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tv   The Nightly Show With Larry Wilmore  Comedy Central  January 26, 2016 11:31pm-12:02am PST

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( cheers and applause ) you're close to 75. >> i'm going on 75. so are you! captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org larry: tonightn grand jury has cleared planned parenthood of wrongdoing in donating fetal tissue. carly fiorina couldn't be reached for comment from inside her ice palace. [laughter] six high school seniors spelled the "n-word" in a photo for senior picture day. say hello to the new youth outreach coordinators for the trump campaign! that looks pretty good. [applause] and variety unveiled its new cover with a picture of a white oscar and the title "shame on us." meanwhile, ebony unveiled its new cover featuring black hollywood and the title
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"no (/ bleep/ )." this is "the nightly show", let's do this thing! captioning sponsored by comedy central [cheers and applause] >> larry: welcome to "the -- i like this crowd, man. [cheers and applause] heme your host larry wilmore. on this show, we spend a lot of time talking about miscarriages of justice. well, tonight we have an honest-to goodness carriage of justice. the good news comes amazingly from texas.
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remember those undercover videos taken of planned parenthood illegally selling fetus tissue. it turned out not to be true and planned parenthood is pleased. this is the best thing to come out of houston since beyonce and to a lesser extent solange! [laughter] and the jurors didn't stop with clearing planned parenthood, they also went after the people trying to set up planned parenthood. >> but the panel cleared planned parenthood and indicted the activists. >> they face felony charges they tampered with a government record. also charged with violating the state's prohibition on the purchase and sale of human
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organs. >> larry: they could go to jail for this. the people who made the [bleep] video selling body parts are the ones being charged. let me see that again. ahhh, i'm so happy, and now i'm sad. and i'll tell you why. here's the thing about bull (/ bleep/ ). people remember it a lot more than they remember the truth. so even though planned parenthood has been cleared in most people's minds, they'll incorrectly be associated with this. >> selling the body parts of aborted baby. >> they are taking baby awe parts. >> baby parts. rip up on body parts like they are parts to a buick. >> the baby's head. >> to harvest its brain. >> larry: no.
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they. didn't. so the damage has been done. especially when people are predisposed to wanting to believe something. it's like when donald trump spread those bull (/ bleep/ ) lies about obama being born in kenya. so obama produces his longform birth certificate, but it doesn't matter. 20% of people still don't think he was born here. guys, i don't have a joke for this, i just want it to sink in. this is the power of bull (/ bleep/ ). in fact, 43% of republicans still think he's a secret muslim! are you kidding me? just because somebody likes to pray five times a day -- oop, did i say too much? did i do that. alright, onto our main story: teenagers are getting into trouble. so we're kicking off a new segment, "larry's naughty teen roundup."
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hold on guys. i don't think i approved that name. i mean, yes, technically we are covering a story about teens misbehaving, but you're making it sound a little pervy. let's try again. [laughter] >> larry: no. larry does not eye filthy teens! god, that's even worse than the first one. it's a whip. i didn't mean play it again! my graphics department hates me. alright, so how are these filthy teens getting naughty. >> tensions are high after this photo was posted on line. >> shows desert vista high school students wearing shirts spelling out what appears to be a racial slur. >> larry: it doesn't appear to be a racial there are, that
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is a racial slur. it appears to be the word "nigger." that's what it appears to be. okay, so apparently, these kids were trying to do a class photo, spelling out "best you've ever seen, class of 2016." best you've ever seen? not when it comes to photo composition. apparently. you can't even read the thing. then, after the photo, a couple of girls wearing those t-shirts decided to play a life-sized version of "words with stupid friends." people, there's not even an "i" or a "g" in the original message! that's how much these dumb-dumbs wanted to spell the n-word. they had to get creative! "okay girls, i know how bummed we all are that we can't spell out the n-word, but if we just use the "one" in 2016 as an "i," and asterisks for the g's, then we're golden!"
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[laughter] i've never seen anybody make such an effort to use the n-word. but hey, i guess that's what you get for sending your kids to "quentin tarantino high." [laughter] i have to say there's a real villain here i believe is being overlooked. the asterisk. because they said ni asterisk asterisk er. we're the ones that said they wrote with an n word. for instance what word do you think of when you see this? [laughter] you must be thinking of [bleep] [bleep] with me. [applause] that's a lot of bleeping they got to do right now.
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no, it was folk. you might wonder larry why would you be offended with the word folk. have you ever been drug with a concert, compound of hoe ha. that noise, i can't take it. finally i have to say arizona that's a younger generation by using asterisk to spell out a word. you guys are a really racist state. i remember when you fought really hard to not celebrate ml.k. you know did that. you passed that law just pull over browns because of mexicans. that's progress. good for you a asterisk asterisk
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hole. we'll be right back. ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ rootmetrics, in the nation's largest independent study, tested wireless performance across the country. verizon won big with one hundred fifty three state wins.
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>>larry: welcome back. ever since the hashtag oscars-so-white nominations, we've been unable to process how this is still happening in 2016. so to help us wrap our brains around things we can't comprehend, time for another dash of "black magic." i'm going to be doing some magic, so i have some witnesses
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here to keep me honest. now, the last time we did this, there was some so-called black reacting -- for those who don't know what that is, black people are a bit suspect of magic, and tend to "black react." here's an example of it happening to david blaine -- [laughter] so this time, i'm giving you fair warning -- you guys black reacted. remain calm, i do not actually have magical powers, no need to be alarmed. >> we're just going to be calm. >> larry: all right, okay. let's imagine these represents actors. i'm going to show you guys the power of focus.
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can you hold out your hand there. i'm just going to ask you a couple questions, very simple, okay. what is the color of this ace. >> black. >> larry: that's a k worth. my fault, i should have been more clear. it's a joke it's a joke, a horrible joke. here's the question which ace should be on top ace of spades or ace of clubs. >> ace of clubs. >> larry: okay. you're really focused on black, aren't you. >> yes. >> larry: but see the academy doesn't [bleep] [bleep] get the [bleep]
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come on. >> larry: this is a rare strain of black reaction. it will pass. >> no, it won't -- >> larry: it's me, it's larry, it's larry. no, it's larry. it's okay, it's okay. >> i'm just saying it was black. >> larry: i know. it's okay. are we all -- >> we tried. can you do this. >> larry: okay. all right. take a look. this is hollywood racism we're talking about, okay. academy vendors aren't just like any old ma cision. they are practically -- i'll show you. let's say these cards of
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performance issues. they could have been black, asian, any people of color. all of these people are people that could have been performing this year. but once the oscars get into it. boom. >> oh, now. >> no, no. >> white -- >> no. [bleep] >> don't do that now [bleep] >> larry: academy members are -- >> i told you he was the devil. >> larry: stop it. >> larry: stop it. thank you.
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>> larry: welcome back. i'm here with my panel. first up, nightly show contributor mike yard nightly show contributor robin thede, and comedian jena friedman. and for everyone at home: join our conversation right now on twitter "at nightly show" using the hashtag "tonightly." last night i was watching the top secret democratically debate deguysed as the democratic townhall on cnn. a kid stood up and asked hillary a question that even she seemed to be taken aback. take a look. >> we are bernie supporters and i don't see -- in fact i heard
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from quite a few people my age that they think you're dishonest. >>larry: it seems like hillary is always being questioned on her reputation. is this a fair take on hillary? >> i'm trying to say something -- my honest take about hillary, politics aside, you can disagree with things she's done politically. but we have to stop hating women. as a culture, i feel like there's -- >> larry: you think this is about women hate. >> yes. a lot of politicians don't have this kind of rhetoric about them and these things that have nothing to do with the campaign. really. [cheers and applause] >> i love bernie sanders but is he really more honest than hillary. are any of them more honest. do you think bernie is going to get free college for every kid. do you really believe that. do you think donald trump is going to build a wall and have mexico pay for it.
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that's not happening. >> who said anything had politics to do with fairness. hillary being in the public eye knows this more than anything. last time she was president -- >> ha ha ha. >> she had everyone calling her bill. so is that was tough for her. that was tough. >> larry: how much does bill have to do with this whole narrative of her being untrustworthy. >> 7%. absolutely -- >> larry: she stood next to him -- >> i think they are mad about that. people are still resentful in the 90's it was cool to blame the woman when the husband cheated. now it's the opposite we are sympathetic for women who get cheated on but she has that initial resentment. like the partner you brak brokep
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with, the guy who didn't take out the garbage. >> larry: i don't think it had anything to do with that man. i don't think people loved hillary before bill. i never heard that kind of love for hillary. i never heard that. i think people just don't like, hillary is a strong woman who isn't apologetic for being strong and it scares people. that's what i think it is. >> i was just going to say i love her, i always have loved her. i love her like i love lady macbeth. and it's not like i do think we do give her a hard time. i don't know if it's because she's a woman, or you know. >> there has been, to me a little suspicious. let me say a little suspicious. i agree with you i think all politicians are untrust worthy. but this e-mail thing seems a
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little bit unpurchased to me. it's putting it out there once you put it out there you can't trust you are had, she lies. how do you think they deal with that in a bottle. do you remember the 90's? he's just hearing this [bleep] >> it's hard to put her back in the bottle. it's hard man. let me tell you something. i never had sex with lazy eye alice but once the hood started talking about it. >> i believed it. >> i did it though but i never did. >> but there's that mural. it's still there. >> i don't even know lazy he'd alice. but you can't put her back in the bottle. >> like the masses just putting things out there. we talked about it earlier, now he's doing it with cups and people seem -- with cruz and
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people seem to like buy it. why is there so much stickiness. >> sticky's a weird word. just some general. i know what you mean. >> how do you believe -- >> trump isn't really like that in reality. so like they're only for reality shows, that's the problem. >> i think the biggest part about like people love the juice, right. you love to hear the juice like the lazy eye alice story like i'm never going to forget that. but people love to think of that but when you hear what's really real you don't want to let it go. for instance michael jackson. everybody said he bleached his skin, right. but after he passed, it was shown medically he had virigio.
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everybody thought he wanted to be white and they can't let that go. the truth hurts people. >> the truth is -- >> larry: i thought you were going to bring up the thing about the kids. >> well, i cut that from what i was going to say. >> i'm sure michael -- >> everybody's not perfect, larry. >> like a child molesting a -- >> you have to bring up with -- [laughter] >> leave michael alone. >> leave him alone. >> larry: okay. we'll be right back. we'll be right back. [laughter]
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>>larry: thanks to my panelists -- mike yard, robin thede, and jena friedman. we're almost out of time, but before we go i'm gonna keep it 100. game seven of nba finals. lakers at knicks. only way in is wearing full knicks gear next to spike lee. do you do it? #keep it 100" there's no way in the world i'm wearing nicks next to spike lee. i watch it on tv, i don't care. come on challenge me you guys. thanks for watching. don't forget to ask me your "keep it 100" questions on twitter. goodnightly, everyone!
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>> chris: it's 11:59 and 59 seconds. this happened on twitter! move over drake and meek mill, there's a new rap beef on twiller betweetwitter between b.o.b and n.d.t. rapper b.o.b, who's never read a conspiracy theory he didn't like, went on a twitter rant recently about how the earth is flat and the government is so neil degrasse tyson tweeted this: "duude-- to be clear: being five centuries regressed in your reasoning doesn't mean we all can't still like your music" [laughing] sick bunsen burn! naturally b.

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