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tv   The Nightly Show With Larry Wilmore  Comedy Central  January 25, 2016 11:31pm-12:02am PST

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>> larry: tonightly, could shoot someone and still retain his popularity with republicans. i mean, hey it worked for dick cheney. [laughter] a man wearing a turban is kicked out of a trump event. so does that mean i should halt production of my new trump turbans? [laughter] and the donald retweets a neo-nazi twitter account called "white-genocide-tm." t-m? apparently the one thing that guy hates more than jews and blacks is copyright infringement. let's do this. this is the nightly show! captioning sponsored by comedy central
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[cheers and applause] >> larry: welcome to the nightly show. i appreciate it. such a good crowd. tonight showed i'm just going to talk about what foundation i wear. [laughter] we have a great show for you. by the way joining us on the panel tonight, very funny young man, very talented actor as well. that was some storm over the weekend. it was much stronger than i
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thought a storm named "jonas" could be. i thought it would start out strong and them make up, leaving me just cold on the inside. there was one great thing that came out of the storm. take a look at this footage from the national zoo. ah, a portly animal luxuriating in the whiteness, which brings us to donald trump [laughter] yesterday, trump found a new ethnic group for his followers to kick out -- sikhs. >> "and one protester. the man in the red turban interrupted trump as he spoke about terrorism." >> "good-bye!" >> reporter: "security escorting him out, the crowd went wild >> larry: we have to update
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our hate trump window card. >> he's on fired. i can't believer it. turn on the board. somebody at home must have loved hate trump billion go at this point -- billion go a bingo at . quality service, justice of life. and the followers wear ter bans so they are frequently mistaken for muslims and often victims of hate crimes here in the united states. >> larry: that's pretty [bleep] >> don't forget that's who you are. >> larry: that's right.
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he surrounds himself with hate supporters. take the trump campaign ad. this is about president obama. this corrupt country has a head negro in charge. what is the train car in the 1940's. hate being at home. that expression is hnic which actually means head -- you call obama that you can't trick me, that's what you were saying. black people from now on let's just stay away from anything named katrina. after he tweeted this.
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"perfect obama's dad born in africa, mitt romney's dad born in mexico. any purebreeds left?" we get it, katrina, message received: you want to be an oscar voter! all right, enough. these were the people that trump surrounds himself with and he's proud of it. it doesn't even hurt his campaign. and his poll numbers keep going up. in fact trump himself can't believe how indestructible he is. >> i have loyal people. i could stand in the middle of 5th avenue and shoot somebody and i wouldn't lose any voters okay much it's inceil. >> larry: making a joke shooting somebody and get away with it. can you believe the head negro made this joke when he's running for office. do you think he would have been put in charge of all of us. the police would have been there so quick at that rally.
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i mean [bleep] like a terrorists. i keep saying give me something, baby [bleep] we said it before and we need to say it again. trump's a troll you guys. he is. he is like a little troll doll. seriously everything he does is troll like. he trolls his opponents. he trolls the other candidates. he trolls everyone who says anything negative about him. he even trolls every reporter who tries to interview him. he's the one holding the interview and now it's like he's acquired some kind of like magical troll powers that are even surprising to him. powers that won't even let him lose at this point. >> you got that right, larry, you got it right, baby.
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>> you're absolutely right, larry -- i'm trying like hell to lose this election and i don't know how to do it. >> larry: wait, you're trying to lose?! >> of course i am! i don't want to be president! i want to run beauty pageants and scout out fourth wife candidates. and why in the world would i want to fly around in a smaller jet? >> larry: i can't believe the reason why you're doing this crazy thing is you're trying to lose. >> look i got into the books and now i can't get out. how about if i killed that panda in the snow. >> larry: no my god, no. there are pan dawes. >> my supports would say i'm tough on china. they are really moron these people. >> larry: i agree with you on that. have you ever thought of just quitting. just being honest with the american people and saying you really don't want this? >> sorry i wasn't paying attention. i was retweeting something a white supremacist wrote.
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bye losers. >> larry: donald trump troll everybody. everybody. we'll be right back. ♪
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>> larry: welcome back. though trump keeps gaining among republican voters, one conservative magazine is smearing the g-o-p frontrunner. >> "the influential national review is unveiling a special issue that opposes trump's run for the white house inside a blistering editorial calls trump, quote, a menace to american conservatism." >> larry: a menace to american conservatism! and this is the magazine that called sarah palin "the one." yeah. so, why does the national review see trump more clearly than so
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many republican voters? well, we thought we'd take a closer look with our nightly show optics examination, brought to you by warby parker. "warby parker: get mo' eyes from yo fo' eyes!" to help me with today's exam, please welcome our new nightly show optics expert, real-life eye doctor and kentucky senator rand paul. [cheers and applause] >> larry: welcome to the show. have a seat. [cheers and applause] >> larry: thanks for taking the time to be our nightly show optics expert. i assumed you'd be too busy with presidential debates. >> i'm going to be like a correspondent, right. larry you're breaking up. >> larry: i'm right here. exactly. so as an eye surgeon, what's your take on documente donald t.
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>> larry, have you ever had a speck of dirt fly into your eye? >> larry: yeah, that's so annoying. >> annoying. irritating. might even make you cry. >> larry: sure. >> but if the dirt doesn't go away, it will keep scratching away at your cornea, until it eventually blinds you with all its filth and makes fun of you on c-n-n. laug[laughter] >> larry: oh you got a little personal there. got it. so you're saying the eye is a conservative voter and donald trump is the speck of dirt. >> no, larry. donald trump is a delusional narcissist and an orange-faced windbag. a speck of dirt is *way + more qualified o be president.
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>> larry: well said. our new correspondent rand paul everybody. >> you're breaking up. >> larry: do you have time to answer a couple questions. why are you running in the republican party? i mean, you are pro weed -- >> no, i'm just not anti-weed. >> larry: no, you're proweed. you help everybody with their glaucoma. is there like a little ground you're looking for republican or democrat or people do they know. >> there are people from both sides we're trying to get. from the right there are people who believe in economic liberty. from the left there are people who believe in personal liberty. and really what we're trying to do is join liberty together to say do you know what across the board government ought to stair
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owize. >> larry: jeb bush said he would go back in time. would you go back in time to keep baby trump from being born. >> i'm not going to say trump is hitler. >> larry: i'm not saying that. you're going there, though. >> no. i vastly said he was not hitler but maybe -- i have seriously compared him to golem from lord of the rings. >> larry: yes. >> but what i've been trying to tell people what worries most about trump other than all of the other crazy things is that i believe that he wants power and i believe from my point of view that power corrupts and that the whole purpose of our founding fathers and our country was to contain power. the constitution was to restrain the size of government and keep power at a minimum. i don't want power to gravitate
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to a republican or a democrat. >> larry: yes, go ahead. you are certainly your own candidate. you don't seem to follow everybody you seem to follow your own path. are you ready for ask a hundred. this is it. you have to keep your answer 100%. other than donald trump, you can't mention trump who have the biggest dick of all the gop candidates right now. i know you have an answer. >> larry i think you're breaking up there. can you help us. he's the biggest -- potatoes. that proves it. just say it larry. say it. >> larry: rand paul,
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and they're off! should we tell them there are more? they'll figure it out, eventually.
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>> larry: welcome back. i'm here with my panel. first up, nightly show contributor rory albanese nightly show contributor holly walker, and his new movie "fifty shades of black" opens this friday, january 29th, comedian and actor marlon wayans. and for everyone at home: join our conversation right now on twitter "at nightly show" using the hashtag "tonightly." okay. i have to talk about trump's statement from this weekend, that he could shoot someone on 5th avenue and he wouldn't lose any voters. do you agree?
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i agree with trump. >> ha ha ha. >> okay, this avenue was a very long street. if he sat around tiffany he might be able to get away with it. but if it's someone up in spanish harlem he might get shot back. >> he actually may get some more voters because he got street credit now. >> it will work out. >> i agree. it depends on who because a worker'aworker's compy is worker'how dare you, who do youk you are. >> i ammo ka i am okay with tha. >> larry: he can do anything egregious and people don't care. i don't understand it. i never seen anything like this.
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>> he's like a bad guy in retro. the more they are, usa, usa. >> larry: hasn't he gone to we and been the bad guy. he hit chris christie with a chair. >> that's right. >> they don't let them sit at the debates. he just rose roasts the other g. that's why your husband bangs other women. she's like well that's his business. >> are you advising him for the general. trump is because he talks like he got a gun. >> larry: what do you mean. >> he talks like he's not afraid of nothing.
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i dare you to say something. i bust a cap in your -- he's packing, he has to be. he has snipers everywhere [bleep] >> or get rid of you. >> he's got a sniper in his hair. [laughter] >> they are wearing one of those sniper things invisible like getting out of his hair. that's amazing. >> trump comes out and tell us exactly who is america. no no no listen to me, i'm a racist. muslims, mexicans, racists, why aren't you listening to me. >> i think they do and he's winning. that's the scary part. i feel like a lot of people in the country it's about time. do you know what i mean. why i made that southern, i apologize.
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i'm assuming he is. no, i think that's the scared part of it. here's what's weirder than anything. anything obama said they compare him to hitler, everything. it doesn't matter what he did, it's like this guy hitler. trump is standing in front of large groups of white people with bad hair yelling about getting rid of racists in this country and nobody is calling him hitler. seems like the time to bring out the hitler analogy. >> hold on, hold on. you're hitler now and he starts with bad hair. >> yeah, yeah. the crazier they are. hitler's hair cut was whack. >> all of his hair was crazy. >> in korea -- >> his hair. >> it's like lemon tree going on. >> you think the hair -- >> i think it was crazy because you stop caring. >> it's like it's toxic in your
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brain. >> charlie looks the same way. >> if you run for president -- >> he has that mustache but not really the hair. would it add a lot, i don't know. >> you put a little hat on hitler. >> that little thing. >> gets me is that trump is so explosive. he just acts. do you know a president that's impulsive. >> they're all impulsive. i don't think we want someone that are impulsive but americans are impulsive like those grocery store tidbits in the line when you go in there because people are impulsive. it's like americans, why do we relate to everything he does. >> that's the one time you probably wouldn't be imposing. you go on to family feud --
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>> yeah [bleep] >> the families. >> by the way, the new button is exactly the same. and the secretary of defense, the survey says, right after this. >> what does make america great again, what does that mean to you. >> when i hear that it scares me because it depends what kind of great america we're talking about. if it's pre 1964 or pre 1865. i don't know if i want to be a part of that. in 1965, exactly, i don't even worry. something stood with it. >> larry: okay. we'll see. we'll be right back. amy thinks you have to be super smart to not mess up your tax refund. so we flew in super smart mathematician, maria chudnovsky,
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to help her. i have a lot of student loan debt. can i deduct my interest? (beep) can amy deduct her student loan interest? in her case, yes. the amount goes right here. in your case, yes. the amount goes right here. thanks. intuit turbotax. taxes done smarter. if this doesn't get your toes tappin', then check your pulse... ♪ bringing you a new flavor of spicy chicken,here, straight from nashville. it's smoky, crispy, spicy and it's hot!
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albanese, holly walker, and marlon wayans. we're almost out of time, but before we go i'm gonna keep it a hundred. tonight's question is from "at tim drake." they ask "would you rather accept a drink from vladmir putin or bill cosby [laughter] oh my god. a drink from putin would kill me. probably knock me out for a while. i think i'd have to find a way to protect myself while i was out. i would have to take the cappuccino and not the vodka, right. thanks for watching, don't forget to ask me your keep it 100 questions on twitter. and my chat with rand paul went long, but you can watch everything online. goodnightly everyone!
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>>chris: it's 11:59 and 59 seconds. this happened on twitter! the line between nerds and jocks has blurred a lot these past few years. nerds now use their love of math and stats to play fantasy sports, while swole bros wear their favorite superhero t-shirts to blast their pecs. and score puss. oh, when i was younger if i would of known that was possible. but old rivalries surfaced last night when the new "x-files" which we waited over a decade for to return to television -- was preempted by football! first of all you don't need a wrap up s

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