tv The Nightly Show With Larry Wilmore Comedy Central January 29, 2016 2:10am-2:41am PST
>> trevor: that's our show for tonight, everybody. here it is, your moment of zen. >> we cannot afford to dump money on these problems anymore. we've got to think-- we've got to smite fart-- fight smart. as our enemies. >> we understand what you're trying to say. >> yeah, that was interesting. captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org >> larry: tonightly, president obama attempts to demill tarrize police departments by recalling equipment designed for the battlefields, incure police officers everywhere responded but yes, but what build our tiny penises, how are we going to compen-- a man afraid of mass shootings brings his gun to the
movies and accidentally shoots and injures someone. well, the movie was "13 hours" so it was the only hit in the theater. i know. what is that all about. and a white actor has been cast as michael jackson in an upcoming tv movie. this is an outrage. that role should go to a white woman. everybody knows that, right? this is the nightly show. let's light this candle. (applause). >> larry: yes, thank you very much. welcome. >> larry, larry, larry. >> larry: thank you very much, thank you, you're too kind. what a great crowd, man. thank you so much. on a thursday night. i know.
on a trumpless debate night. wow, it's exciting. welcome to the nightly show. i'm larry wilmore. now guys, as you know, president obama only has about 11 months left in office. you know, let's check in in the latest developments in obama-don't-care. okay. tonight's target, law enforcement. >> the obama administration is asking local law enforcement agencies nationwide to return federal military equipment by april 1st after concerns it was being misused. >> larry: okay. well, what kind of equipment are we talking about, nautilus machines, snowblowers, thigh masters? >> grenade launchers, high caliber weapon, bayonnettes, high tanks with tracks, not wheel, weapon onize aircraft. >> mine resistant trucks. >> loud sirens that can cause pain, loss of balance, eardrum rupture and permanent hearing damage. >> larry: what? jesus, that's the kind of equipment our local cops have?
what is this, call of duty, the verb? seriously all right so starting april 1st obama is scooping up tanks and grenade launchers? damn. march might go out like a lamb but april is coming in like a mother [bleep] oh man! this is going to piss off a lot of local law enformts but like i said, obama don't care. obama don't care. now the problem is, if cops have these kinds of toys, they're going to find an excuse to seuss them. >> the you have gone from having a few hundred rays a year in the 1970s to about a hundred a day. police use swat units to bleak up poker gameses, raid bore bear-- barbershop in orlando and arrested 34 people for barbering without licenses. >> larry: barbering without licenses. sergeant, i have a guy here trying to give somebody a wave without a license. i'm going to need some backup, yes, the grenade launcher,
quickly, he's getting out the activator. seriously. and the fear with this extreme weaponry isn't just that they find excuses to use it, they also find ways to lose it. >> orange county sheriff deputy loses ar-15 rifle. a rifle was lost on tuesday after it was placed on the lid of the patrol car's trunk. a search for the rifle continues. >> larry: you lost an ar-15 like the way most people forget their groceries? i guess this explains orange county's tourist slogan, come for the sunshine, stay because you were murdered by some psycho who found a cop's assault rifle! all right, i'm sure some will say larry, will, dude, they just lost an ar-15. could happen to anybody. fine. exhibit b, a police department in arkansas lost a humvee. guys, how the hell do you lose a 5,000 pound street tank? please don't tell me you left on the back of your squad car and
drove away. (laughter) this is insane. and now it's not just the local police who are arming themselves excessively. it's also movie goers. >> a woman shot inside a movie theater in renton. >> police say a man went into the showing of "13 hours" and salt down to watch the movie. witnesses described the man as being intoxicated and fumbling with the gun when it went off. >> larry: so a drunk guy dropped his gun during "13 hours" and shot a woman, jesus clies, she already played 11 dollars to see michael bay's benghazi movie. hasn't she suffered enough! boy, larry, you hate michael bay. and why did this drunk ass butter fingers have a gun anyway. >> police report the gallion brought his gun into the theater because he was worried about recent mass shootings in public places. >> larry: wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. wait, wait, wait. the guy was worried about shootings in theaters which lead him to cause a shooting in the
theater. that is like something out of a greek tragedy, you guys, dumbass tov neens, i think it's been homer, it doesn't make sense. oh, america, you never let me down. you never do. now we were talking about this today around the office. and obviously there is a lot, for more please welcome mikely-- nightly show contributor mike yard. (cheers and applause) >> thanks, mike. >> thanks for having me, larry. >> larry: i know, i know you have some thoughts on this. >> larry, i'm stressing out, man. >> larry: i know. this is obviously just an accident. and the woman is going to be fine, so that's good. >> bull [bleep] man, this is what happens after mass shootings, people go gun crazy, man. i got to stay safe, bro. >> larry: how are you going to do that? >> i got a gun, man. >> larry: whoa. >> i got to protect myself from gun violence caused by people protecting themselves from gun violence, larry. >> larry: wait, no, no, no,
mike. i done think are you taking the correct lesson from this story. >> you know, you are right, absolutely right. i need a second gun. >> larry: whoa! >> that's-- that's why you-- . >> larry: no, no, no. >> hey, larry. [bleep]. >> oh, whoa, whoa. >> larry: no, no, no. [bleep]. >> whoa, whoa, easy, everybody. >> i'm just playing. we have a lot of fun here. >> larry: great. why do you have an assault rifle? >> in case mike starts shooting people, if you're not protecting yourself from gun violence caused by people protecting themselves from gun violence caused by people protecting themselves from gun violence, you probably deserve to get shot. >> larry: no! guys you're being really obtuse, almost comically show, the slietion isn't more guns. >> hey! all right, all right. >> larry: whoa, calm down, calm down, calm down, guys. huh-uh. >> what, you guys having a gun chat. can i join? >> great, i suppose you got
what, like a rocket launcher to protect yourself from grace? >> no, larry, that would be absurd. >> larry: thank you. >> i'm strapped with a [bleep]. i can't leave myself vulnerable kus literally everyone else has a gufn. >> larry: my god, guys, when you add more deadly weapons to a situation like this, it doesn't make anyone safer t just opens up to horrifying accidents like the one in washington. >> oh come on, larry, are you just being paranoid right now. something would have to really go wrong in order for us to go wrong in order for us to ever--
it started with a single connection. and the network was born. it soon grew from a luxury to a necessity. so at&t built a network just for you. one that connects your businesses, devices, cars, mobile entertainment, family and homes. we grow as you grow. always evolving. to work for you how and where you need it. this is your network. the network of at&t.
(applause). >> larry: welcome back. so there's new controversy brewing today in lily white hollywood. >> joseph fiennes has been confirmed to play michael jackson in an upcoming british tv movie. >> larry: yeah, good job, hollywood. yeah, you got that slap in the face in right before black history month, didn't you. yeah. oh, i didn't make it up, guys. well, don't you agree, black people on the "today show." >> i mean that the white guy-- is playing michael jackson. the black guy. >> have we run out of black american actors to play. >> the premise of the film-- . >> larry: we haven't even run out of jackson family members to play michael jackson. trust me, jermaine is available. all right, so help us wrap our
heads around this disirks an this is a big get for us. we actually have the casting director for this movie live via satellite from his hollywood office, please welcome blake moffet. >> thank you. thank you for having me. thanks for having me. okay. so like whenever you're ready. (laughter). >> larry: okay. blake, now you have to admit joseph finest as michael jackson, that is-- fiennes as mike will jackson, that say bit of a stretch. >> i don't think so. this story about 2001 michael jack sofnlt and it's not my fault that in 2001 michael jackson looked like one of the fiennes bros. but i think we're missing the larger point here. >> larry: which is? >> joe joey fiennes is acting again. that is so huge. also, larry, you are cast for the story. marlon brano is also featured but it's not like on the
waterfront brando. it's greasy gel gelatinous brando. so i'm not casting adrian brody, imagine the money we would spend on falty fat seuts, latex is not cheap. >> larry: but michael jackson actually spoke about this very thing. look at what he told oprah in 1993. >> why would i want a white child to play me. i'm a black american. i'm proud to be a black american. >> exactly. he couldn't have been more correct. he was a black child. so if we were doing like the jackson five story you would want someone like jaden smith or like that beast of no nation, kirksd although word he won't audition for this. >> larry: i have no idea what you are talking about. look, this still rubs me the wrong way. >> well, you know, as long as we're talking about michael jackson, you know, let's listen his music too. primarily t doesn't matter if are you black or white. >> larry: no, that was about his struggle with his own
identity. >> i think it is okay with us casting joe fiennes. >> larry: how could he have known that it was 25 years ago. >> i know. but it's like, it is the same today, same-- i don't know. it's good that he's working. (laughter). >> larry: what are you talking about. >> look, you know what, this movie takes place in 2001, right. like if it took place in 2010 i would have cast gwyneth paltrow, you know. i'm seriously, personally i think she could still open a movie. >> larry: this is not helping at all. but now i see with why hollywood is broken. >> you know what though, i love what you're doing am i want to be in the larry wilmore business. what are you doing right now. >> larry: i have a tv show. you're on it right now. >> oh my god, oh my bad. that's so funny. i thought this was like a skype or something. my assistant told me it was
introducing pizza hut's first $5 flavor menu. just $5 each when you order two or more. say yes to a medium 1-topping pizza. yes to wingstreet wings. yes to a hershey's cookie. and much more. it's easy to say yes to our first ever $5 flavor menu. only at pizza hut. oh, and an award for bestngbow tasting hard cider. you're in our shot. no i'm not. strongbow!
plus get four lines with up to six gigs each for just thirty-five bucks a line. that's right. six gigs each plus all the video streaming you want with binge on. just thirty-five bucks per line. and it's only at t-mobile. >> larry: welcome back. my panel of nightly show contributor grace parra. and nightly show contributor robin thede. and very funny come ed yen chris di stefano. >> you got it. just made it, just made it. i almost said chris-- grizstefano. >> i'm a little grizly. >> larry: for everyone at home join our conversation using the hashtag tonltly. in the wake of the oscars oscars so white. >> hashtag oscars so white, i condition believe it was announced that josse fiennes was going to may pliek el jackson. and here is the movie, this road trip, apparently this is true,
that michael jackson, marlon brando and elizabeth i taylor took a road trip after 9/11. that is unbelievable. i think "vanity fair" said they were getting upset because marlon marlon brando kept stopping at burger king. >> classic brando. >> have it your way. >> larry: could you imagine working at a wendys and hey, we ordered four chocolate shakes. there soanl three people in there. >> i got the chocolate shake, what do you guys want? >> i can't believe that any of them had a license. like who. >> it must have been expired. >> none of them have been driving for years. >> none of them have like actual money. like do we pay with this. >> have i a poation. >> do you remember when oprah and gail took their road trip and oprah didn't know how to pump gas? i am like this is just like that. >> in my mind.
anyway i'm sure you had a question. >> larry: well, no, but now you have joseph fiennes playing michael jackson. people are angry, why are they angry. >> they are so mad. >> larry: why are they mad. >> because black people can't play white roles and now black people can't play black roles? what are you doing. >> i think it's ironic that we're so angry because we hated michael jackson by the way. when he was alive, people hated-- no. we thought he was a pedestrian o file and now that he is dead we care about who is playing him. >> no. >> we hatedded personality. >> nope. >> he like him musically, we hated the pedestrian ophelia. >> that's very different. >> we have to come up with a new term for that like horrible person show business dilemma thing. or that type of thing. >> i was trying-- hsbd horrible show business dilemma, a condition. >> larry: it was very murky about that. >> i mean i just think look, as a white guy, i mean yeah, i get
it. there was is lot of stuff going on with the oscars right now. that was a bad call, i guess. but you know, look, if it's-- look, i get you know what, if i was a casting director, joey, you're good but we can't do this, right. not now. they're like when things died down a little bit,. >> larry: simmer down, joe, you're in. >> but still i feel like talk about it before, this is later in life, michael jackson. >> larry: right. >> so passed, like martha stewart would have been good. like an older white woman who, you know what i mean. put a little hair on. >> larry: what ever plays michael has to get in full makeup. >> no, not true, not true. you guys are mission the obvious choice. latoya is sitting here ready to play. latoya jackson. >> thank you. no hair and makeup, she is ready to go. >> my favorite part is that josse fiennes said he was shocked that he was cast. it's like did you audition for that part?
don't be-- what you are talking about you knew what you were doing. >> larry: how much of this should we blame on michael's nose, though. >> unfair, his nose is not here to defend itself. >> that's the confusing part. so if he still had his original nose even if he was light, a black person could have-- because he put on the lighter makeup am but at that point, with the state of his nose at that point, it was like only v vold mortgage could have played him. >> that's fair. >> who was played by ray fiennes, joe fiennes brother. >> it is all coming together. >> but one of the fiennes brothers was des tinned to play him. >> somebody. >> it was written in the stars. >> yeah. >> larry: were you going to say something. >> about michael jackson's nose, no, i don't know. >> larry: let me ask you this though. >> i don't know where his nose. is probably still in the rental car going to ohio. >> larry: but color blind casting has been a big issue lately. especially with the hamilton, you have black people playing thomas jefferson, founding
fathers, a huge hit. nobody seems to have a problem with that. >> right. >> there is a dises tans. we're not emotionally connected to jefferson. you might be. >> i'm not connected but i'm just saying, do you want to see somebody that looks like ben franklin really dancing around up there. he is disgusting, take out your hundred dollar bicialg a fat bloated balding white guy. i want to see the guy from the bronx. i like it i don't think you want to see these disgusting-- . >> larry: i ain't mad at a fat ben franklin. >> i think the difference is too, these people aren't in white face or black face. they're just the characters. >> right. >> it is. >> would you be mad if samuel jackson got in full white face and played like j edgar hoover. >> i would like it-- . >> larry: what's wrong with that by the way. >> jackson was the best acker we could find. >> why can't we have it so he can't be in makeup. why can't he just play the role. it's t vnchts it's fake. like who cares.
>> larry: but they kind of look like him. >> i think it's about emotional connection the. right now we are emotionally kectd. we are he notionally connected to aaliyah right now because she say recent singer. if you were to do a movie about her she has to be played by a black woman. but in 200. >> they did a movie about her and that caused a brew what what. they didn't even want zen daya who is black play her. >> but in 250 years you could have an asian rapper play her. >> larry: that long? >> that long time. >> it takes awhile. i also by the way i'm emotionally connected to sha kira when the musical come out that better be played by a latina. >> you want your-- . >> larry: what just happen. >> that is shak ira. >> oh. >> i think there is deeper issues. >> yeah. >> this is what michael jackson does to people. he just brings it out of you. just the weird deep seeded. >> there has been so much frustration for so many years with people of color just getting rolls in movies period.
getting recognized. how much does it feel like a slap in the face when you see something like that. >> it does. and the timing was not good. i don't think they planned the timing but that is one of those things where what, maybe we should shelf this. the only saving grace is that i think it's a tv comedy and it's a british comedy. so angela bas elevator had the best response, orlando jones tweeted, i'm only watching it if they get angela bas et to play elizabeth taylor. and she said that is fine, i got my violet contacts. i'm ready to go. >> i just thought that was genius. and it's true. if you have joe fiennes playing michael jackson, let angela bas et get a little piece of elizabeth taylor, why not. >> (applause) >> why not. >> i mean, the truth s the movie doesn't sound good. i mean it is-- you could say what you want. i feel like ultimately when this show comes out, it will be thank god this weerchlt played by a black guy, you can take that,
♪ yum-diddly-yum-dum-dum ♪ we're gonna have some fun now ♪ at chili's, our famous $20 dinner for 2 has more options than anywhere else, now with new char-crusted sizzling sirloin. ♪ to try to make you think to use tiny red balls they had a much better network. but there's one big thing they left out. the new sprint lte plus network delivers faster download speeds than verizon, at&t and t-mobile, based on data from an independent third party. that's because we've been obsessed with building the network of the future. and to celebrate, we're cutting their rates in half.
switch to sprint and save 50% on most verizon, at&t and t-mobile rates. you get the new lte plus network and we'll cover your costs to switch, up to $650 per line. only from sprint. (troublehearing on the phone, visit sprintrelay.com) that's why i switched from u-verse to xfinity. now i can download my dvr recordings and take them anywhere. ready or not, here i come! (whispers) now hide-and-seek time can also be catch-up-on-my-shows time. here i come! can't find you anywhere! don't settle for u-verse.
x1 from xfinity will change the way you experience tv. >> larry: thanks to my panelists grairks basa, robin thede and chris distefano. before we g i got to keep it a hundred. tonight's question is from at natural robin. very good, robin. >> not me. >> larry: they ask, the studio is on fire and you can only save one nightly show contributor. >> oh! >> larry: who do you pick? keep it a hundred. oh [bleep] okay. okay. if have i to pick one. >> do it, do it. >> me! [bleep] >> larry: okay. i'm going to pick railroady because he actually runs the show. (applause).