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tv   The Daily Show  Comedy Central  November 11, 2015 9:53am-10:26am PST

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businessman dan price is here. but first the g.o.p. debates is wrapping up as we speak. right now system wrapping up. you guys know it's just wrapped up now. ( laughter ) and "the daily show" will have full team coverage tomorrow because we want to think about these things. but i'm not sure anyone is going to be paying attention to the debates because of what's really going on in america. >> the critics say starbucks is joining a war on christmas. that's after the coffee chain unveiled its new holiday-themed cups with none of the usual christmas markings. >> trevor: oh, i'm sorry, none of the usual christmas markings? the cups are red and green. ( laughter ) that is the color of christmas. they didn't make the cups red and green in honor of stop lights or-- or to remember the time kermit got a rash. like, that is-- which, by the way, kermit, is what happens when you sleep with two pigs at once. ( laughter ) should have worn a lilypad, yeah. you guys make it seem like the
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pigs are real. it's not a real pig! and it's not real s.t.d.s! and just to be clear, in the news, they say, critics say starbucks is anti-christmas but it's really just one critic. this guy. i know he looks like a kevin jamekevinjames impersonator buts actually a guy on the internet who goes around getting fake mad at hot-button issues and posts thim to his facebook hoping to attract the attention of gullible people who help to amplify his stupid message. >> did you hear about starbuckses? no more merry christmas at starbuckses, no more. ( booing ). >> trevor: target acquired. and explode. >> hey, look, i'm speaking against myself. i have one of the most successful starbucks in trump tower. maybe we should boycott starbucks. i don't know. seriously. ( cheers and applause ) i don't care. if i become president, we're all going to be saying merry christmas again. that i can tell you. ( laughter ) >> trevor: i'm sorry, what?
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we're all going to be saying merry christmas? what the hell is going on? i feel like i'm watching the most backwards christmas movie ever. like the rich out-of-touch businessman is the one who is trying to save christmas. we're all going to be saying merry christmas! it's all mixed up. next thing you'll have a poor orphan boy on crutches being like, "santa, screw you and your stupid horses with horns! eighthim rules." but we now turn to in good news from the world of the sea. >> seaworld tonight announcing a big change, ending the controversial killer whale show at its san diego park next year. the move comes after intense criticisms from animal rights groups, largely sparked by the popular documentary "blackfish." >> trevor: yeah, and about time. that's a step in the right direction. at least people can agree that black fish matter. ( laughter ) ( applause ) the people hodon't know, "blackfish" say documentary which reveals the cruel
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treatment of orcas in captivity, and even though their handlers insist that they really love what they're doing, it's all a lie. now at first glance, the whales look like they're having fun in these environments, but if you look close closely, they're suffering as a parent. and recently i realized republicans have their own blackfish. his name is jeb bush. ( laughter ) and here he is in campaign captivity. >> jeb with what it's like to be advised to be funny. >> aarrgghhh! >> trevor: just stop, stop it. ( laughter ) i can't-- he's in so much pain. you see, jeb has never known the freedom of swimming in a great big ocean, an ocean called life because he was born cramped in the tiny tank of american politics help piz his father was president, his brother was president. in the bush family you weren't considered a man until you
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invaded iraq or lost your virginity, whichever one came first. ( laughter ) so with the 2016 elections coming up, and all the other bushes retired, jeb was pushed to the center of the pool, and since then it's been more sink than swim. >> most recently quinnipiac university survey released today, jeb bush has dropped to just 4%. >> things look real bad for jeb right now. >> any aura of inevitability he had is gone, gone, gone. >> anyone in the room with a strong view about jeb bush? ( laughter ) no one in the room with a strong view about jeb bush. >> trevor: wow. not one person in that room raised their hand. the saddest part is jeb bush was also in that room. ( laughter ) now, you might think that all this bad news would start to dampen a guy's moral. and you'd be right. >> i am who i am, and i gotta convince people that's okay. i'm my toughest critic. i have a high expectation of me.
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>> have you been meeting them so far? >> no. it's going fine. >> are you having any fun? >> oh, yeah, you saw it. i'm having lots of fun. >> trevor: oh, yeah, i'm having lots of fun. fun is the one where you cry in the shower with your clothes on, right? ( laughter ) i have fun every night. you see, jeb's been bred and trained on life. and every night no matter how bad he feels he has to go out there and perform. >> he recently hired a media consultant to help him do a better job. >> what's he telling jew he's telling me to be me. he's telling me to own the-- own what i believe. >> you needed a consultant to tell you that? >> yeah, it's amazing, huh. i have to get better at debating, i guess, or performing whatever it is called. >> i'm anxious to hear what you would do. and by the way, good energy tonight. ( laughter ) >> trevor: what is-- what is that? well, you be what they say. dance like no one's voting for you. ( applause )
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and everyone can see how the campaign is taking its toll on the once-proud creature. >> when i see jeb i, i see the incredible shrinking candidate. you know, it just seems that physically he's-- he's begun to, you know, just whither under the pressure. >> he looks weak. he looks whiney. and he looks weary. he looks like he's tired. >> trevor: exactly. and i'm sorry to say this, but it's obvious-- jeb bush wants to be-- no, he deserves to be set free. we know this because unlike an orca trapped in seaworld, jeb bush can voice his misery in a language we can understand. >> if this election is about how we're going to fight to get nothing done, then i don't want anything-- i don't want any part of it. i've got a really cool things that i could do other than sit around being miserable listening to people demonize me. >> trevor: a lot of cool things-- i can't think of them now, but i could be doing a lot of cool things. ( laughter ) or to put it in a way that
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whales understand-- aaarrgghh! ( applause ) the pain, so much pain, so much suffering. now, we at "the daily show" won't stand by and let in happen on our watch. we want to you sign the petition and free jeb. go online-- ( whistle ). >> hey, trevor! easy, buddy. >> trevor: hey, it's hasan. hasan minhaj, everybody! hey! ( applause ) >> trevor i'm here at bush campaign headquarters and i'm glad to report jeb is doing just grate great. he's happy, has a healthy appetite. he has never been better. >> trevor: i don't know, hasan, because watching those news clips, he looks distressed, man. >> really, trevor? are you an expert? no, you're not. you don't know bushes like the people here at jeb world. they studied these majestic creatures for generations always working to get them back to their native white house
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habitat. >> trevor: hasan, we've all seen the conditions. they keep jeop confind to the campaign bus. he's separated from his family. they only let him out to perform in front of huge, noisy crowds. >> that is not true, trevor. we are talking about jeb bush. his crowds aren't noisy. ( laughter ). >> trevor: well, just the same, it's obviously inhumane. >> look, what do you want him to do, trevor! just let him go out into the wild of not running for president. he's a bush! they have no survival skills. if they let jeb go, in two weeks he'll just wash up on the shore, flailing around and choking on his superpac money. aaarrrggghh! >> trevor: sorry, trevor. it's feeding time. he were you go, jeby. >> trevor: hasan minhaj, >> trevor: hasan minhaj, everybody, we'll be right back. oh no... (under his breath) hey man! hey peter. (unenthusiastic)
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oh... ha ha ha! joanne? is that you? it's me... you don't look a day over 70. am i right? jingle jingle. if you're peter pan, you stay young forever. it's what you do. if you want to save fifteen percent or more on car insurance, you switch to geico. ♪ you make me feel so young... it's what you do. ♪ you make me feel ♪ so spring has sprung. i work for the dogs twenty-four seven. these are my dogs dusty and cooper. i am the butler. these dogs shed like crazy.
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it's like being inside of a snow globe. it takes an awful lot of time to keep the house clean. i don't know what to do. (doorbell) what's this? swiffer sweeper and dusters. this is nice and easy boys. it really sticks to it. it fits in all the tight spaces. this is really great. does that look familiar to you? i'm no longer the butler, i am just one of the guys. ♪ not much has changed except... thit feels different. now you press lightly to peek... and deeper to pop.
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it changes how easily you can peek a flight. check a post... search for dinner... oh, you guys are gonna love that place! you can find a getaway easier... yeah, go there! and find music easier... wait, are you listening to your own song? jamie foxx: no, i was... uh, hello? so pretty much everything you do feels different. and... that's what's changed. ♪ thioh my god. friday. does anybody want to be part of this? nooooo. well, chevy has a better way, with black friday deals all month long. that's a great idea. what if you could get up to twenty percent cash back when you bought it? bam. twenty percent back? that's awesome. it's black friday. find your tag and get cash back for 20% of the msrp on select 2015 vehicles in stock. or, get zero percent financing for seventy-two months on 2015 silverado light duty models. cool time to go shopping. ( cheers and applause ). >> trevor: welcome back to "the daily show." now, you have ever heard a story that's so crazy you just want to tell everyone?
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well, this is one of those stories. which brings to us our new segment, "man, that's ( bleep ) up." the story begins in afghanistan where america's been at war since 2001, and so far, they've nearly spent $1 trillion. when spending starts to get out of control, you need some oversights. >> to keep an eye on all that money, in 2008 congress created an independent special inspector general. the agency has been tasked with fighting crawled fraud and waste. >> special inspector general for afghanistan reconstruction, or sigar. >> trevor: sigar s-i-g-a-r. it's sigar. and that's right. sigar had to be brought in to monitor america and their money. america has so much money, that they have to pay someone to watch them spend money. ( laughter ) tell me that is the most boiler thing you have heard in your
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life. that is so gangsta. >> the pentagon is under fire this morning for a natural gas filling station in afghanistan. >> the idea-- become less dependent on costly foreign oil imports. >> while afghanistan has natural gas, it lacks the transmission and local distribution infrastructure. and investigators could find no natural gas vehicles in afghanistan. >> trevor: take a second to think about this. the pentagon decided to build a natural gas station in a place with no natural gas infrastructure where no cars ran on natural gas. how do you not notice that the cars don't run on natural gas when you are in the cars, in the place? how did that not come up sooner? surely you're driving the cars to get the to the location. are people riding citibikes around afghanistan? is that what's happening? worse they couldn't just cut their losses and go home. they were going to make this gas station work, damn it. >> it cost $700 to switch over a car to natural gas, more than
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the average afghan makes in a year. >> which explains why the u.s. was forced to convert 120 vehicles just so someone could use the station. >> trevor: wait. so they realized that they made a station that no one needs, so in order to fix this, you build a reason to make it necessary. it's like giving a group of amish people tvs because for some reason you built a tv repair shop in their barn, in afghanistan, which doesn't make sense, but i'm angry! ( laughter ) now it's all pretty bad, but it gets so much worse, all right. guess how much the least-useful gas station in the world cost to build? >> the station was estimated to cost between $200,000 and $500,000. >> trevor: that's an estimate. that's a hint. >> a pentagon review found the u.s. paid $43 million for it. >> trevor: they spent $43 million on a gas station that was supposed to cost $500,000. that's 8,000% overbudget.
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yeah, that's like spending deputy 960 for a pepperoni lover's pizza. i don't care how good it tastes. there's no way to justify it. i had a great joke about new york and i was going to be like we should make a joke about new york pizza and do a thing about numbers but i realized in new york you can't get people to agree on what is the best pizza so my joke died. you would think for $43 million this would be the coolest gas staifgz all time. it should have crystal shand leers, a champagne pump and a bathroom attached to a soiled gold hub cap. you would think that, and you'd be wrong. here's what $43 million actually gets you. yeah. look at this dump. two pumps and a canopy. even a highway serial killer would be like, "you know what? i'll keep driving. there's got to be a nicer place to murder people." luckily, of course, with the spending, this sigar, the pentagon money watchers, and they've got a lot of questions for the people in the defense department task force who built
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the station and spent the money. they'll be the one ones who know where all the money is that disappeared. except here's the weird thing-- the task force, they've also disappeared. >> the pentagon isn't offering any answers why so much money was misspent. >> claiming it no longer had the personnel expertise to address the questions because the task force was closed down in march 2015. >> so there was no one left to answer any questions about why the project went so wrong. >> trevor: so let me get this straight. now that the people have left the defense department, you can't ask them about questions-- or you cant ask them questions about what happened while they worked there. that's basically what they're sailing. the people are gone, so you can't talk to them anymore. sigar, please. ( laughter ) ( applause ) so $40 million basically just vanished. was it mismanaged? was it skimmed off the top? we'll never know, yeah. so listen up, shady pentagon
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task force, if you're going to rip everyone off, at least flex a little, show off, you know. maybe buy yourselves some nice cars or something. and, hey, you know what, i know where you can fill them up? we'll be right back. ♪my milkface ♪is an elevated state. ♪cinnamon is my soul mate. ♪no debate 'cause it ♪tastes so great. ♪that's why i got milk face. ♪la-la-la-la-la.
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dads don't take sick days, dads take nyquil severe dave, i'm sorry to interrupt. i gotta take a sick day tomorrow. the nighttime, sniffling, sneezing, coughing, aching, fever, best sleep with a cold, medicine. ♪ digiorno? or delivery? taste for yourself why the shortest distance between you and a delicious, fresh-baked pizza, is your oven. thankfully, it's not delivery. it's digiorno. thankfully, it's not delivery. yeah, it's a samsung with activewash. it's got a built-in sink to pre-treat and help get stains out. how about this? the samsung washing machine with activewash. now get up to 40% off major appliances
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$396 and more, at lowe's. ♪ ♪ welcome to the most social car we've ever designed. the 2015 nissan murano. recipient of autopacific's best-in-class vehicle satisfaction award. now get great deals on the nissan murano. this is not a couch. this is where you plan on watching just a little tv and end up watching two full seasons in one sitting until its 4am. we all do it man. no judgment. we all know that directv's better at this whole tv thing. so, to beat them, we're gonna get bigger. we're gonna merge with cableworld. (exec 1) cableworld? i can't stand those guys. (exec 2) they're the worst. (exec 3) they're totally incompetent. (exec 4) that company stinks and i mean they smell.
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i used to work there. i had to breathe through my mouth the whole time. (cole) shh, shh, shh, they're here. (newhart) this is gonna be fun, firing everyone. (vo) get rid of cable and switch to directv. call 1-800-directv.
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( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: welcome back. my guest tonight took a huge paycut so he could offer each of his employees a minimum salary of $70,000 per year. please welcome the founder and c.e.o. of gravity payments, dan price. ( cheers and applause ) oh, thank you for coming to show. >> thanks for having me, appreciate it. >> trevor: good to have you here. got the hair going. >> you know, my hair looks really long compared to yours, i've noticed. >> trevor: it does, my friend, because it is longer. let's set you up.
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for some who don't know who dan price is. let's get into that. you own a company called gravity payments. >> yeah, basically, when you use your credit card it's really convenient and easy for you, but it's actually kind of a pain for the business >> trevor: don't sell me the company dan price. just tell me what you do. i feel like you went straight strait into it. you have a credit card company, yes. >> it's a pain for the business when they accept it. they pay a lot of fees and we try to make it cheaper and easier. so when you use your credit card we use the data. >> trevor: you make money running people's money. this is a company that's doing well. and then at some point you go i make a lot of money. you know what i should do is not pay myself but pay everybody $70,000. >> i was actually on a hike with a woman that i look up to a lot. she served in the military for 11 years and works really hard and was explaining to me how a very small $200 rent increase was upsetting her whole life.
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at the time i was making $1.1 million a year, so to me $200 just doesn't seem like a whole lot. and i realize there are people i was working with that i've said i valued as partners, i said i really want to invest in, and they were making less than her. it's hard because the employee, you don't want to tell your c.e.o., i don't have enough money for running water. i don't have enough money for a decent apartment. but that's gog all over this country. >> trevor: wait, so you make this decision on a hike. how high are you? you know, altitude-- ( laughter ) altitude affects people's decisions. you-- you decide on the hike-- did you not think of coming down first and then thinking about-- so you die decide at that pointm going to give everybody-- how do you get to the $70,000 mark githink about this and basically i'm kind of deciding what's the number where you can live a normal life and let's figure how to get everyone there. and if we can't get everyone there, isn't that an indication i'm not doing a good job as a business leader. this was a 2010 princeton study
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i had seen in a bunch of different books, and it basically said up to about $70,000 or $75,000 a year, if you're making less than that, it hurts your life every single day. once you make that amount, if you make more, you might feel more satisfied or you might be kind of happy about it, but it doesn't change-- help your well-being. >> trevor: okay, on the surface this seems like a simple thing. you go, give the people more money and everyone is happy. the strangest thing with your story is not everyone was happy. some of the employees left the company it's people who earned a lot of money weren't impressed, first of all. >> we seem to have an ideology around money and kind of hierarchy and people who make way more and other people make way less. and there were people that were kind of around that $70,000 number, and they had worked really hard to get there. so my decision was actually unfair to them. and i think their criticism of me was correct. and so >> trevor: because now-- so everybody in the company earns-- when they say-- do may mean--
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>> a minimum. >> trevor: a minimum of $70,000. but everyone in the company? >> yes. >> trevor: everyone? >> yes. >> trevor: like janitor, everyone. >> yes. >> trevor: and then person in the office, everyone. >> the thing is, if you make less than that, you're going to have to have compromises in your life that actually hurt you. if you're making like i was $1.1 million, what's an extra $20,000 mean to you? but if you're making $40,000, $50,000, an extra $20,000 is life changing. >> trevor: a lot of people came after you, though, because they were saying you're not just upsetting i think general capitalism. people labeled you a socialist. are you a socialist? >> you know, i'm not very good with labels, but i actually think-- ( laughter ) >> trevor: i feel like that's what you would say. ( applause ). >> i actually think that we to have a social responsibility, and especially as business leaders. one of the things people saying about socialists is they want government intervention to come in and basically force people to
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do what i've done. i'm not anybody that's pure on this because the first person i hired, i could only afford to pay them $24,000 a year with no benefits. >> trevor: this was before the raise, obviously? >> this was a long time ago, 12 years ago. but i made a commitment to myself i would always do the absolute best i can. and to me the change here is us as business leaders starting to take responsibility not only for our employees but also for our clients and our system is set up to vent vise me as a c.e.o. to try to suck out as much value, pay everybody the least amount possible, chargen the most possible and take the most for myself. and does that system actually lead to the happiest life? and i would suggest that some of the most successful companies out there actually had something that was really magical called love, and love is irrational force that can overwhelm some of these economics and create, like, this new economic reality that we're going to. >> trevor: this is insane. so basically -- if i'm-- this is
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what i'm being presented with right now. so you are a young man who believes in sharing with others, and you have long hair and a beard. ( laughter ) and you preach love. have we met before? have we-- ( applause ) it's a fascinating story. we're going to continue this on the web. but if you're watching on tv right now, all five of you, i guess, then the conversation ends now. but we'll be right back after this. dan price of gravity payments, everyone. ( cheers and applause ) alright then, put that right there. ah yeah. hey siri how do i look? judging from your voice, i'd say you must be fairly attractive. thanks. you've got a crush on me. (laughs)
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to stir up the holidays, before earning 1% cash back everywhere, every time and 2% back at the grocery store, even before they got 3% back on gas, all with no hoops to jump through, daniel, vandi, and sarah decided to use their bank americard cash rewards credit card to sweeten the holiday season. that's the spirit of rewarding connections. apply online or at a bank of america near you. we have three chevy's here. alright. i want you to place this award on the podium next to the vehicle that you think was ranked highest in initial quality by j.d. power.
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hmm. can i look around at them? sure. highest ranking in initial quality. it's gotta be this one. this is it. you are wrong. really? actually it's all three. you tricked me. j.d. power ranked the chevy malibu, silverado half-ton and equinox highest in initial quality in their segments. that's impressive! i'm very surprised! i am. i'm very surprised. chevy hit three home runs. this is not a couch. this is where we watch football, futbol, basketball, baseball, curling, hurdles, poker, golf
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ha! just kidding, no one watches golf. yeah, it's a samsung with activewash. it's got a built-in sink to pre-treat and help get stains out. how about this? the samsung washing machine with activewash. now get up to 40% off major appliances $396 and more, at lowe's. thank you so much. did you say honey? hey, try some? you know i'm always looking for real honey for honey nut cheerios. well you've come to the right place. mind if i have another taste? not at all mmm part of a complete breakfast >> trevor: thank you so much for joining us. join us tomorrow night at 11:00 as we cover the debates. as you know by now it was bloody. punch and the thing with the guy and trump with the hair-- we're going to be talking about all of it tomorrow night at 11:00. make sure you tune in. for now stay tuned for "the nightly show" with harry
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wilmore. >> what ticks me off about this adam is there's nothing in it. >> oh, geez, there was something in it. okay, there was something in it. captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org the following is a message from the president of the united states. good evening. i hope you all had a safe and happy thanksgiving, and enjoyed your shopping on black friday. now, for two years, i've been hearing nothing except how consumer confidence is in the toilet, then, all of a sudden, i see thousands of you are at wal-mart, pepper spraying each other for an xbox. which is it? for the past few months, i've been working hard to turn our economy around. in september, i gave a speech to a joint session of congress, urging them to pass the american jobs act, my comprehensive plan to get people back to work. remember that speech? nope?
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in the end, that speech got me two things-- jack and squat. also, i've recently learned that the supreme court will soon rule on the constitutionality of my health care reform bill, and it's possible they may kill it. that's right. take my signature piece of legislation into a quiet room, and shoot it in the back of the head like joe pesci in goodfellas. but i'm not angry; i'm actually past angry, because i've learned a lot in the last couple of years. i used to think that being president meant you had a lot of power. but now i know it's more of a ceremonial position. a majestic figurehead whose main duties are shaking the hands of this year's wnba champions, and nodding and smiling when chinese dignitaries ask if they can touch your hair. in fact, there are a lot of myths out there about who has power in this country, and i wanna clear those up tonight. now, this chart illustrates how we were taught

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