tv The Nightly Show With Larry Wilmore Comedy Central January 18, 2016 11:31pm-12:02am PST
(cheers and applause) >> trevor: that's our show for tonight. join us tomorrow night at 11:00. now here it is, your moment of zen. >> i am very happen h pi to get a question this early on. i was going to ask you to wake me up when the time came. (laughter) >> larry: tonightly, at last night's democratic debate hillary clinton challenged bernie sanders for changing his positions on health care an gun control. you are mad because bernie is changing his position from second to first. keep it real. after the debate, big questions still remain. like who the heck is that third dude. still don't know. i don't know. i don't know. and sean penn says on 60 mings
he's really sad about the state of journalism in our country. "60 minutes" is like yup, we got 106 emmys and we're interviewing you about journalism. this is the nightly show, let's do this. captioning sponsored by comedy central welcome to the nightly show. >> larry, larry, larry! >> larry: thank you so much, please. so kind. yes. i know. some people just sit on things and go o-w, ooh. i'm larry wilmore. happy martin luther king, jr.
day, everyone. funny cuz i'm actually a little under the weather. i had a fever of 102 last night. i know, you know my body telling me that comedy central really shouldn't be making a brother work today. (laughter) apparently-- (laughter). >> larry: apparently my immune system says screw it, and took the day off. i'm sure my t-cells are off honoring the legacy of dr. king somewhere. oh, that's my t-cells. dammity, t-krelts. wait, getting high and watching ncis? it's mlk day, t-cells. at least watch "empire." doesn't matter, doesn't matter. time to check in, oh, guys, it's time to check in with the attempt to de-negrofy the white house. so time to see what's happening with the unblackening. so we
had another top secret democratic debate last night. this time they tried to hide it on nbc. yes, they did. i found it though. (laughter) it's like nbc3 or something like that. and both sides came out swinging. >> i have made it clear based on senator sander's-- sanders' own record that he has voted with the nra, with the gun lobby, numerous time. >> if teddy roosevelt were alive today, the old republican trust buster, what he would say is these guys are too powerful. >> larry: actually, if teddy roosevelt were alive today, he would say please stop keeping me alive. (laughter) i'm 157 years old. and my life is not-- naught but suffering and indignity. i yearn for the sweet embrace of
death. oh, also, yeah, you should probably break up the banks, you are probably right. that's what he would say. (cheers and applause) so there was a lot of jawing back and forth but the moment everyone is talking about was not a dirty comment but a dirty look. >> he's criticized president obama for taking donations from wall street. senator sanders called him weak, disappointing-- (laughter). >> larry: oh my god. i mean that was either-- did she really say that? or indigestion. and all fairness at bernie's sage it's probably a mix of both. from the battle between clinton, sanders and the other guy-- u m, we should probably mention the other guy, who was that again? god, i can't remember, is he still in it. >> 60 seconds for this. >> can i get 30 seconds too. >> just a moment, governor.
>> i get my 30 seconds. >> 30 seconds. >> i have a question for you. >> you know, i think-- i think since senator sanders followed up-- (laughter). >> larry: it is like some puppy hoping you will buy him, right snr please take me home. just get me out of here, please. poor martin o'malley. he's like the guy at the threesome who slowly realizes he's not wanted. well, looks like you two got things in order here. (laughter) really going to town on each other. guess i'll just go over to this corner and, i don't know, play with my genitals. that's how i play with my genitals. i mean we've all brn there. don't ak like you guys-- not just me. okay so here is how it works,
guys, if you are speaking to evangelical, you have to talk to jesus, if you are speaking about iowa, you with to talk about farmers an if you are speaking at an event about sponsored by the black national kaw it -- caucus, you have to let everyone know you are friends with the blacks. >> sanders has hip-hop artist killer mike in his corner. (laughter). >> larry: or as bern kre kept calling him, killer michael. (laughter) you know, bernie, if you become president, i don't know how the secret service is going to handle admitting him into the west wing. >> mr. president, killer mike is here to see you. but good job, man, you got a little fame in there. a little street cred going on with that pic. not bad for a black friend. all right, hillary, who is your black friend. >> i'm going to defend president obama for taking on waws us. >> i know a little bit about this having spent many hours in the situation room advising president obama. >> larry: damn, hillary, why
don't you guys get a room. i mean besides the situation room. (laughter) but she's really kind of going overboard with calling on obama. it's almost like she-- chuk todd, help me out. >> hillary clinton basically wrapped herself in president obama. (laughter). >> larry: oh my god. (applause). >> larry: does michelle know about this? because she will cut a bitch. just saying. just putting it out there. she's a rapper now, just so you know. right? but in all fairness obama is the new outerwear for spring. all right. so what do you do if you don't actually have a black friend? take it away, martin o'malley. >> i was born the year dr. king delivered his i have a dream speech. >> larry: he was born that
year? so what, i was born the same year that 101 dalmations came out. that doesn't mean i condone murdering innocent puppies for coat fur. one does not do the other. what does o'malley thinks that means, that other people look back on the march of washington with wonder and say wow, remember that newborn white baby that wasn't there? remember that? oh, yeah, yeah. that's what i remember. candidates, we don't need to they that you have a black friend. just so long as black people know we have a good friend in the presidency, we'll be right back. back. (cheers and applause) we broabout this new car. to get your honest opinion
to keep things unbiased, we removed all the logos. feels like a bmw. reminds me a little bit of like an audi. so, this car supports apple carplay. siri, open maps. she gets me. wow. it also has teen driver technology. it even mutes the radio until the seat belts are buckled. i'm very curious what it is. this is the 2016 chevy malibu. and it sells for? it starts at twenty-two five. what? oh wow. i mean with all this technology. that's a game changer. don't drop your phone, drop your network. bring your phone to cricket wireless. we have more 4g lte coverage nationwide than t-mobile or sprint. cricket wireless. something to smile about.
right here shock top.? big citrus head, flavorful beer. what's your name? is that real? look at that beard man like a modern day abe lincoln. so where's the party tonight? where we going? it's a low-key kind of party? what do you mean by low-key? just us three? sfx: laughs i'm looking to hang man. you wanna take me and my refreshing friends? we ride? that's a party. that's a legit party. that's a real party. i'm serious, take me out. let's go. let's ride. really? yes. ya? let's party. let's do it. nice and easy. you are heavy. shotgun, called it. you got shotgun? alright. your loving touch stimulates his senses and nurtures his mind. the johnson's scent, lather, and bubbles help enhance the experience. so why just clean your baby, when you can give him so much more? crispy m&m's® are baaaack. what are you doing? you said to tell our fans crispy m&m's® are back. not those fans! did you mean this fan? no. (annoyed grumbles) what about that one? there's a fan in the break room, oh! and in the....(trails off) so good, they're back.
>> larry: welcome back. as i mentioned earlier today, today is martin luther king, jr. day so that is why i thought it was a little weird when i read this. a so called reformed white supremacist in montana is organizing a martin luther king celebration, and is he not stopping there. >> you you can cluks can organir john abarr is attempting to rebrand the organization. they will accept his tan-- hispanics, african-americans an other races. >> larry: what? and get this, he calls this more inclusive kkk chapter the rocky mountain knights. and its goal is to make a strong america. it's still the kkk! (cheers and applause). >> larry: there's no way you can rebrand something that evil. but look, america is the land of second chances so maybe the kkk can change too, i don't know. but here's the thing. we need to debate this but since we are on cable the only way is for people to say polar opposite
positions in argue of each other like this. >> let me respond. >> what-- let me finish. >> you jerk. >> let me finish. >> no, no, no. >> let me tell you where you are right and wrong. >> do i get to actually speak now? >> larry: so without further ado a another installment of pardon the integration. >> where are you from? ldz all right, please welcome nightly show contributors mark yard and rory albanese. (cheers and applause) >> hey, guys. okay. tonight's topic, the rebranding of the kkk. can a racist institution such as the kkk rebrand and should it? mike, you will be against the idea and rory will take the prokkk side, cool? >> no, not at all. can we-- can we just like talk about making a murderer or something. >> larry: can't do that. ready, go. >> okay, listen, the kkk is paryk's most heinous organization, okay. diversity at the kkk? the clan is about racism and
bigotry, it's lime selling salads at mcdonald's, that's just not what they do. >> but mike, this is the new kkk. this is the okay kk, all right? in what world. >> is this ain't your grandpa's kkk within the kkk tried to shoot my grandpa, okay. there's no reboot for the kkk, rory, this isn't point break. >> what do you mean. why not, other brands do it the kkk, they deserve a chance to be rebooted. look at aunt jemima. she started out as a cartoonish mammy and now she looks like brenda from accounts payable. >> oh, come on, rory, are you serious. that is the same thing kentucky tried chicken tried to do when they called themselves kfc. we still know that [bleep]'s fried. >> oh, but you're not thinking fried, you're thinking delish. >> but unlike the kkk fried chicken hasn't spent decades killing black people. >> come on, mike, you know that's not true! >> larry: okay. all right, gentlemen.
(cheers and applause). >> larry: very good, very well done. now that noise means it's time to switch sides and argue the opposite per speblghtive, because remember, this is a mindless argument. (laughter) now rory will be against rebranding and mike will be prokkk. all right. you ready? >> so ready. >> i don't want to do this, larry. >> larry: yes. >> i do not want to argue for the kkk. >> neither did i. just follow the rules, how the game work the. >> larry: ready, and go. >> come on. >> [bleep] oh, oh, every american institution started out as racist, schools, music, sports, so why are we just picking on the kkk? >> i don't know, mike, maybe because the detroit tigers didn't try to lynch black people. >> oh, that you know of. >> okay, who knows what kind of promotions they used to have, okay. what else?
[bleep] okay, okay, look, some evil things change. george wallace came around, and the kkk became a force for good, america loves a good redemption story. >> damn, mike, why you got to love the kkk so much. that's just weird. >> larry: yeah, i mean. >> hold up, time out. >> surprised. >> larry: where did all that come from, mike, that's very surprising. >> hold on, time out, time out. i'm just following the rules. you said switch sides. >> you know who else followed the rules, mike, the germans. >> that is bull [bleep] that is some bull [bleep]. i condition believe are you going to do that. >> larry: i can't believe how much you love the kkk, man. >> i agree. >> what! >> mike, here is what bothers me and larry so much. >> that is some bull [bleep]. >> the truth is the kkk is a dinosaur, all right. no matter how hard you defend it shall. >> i'm not defend tk. >> look, if you want to wear robes and hang out with creeps in a backwards institution, just become a priest, all right. >> what the [bleep] >> larry: okay. >> timeout!
>> larry: all right. that's all the time we have. and. >> [bleep]. >> the win certificate rory. >> i knew it. >> larry: yeah. i'm sorry, mike. mike, you lost cuz you like the kkk. >> i do not like the kkk. >> larry: next time don't throw out your people, you might have a chance. >> seriously, that was messed up. >> that is some bull [bleep]. >> by the way, all sin certificatity, happy mlk. >> you know what [bleep] >> larry: another episode of >> larry: another episode of defend thi
boom. told ya. hey know it alls, you're welcome. now that t-mobile has double the lte coverage you can prove you're right to more people in more places. faulty fuel injector you showed him huh, still alive. told you nailed it! you're wrong, it's that way. ha, ha, ha t-mobile's new extended range lte reaches twice as far, and is 4 times better in buildings. now you can know it all, from almost anywhere. wit doesn't call for ato cleaning service.s.
it's gotten squarer. over the years. brighter. bigger. it's gotten thinner. even curvier. but what's next? for all binge watchers. movie geeks. sports freaks. x1 from xfinity will change the way you experience tv. first up rickey velez. (cheers and applause) >> and nightly show contributor mike yard. and he's the writer at large for
new york magazine, rembert browne. (applause) for everyone at home joining our conversation right now on twitter@nightly show using the hashtag tonightly. i want to talk about tez cruz's comments to donald trump about new yorkers. >> i think most people know exactly what new york values are, socially liberal or proabortion or progay marriage focused around money and the media. >> new york is a great place. it's got great people. when the world trade center came down i saw something that no place on earth could have handled more beautifulfully, more humanely than new york. >> larry: okay, now trump actually makes a good point, and trust me, i was throwing up in my mouth as i said that. (laughter) i never thought i would say that. but people on the eck dream right act like new york city isn't part of america. then something tragic happens and those people are like we're
all new yorkers. >> yeah. >> is that bull [bleep] or what. >> it's all bull [bleep]. >> and they all, they constantly do it, you know, new york is not america. we live in the real america. well then you need to tell these terrorists that they keep missing the real america. and hitting new york city. >> we got to get their aim a little better. >> exactly. >> center of the bulls' eye and they keep hitting us. but we're not america. we aren't in tulsa hitting up the food court. can i just defend ted cruz which also made me throw up in my mouth. >> yes. >> i was in iowa last week, and i went to a donald trump rally. and i was one of two black people, maybe in iowa but also definitely in-- at that rally. >> you were one or two of the blacks. >> of the black, of the black delegation. and at that moment, i had never
felt like more of a new yorker. i was like maybe new york isn't america. like because i felt like this-- i was like i'm in america right now. >> well, go ahead. >> i'm so new york about t i'm treating these republican candidates like crazy people on the train. you just got to let them talk. put their headphones in. >> and talk and talk and sooner or later, they hang up. >> larry: okay so rembert, pawrt of what ted cruz said new york values were proabortion, progay marriage, to us kg on money and media which to me is code word for jews. >> that is what it sounds like. >> larry: basically he is saying women's issues, gay people and jews are bad. >> but who is he to tell us about issues. this dude was born in canada, like they mix up bacon. how you [bleep] bacon. >> we got to get him out of here. >> how you whreep bleep bacon. >> larry: very good point. i had not considered that. >> listen, the day i fine out
that i don't share the same values as ted cruz, i'm good with that, i'm fine, i'm good. i don't lay awake at night and go damn, how can i be more like ted cruz that is not a part of my thing. >> more like ted. >> larry: what are new york values to you guys. >> mind your damn business. >> yeah. >> that's a good new york value. >> mind your damn business, don't go to time square, don't eat dollar pizzas. >> larry: don't eat diet pizza, oh, man. >> an stop standing still on the sidewalk to watch sky scrairps, it's a sidewalk, not a [bleep] side gawk, not a side stand, move. >> larry: these are good american. >> i got [bleep] to do get out of my way. >> larry: it is interesting that you were out at an event like that because to me it feels like-- it seems like some of the extreme right on the social issues, i feel like they're getting left behind. there are so many young people, millenials that are taking up the voting bloc that are coming more in the future. like obama wouldn't have been elected 20er yoos ago but now
that kind of person can get elected. i feel like this whole group is being left behind when they talk about things like new york values and gay marriage and trying to act like that is a bad thing. >> my take away when i walked out of that gym, it was kind of like, i wanted to call my mom and let her know that i was still alive. was how they said 20,000 people in a gym. >> how i left thinking wow, i think someone like cruz, someone like donald trump, they think like maybe if we can just convince every white person to vote for me, i will get to be president. >> i feel it's more of a cultural divide more than even a racial thing. i think there is-- i think trump actually will get some black votes out. there i really do. >> i don't know these black people are you talking about. >> larry: i think a lot of people don't view trump as a politician. they say oh yeah, donald trump, yeah. >> but it's hard to he get over the racist part. >> larry: if you know about the racist part. >> who doesn't know about the racist by now. he came out racist.
if you don't know he's racist by now, you're on the subway. >> let them do what they do. let trump say what he wants to say. let cruz say what he wants to say. that just makes it easier for them not to be president. >> larry: who would be worse, who would be worse. who would be worse. cruz or trump, to me it seems like cruz wants to turn the clock back 50 years t seems like trump is just a broken clock that happens to be right twice a day. you asked for me to pick between ted cruz and donald trump. >> larry: come on man, it's america. >> is there another option like shooting myself in the face. >> larry: there you go. >> you have an extra bullet because i'm right behind you. >> i will go first. >> i can't pick either one of them. >> i think cruz is worse, i genuinely do. cuz i think trump is like a professional troll. and i think like-- i think like three years ago he was probably a democrat because it was convenient. and now he's-- . >> larry: it was expedient to
getting deals done. >> if you were like tomorrow you got to be a giraffe, he would be like i'm running on the giraffe party. party. >> larry: we'll be right back. we love, love, chocolaty, creamy, with a little something extra. mmm deliciousness. cookies or almonds. yumminess. hershey's is mine, yours, our chocolate.
>> thanks so my panelist, rickey velez, mike yard and rembert browne. so before we get i'm going to keep it a hundred. okay, tonight's question is from at d matrix, they asked martin luther king and malcolm x are trapped in a burning building. and you can only save one. who do you save. >> okay. this is ridiculous. hold on a second. malcolm x was probably get out by any means necessary, right? but-- but dr. king, he might be asleep. he dreams all the time, right? i have to say dr. king, how
could you ask me a question like that. thanks for watching. yeah, see i kept it a hundred. don't forget to ask me keep it a hundred yes questions on twitter, good nightly, everyone. this happened on nfl.com! the nfl divisional playoffs were this weekend, and no game had more exciting footballery than the arizona cardinals overtime win over the green bay packers. there were so many shocking twists, arizona's head coach was all like this. [laughing] [laughing] >> chris: this reminds me of something. d