tv The Daily Show Comedy Central October 6, 2015 9:00am-9:33am PDT
captioning sponsored by comedy central >> trevor: welcome to the daily show. i'm trevor noah. my guest tonight, seth rogen is joining us, seth rogen is here, everybody! (cheers and applause) >> trevor: yes, yes, yes. but before all that, breaking news. it's awesome. fans drink some apple cider and start planning for halloween. who is my first one so i'm going as sexy iphone 6s. yeah, the s stands for slutty. >> let's take one look back. >> the nation has a craze of shutting down planned parenthood. now watch me eliminate access to women's health care. you guys probably heard the radio version. it all began with a series of videos meant to prove that planned parenthood was
selling secret-- secret tissue for profit. these secretly formed videos were made by i assume some sort of pro-life james bond. which does not exist. because james bond is obviously pro-choice. so think about it, when the kind of pussy you can get is described as "galore" you are going to have a few accidents. (laughter) ♪ ♪ ♪ so it turns out the videos were edited to make it look like planned parenthood was profiting off baby parts. but just because the videos from manipulated doesn't mean pro-lifers couldn't get outraged about them. >> i dare hillary clinton, barack obama to watch these tapes. watch a fully-formed fetus on the table, its heart beating, its legs kicking, while someone says we have to keep it alive to harvest its brain.
>> goddamn! when carlee fiorina plays truth or dare, she does not mess around. i go back, i choose truth, i choose truth. the truth is, the video fiorina was talking about wasn't even filmed at planned parenthood so carly fiorina, your turn. truth. >> planned parenthood will not and cannot deny this. because it is happening. it is happening in this nation. >> trevor: oh, okay, fine. but one place it is definitely not happening is in that video. but that didn't stop congressman jason chaffetz for holding a house oversite committee hearing last week to defund planned parenthood. that did to the go well for him. >> he's getting roundly criticized for his handling of the planned parenthood hearing. >> he's coming under fire for displaying a misleading charge. >> it has dem stated-- demonstrated a also a misunderstanding of how
women got care. >> most of america thinks he got owned during that. >> trevor: actually most of america doesn't watch c-span. (laughter) and those who do would not use the phrase "he got owned" (laughter) well, at least not in this context. a smart man would lay low after that. but guess what chaffetz did. >> i'm announcing my intention to run for speaker of the house of representatives. >> trevor: what the hell? a guy who gets stronger the more embarrassed he gets? he's delusional, man. which sounds like the worst superhero ever. using his humiliation to save the day, it's delusional man. help me? the bus is heading off the bridge. i'll help, quickly, tell me how small my penis. de-de-delusional. but here's why chaffetz can run for speaker. that hearing might have been embarrassing but it wasn't a big deal for the pro-life movements because when it comes to restricting access
to abortion, they're killing us. >> the mississippi legislature passed a law that requires doctors at abortion clinics to have admitting privileges at a local hospital. >> nebraska's new law makes it a felony for a doctor to abort a fetus at more than 20 weeks. >> north carolina's governor says he will sign a new law requiring a 72 hour waiting period for abortions. >> inend today the senate there passed a news forred vaginal ultrasound bill. >> trevor: might not be a fan of pro-lifers, but you have got to admit, they're damn good at what they do. the same way the knicks have to give props to lebron james, or the same way the dolphins have to give up tonar netting. >> i did not think i would end today in a can but well done. >> the craziest part is abortion say constitutional right. the supreme court said this is law, pro-lifers were like i accept your challenge.
it is sort of like when the rock tried to convince us that his name is dwayne johnson. and we were like nice try, the rock. no one looks like that and is called dwayne. am i right, ladies? yeah! (applause) >> trevor: yeah. cuz nobody wants to smell what dwayne is cooking. (laughter) it's truly amazing how much the pro-lifers have been able to accomplish in the antiabortion fight. just imagine what they could do with an issue where the facts are actually on their side. yes, yes, that is such a deep thing to think. but what other issues could appeal to those who love life. >> according to the brady campaign to prevent gun violence, there were more than 97,000 people shot in america this year. more than 250 each day. >> now, now, now, think about it, people. imagine if we could bring some of that pro-life passion into being more, well, pro-life. (laughter) then after a mass shooting
instead of this reaction. >> i don't think more government is necessarily the answer to this. >> look, stuff happens there is always a crisis. >> trevor: instead of that-- instead of that, we could get this reaction. >> i'm completely pro-life and i believe that we should have a culture of life that. it is informed by my faith from beginning to end. >> trevor: wow, somebody get that man a tranquilizer. whooo! which is ironic because usually jeb bush is the tranquilizer. (laughter) which sounds like the worst movie title ever. help me. the bus is heading up the bridge. look, stuff happens. there's always a crisis. (laughter) it happens. even carly fiorina, instead of this reaction to the oregon shooting. >> i think we need to know a little bit more about this incident. >> trevor: we would get this reaction. >> i am really tired of become called extreme on this issue. every life is filled with potential. >> trevor: that's right,
misfiorina. maybe not the potential to become president but definitely, definitely in the top 12. (cheers and applause) and here's the thing. if pro-lifers want to fight for lives outside the womb, they don't even need to change what they are saying. they just need to add a little bit more. >> my work is behind me to make sure that innocent life is protected. >> and obviously you can't let someone get out of a background check just because they buy a gun at a show rather than a store. that's just idiotic. (laughter) >> trevor: you see? even without the glasses he is still pretty smart. you try it, representative joe barton. >> i think every life is precious. i think the congress should do everything that we can to protect that life. >> trevor: by passing a ban on high capacity macks, for instance. i mean you're going deer
hunting, not playing "call of duty" for crissake. >> wow, wow. (applause) barton makes a point that is both compelling and oddly pop culture savvy. (laughter) but it shouldn't be sur vice-- surprising. this is really just common sense. >> if we save one life, that's important. and it's important to the american people that we save every life we possibly can. >> which is why i can't understand why congress passed a law banning health agencies from even researching gun violence. what the hell were we thinking? [applause] >> trevor: once again, i couldn't have said it better myself. the point is, if pro-lifers would just redirect their powers toward gun violence, the amount of lives they could save would reach superhero levels. they just need a superhero's total dedication to life. because right now they're more like comic book checkers. human life only holds value
until you take it out of the package and then it's worth nothing. we'll be right back. nothing. we'll be right back. (cheers and applause) the moment's arrived. the best iphone ever is here. and you're all like... and then you remember there's verizon. which is great, because if you're going to get the best iphone wouldn't you want to have the best network? kinda makes you want to jump for joy. tell all your friends and family. even throw a party. get up to $400 when you switch to verizon and trade up to the iphone 6s. and now you can upgrade to a new iphone every year without the wait. so you'll always have the best iphone on the best network. it's a housewife who's in control of the finances. actually, any wife, husband, or human person can use progressive's name your price tool to take control of their budget. and while the men do the hard work of making money, she can get all the car insurance options her little heart desires.
or the women might do the hard work of making money. [ chuckling ] women don't have jobs. is this guy for real? modernizing car insurance with -- that's enough out of you! the name your price tool, only from progressive. where is your husband? the name your price tool, only from progressive. despite what people said,. she bought me a sewing machine and she let me play with dolls and that was something that was kind of, growing up culturally, it was quite unacceptable and she really dared to let me be different. [thunder and rain] [thunder and rain] [thunder and rain] this is not a couch. this is where the whole squad gets cray cray. where one more episode means all the rest of the episodes. where we (whistle) (explosion)
and crush pizza rolls. this is not a couch. this is an act of freedom. so sit back, and watch me fly a pizza roll into my mouth while this dog watches. thank you so much. did you say honey? hey, try some? you know i'm always looking for real honey for honey nut cheerios. well you've come to the right place. mind if i have another taste? not at all mmm part of a complete breakfast ♪ it's the final countdown! ♪ ♪ the final countdown! if you're the band europe, you love a final countdown. it's what you do. if you want to save fifteen percent or more on car insurance, you switch to geico. it's what you do. we'raxe daily fragrances.his,
but what you wouldn't have seen is this, axe dry spray antiperspirant. why are you touching your armpit? i was just checking to see if it's dry. don't, that's weird. the first ever dry spray antiperspirant from axe. >> trevor: welcome back to the daily show. now last week many of us were shocked when we heard the news of a campus shooting that had taken place in oregon. now a lot of information surrounding the shooting is still trickling in which is why we have our senior reaction correspondent on location. let's turn to her now. jessica, what updates do you have for us? >> well, obviously people are devastated by this latest school shooting. nobody thought this type of tragedy would happen here just weeks before graduation and summer break. >> interesting. october seems like a strange time for graduation, jessica. and even weirder for summer break. but anyway, what are you hearing about the shooters' motive? >> great question. authorities are saying it's another anti-social mentally unstable lone wolf who had
unfettered access to guns. jon? (laughter) >> trevor: okay,-- jessica, it's not jon, it's trevor. >> yeah, absolutely, jon. parents are in a state of shock. >> okay, cut the tape, chuck, that's enough. (cheers and applause) >> oh my god. i'm so sorry, trev, trev. >> trevor: what the d-- just happened. >> trevor, i'm not going to lie. i didn't plan oncoming out here tonight. i got something to tell you. you're to the going to believe this, but i'm not in oregon right now. >> trevor: actually, i do believe that, jessica. and why do you have sushi? >> i didn't plan oncoming out here tonight. i can't take reporting on these terrible unend -- ending stories any more. i'm sick of doing my job when our leaders won't even do theirs. so awhile back i figured out
that i could just prerecord my reports and then roll them in whenever stuff like this happens. i got a whole mess of them in the can. chuck, roll it! >> and although the young black man was unarmed, the officer opened fire. >> just when it seemed serious people might get aing-- sir yen people might get a break, enemy forces began their bombing. and so once again one of congress's big opponents with same-sex marriage was caught getting freaky with an underaged gay escort. (applause) >> trevor: wait, that last one is a thing here? >> oh yeah, it's a thing. >> trevor: and just, wait, journalists just bank all these reports? >> yeah, of course we do. wolf blitzer has been using the same police brutality report since the rodny king beating. that is why he always has the same facial expression since 1992 which is pretty much just like-- (laughter) like he's never not doing this. >> that's a really good
blitzer face, i got to say. >> thank you so much. >> trevor: so help me understand this. are you saying even reporting on these events is pointless? >> it's not pointless. it's actually a part of our five stages of mass shooting grief. stage one is the shooting. stage two, national mourning, three president cries at podium. four a weekend of half-ass gun he did bait in the media and finally we you will get back to keeping up with the kardashians, report filed, j willey out. >> trevor: no, no, don't awe plaud that. wait, jessica. >> what. >> trevor: maybe reporters could do something differently. time and time again this country has had to deal with these senseless acts of violence. i think it's time to cull on the representatives of this nation to enact meaningful change so that reporters don't have to use stock reports when a group of people are gunned down. >> okay. (cheers and applause) >> so cut, cult, cut. that was beautiful, trevor, that's going to make one hell of a mass shooting pretape. >> trevor: what? >> chuck, roll it! >> i am and time again this country has had to deal with these senseless acts of violence. i think it's time to call on
this is iphone 6s. not much has changed. except... it responds to the pressure of your finger. so you can peek into stuff. and pop stuff open. which changes how you play a song. read a text. read an email. read the news. wait, you read the news? kid: yep of course you do. now you can change apps like this. pay at more places like this. and the new color looks like this... it's rose gold, it's awesome. and siri is more helpful than ever. bill hader: hey siri, show me photos of tortellini. siri: here are some images of tortellini... maybe get take out? the camera shoots 4k video now, which changes how your movies look. nice... even selfies have changed. now your screen is the flash. that's gonna get, like, a million likes.
selena gomez: thanks. actually, photos themselves have changed. they move now. you just touch them. so yeah, that's what's changed. ♪ thank you so much. did you say honey? hey, try some? mmm that is tasty. is it real? of course... are you? nope animated you know i'm always looking for real honey for honey nut cheerios well you've come to the right place. great, mind if i have another taste? not at all mmm you're all right bud? never better i don't know if he likes that. yeah part of the complete breakfast
>> trevor: welcome back. my guest tonight is an acker whose new film is called "steve jobs" . >> you know, when people used to ask me what the difference was between me and steve jobs i would say steve was the big picture guy. and i liked the solid workbench. when people asked me what the difference is now, i say steves is-- your products are better than are you, brother. >> that's the idea, brother. and knowing that, that is the difference. it's not binary. you can be decent and gifted at the same time. >> please welcome seth
rogen. (cheers and applause) can i just take a moment to acknowledge, i never thought this would ever happen in my life. i'm such a huge fan of yours. >> oh, thank you, some of, man. >> trevor: i don't think you understand, are you one of the funniest human beings on the planet right now. >> that is-- (cheers and applause) >> trevor: you really are. >> thank you, that's so nice of to you say. i never thought this would happen either because i don't know who you are. so-- (laughter) >> trevor: i to think one dii'll be sitting across a south african. thank you for coming to the show. i watched the movie last night. they gave me a special thing to watch the movie on. >> that's cool. >> trevor: which is werd because they put your nim on it so you can't pirate it so i watched your face with my name. >> trevor noah, that is how the movie is for everybody. >> it was amazing, man. >> good movie. >> trevor: i kept waiting
for you to make a joke though. >> i'm not funny in it, at all. (laughter) >> trevor: is that something that's weird for you when you are making a film? >> it is weird. especially because a few other people in the movie get jokes. and i don't get any of them. and its-- yeah, it is bizarre. because you do kind of fell like you're in the cage ready to break out. but in a way it's a nice pressure, i made movies that were trying to be funny that no one laughs at. so it's nice to have one that it's cool when nobody laughs. >> trevor: joys of comedy, man. i was watching it, and i'm honestly not just saying this because you are on the show and that is what pem say when they are on the shows. but i truly enjoyed your performance. >> thank you. >> trevor: like in the beginning i was going okay, seth rogen, seth rogen. then poor wozniak, poor waz knee ak. and i heard you spent a lot of time with him preparing for the role. >> i did. >> trevor: what was that like. >> it was weird. i never played a guy that was real other than myself i played in a movie and i wasn't that wofied about that. but he is a very strange
guy. he's brilliant. and he invented personal computers. which is-- a crazy thing to do. and he-- he liked the movie in the end, which is great because it would suck it if he hated it. >> trevor: did he like your portrayal of him. >> he says he did. he says yes, he claims he did. and he seemed like the kind of guy would be honest because he is a billionaire, why would ely to me. so i think he-- i think he actually looked it. >> trevor: why would a billionaire lie? >> there's no-- it's a billion dollars gets you out of anything. it's lying to assholes to me. >> trevor: that should be done all trump's slogan, why would a billionaire lie. >> a great slogan. >> trevor: a great slogan to have. i mean looking at this, there has been a lot of buzz around the film. i'm sure you are seen people are eck sitted for your pore trial it say different style of movie. are you excited for more dramatic roles now? >> i don't know. you probably heard it is a great time for white men in comedy.
and so i-- (laughter) >> so i'm very comfortable in that universe. and-- (laughter) [bleep] to say but it's true. so yeah, it's also a great time for white men in drama so i might -- >> it's a great time tore white men. >> it's a great time for white men. a good time for white men. >> we're-- it. >> trevor: and that is a line that you can put all through history, my friend. white men, we're crushing it. >> pretty much crushing it. >> trevor: yeah. you were acting, you were acting opposite some of the most amazing cast members, michael fastbender. he doesn't look like steve jobs but he becomes character, he becomes-- he nails it. kate wincelet. >> yeah. >> trevor: did you ever think, i mean there must have been a point for you where you-- like the way i'm sitting with seth going this is crazy. you were opposite the lady from titanic. >> which is so weird, and yes, i was very prevalent in
my head is that i-- yeah, i thought, it that was my first movie i ever saw in a tad yum style theater. >> trevor: what is that, what do you mean? >> you know, like how theaters now are very, like a stadium. >> trevor: how were they before. >> the movie, the screen was above you and they were flat, you know what i mean. >> trevor: oh, no. >> how long you have had theaters? >> well, we were like-- unless dns it was amazing to ago with kate wincelet, i don't do much with her probably at her request. we kind of crossed paths in the movie. >> trevor: i think are you putting your accept-- you were a i magazine. >> thank you. >> trevor: one thing that i really never thought of before was just the role of the disgruntled man. you go steve jobs, everyone looks to him and they say what a fantastic man. what a genius he was. we all use the products now. but then when you were portraying wozniak, i was going wow, how many hearts did he break on the way to
creating these amazing devices. did you feel that when you were playing the character? >> it was interesting. i mean, i think in real life steve woz knee ak is very happy and i don't view him as a tragic figure at all. >> trevor: he's a billionaire. >> cuz he's a billionaire. once you have a billion dollars, [bleep] you. so it-- no, he's a very sweet guy and actually very happy. but it does appear that people were left in his wake, so to speak, emotionally and it seems like he really, you know, tried to squeeze the best out of people. and if you weren't giving him what he thought was the best, he would discard you with great prejudice. >> trevor: it really was a fantastic movie too much what. i was just excited because the last time you made a movie it almost ended the world. >> it's true. you would think i would stay away from making movies of people who are good with computers after that. >> you brought-- that was such a scary-- i was scared for you, for me, because, no,
because you basically pissed off kim jong un. >> i did. >> trevor: he is the-- of the world. >> i'm the peter dinklage of the world. (laughter) >> trevor: e o, man, are you the peter dinkladge of the world. but in this film you are more than that, you are amazing. thank you so much for coming on the show. >> thank you for having me. i really appreciate it. (cheers and applause) >> trevor: it opens nationwide on october 23rd. seth rogen, everybody! (cheers and applause) [ male announcer ] digiorno? or delivery? ♪ digiorno? or delivery? taste for yourself why the shortest distance between you and a delicious, fresh-baked pizza, is your oven. thankfully, it's not delivery. it's digiorno.
new snack bites from... (ding) ♪ hot pockets! i...got you something. ohh!! (gasps) agh!! diamonds! yeah. mmmm! 5 swirled diamonds, new in lucky charms! we'raxe daily fragrances.his, but what you wouldn't have seen is this, axe dry spray antiperspirant. why are you touching your armpit? i was just checking to see if it's dry. don't, that's weird.
the first ever dry spray antiperspirant from axe. this commercial contains brief moments of product nudity. stripped of chocolate. its peanuts exposed around a soft caramel center. a payday bar will get you through your day. expose yourself to payday. >> trevor: that's our show. stay tuned for the nightly show coming up next am but her it is now, your moment of zen. >> charles bronson, right? the late great charles bronson, name of the movie, come on. death wish, remember that? oh, we're going to cut you up, sir, we are he going cut you up
>> larry: tonightly, donald trump and after a tragic school shooting in oregon. donald trump says that mass shootings are inevitable. they certainly are... when you refuse to pass gun control laws! (cheers and applause) trump also says america should arm school teachers to prevent mass shootings. here's an idea -- let's not elect a guy who's getting his policy ideas from the movie. "kindergarten cop." (laughter) maybe? maybe? all right. and president obama says america needs to get serious about stricter gun laws. the rest of the world heard that and was like, "wait a minute...