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tv   The Nightly Show With Larry Wilmore  Comedy Central  October 9, 2015 2:05am-2:36am PDT

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♪la fièvre jaune te tend les bras♪ ♪ (cheers and applause) >> trevor: that's our show! here it is -- here it is... your moment of zen. >> the question of the moment, is president obama the real black president? >> he's president and black. so he's a real black president? >> again, we're dealing with >> larry: tonightly, president obama personally apologizes to doctors without borders for deadly airstrike on an afghan hospital. meanwhile, i'm still waiting for my apology from starbucks for writing trevor noah on my latte. i don't know how that happened. i am not him.
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thank you. thank you very much. ( cheers and applause ) also u, rupert murdoch endorses ben carson by tweeting that he wants a real black president. because if anyplace knows what it really means to be black it's an 84-year-old white australian billionaire. it's true. and a texas mom stands up to a publisher after a textbook refers to slaves as workers. tell you what, texas-- if slaves were workers maybe it's time to start talking about backpay. this is "the nightly show." captioning sponsored by comedy central ( cheers and applause )
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>> larry: yeah! man! what a great crowd. thank you very much. thank you, i appreciate it. you know that means a lot. you know that means a lot to me, especially on a special day like today, 65th birthday, you guys. and not only that, there's a gentleman up top who is going to buy beers for everybody. ( cheers and applause ) i think it's fantastic. so-- and we've got a great show for you tonight, too. oh, and also before we go any further i want to acknowledge a very special anniversary today-- not the 30th anniversary of the birth of miewno mars. which is still not a national holiday in this racist country. i'm talking about-- ( laughter ) respect i'm talking about something a little more depressing. >> video from october 7, 2001. that's the day the u.s. began its assault, the war in
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afghanistan against the taliban and al qaeda. exactly 14 years later to the day. >> larry: 14 years! my god, this war is officially a teenager. ( laughter ) this war now has two things to worry about-- never ending and having its mom walk in when it's jerking off. afghanistan! oh, man! no, no, no! ( applause ) yeah. now, there's this concern out there that we've gotten completely numb to the horrors of war. but try to be numb to something like this. >> according to doctors without borders, its hospital in northern afghanistan came under repeated, direct attack on saturday from a u.s.a. c.-130 gunship. 12 staff and 10 patients, including three children, were killed. >> larry: what? i mean, we bombed a hospital? how does something like this even snap and who's responsible for this? >> senator, this is the fourth time in four days that the pentagon has changed their story
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tho attack. at first they didn't know if the hospital was hit. then they had thaidz it was an accident. then they said it was called in by the afghans, and now general campbell telling your committee the airstrike was called in by u.s. special operations forces. should they have handled this whole thing better? >> larry: yes! they should have! oh, my god, did a human really ask that question to another human? ( laughter ) let me see if i've got this clear-- american forces started bombing before we had the information on what it was we were bombing. maybe that's a detail you want to nail down before dropping cruise missiles on buildings. at the very least do a google earth-pass. ( laughter ) , i mean, this is a really ( bleep ) problem. the old bomb first ask questions later international policy is how we got into this mess in the first place. ( applause ) it's true. and the bottom line is, the afghan people deserve to get the medical care they so desperately
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need. afghans deserve to go to a hospital and expect the same basic results as americans -- to go in for a minor procedure sp then die of a staph infection a week later. that's what we get. that's what we get. but yesterday, the president acknowledged mistake and placed a personal call to do,s without borders. >> this morning from the oval office, president obama spoke by telephone with doctors without borders international president dr. joanne liu to apologize and express his condolences to the m.s.f. staff and painters who were killed and injured when a u.s. military airstrike mistakenly struck an m.s.f. field hospital over the weekend. >> larry: i'll tell you what, as long as the united states is apologizing, president obama, could you grab bush and everybody who has been in government for the past 14 years to apologize to everybody in the whole ( bleep ) world for being over there in the first place? ( cheers and applause )
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let's move on. i can't even talk about this. but if you were turning to social media for a little light-hearted cat meme toy make you feel before better after that last story. i have bad news. >> rupert murdoc rupert murdochy apologizing this morning for a tweet he posted last night about ben carson and president obama. it read, "ben and candy carson are terrific. what about a real black president who can properly address the racial divide and much else." >> larry: hold on, hold on, now. let's unpack this 140-character putt down from the nearly 140-year-old character. ( laughter ) let's examine it. what about a real black president who can properly address the racial divide? now, i haven't seen that much
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racism packed into one vehicle since "amistad" came to america. ( cheers and applause ) seriously. so let me see if i understand this. so he blames one black man for not properly addressing the racial divide and he does it by racially dividing him with another black man. well done, sir. mwa! brilliant, brilliant move there, sir. well done! ( applause ) all right. so let me break this down. another i'll tell you, let's start with real black. there are a few things that are real black-- an 8-ball, the dead of night-- what? ( laughter ) and the ( bleep ) definition white people made up to subjugate an entire group of people. it's-- ( applause ) ( cheers ) it is called-- it is called the one-drop rule. and if you look at wikipedia, which is my source for
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everything, ( laughter ) it will tell you any person with even one ancestor, subsaharan ancestry, one drop of black blood is said to be black. if you look at blackipedia, it says go ( bleep ) yourself. blackipedia-- blackipedia, a lot more confies soois. in other words, that one drop meant you were contaminate asked you were then subject to all the horrible laws that come with it. you know what i'm talking about. jim crow. ( bird crowing ). >> larry: man, jim crow is scary. the reason murdoch thinks carson is the real black person is because carson is his brand of black person. let me say, if carson becomes president, i will move to fiji and create my own brand of water called miji. ( cheers and applause )
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and, apparently, i'll go on an unbelievable diet and, two, murdoch and his ilk will probably declare that racism is officially over and the real black president will agree with him, and i will drown myself in my miji which i can't afford. my own miji is very expensive, you guys. the second point, also, is why is it up to black people to heal the racial divide? how do you think the racial divide started? we didn't enslave ourselves! or. ( cheers and applause ) that didn't happen. we-- or come up with jim crow so we could live on the margins of society. did you mak think the whole lyng was a prank we came up with what got out of control? sorry, that didn't start by us, either. that cause the racial divide. why is it up to us to heal it.
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you had 43 presidents to clean up that exphes now there's a brother in the white house, and you're handing him a mop? you can kiss my black ass. we'll be right back. ( cheers and applause ) just might be the one. to clean the oceans, to start a movement, or leaa country. it may not be obvious yet, but one of these kids is going to change the world. we just need to make sure she has what she needs. welcome to windows 10. the future starts now for all of us.
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it's gotten thinner. even curvier. but what's next? for all binge watchers. movie geeks. sports freaks. x1 from xfinity will change the way you experience tv. >>. ( cheers and applause ). >> larry: welcome back. a texas mom posted on facebook that has a lot of people talking about an interesting word choice in her son's geography textbook. >> a line in cosby burren's ninth grade textbook got attention for the wrong reason. capture referred to african slaves as workers.
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( booing ). >> larry: workers? this is insane! i mean, there's a reason slave ships were called slave ships. they weren't carpools. what were people thinking? but anyway, so check out what kobe's mom did. >> immediately, she put it on facebook, her message went viral. and forced the publisher, mcgraw-hill education, to say, "we made a mistake," and change the wording to describe the arrival of african slaves to the u.s. as a forced migration. >> larry: wait. forced migration? ( laughter ) that's not even remotely better. it was a kidnapping. ( cheers and applause ) it was a forced migration? it was an abduction. i mean, this is a horrible misrepresenting of what actually happened and it's profoundly frustrating to see history being minimalized anyway. who wrote this textbook anyway, rupert murdoch? i don't understand.
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but mcgraw-hill is changing their textbooks and this was an awesome win for this texas mom. and also an awesome win for us because she's here right now. please welcome roni dean-burren. ( cheers and applause ) thank you so much for coming to the show. >> thank you! i'm happy to be here. >> larry: that was such an amazing thing that happened. what was your first reaction when you saw that in your son's textbook? >> well, i kind of chuckled because of his text message. i knew he was being sarcastic was, "we was real hard workers, weren't we?" i thought it was equally ridiculous. i couldn't believe that. >> larry: it's just amazing to me, it seems like we've reported on some stories. do you think there's some soft selling on some of the bad parts of american history to make kids feel better? what's going on there? >> i absolutely believe that.
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i believe we want to tell these stories can we want to soften them. it's almost like we want to write history with a pencil instead of a bleeding pen. and you can't do that. ( applause ) >> larry: right. but it's like they're going to hurt their feelings if we tell the truth. >> like we don't want to tell them they were slaves and we kidnapped them. yes, you did. >> larry: it makes us better to know the truth, right? >> that's right. >> larry: knowing those truths helps you move past it. >> i think it's important for us to see who we were as a country to see where we came from sowe we didn't start off-- we're sort of obsessed with the idea of american exceptional itch, that we're perfect and the bottom line is we have some ugliness in our part, too, and we need to own it. ( cheers and applause ). >> larry: absolutely. so true. and all of us were involved in the past. but all of us are involved in making a better future, too. how important do you think it is
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for parent to be vigilant with their kids' education and that type of thing? >> oh, my gosh. it is everything. every piece of paper that comes home. every assignment. i mean, big through that backpack. make it your business to find out what they were teaching them every single day. ( cheers and applause ) >> larry: absolutely. and to mcgraw-hill's credit, they are going to change this and what are they, like-- put some stickers-- >> yeah, we're going to do stickers is apparently the new thing. i guess teacher teachers are suo take time out of their day and stick books. i don't know what that is supposed to look like. >> larry: covering up information that got them in trouble in the first place. >> no more stickers. >> larry: what i think you and your son have done is really, really superb, and we wanted to give you a great example-- something to remind you of the vigilance and we are presenting
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i'm here with my panel. "nightly show" contributor, jordan carlos. his new documentary "call me lucky" is available now on iitunes and out on dvd october 13. comedian and director. bobcat goldthwait. and she's host of the youtube series, "stare at shannon," one of our buddyses, comedian shannon devido. and for everyone at home, join our conversation right now on twitter @nightlyshow using the hashtag "tonightly." i was talking earlier about the rupert murdoch tweet saying ben carson would be a real black president. >> oh, boy. >> larry: what do you thinkhe meant by "real black president?" >> i don't know how black he wanted, you know, the president to be.
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samuel jackson, another president jackson which would be kind of awesome. >> every time he got on air force one it would be like there better be no ( bleep ) on this ( bleep ) plane. >> what's in your wallet? when you hear "real black," what does that-- >> when i hear a white guy say that, it's usually a red flag. i go, like, oh, i gotta get out of this conversation really quick. he's a real black-- i don't really want to hear rupert murdoch weighing in on who or what anybody is. except if they're an internationally known phone hacker like himself. >> larry: exactly. ( applause ) it get me how much energy is spent trying to unpack obama's identity. you know, he wasn't born here. he's a secret muslim. now he's not even black.
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>> i know, right? it's like whatever fit the episode that day is what they want him to be. one day he's not black enough. the next day he's malcolm x.. wharf makes the episode work on "real housewyches fox news" that day. >> by the way he didn't know his dad. in america, it don't get no blacker. >> larry: also, ben carc ofns talking about popeye's. he said the popeye's organization. no black guy says popeye's organization. >> he purchased a ticket. >> larry: let's get biscuits from the popeye's organization. >> nobody says that. >> you can put it in my satchel, that will be great. >> larry: shannon, i know you've dealt with issues of
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people trying to define who are you, right? you were talking about that. >> you would be surprised how many people ask how black i am. it's surprising. it's surprising. but, yeah, you know, when people with disabilities are often portrayed as sick or sadless and hopeless. people don't think i leave my house, let alone have a college degree. it often ends with me at paneara fighting with people whether or not i i can open the door by myself. i got it! no you don't! yes, i do. >> larry: why is it up to black people to heal this racial divide? how come you guys can't do it? >> yeah, bobcat. answer, answer! >>un, at the middle-aged white guy meeting last night-- >> in fresno. >> in fresno. >> at the popeye's organization ( laughter ). >> we were talking about the popeye's organization. , yeah, i don't understand why-- it is strange.
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not to make everything about me, but i'm about to. >> larry: that's okay. >> i got hit by t.m.z., and they go-- they were going they're going to reboopt police academy. don't you think the original cast should be in it? and i was like, no, a lot of them are dead. and i said-- i said, if we're going to, you know, reboot it they should do what they did to "21 jump street" and make it a comedy this time. >> oh! >> your move gutty. >> i'm bringing this up because what i said that didn't make the broadcast is i said do you think this is a good time to be making movies about whacky policemen? they're killing civilians now. yeah, so i don't think -- >> you got real black on them. >> di. >> larry: there you go. now it all makes sense. do you think anybody would say something like, "we should have
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a real woman in there instead of hillary clinton?" would somebody say that. >> what say real woman? >> do you have 25 hours? >> well, i gotta tell you, my mind went to a whole bunch of different places when he said, "real woman." >> larry: what do you think of when you think real woman? >> i did immediately have a very sexist image pop in my head at that moment and it was wasn't pleasant. it was hillary in a boustierre. it really was. that's really what happened in my head. >> larry: and saying the president is a real ( bleep ). no one has a problem with that. nobody has any issue with that. >> it's a lot of victim blaming you know what i'm saying? and to quote a white person eye never thought i would do this. >> larry: you never thought you would quote a white guy? >> not on this topic. not on this topic. but we did not start the fire.
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is has always bun burning since, what, the world has been turning. >> larry: our greatest poet of all time. what is the worst real? >> the worst real. >> larry: yeah, like bernie sanders, he's not a real jewish. >> he's not-- he's not a real socialist. i bet there are some socialists complaining about that. >> i bet if you called my musical taste real nickel back-y, i would get really offended, real emotional. and that and really racist. when people say, "he's really racist." "he's racist but he's not really racist." like, "there are people in my family that are really racist." i don't want to meet the people in your family that are slightly racist. >> larry: okay, we're really over time. so we'll be right back. so we'll be right back. ( cheers and applause )
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