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tv   The Nightly Show With Larry Wilmore  Comedy Central  October 6, 2015 11:31pm-12:02am PDT

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unique look, featured three groupings of dudes, the mustache group, the partial beard group and, of course, the full captioning sponsored by comedy central captioned by media access group at wgbh >> larry: tonightly, hillary clinton makes fun of donald trump on late night television. hey, hillary, if you want to fix our economy, quit trying to take jobs away from hardworking americans. ( laughter ) ( applause ) >> larry: and alabama's in the news for an incredible scientific achievement-- just kidding. it's for racism again. ( laughter ) and vice president joe biden still hasn't decided whether or not to run for president. you could say he's... biden his time. time to keep it 100, america! this is "the nightly show"! ( cheers and applause )
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captioning sponsored by comedy central >> larry: thank you very much. ightly show." i appreciate it. we have a very exciting show tonight. rapper lanc joey badass is heren the show. by the way, the two "s"s" in his name are dollar sieps. speaking of dollar signs, i don't know where you guys buy pies-- ( laughter ) just saying. just saying. but apparently, there's somewhere in the world where they cost $4. ( laughter ) not new york. they're like $25, okay. that's why i department know the answer to that. it makes no sense at all.
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okay. also, my book is out in paperback today. ( cheers and applause ) so, cha-ching. "i'd rather we got casinos, and other black thoughts." you can find it where all brooks sold. that would be the internet or the airport. ( laughter ) wrote it a coup of years ago and now the paperback is out. let's get started. you know what? let's check in on what's happening with the unblackening. ♪ ♪ all right, from the democratic side, the race is more confusing than whatever is happening on miley cyrus' hair. so what's the key to victory in this election? >> perceived authenticity. >> authenticity. >> authenticity. >> authenticity, which is kind of one of the buzz words of this election cycle. >> authenticity matters a lot in this election. those candidates who can barely come across as being more authenticity are having more
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success. look at donald trump and look at bernie sanders, on the liberal side. >> larry: i love that donald trump has become an example of authenticity, right, saying that mexicans are rapists, and john mccain got captured by the viet cong because he's a loser. yeah, that's authenticity. he's speaking to me, right. so why isn't hillary mentioned on that list? >> she doesn't seem authentic. voters say the first words that come to mind for clinton are, "liar, dishonest, and untrustworthy." >> larry: really? she's the untrustworthy clinton? ( laughter ) really? ( applause ) you know what i'm saying. i mean, am i the only one who was alive in the 90s? did we forget what the meaning of "is" was? see how i did that? okay. what is it exactly that the people have against hillary? >> they just don't connect with you. they don't trust you. they might not like you.
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>> oh, that really hurts my feelings. i have to tell you. >> larry, of course, it does! that's the meanest thing anyone can say to you. "hey, have you heard. everybody hates you. sorry." and to add insult to injury, that's a morning show. do you know how early you have to get up to tape that insult? can the ( bleep ) have a coffee before she gets kicked in the vadge? please. thank you. i just want to point out that you just clapped for the fact they had the former first lady saying ( bleep ) and vadge in the same sentence. it's a good thing. but it's okay. it was in her defense. it's all right. but this is the thing i don't understand about our political discourse. we're impressed with somebody who says racist things and communicates through twitter with misogynistic put-downs of reporters but we're put off by
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someone who is intelligent and actually has ideas that involve compound sentences. i get why america is fascinated by the train wreck, but why are we rejecting a perfectly good train? i don't understand. i get it. hillary isn't the most natural candidate. sometimes don't know who's talking when she gets on stage. >> i don't feel no ways tire. ( laughter ) >> larry: all right, nobody's perfect. but the truth is, she was in a black church and was told-- she gets all plaquity-blackity. and everything is like, why is she getting all blackity-black? for the record, the black people did like it. had we first met hillary, she was real tough. >> i'm not sigging here some little woman standing by my man. i suppose i could have stayed home and baked cookies and had teas. >> larry: and america was like, i ain't buying. nob said you should to bake
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keeks. calm down, loud lady. right? and years later when she ran for president, she had a moment when she shed a tear at the new hampshire prar and people criticized her for being too weak, "the lady cried. let's vote for the black guy." every political race is a romance between the voters and the candidate. we have been in a long race with hillary. it might feel like the romance is gone. >> oh! >> larry: you can "oh," all you want. i'm keeping it 100. her biggest challenge is reigniting that park with the electorate. maybe i can help with that. but instead of using technical comedy host language, i think we need some sweet-sweet love talk. ♪ ♪ oh, yeah. hey, americans.
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let's put some bass in my voice. what's up? you're looking good america. come in closer. let me get a look at you, with your purple mountain's majesty. damn, arkansas, did you lose weight! i'm just playing. everybody knows you're statistically the most obeing boos state in the nation. ( applause ) all right. now let's talk about you and my girl hillary. now y'all been in a relationship since the 90s. that's a long-ass relationship. that's wiland jada territory. but now those love days are gone. and yoyou in the friend zone wih hillary and when it comes to feelings of love, friendship is some dangerous ( bleep ). instead of wanting to follow her to the end of earth, you just want her to pick you up at the airport. that's some ( bleep ). i know you think once you go friends you can't go back, but
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you might want to give that former first lady a second look a chance at love. she may not be mrs. right, but she may be mrs. right now. ( applause ) ( cheers ) and now, so here we are now, here she is presenting herself in front of america again, and so what's our problem with her this time? >> hillary is coldly calculating right now. >> hillary clinton more calculating. >> hillary clinton is an attorney and she kind of sounds like one when she speaks. she doesn't talk about emotion. she 55ots right to such carefully produced talking point, and she's so careful. >> she's too polished. she thinks too much. >> larry: she thinks too much? how ( bleep ) refreshing. ( cheers and applause ) thinks too much? i mean, basically, what hillary's being accused of as poor qualities are all the qualities you need to lead the
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most powerful country in the world, right? ( applause ) i don't understand. why do we have to hold our presidential hopefuls to the same low standards we hold the rest of the country? like, who cares if hillary can do the whiff and the nae nae? rutherford b. haze never had to whip or nae nae. i know he never had to whip, but it's possible he had to nae nae. ili'm saying if if we expect higher quality politicians we have to hold them to higher standards. it's really not too much to ask. we'll be right back. ( cheers and applause )
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( cheers and applause ). >> larry: welcome back. big news out of alabama-- that's right, alabama. a state so conservative they're avoiding gay marriage by using laws written to avoid interracial marriage. that's true. that's conservative. i've said it before, then i took it back, but now i'm saying it again-- alabama, you cray. and now the heart of dixie is wading into the heart of darkness, the d.m.v. >> beginning october 1, 33 offices will be closing their doors. then the agency says by next march this will only be four driver's license offices open in the state. >> larry: wait? there there will be only four d.m.v.s left in the whole state? that's four times the number of librarielibraries in alabama. i'm just kidding, alabama. it's three. >> because of a 2011 state bill that made driver's licenses or
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special photo i.d.s a requirement for voting, the office closures make the path to the ballot box that much harder for the quarter million registered alabama vorts who don't have the required i.d.s. >> larry: okay, wait a second-- to vote in alabama you need an i.d., and they're closing the places where you get i.d.s? is this just a coincidence or something more? hmmm... something's tingling. and it's not coming from my fun downtowns. but look, i'm not going to say this is racist. i'm not going to say it. no more. "larry is always saying stuff is racist." i'm not. now we've got a meter for that. see, this has got to be racist meter. very scientific, you guys. wow. oh, my gosh. george wallace dream journal? man, that sounds bad. i'm sure that guy has some pretty dark dreams, or dreams of
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dark. that could just be the meter's automatic reaction to the word requested lam." >> of the 10 counties with the highest percent amgs of nonwhite registered voters eight will see their driver's licenses offices closed. in fact, all county where's black citizens comprise 75% of registered voters will no longer have a driver's license office. >> larry: ( bleep )! >> booo! >> larry: seriously, obama! look, i know i shouldn't expect much from the state whose flag is the stars without the bars but i hoped it was just the stars that were racist. maybe the bars really did believe in state's rights. fortunately, representative teri sewell has asked for a full investigation by the d.o.j., which i'm sure will happen. at least until president trump swears in. fun fact, though-- oooh. fun fact, though. selma, alabama, is in representative sewel's district.
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the march that led to the voting right's act. and now alabama is celebrating the 50th anniversary of the voting rights act by making it harder for black people to vote. another that is not cray. that is creme de la cray. we'll be right back. ( cheers and applause ) (man) hmm. what do you think? ♪ (stranger) good mornin'! ♪ (store p.a.) attention shoppers, there's a lost couple in the men's department. (vo) there's a great big un-khaki world out there. explore it in a subaru crosstrek. love. it's what makes a subaru, a subaru. pizza hut has made pizza and breadsticks even more awesome because now they are together as one. and with these two amazing dipping sauces,
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hey -- little m&m's! wow! great costumes. what are you guys -- like four or five? forty-six. alright, yeah ok. here you go. you don't understand, slick. we're here for the party. whoo! yeah, that's cute! [ laughing ] put your hand down.
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beast" clear. >> larry: welcome back. i'm here with my panel. up first, the very funny comedian, jessica kirson. he's the editor in chief. of "the daily beast" and. a cnn political analyst john avlon. and, the next phase of his "world domination" tour kicks off this friday, rapper joey badass.
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( cheers and applause ) and for everyone at home: join our conversation right now on twitter @nightly show using the hashtag "tonightly." we talked earlier about authenticity in the presidential race, and i think voters seem to be going for we want authenticity and relatability. and i think hillary's having a problem with both. what do you think about that, john? >> well, you know, being first lady is not the most relatable position, right. the problem is the perception that she's all steely ambitious, that there's a nixon thing goingop when she tries to overreach, you're not going to nae nae your way to the president. be a bad-ass policy wonk who wants to be president and you'll contrast well with all the hot air on the other side of the ail, the people trying to big yoght their way to the nomination. >> larry: do you think she should be doing more things like "saturday night live?" does that make her more relatable? >> to be hop we go back to the
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initial question which is her being authenticity or real. to be honest, none of the candidates i really relate to. you know, being a young black man, i can't really relate to hillary clinton -- >> you don't relate to donald trump? >> in which way? >> larry: one day you'll have your own vodka and then you'll relate to him. >> larry: so it's-- jessica, what do--- >> i mean, i think it's very hard to be authent and i can run for office because you can't really say what you really think. i -- >> well, trump is. >> well, he's like the abusive father that everyone can relate to. you know, "sit down! shut up!" you know, we all -- >> we're relating to him in the worst possible way. >> i know. it's really-- he's like the alcohol nict family that everyone's denying is there. you know,, "that's just uncle donald. leave him alone." >> he doesn't drink which makes it worse. >> he doesn't drink. >> he and joe biden don't drink.
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>> larry: you think a lot of chl has to be there. >> i just said he's lying. >> part of the reason he's resinating, even if people hate watching him and they're watching him for the car crash, they realize he's at least saying what's at the torch his mind and it's the anecdote to a lot of talking points the candidates get. maybe people can learn something from donald trump. people are so sick and tired of the ( bleep ) around politics, they want to tune it all out, and someone actually comes out and says what they mean and has a force of revelation. candidates should take that risk and do it more? >> larry: hocan hillary reach? a lot of people thought she'd be the first woman president. are women leaving her or flocking to her? what do you guys think? >> i think the older women are totally relating to her. >> larry: i'll let you define "older." i'm not going to say who's older. come oguys! >> i think-- i think women in, like, their 40s and up. i think the younger girls aren't
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relating to her as much. i think if she was like, "and i want to take a selfie!" like that, if she did that more-- ( laughter ) hashtag! >> she actually did. >> larry: she actually-- she took a selfie. >> that's relatable. >> larry: that's totally relatable! who can relate to that? >> she looks like a fan, though. >> larry: what do you think is a quality that we look for as americans in our leaders, the one who is the least dishonest? >> i think that's . case, the person who just-- you know, that looks the best, that speaks the best. confidence for me has a huge part in it. trump is very confident. he seems very confident, you know,. >> larry: does that mean something to you or no? >> i get-- well, i'm not a fan of trump. but i do think he seems confident. and i know that that makes a lot
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of people drawn to you when you're confident. >> some folks -- this is what bill clinton used to call "strong and wrong." in the absence of an alternative, people gl to strong and wrong. they get a little weak kneed by somebody who seems to know what they're talking about in the face of mealy mouthed indecision. >> larry: and clinton has had a few instances of strong and wrong. >> honest to god, the takeaway is, where candidates screw up, especially when it guess to talking points, is they try not to lose rather than trying to win. in politics as in sports, the best defense is a good offense. when you get consultants to wear earth-toned shirts you're done. >> larry: and the sloppy kisses he and tipper had. >> that's just bad, man. >> also with the clinton thing, clinton really got ahead and got ahead from that whole situation. ( applause ) it's true. he did. and hillary was seen as, you know, people disliked her after that. because she didn't --
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>> they blamed her! >> right, he got ahead. >> larry: she can't do anything right in that situation. >> that's what i'm saying. they disliked her after that. >> people were like, how come she doesn't leave him? >> she can't win. >> larry: is this your first election? are you voting for the first time? >> this is my first election. >> larry: what are you looking for in a candidate as a person who this is your first time? >> right away i feel like, you know, vote young-- young black voters like myself, i feel like, you know, there are a lot of things going on in america that are, like, affectssssing us right away. me, i'm looking for the presidential candidate that will put all my problems at the forefront. the police brutality issue. i'm in favor of anyone standing strong and firm about that issue. you know what i'm saying? >> larry: so you're thinking of, like, mike huckabee. >> yeah, he's perfect. he's the one. kimberly davis and police
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brutality are his top priority glz do you think biden's going to get in this race? people are relating to biden. he had a horrible tragedy. he seems authentic. he is groping people left and right. that's awe thntic in he's doing whatever he wants. he's cursing in the hot mic. this is a ( bleep ) deal. he said that. do you think biden can overtake hillary because he seems to have all that? >> biden has a perfect storm. he perfectly triangulated between hillary clinton and donald trump. donald trump makes the prospect of president biden seem plausible. we can get someone who speaks their exphiend maybe says some crazy ( bleep ). he actually has experience in government. i'll take that opposite. whereas hillary is not authent and i can warm and he's all warm. and in the wake of-- >> she has experience in government, too. >> look, she was a great secretary of state people forget in the beginning of the obama administration, she was every
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republican's favorite cabinet member. when she was on the armed services committee, she could make her way around. i think for biden people are planning for that possible. my guess is he doesn't honestly know. he's in deep grief right now and there's always the danger the best day you get in is your first day and then you're done. he's run twice before and it didn't really work out for him. >> larry: unless you're donald ( bleep ) trump and no one thinks you have a chance, and you get in and say crazy ( bleep ) your numbers keep going up. >> because he's confident about it. >> larry: no, because it's america. we'll be right back. ( cheers and applause ) [ding, ding]
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