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tv   The Nightly Show With Larry Wilmore  Comedy Central  October 30, 2015 5:52pm-6:26pm PDT

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>> larry: tonightly, dr. ben carson says mass shooting deaths are not as devastating at gun control, but you know what would be devastating? president ben carson. i am just saying. carson also laughed while commenting on last week's tragic shooting in oregon. hey, physician, why don't you go (bleep) thyself. just a suggestion. just a suggestion. and california has legalized assisted suicide, hey, why didn't they have this last year at the lakers season when i needed it? this is the nightly show. let's do this.
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>> larry: thank you very much. thank you very much. oh, thank you very much. such a kind audience. welcome. thank you. i am larry! welcome to the nightly show. man, our show tonight, let me tell you something, our show tonight is completely unflea. can you guys know what i am talking about. jay leno joins us on the panel tonight. i am really excited about that. but first, hey, guys, it's october before an election year, so that means it's irresponsible ideaidea season. right? that (bleep) comes out. let's get right it to and see what is happening with the
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unblackening. >> larry: oh, wait, wait. i am sorry. i forgot this saben carson update, so it's not quite the unblackening. i know. i should have realized that earlier. my bad, you guys. run the other one, you guys. >> >> larry: i tell you something. let me tell you something. i agree, white people. that is scary. we each have our own reasons. not that carson has much chance to make our country go black-to-black, because he's falling into that classic trap that has defeated so many promising but ultimately insane republican candidates. >> he opened his mouth and told people what he really thinks. here is what carson had to say about that tragic shooting in oregon. >> i would not just stand there and let him shoot me. i would say, hey, guys, everybody attack him. he may shoot me but he can't get
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us all. >> larry: you are out of your (bleep)ing mind. hey, guys. he can't shoot us all. the sad thing, is he probably can shoot you all thanks to your party's position on not wanting 0 to limit high capacity magazines. okay. all right. fine. but look, maybe it was early. he was amongst his fox and friends. maybe, you know, maybe he was caught off guard. let's give him another chance. >> i would ask everybody to attack the gunman because he can only shoot one of us at a time. that way we don't all end up dead. >> you are laughing? what the (bleep), ben carson. that is chilling. and this guy is a doctor. i mean, i can't imagine his bedside manner.
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well, the cancer has spread but we were able to save one of his limbs. ha, ha, ha. good news. we were able to save ten percent of your son's face. ha, ha, ha. oh. also, just show me the last picture. okay. okay. do you see that truck right there? call ahead. you know what that is this is true. that is a toilet rental company and ironically the thing that is the most full of (bleep) in that picture is not that truck. it is ironic. i am just 0 pointing out the ad. that's what i am saying. >> and here's the thing, doc, someone did the thing you are saying they should do. his name is chris mintz, he's an army veteran and we are all hoping and praying for him because he was shot seven times. what do you have to say about that. >> do you know who chris mintz? is. >> no.
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>> you tell him. i can't. >> chris mintz is an army veteran and he was shot seven times. and he did actually rush the shooter. so someone in this instance did actually act heroically. >> and that's verifies what i am saying. that's exactly what should be done. >> >> larry: that does not verify what you are saying. you are giving horrible advice. okay? people are still grieving over their loved ones and you are going to blame the victims for not fighting against a gun, and, yes, chris mintz was heroic but you don't advise to who are untrained to handle situations like that. it's too dangerous. even the police on the scene who were trained to do this ran the risk of being killed. those are the only people you advise to fight back. you know becoming the president means you are the commander in chief of the military. so your war philosophy would be, we don't need weapons or training. just attack. can't kill us all.
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this brain surgeon's brain chart, is that right didn't end here. he thinks arming kindergarten teachers isn't a bad idea. >> i would be much more comfortable if they had one than didn't. >> you obviously are not going to have a weapon sitting on the kindergarten's desk, it would be secured where kids could not get to. >> oh. >> okay. one small problem. this would he couldn't get anywhere near a kindergarten class because so many kids have peanut -- nut allergies. sorry. that's science. >> let's go, for some perspective on how this can actually the work let's go to kindergarten teacher ms. hug games. >> huggins. >> thanks for having me larry. >> now, ms. hug games. >> wait. is that an ar-15 on your wall? >> oh, wow. you have got a good eye for
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weaponry larry. >> larry: why is it there? >> oh, larry. as a teacher .. you have to adapt to the times. you know, how some classrooms have ipads, my classroom has guns. >> larry:. >> but don't worry it is in a secure place where kids cannot get to it. slightly above my desk. >> larry: wait. so that is your solution? you are heavily armed? >> oh, yeah. during the kids nap time, that's my strap time. >> larry: this is horrible. this thing is so dangerous. >> please, larry, if anything it is inspirational. little madison told me when she grows up she wants to be a sniper. it is so cute. >> larry: that is ridiculous. >> yeah, you are right. with her vision, that will never happen. why should i crush her dreams? >> larry: i don't even understand. how come you have a gun in there? do you have any gun training? >> of course not, do yo do you w
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anything about education funding? i have to pay for my oak chalk. >> larry: i didn't realize but this is really a bad idea. anything could happen. >> please report to the principal office, your car has been stolen. >> my car is being totod, not, towen. >> not my scion. >> >> larry: wait, wait, miss huggins, everyone. >> larry: wait, wait, miss huggins, everyone. we will be right
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thank you so much. did you say honey? hey, try some? mmm that is tasty. is it real? of course... are you? nope animated you know i'm always looking for real honey for honey nut cheerios well you've come to the right place. great, mind if i have another taste? not at all mmm you're all right bud? never better i don't know if he likes that. yeah
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>> larry: welcome back. this california governor jerry brown signed into law so-called death with dignity bill and i know what you are thinking but it does not mean that every dead person will be now buried with a top hat. >> the death with dignity law allows mentally competent dults given six monthlies or less to
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live a right to have suicide. >> governor brown says it was difficult but he was elect left to reflect what i would want in the face of my own death. >> i am from california so if my kids are watching right now, please know that i still want what i have always wanted if i ever become terminally ill. space camp. all right? i just want to get that out. don't do that to daddy. that's all i am saying. >> now since suicide is still a hot button issue in america only four states besides california have similar laws on the books and protesters spoke out against the bill for months before finally it became law. and by the way, oh, my god, are those children protesting a law for terminally ill adults? are they even old enough to know what death is? they probably think it is ruffles on a big happy fern. >> ruffles had a tumor and was in agony until we gave him some
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peace. but, hey, good luck with your civil disobedience. >> too bad. too sad. >> he hates kids and dogs. not true. i don't hate dogs. that's not true. >> now, a lot of the opposition to assisted suicide is based on the idea that our lives are gifts from god and, therefore not ours to end. at least that is what scott smith contribute for napolitano believes. >> my personal inclination is this is reprehensible. i don't own my own body. it is a gift to me from the creator. >> larry: okay. something worth pointing out is that andrew napolitano is obviously a wolfman. so it is true, you know it is true so his body belongs to whatever mad scientist created him. gene. that's how you splice a gene.
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i everything everyone else should have a free reign. >> i would like to learn more about why some people are so opposed to assisted suicide law. this is adult americans against euthanasia grady gillan. >> gra grady, thanks for joinins on the show. thank you. and i really appreciate, you know, having me at my office. i just didn't have time to get to the studio. >> larry: no problem. so you are against this death with dignity law, right? >> absolutely, larry. listen, life is a treasure. okay? it is precious. it is a gift from god, and it is not our place to throw it away like raisins on halloween, you know. >> larry: but the people that the law is for would be facing agonizing end shouldn't bit their right to leave on their own terms, surrounded by loved ones. >> listen i sympathize but the fact is our bodies belong to a higher power, it doesn't say is made in china on my ass, does it say made in china on your ass. >> larry: wait a second r you
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a doctor? >> oh, no,, no i work for the georgia department of corrections, actually. i am an executioner. >> larry: you are an executioner? you just said our bodies belong to god and not the government. >> yeah, your body does belong to god until you are convicted of a crime. then your body belongs to the state of georgia. >> larry: wait. wait, wait. but if you think human life is precious how can you then kill people? >> it is two different things, larry, i said i was against assisted suicide, okay? i never said i was against assisted homicide, larry. >> larry: how -- you are in an execution how can you say that. >> ? execution is just what i do to pay the bills. it is a job. i am here to talk about what i believe, okay? not what i do every day. what i believe is that all human life is precious and sacred. okay? >?>> doug, is this mixture righ
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last time he was gagging and talking about how his arms are on fire. >> larry: you are killing this guy and sanctioned by the state, don't you see the irony in all of this? >> i don't see why you keep bringing my job into this, larry. the point is, god gave us this, our bodies. >> larry: right. >> it is precious. >> larry: okay. >> the state does not have the right to tell people they can destroy it. look, i can't keep talkable about this. it is almost midnight i have to get back to work. okay let's go people. this guy is not going to kill himself. come on! >> larry: grady gillan, everybody. >> larry: grady gillan, everybody. we will be right back! kellogg's® frosted 8 layers of wheat... and one that's sweet. for the adult and kid in all of us. ♪
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only at outback. >> larry: welcome back. i am here with my panel. nightly show contributor bobby gaylor. [ cheers and applause ] >> larry: cohost of the view, michel collins. and his new show, jay leno's garage airs wednesday at 10:00 p.m. on cnbc, the one and only jay leno. [ cheers and applause ] >> larry:. >> larry, i want to compliment you on the mixed race cup. thank you, jay. we are keeping it 100 here. >> for everyone at home enjoying our show twitter tag tonightly. >> larry: we talked ben carson about his recent comments on the oregon shooting. >> i met him yesterday. >> larry: let me ask you the question. is he (bleep)ing crazy? >> here is my read.
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i human melatonin he is very sleepy seeming, clockwork orange to keep him away. >> larry: i don' i don't want ho be a sleeper candidate. sleeper candidate, really. to me he seems like the guy that might snap at any moment, i know he had anger issues as a child. no --. no, he is -- he had anger issues and almost -- a kid and took the bible into the toilet and came out a changed man. i don't know if -- but that is what he says. >> larry: is this a potential presidential candidate -- >> first of all, he is a brilliant man. the sharp. >> larry: how come the sharpest knife is the drawer is the dullest knife in the drawer? >> he said if someone pulled a gun, he would attack. can we get this guy some red bull? if anybody moves slower than this guy? >> larry: i know.
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>> clarion call for action. >> larry: human quaaludes. >> i blame tv, whenever you watch a tv show, any cop show, the bad guys got the guns to the guy's throat, i will kill you, you won't kill me bob, i know you wouldn't do it. no. a psychopath will kill you. that never happens. they blow you away and they move on to the next guy. only on tv does that happen. >> larry: exactly. >> plus his advice was, you know, attack the, it is like that is really bad advice, what would his advice be for like scuba dive may i you are underwater and see a shark, get the buddy system, grab a knife and i will swim to shore:that's the buddy system. >> absolutely. the sharks -- >> i find it fascinating -- >> i am not sure if he is a
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surgeon. he sounds more like a mortician. >> she the only person to separate conjoined twins at the brain. i mean. >> larry: very impressive. >> he is brilliant but you have to be skilled to do that. >> a surgeon with a scalpel -- >> he is brilliant, he is a christian guy. he is faithful to his wife. >> how does he get a pulse in the first place. >> larry: now, you were actually held up at one point, right? >> yes. >> what was going through your mind? this happened at a comedy club? >> yes. in los angeles back in the nineties. >> larry: true story. >> four of us are hereafter hours and four guys came in, one with a sawed-off shotgun and a nine-millimeter and none of the things go through your mind you think. when the gun was 12 inches from my face all you could do is stair at the gun. not the guy. whoever crafted that gun did a really crappy shot. it is like on the away here
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(bleep). i have got to get this thing done. >> ben carson son -- >> it is a very weird thing. plus it is survival mode takes over. so if you are in a room and a guy came in, it is like all the catholics stand up, oh maybe he will let us go. and they start shooting you, way, wait, wait, i am episcopalian. >> it is the bible what you are thinking about. >> that he wants to arm kindergarten teachers. he wants to have a gun in every klum, put it in a locked box and i am thinking if a shooter comes into this room it is going to look like american glad area, remember when guys are dodging the bullets, how can anybody make it through that. >> a teacher can't even dodge a spitball. >> oh, hey, hey! how many times -- hey! how are you going to dodge an ak-47? >> larry: please explain to me how is this guy staying high in
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the polls? i don't understand this? how does this happen? i give to you, america, i guarantee you -- >> because everybody -- everybody thinks they are going to be the hero. whenever you watch a movie and there is a fight, the film is not going to punch coming at you. you are always throwing the punches so as a viewer wow think you are the hero of the movie, and that's the way he talks, like you are in a classroom. how many people dab. >> larry: that's what i do. i just attack the gunman. >> you think a lot of people agree with him? >> i think a lot of people agree with him because nobody has ever been anywhere near that situation. and the guy that was the hero. of that story he did run at him and he got shot seven times. >> larry: yes. he did. this is a very -- >> and jump them doesn't mean everybody is going 0 to join you. hey, (bleep) this. come on, come on! >> larry: yeah, yeah. >> plus his --
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>> hey, guys, come on, let's jump him. and it is like (bleep). why should we hump the gunman? >> larry: all right. i want to tell you one more thing. you have your show coming out on cnbc, i know how much you love comedy. >> that's right. >> larry: and i am so glad, you take this volkswagen thing, you have a rare volkswagen. >> i don't have any volkswagen so. >> larry: no. you have a (bleep) about volkswagen? >> no. >> the part that we all know this. accused of rigging the emissions and, because they changed the software but the brilliant thing is, the germans admitted to fraud. yes, they admitted to fraud because the germans would rather admit to fraud than incompetence. in america, what do we do, the air bag? well, well -- it blows up, i guess it was a loose -- but the germans, it was fraud.
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but it was brilliant fraud. it was brilliant fraud. i mean, you know they are proud to be able to do this. they, 11 million times before they got caught. >> isn't that crazy. >> to fool around with that one -- >> was it schwarzenegger? >> all right. we will be right back. [ cheers and applause ] >> the if you are in new york city come see is the show. >> the if you are in new york city come see is the show. got to ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪
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>> october 12, 2015. from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with trevor noah. (cheers and applause) >> trevor: welcome to "the daily show"! i'm trevor noah! our guest tonight, ta-nehisi coates is joining us! (cheers and applause) first, what a crazy weekend it was. the entire country was collectively hypnotized by justin bieber's latest release, his penis, which was the most talked about canadian chubby since rob ford. then mexico beat the u.s. in


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