some of them are lying? >> absolutely whenever you see gloria allred, you know somebody is lying. >> larry: you think she know some of the women are lying? >> yes, i think gloria allred is like the al sharpton of women. >> you can't get in the game unless there are 85 people. you are late to the game so you can't same gloria started this because she wasn't even around. >> well, what i would say even if one is lying or two are lying or three or ten percent, i round up to he did it because there is so much preponderance, so many stories and not much upside to claiming that you were victimized by one of the most powerful people in hollywood. >> haven't we seen rape victims come up like we have seen a reality show someone famous -- >> right, no merchandise opportunity here. >> what is the benefit?
>> a sneaker deal. >> but don't you think a lot of this particular thing, they are not believing it because they kind of think he is really dr. huckstable. >> if his image was already america's perfect guy, dad, it is not like if you said oh, my god i heard the actor that chopped people's heads off. >> people will say well yeah i saw that coming. that guy. it is the image -- >> larry: what about his legacy. >> we are going do hard on cosby and we already act like we know that he did it. just because you say the numbers we know we don't know that. >> larry: i understand, i understand. people are innocent until proven guilty in a court of law. >> yes. >> however this is the court of public opinion and this is my show and that (bleep) did it. i am sorry. [ cheers and applause ] >> people are --
>> one thing. the proof is common sense for christ sake we don't have to turn off our brain just because the law says we are not supposed to make assumptions, i don't believe in that, use common sense those stories are way too specific about it. well, people are charging people going to the show, who are all of these people? one part of me want to judge them but the other part i think that is somebody's idol, it is not my idol, mine is stevie knicks. >> seriously .. but let's say i bought a stevie knicks tickets and i got baby-sitters and sprung for good parking i have a lot invested in this night and i turned on cnn and it says stevie nicks ate a baby, i need to hear landslide, i am sorry she ate a baby. maybe she didn't eat the baby. [ cheers and applause ] >> i don't think it is that. obviously, you know, there are people that are buying tickets
in real-time, so it is not they are all sold out two years ago before this happened. i think there are people who are going to this show to see what is going to happen. is there going to be a protest? this is he going to say something? it is like going to aggressive. i will say this bill cosby was one of my idols i went to howard university, historically black college in washington d.c. and i went there largely because of a show called a different world which was the product of bill cosby genius and his investment in black colleges. i went to watch cosby speak when i was a sophomore and he sat there and told us we weren't good enough and we needed to pull our pants up and i still was not willing to shake this idea of my great hero who was the reason i am a first generation college graduate. i am here because of you i am supposed to grow up and be a huckstablely have the perfect husband and perfect brownstone in brooklyn and at this point in life i am a single mother and i ended up being a single mother almost two years ago these things happen.
>> a failed relationship -- >> but when these circumstances first unfolded and i realized i will be a coparent and not claire huckstable i thought i let this man and this idea he created down. >> larry: you felt lectured by him. >> i felt lectured by him. and it is like what were you doing when you were telling people like my parents and telling me, when you were telling young black then that are protesting in the streets of ferguson who have their pants down because that's what they do and that's how we dressed and we weren't get enough. >> i get the hypocrisy that people feel, but to me it is a simple case of here is a famous guy who people protected and because of his game nobody wanted to believe it. i think it is really that simple. >> i will ask you a quick question. bill cogs by, tomorrow, is he remembered as a rapist or a comedian if he dies tomorrow? >> rapist. >> he is remembered as a rapist?
>> absolutely. >> yes, yes. >> and bad sweaters. >> he is remember as a rapist and also a mild cartoonist and sitcom star. >> i think a sitcom star and rapist second. >> if he died tomorrow this country has a sharp memory we don't want to believe women, he pulled out a playboy bunny and oh she had sex for a living so we can't believe that. >> gloria allred -- >> everybody believes you right there. people in here like ah, he did it, it is not that i don't want to believe women. >> the evidence is there. >> we are not going to solve this right now -- and larry -- >> hold on tomorrow night our guests will be gloria allred and -- actually, we will be right become and talk about this some more. ♪ you know that feeling you get when you save money on parts
without having to jump through any hoops, track points, or make a bunch of extra trips to the store...? ♪ yeah, that's the one. introducing speed perks from advance auto parts. a rewards program for for guys who love getting under the hood. no cards. no points. no nonsense. ♪ we love... love... love... chocolaty, creamy... with a little something extra. mmm deliciousness. cookies or almonds. yumminess. hershey's is mine, yours, our chocolate. all vegetarians, foodies and gastronauts kindly avert your eyes. you can't get juiciness like this from soy or quinoa. this is not greek yogurt. nor will that ever be kale! in its lifetime it won't be de-constructed or in-fused. and while it is massive...
[ female announcer ] nervous whitening will damage your teeth? introducing new listerine® healthy white™. it not only safely whitens teeth, but also restores enamel. lose the nerves and get a healthier whiter smile that you'll love. listerine® healthy white™. power to your mouth™! [woman] who is this guy? and why is he not sweating? he must be a secret agent. new axe dry spray. goes on dry and keeps you dry with no visible residue. the first ever dry spray antiperspirant from axe. ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪
>> larry: okay. welcome back. all right. it's time for a segment we like to call keep it 100. for all you people who don't know what that expression means, i like when that happens keep it 100 means keep it 100 percent real, like truth or dare, it is truth or truth. that's all you get as a choice. so i am going to ask ever a question and in your answer you have to keep it 100, 100 percent real. got it? >> i don't have to explain it to you. if you do that the audience will clap and if not, well
we'll see how it goes. are you ready to keep it 100? audience, ready? [ cheers and applause ] >> larry: okay. all right. i will start with kathleen. >> ah. >> larry: okay. all right. kathleen keep it 100 okay? have you ever lied to get a man in trouble? >> is there a prize if i win? >> larry: keep it 100. >> lied to get a man in trouble. >> no. >> i don't know if i like your pose. >> catholic, catholic school. just saying. i think we have to get you a -- >> larry: i don't know. audience. >> no, i never have. >> larry: i think somebody told some little fix. >> no, i swear. >> larry: okay. >> nothing. >> larry: okay. all right. keith. >> i am absolutely going to keep it 100. >> larry: all right. i know you will. we will see. okay? all right. cosby calls you up. >> my man. >> all right. we will see. he invites you go out for a drink with him and some women,
do you go? >> absolutely. >> what do you want me to do. you want me to keep it 100 or not. >> larry: you kept it 100. whoa. >> yes. exactly. >> larry: why am i so uncomfortable with his response? >> that's not how the game is supposed to go. >> larry: all right. jamel would you rather he went to jail and never admitted his guilt or admitted his guilt and stayed free. >> i would rather he -- >> larry: keep it 100. >> i would rather he admitted his guilt. >> larry: and be free. [ cheers and applause ] >> larry: wow. >> i will give you 200 on that. [ cheers and applause ] >> larry: 200. that was very good. oh, very high. okay. that is very good. okay. now you wrote a book how to be black, right? okay.
so this is -- if criticizing means you lose your black card forever, it criticizing cosby and you know in your heart did it but if criticizing means you would be called a uncle tom the rest of your life would you still criticize him? >> i would. i would -- are you challenging me? are you challenging me? that was my 100? don't challenge it. because he was thinking. no, i don't think he is telling the whole truth on this thing. >> larry: wow. >> well, i would lose my blackness prefer. >> larry: first he doesn't believe the women and now he doesn't believe me. >> line them up. while thinking about women you get all of this. >> larry: we will be right back!.
who cares what it holds, if it can't hold your gaze? who cares how tight it can turn, if it can't turn heads? who cares how capable it is, if it's incapable of creating a reaction? any suv can move something. but can it move you? introducing the first-ever lexus nx turbo and hybrid. once you go beyond utility there's no going back. crispy m&m's® are baaaack. what are you doing? you said to tell our fans crispy m&m's® are back. not those fans! did you mean this fan? no. (annoyed grumbles) what about that one? there's a fan in the break room, oh! and in the....(trails off) good, they're back. ♪ [acoustic folk guitar] ♪robin hood and little john walkin' through the forest♪ ♪laughin' back and forth at what the other'ne has to say.♪ ♪
♪reminiscin', this-'n'-thattin' havin' such a good time♪ ♪oo-de-lally, oo-de-lally golly, what a day.♪ ♪ ♪never ever thinkin' there was a danger in the water♪ ♪they were drinkin', they just guzzled it down.♪ ♪never dreamin' that a schemin' sherrif and his posse♪ ♪was a-watchin' them an' gatherin' around.♪ ♪robin hood and little john runnin' through the forest♪ ♪jumpin' fences, dodgin' trees an' tryin' to get away.♪ ♪ ♪contemplatin' nothin' but escape an' fin'lly makin' it.♪ ♪oo-de-lally, oo-de-lally golly, what a day♪ ♪oo-de-lally, oo-de-lally golly, what a day♪ ♪ just the thought of quitting makes me want to light up. i say we take this one less cigarette at a time. that's what i'm doing and that's how zonnic helps me quit. new zonnic nicotine gum.
every victory counts. ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ [ male announcer ] give extra. get extra. where does my thirst come from? it comes from here. from these people. because their passion... their love drives me. they say home is where your heart is. my heart is here. it's always been. ♪ so i, i bet my life. ♪ ♪ i bet my life on you. ♪
with t-mobile and iphone 6 you can make wi-fi calls beyond the reach of cellular networks. hey brandon what's up? so you can talk from down here. smile for grandma! or text pictures from up here. ok, there we go, should we send a photo? you can even make calls, way over here. talk and text over wi-fi, with wi-fi calling on iphone 6. only from t-mobile. now get iphone 6 for $0 down. >> larry: that's our show for tonight. i want to thank our panelists jamilah lemieux, baratunde thurston, a kathleen madigan and keith robinson, and finally last night i asked you to help me keep it 100 on twitter. you did hundreds of people asked me questions. now remember, i don't get a chance to see this question until right now. okay so give me the question. >> oh. oh, okay. would you ever consider having bill cosby on the show as a
panelist? >> you know, hell yes i would like to have him. i have got -- i have a lot of keeping it real questions. if he comes in at 100 that would be a lot of fun. keep the good questions coming and don't forget the hashtag keep it 100 and tomorrow's show will be about the state of the union okay? you can ask me anything you want about president obamaly answer one question tomorrow night, okay? until then good night, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] >> from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is the "daily show" with jon stewart. ( cheers and applause )
captioning sponsored by comedy central >> jon: welcome to the "daily show." my name is jon stewart! our guest tonight-- oh, man is this fella talented, incredibly talented fella-- oscar isaac, from the film "a most violent year," is going to be here, but first-- ( applause ) that's for all the young kuwaiti kids who might be watching. ( cheers and applause ) that's all natural right there. ( laughter ) but firs