Skip to main content

tv   The Nightly Show With Larry Wilmore  Comedy Central  October 29, 2015 2:05am-2:36am PDT

2:05 am
already. >> larry: tonightly dodgersplayn tejada's lech after a hard slide. in a related story, mets fans break my leg when i'm spotted wearing my gojer jersey. obama said the u.s. sent money to train just 5 fighters in syria, that is $100 million each where are we getting these guy, whole foods? seriously. and i sit down for ice cream with house minority leader nancy pelosi. as the old saying goes i scream, you scream, we all scream about congressional gridlock in our partisan political system. this is the nightly show. happy columbus day, america! (cheers and applause) captioning sponsored by comedy central
2:06 am
>> larry: thank you very much.a! >> larry: thank you, welcome to. such a great crowd tonight. thank you very much. please, i appreciate it. so nice. we have to, rapper jeezy is joing our panel later. dheers plaws (cheers and applause) definitely stick around for that. and you know, before we start, have i to talk about this mets dodgers thing. so i was on the one train coming to work. (laughter) (cheers and applause). >> larry: no, no, no.but here's. people are upset because the other night chase utley layed into ruben tejada, a controversial play t changed the game, tejada broke his leg, it's horrible. look, we shoot the show here in new york but i'm from l.a. and i feel caught between a team that i love and holding on for my
2:07 am
life. but since i'm living in new york i feel like have i to say something for "the new yorkers." so dre, can you give me the new york. yo dodgers, that was a dirty play, yo. remember 50 odd years ago when you ran to l.a. with your tail between your legs. you're about to do it again! messing with the man's fib you la. l.a.cam, please, that was awesome man. at least i heard it was. i left at the 6th inning to beat traffic. sorry about the leg, dude. not cool. yeah, go [bleep] yourself, l.a >> thank you very much. new york los angeles, thank you very much, thank you very much. (cheers and applause) okay. but tejada wasn't the only one getting busted up on national television over the weekend. steve kroft tried to beat the secret muslim out of president obama on "60 minutes."
2:08 am
last night, specifically for his take on syria and russia. >> you said a year ago that the united states, america leads were the indispensable nation. mr. putin seems to be challenging that leadership. >> in what way? >> larry: did you guys see that? kroft, i think you just got obama's stank face. can we see that again in slow motion? (laughter). >> larry: the [bleep] let metel, obama has got this middle east thing under control. you can't trip him up. ask him any question. >> you got a half a billion dollars from congress to train and equip 5,000. and at the end according to the commander of centcom you got 50 people. most of whom are dead or deserted. he said four or five left.
2:09 am
>> larry: okay, first of all,th. and secondly, you're saying our president spent $500 million and ultimately only funding five people in syria. you know what, i see what is going on here, i see it, our brother is about to leave and they have to find a way to cut him off at the knees just making [bleep] right? huh-uh, i need to hear the truth. i need to hear from a general, you know, a black general. >> can you tell us what the total number of traifned fighters remains? >> it's a small number. and the ones that are in the fight is-- we're talking four or five. (laughter). >> larry: et tu black general?ad of the don't snich policy. so just to reiterate, we're spending $500 million on arming a syrian millisha and only four
2:10 am
dudes, possibly five, are showing up? come on obama, you can't take on isis with five guise, even the expendables had nine. to be fair, their budget was $600 million. all right, this is obviously a huge screwup on obama's part. but i want the truthment i don't want presidential spin so joining me is one of the five syrian fighters trained by the u.s pleeses welcome code name shadow-stalker. >> how are you doing. (applause) all right. i want to get a little truth here. so shadow stalker. isn't the syrian training program like a huge fail your-- failure? >> i would like to think-- president obama has done everything right. he has funded a fantastic group of folks. yeah. look at me. i'm a triple black belt ninja, that is as good as a thousand
2:11 am
men. >> larry: u m, a triple blackbea thing. >> no, it's as much of a thing as this deadly katana blade i keep hid then my sash, also as real as obamacare. enrollment for which is coming up soon. so don't miss out. and if you are already siend up, renew. >> larry: hold on, hold on, hol. your voice sounds familiar. are you sure you are syrian. >> oh, for sure. i-- i love syrian folk. >> larry: okay.so 500 million dy five soldiers, that is a complete waste. >> is it a waste? is it? okay. let's look at the $6 million man. >> larry: the 6 million man?he . now with inflation, obama brought you in under budget, classic obama. >> larry: okay.i really don't k. >> hold on, do not-- mitch
2:12 am
mcconnell me now. >> larry: how would you knowabo. >> let me talk. i'm going to-- i'm going to bring up one of the bright stars of the supersuccessful american-backed effort. get in here, young man. come on in. and don't be shy. yeah. >> hello. >> hi. >> larry: so why did you join u. >> my friend, i thought it would be like the m tv spring break, lots of people to hang out with, apartments, sand, but very little by keenee meat. i should have joind isis, they are giving away a toyota truck. >> okay, we can get you a truck, believe me. how about a chefy silver addo. now gm owes me big time. yeah. >> larry: gm what does that hav. >> it's isil. >> larry: see no one says thatb. >> my friend, the truck is not my only incentive to fielt. isis has hotel.
2:13 am
i want hotel too. >> okay. i can spring for a weekend at the resort at walt disney world plus a fast pass at the lilo and stitch right, how about that. >> okay, lilo and stitch, i love lilo and stitch! i will fielt for lilo and stitch. this will be great. >> i got one. >> no one in my neighborhood will believe it. because there is literally no one left. >> larry: guys, this doesn'tsee. >> got to go, larry. that is the call for prayer. not that i'm a muslim but my character is. and not that there would be anything wrong with that if i were. >> larry: i don't believeanythie you obama. >> no, no, no-bama. >> larry: we'll be rigkd back.. (cheer heyoooo. one blood mary served at a perfect 98.6 degrees. some drinks are hardly refreshing. naw dowg, i'm good. this party is dead. i love it. redd's wicked apple and new black cherry. refreshingly hard.
2:14 am
old spice bearglove is the bow!! bearglove! oops. swagger.
2:15 am
i want to get the new iphone as little birthday treat for myself. oh, great! well, when you get an iphone from at&t, you get the network with the nation's strongest 4g lte signal. so happy birthday. thanks. but actually my birthday is not for another 5 months. i just wanted the new iphone, but now i'm feeling guilty because you went and got me an awesome network. actually, we offer that to everybody. even that guy? yep. you didn't even look. he's part of everybody. get the new iphone at at&t and the network with the nation's strongest 4g lte signal. and right now get $300 credit for every line you switch.
2:16 am
>> larry: welcome back.i recentk with nancy pelosi who was once smeak speaker of the house back when this country used to vay speaker of the house. so i wanted to take her to some place where no republican would ever go. big gay ice cream in the west village. so take a look at my day with minority leader nancy pelosi. that is some big gay ice cream here. >> big gay ice cream. >> larry: let's look at the men. >> i'm going for hot fuj sundae with whipped cream. >> were you surprised by boehner resieng. >> a big surprise. i was surprised, yeah. >> larry: you and boehner here.t
2:17 am
all that orange goo off of your face? >> four years. >> larry: are you going to miss. >> it's a funny thing. we completely disagree on so many issues. but you have the respect. he was very loirl. >> larry: really?to his memberss caucus. >> larry: it seems likerepublic. >> well, they said to him either you shut down government or you give up the gaffe el. and he-- gaffeel and he responsiblably gave up the gaffeel and kept government open. >> how is your relationship with obama, with the president. >> you would have to ask him. >> larry: do you ever wince whe. >> his mom jeans? >> larry: you know what i'mtalk. they kind of hike up to here and the flat front. let's talk about if you would the upcoming election, a couple of things. let's talk about the democrats. >> i think we have all good candidates reasoning on the democratic side and one of them would be a good president.
2:18 am
but hillary clinton is the person who will be nominated. >> larry: would you be upset ift happened on the republican side or would you still be-- okay, girl, i don't don't agree with you, but you know, we still got it. (laughter) okay. as far as the gop of the republicans, who is the least crazy over there? >> that is a hard congress test. >> larry: is it really.i would i don't want to get them in trouble in their caucus. >> larry: no, you would, lookwhs christie. he touched the black president and now he can't be president. >> well, he has other problems. >> larry: the inaugust racial op would you would be project aisle voimenting or in your mouth. >> it's not going to happen, he is not go to be president and he
2:19 am
knows that. >> larry: you think he knows.of. i think this is about book sales and lecture fees, i mean for all of them. maybe not-- jeb bush-- not for him. >> larry: du have any regretsbe, do you ever wish man, i wish we could have got that done. >> one regret, is that you have to address the issue of gun safety in our country. >> larry: what do you think istg anything. because it seems like nothing ever happens. it's very disheartening to people that want to see something. what do you think is the biggest stumbling block? >> the national riefer el association and the gun owners of america. >> larry: they think people wan. >> nobody wants to take away their guns. what we don't want is people who shouldn't have a gun to have a gun. one time when i was in a child care center in my district, we were playing on the floor, and this four year old children. and a balloon popped. and one of the children said drop. >> larry: wow.isn't that-- .
2:20 am
>> larry: four years old.four y. so something is very wrong. >> larry: it's in the culture.s. political survival or the survival of children in newton, college kids in oregon. >> larry: one more question.you, keeping it 100 percent real. if you do, you get a sticker. i. >> okay. >> larry: keep t so here is you. so are you in a hot air balloon are you falling right now. why, because we have too much weight. there are three other people in that hot air balloon and you have to get rid of one of them. >> this happens every day. >> larry: every day.only relatap it a hundred who do you throw over, mitch mcconel, john boehner or donald trump. >> all of the above. >> larry: i have to give youbot. there you go. >> there we are. >> larry: thank you so much fore cream. (laughter). >> larry: thanks again toms. pe.
2:21 am
(laughter). >> larry: thanks again toms. pe. we'll be right back. ♪ it's the final countdown! ♪ ♪ the final countdown! if you're the band europe, you love a final countdown. it's what you do. if you want to save fifteen percent or more on car insurance, you switch to geico. it's what you do. welcome to the simple life, making cidre. the apples have to be picked by hand. this one. ♪
2:22 am
for a sophisticated taste, say bonjour to the simple life.
2:23 am
2:24 am
2:25 am
>> larry: welcome back.nightly e yard. performing at the new york comedy festival november 129. he whats got a series on snapchat discover swawled swagasau ru s, comedian james davis and his new album comes out on november spt, rapper jeezy. joining our conversation right now on twitter@nightly show using hash tal tonightly. last week new york magazine featured an article called the par a doks of the first black president. asking whether obama has done enough for the black community. so my question is has obama done enough for the black people and is that his job. >> i definitely don't think it's his job.
2:26 am
it's his job to be the president first. >> larry: but it could have bee. >> maybe a second job but definitely not his first. he has to fix the economy, health care and things like that before he can just focus on a particular set of people, you know what i am saying. i don't think it's fair to him just because he is black that he is juses the black president, everybody is president because they deserve it, by the way, you know what i mean? >> no, i'm sorry. i didn't think-- i don't think we showed up in record numbers to vote to put this brother in the white house because he needed a place to stay. no. we got some issues that we need addressed. you know. >> larry: you think there is ape obama is black. >> without a doubt. if he was the 7th black president i wouldn't be mad. but the first one, go to work. >> wait, wait with. >> 7th black president, you have a lot of nerve. >> the first six should have dealt with the issues. if it was the 7th. all right, do your thing. >> i mean he is in the house to make change.
2:27 am
so let's-- who to change, everybody. not just change for black people. >> where is your change. >> but by the way, you are absolutely rightment i felt the same way. i didn't see a lot of change. you know what i mean, he has still got two years so he better go to work. >> one. >> yeah, right. >> he has 12 months. >> larry: helping the economyano help everybody, right. >> obamacare, donald. >> that say big win. >> that sunday his watch. >> that is under his watch, he killed osama bin laden. >> yeah. >> and he freed mcdonald's breakfast. >> yait. >> freed it. >> is that right after the lily ledbetter? i had no idea. but i will say, this i think the black community, we expect special attention, yes. be a president for all of america, but show us that love because we were out here trapping to make you president. we were et going people to vote. >> i can't-- i wanted change
2:28 am
like everybody else, you know what i am saying, but until he's out of the house, i'm going to give him that. if he gets out of the house and i don't see the change that i expect, i am going to feel the same way as everybody else. >> the house everybody says the house. >> by the way, i said i was like you know this he are going to act like this is all your fault. >> larry: he gets blamed for al. let me ask you this, from the black community, how do you think the reaction has been to obama reaction to the incidence of black violence. do you think black people are leap with his reaction. >> not at all. >> larry: do you think he hasbeh malcolm x. >> he has to be a little bit of boft. >> that is the thing. >> hold on guys. >> you know, i get it though because sometimes when are you in those situations, it's still
2:29 am
politics. sew can't take his personal opinion and say okay, this happened to trayvon martin, michael brown, this is how i feel. he is stilt speaking for the nation. [bleep]. >> i agree. i agree but i-- i would like him to not be as safe with his comments. he's very safe and measured. i need my black president to be passion, show some passion when bad [bleep] happens to black people. come to that press conference blasting bmx. you all making me lose my mind. so you know he feel it you know what i am saying. >> larry: what you are saying he one term black president. >> no, no, no, listen. his first four years i agree. he should ago like this. his first four years, but the second term is when you are supposed to come in, it's on now. it's time for our hookup. when your yoi gets the job at foot locker keep your job the first year. but after the second year, i need my free jordans. >> by the way, just so you know,
2:30 am
he's going to be [bleep] fired, right? and then he won't be able to get a job nowhere else. so. >> after eight years he's out of here. on the 8th year i need my free jordans. >> i tell you, from my point of view, there is so much bureaucracy when are you president. your first four years are really just learning how to get through that. so there is the example of obama is probably more important than anything else. as a kid, a black man couldn't even lead a football team when i was a kid or a black quarterback. but now it's not even a question for little kids they accept the fact that a black man can lead the country. it's not a question. (cheers and applause). >> larry: the legacy is prettyb. i just want to add that. do you think the black lives matter movement, do you think that is just a reaction to obama not doing enough or do you think that is just an inevitable movement. >> i think definitely that is the call of the people. one thing i do because i am a black man is that you can only push to the wall so much before
2:31 am
you react for ourselves. i think that is something that we have to fix ourselves. do i believe if you really want to keep it a hundred [bleep] obama can't fix it [bleep] for us, we have to fix it. >> ourselves. >> we got to be there and get them out and show them the way before we can blame something on another individual. cuz his kids are straight, him and michelle did a hell of a job. >> straight meaning cool, they good. >> i wish barack would just worry less and do more. i feel like he was worried about being the president that the critics were expecting him to be. and he wouldn't talk about race as much as other presidents because he didn't want to be too black of a president. and i feel like man, be black. when are you on a date with a woman you want to have sex. you can pretend you don't want to have sex but she knows that you want to. we know that you care. we know it matters, at the end of the day we know are you black and are affected by these things. don't dance around the issue and cater to everyone but your
2:32 am
people in order to protect your job. >> larry: my last thing i thinks out in the if you qualify for a sittingham's card today i can offer you no interest for 24 months. thanks to the tools and help at experian.com, i know i have an 812 fico score, so i definitely qualify. so what else can you give me? same day delivery. the ottoman? thank you. fico scores are used in 90% of credit decisions. so get your credit swagger on. go to experian.com, become a member of experian credit tracker, and take charge of your score.
2:33 am
[ scanner beeping ] sir, could you step aside? "sir"? come on. you know who i am. progressive insurance? uh, i save people an average of over $500 when they switch? did you pack your own bags? oh! right -- the name your price tool. it shows people policy options to help fit their budget. [ scanner warbling ]
2:34 am
crazy that a big shot like me would pack his own bags, right? [ chuckles ] so, do i have the right to remain handsome? [ chuckles ] wait. be part of the conversation. queen. in a good way. with all the latest episodes of your favorite dramas, xfinity on demand let's you catch up and keep up with fall tv. don't get voted out of the tv gossip. be part of the conversation. with all the latest episodes
2:35 am
of your favorite reality shows, xfinity on demand let's you catch up and keep up with fall tv. (cheers and applause). >> larry: that's our show.thanks davis and jeezy, and thanks to nancy pelosi for having big gay identity crease for me. stay tuned for@midnight with chris hardwick.

20 Views

info Stream Only

Uploaded by TV Archive on