tv The Nightly Show With Larry Wilmore Comedy Central March 28, 2016 9:00am-9:36am PDT
look at this crowd tonight. thank you so much. welcome to the nightly show. i am larry wilmore. thank you. such a great crowd. thank you so much for coming tonight, guys. before i get started i want to take a minute to acknowledge the people of belgium, a horrific terrorist attack that took place. i just want you to know our hearts are with you guys. and this type of thing really has to stop. and until it does we will all continue in the fight and we here at the nightly show, you know, we will do our part by hopefully providing some laughs. and, you know, they may be cheap laughs but who knows. so on that note let's get an update on the denegrofication of the white house. and see what's happening with the unblackening. >> larry: yeah. so yesterday donald trump shifted his focus from the blacks to the jews at a conference for aipac, america's
most powerful pro israel lobbying group 18,000 people came to show support for the jewish homeland, including the presidential candidates who were in full jewish pander mode, you had hillary rodham clinton-berg, they the dore cruz-owitz, jonathan kasichhh, kasich seven, and of course the evil pharoah. >> kasich seven. >> so what, president obama in his final year, yay! >> he may be the worse thing to ever happen to israel, believe me, believe me. >> >> larry: no, i don't believe you. >> whether or not you like oama, there are many worst things that have happened to israel, such as religious persecution, and 5,000 more years of religious persecution. >> i mean you don't hear me
saying guy fieri is the worst thing to ever happen to boats just because he's opening a bar key chain aboard carnival cruise ships, yes, i think that's disgusting but so was the atlantic slave trade. >> still, acetone deaf as trump may sound about israel, he played up his personal connection to the tribe my daughter ivanka is about to have a beautiful jewish baby, in fact it could be happening right now, which would be very nice, as far as i am concerned. >> the level of pandering here is just so amateurish, guys, most politicians kiss a bay, be, baby, his daughter is having a jewish baby, or as trump calls it some jewish kid coming out of my daughter's wherever. >> then again, trump's probably just jealous his grand stops will be born with bigger hands than he has, right?
we did not doctor that photo, you guys. we did not, we did not doctor it. huh-uh. all right, so trump did all of his sucking up talking points for applause lines, but the take away the media has, listen to the content of his, not the content of his speech but the style first time we saw him the actually read from a teleprompter. >> the first time he's ever delivered a prepared speech, reading that speech that was i think that was a huge step to political maturity. >> are they shocked that trump can read? think about this. the bar is s so-so low for this lilliputian fisted ignorant orange single, right, that they are actually fawning over the fact that he can read a speech? funny, i don't recall anybody praising obama for this. and what about obama? he says a lot of words too but he also travels with a teleprompter at his hip. >> and also taken a hit for they
say he has a tell addiction, that he is, tell addiction. >> addicted to his teleprompter? why does a black president have to have an addiction. >> may i have some teleprompter, you want to volume a line. >> scrolling a line? >> okay. i get it, i am supposed to be impressed donald trump can read, fine. is this actually his attempt to be more presidential. >> here to comment is donald trump. you're welcome 4 me being here, larry, unbelievable week, i just made a perfect speech to the jews. they loved it. >> okay. >> larry: okay. all right. all right. i actually want to talk about that. now this is the first time you used a teleprompter, right in is that because you wanted to seem more presidential? >> no, using a teleprompter will ensure i don't upset people in the media like megyn kelly, who by the way she is an awful
journalist snerks is terrible, really. i don't know how she is on tv, do you know she just turned 54 years old? that's disgusting. >> larry: what are you saying? >> look, once a woman hits 25 we all know she's worthless. believe me, believe me, and no one's a bigger supporter of women than i am. >> larry: that doesn't even make sense. that is absolutely offensive. look let's talk about your speech to aipac yesterday. >> well the jews they loved me, okay? i am actually in a synagogue right now where the jews pray to their jew god. who by the way is a tremendous god and a big, big supporter of mine, big. >> larry: the jew god is a big supporter of yours? what are you basing that on? >> look, the jew god respects me because first of all i am a good negotiator. >> larry: okay. >> a little bit better than he was, okay? quite frankly i like him, i
would have gotten a tremendous exodus from the egyptians. believe me, i make great deals. >> larry: that makes no sense at all. how can you be so flippant about the jews struggle? >> hey, hey the only person responsible for the jews struggles is obama okay? he is so bad, this guy, really, they should make another one of those depressing jewish holidays dedicated to him. >> larry: okay. this is really -- look, mr. trump, the things you are saying are horrible. you should really stick to only saying what is on the teleprompter from now on. >> this is in the teleprompter. >> what? >> see, dummy, i carefully planned this, i hold for applause and stupid follow-up question from the black. >> larry: yo you just can't help yourself, can you? wait was my off-the-cuff response to you in the teleprompter? and i am referred to as the
black? >> i predicted you would say that. prompter equals presidential, unless you are obama who is completely addicted to the prompter. i will see you on inauguration day, guy who's not stephen colbert. okay? >> larry: that is just wrong. donald trump, everybody, we will donald trump, everybody, we will be right back. (engine winding up) (pilot talking to tower on radio)
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>> larry: okay. welcome back. all right. guys, guys, we have to talk about this latest thing ted cruz said, i mean, i could not believe -- [iron] >> >> larry: oh, my god. how could i have forgotten. it is tampon tuesday again. you guys thought it was an a one off segment, but no, it's a two off segment. yes. who wants a t-shirt? who wants a familiar bonn t-shirt? yes. here we go. all right. who! whoo! >> all right. ladies and gentlemen, please welcome your tampon tuesday mascot, absorby the bear! all right. okay. we have to get started, absorby
zoo if you could just dance over there while i do the rest of the segment. good job. okay, now, of course last week we had our first tampon tuesday because there is this horrible tax on familiar bonus and a necessity for women while men's product like rogaine and condoms have some sort of medical necessities and are therefore untaxed. >> you need to dance during the whole segment. that's okay. yeah. there you go. good. and wouldn't you know it, this week there has been more tampon news. >> chicago city council voted unanimously to remove the one with .2 .25 percent city tax frm feminine hygiene products. illinois legislators are reportedly considering introducing a bill that would remove the tax statewide. should illinois adopt that bill, it would join the company of five other states who have already killed the tampon tax. >> wait, wait, only five states don't tax women for their tampons right now? come on, guys, that is absurd,
you all know if men got periods guys would get a paid week off every month and free tampons would be delivered to your door by government funded tampon drones. be honest, guys. be honest. we've got to move faster on this issue. women are already paid less because they have vaginas and then most states charge them more for the proper care and maintenance of said vagina? >> it is a snatch 22. i am sorry, i'm sorry, i couldn't help it. >> look. i will be honest with you. i feel pretty silly as a man talking about this issue, i wish there was a woman here to really lay this out -- >> what about me? >> larry: oh, my god! hey, guys, absorby the bear is actually holly walker! hello, holly. >> yes, larry.
and don't worry, i got this. >> larry: okay. >> hi, i am julianne moore. look, we have a lot of fun here on the nightly show, but the tampon tax is very serious business. not only because it's yet another symptom of the patronizing patriarchy that taxes women for the simple act of being women, but also because it leaves us open to, you guessed it, bear attacks. when a woman can't afford tampons, well, that blood's got to go somewhere. and once it's on her clothes, her sheets, her office chair, that's when bears for miles around pick up the scent. and you can bet that once those bears hone in on that sweet, sweet menstrual blood, they are coming for it. and man or woman, they will tear limb from limb anyone who stands
between them and the blood they crave so dearly. the point that i am trying to get across to lawmakers all around the country is this. if you're not going to get rid of the tampon tax for women's steaks, do it so that we all don't get eaten by bloodthirsty bears. >> now who wants some tampons? >> larry: holly walker, everybody! who wants some tampons? tampon tuesday! >> are you ready for this? come on! tampons. yeah!
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i am here with my panel, first up, nightly show contributor ricky velez. and nightly show contributor, franchesca ramsey. and she's a youtube sensation with over 2 million subscribers and 130 million views. a "new york times" best selling author and you can see her next in the youtube red series, four some, airing march 30th, author and actress, jenn mcallister. >> and for everyone at home, join our conversations right now on twitter at nightly show using the hashtag tonightly, twitter turned ten years old this week. >> it's amazing because now they say there are around 500 million tweets extent every day. that is amazing to me. >> that is insane. >> larry: now, it is interesting, social media from twitter to facebook to snapchat has really changed like the world, in the last -- so my question is this. what change has been the most significant? our access to the world or the world's access to us?
>> oh. >> very good. >> oh, very good, yes. >> i think our access to the world is the most significant change because we are always so aware of what is going on now and we can get all of that information in a second, you know. i think what is really cool is the fact that it leveled the playing field. the media field, you and i, you topped door for me, you don't have to go to hollywood or even leave your bedroom, bedroom or put your pants on. >> i do my best internet work with no pants on. >> that is part of my contract negotiation for the show. it is like do i have to put on pants? i mean, you are going to get weird tweets. >> but, no, i think the best part about social media is you don't need to meet somebody to know they are an asshole now. >> larry: yes. >> it is like oh you like to post pictures of your cat, we shouldn't hang out. thank you.
i am good. >> larry: is one of the functions of it primarily so you can feel like you are closer to other people? like do your fans feel like they are closer to you, like they know you? >> i think so. i think social media -- no, i mean, i think they do. on the internet, i think social media gives people a whole new way to connect to other people and it is like a very organic way to connect to other people, because it kind of cuts out the middleman, like i make everything myself, i like post ever prevideo, every tweet so it is u all just coming from me unfiltered. >> and sometimes it is too close because people share way too much. it is like i was in middle school of you but i don't need to see your ct on facebook. i don't want to see that. >> right. some people, they don't know where the boundaries are. >> larry: i don't want to see it anywhere, i don't want to see slides -- >> but you said cut out the middleman. i travel, i am on the road doing comedy every weekend, and i smoke weed, so like chicago,
where is the weed at? >> and somebody delivers it. i don't need a middleman no more. >> larry: unbelievable. so social media is your drug dealer is what you are sake? >> happy birthday, twitter. >> larry: oh, my gosh. >> >> social media is going to snitch on you. >> larry: some people get so emotional on social media. that's the part i don't understand. people get so angry on it. >> because when they have -- like they see the number of friends they have and they think that is actually their friend. that's not your friend. type status who warrants to help me move and see how -- (bleep) you after that. >> larry: a bunch of losers, right, right. you get a lot of people angry with you all the time. >> i mean, i think the outrage is the same. i think it is just a matter of the audience is a little bit
bigger. i think it is the same as like when you fart in an empty elevator versus when it is crowded. it is disgusting both times but there is more outrage when there are more people there. to actually observe it. >> that makes sense, though. >> i think as soon as you see it on the internet you are broadcasting it to a huge internet and the same stupid or bigoted ideas are going to make people upset but now you are giving it to more people and that's why the internet gets so upset. >> larry: that's probably one of the most significant things the way it has broadcasted ignorance. >> i agree. >> larry: it used to be just the networks that broadcasted ignorance. where do you guys go for news? do you watch news anymore or -- >> i mean, i definitely go to twitter first, because -- >> larry: but it is the first, twitter is the fares place to go to find out what is happening. >> i watch the news but it is just like i grew up in a household that watches news every day. but the first thing i think of is going to twitter and see is
going on. >> larry: it breaks first on twitter because the news, three separate sources where they can say it. >> larry: it is called journalism, yes. >> no, no, no -- (bleep), (bleep). no, no, no. you don't need that no more. you don't need to go to college to become a journal list. you can -- i got this (bleep). >> essentially movements like ferguson. they were ignoring what was whas happening on the ground and we were seeing in real-time. they are saying there is no tear gas and here is a canister right here. so we can see in real life soy will say even though, yes, people aren't actually journalists, they are citizen journalists in real-time or even with what is going on with, you know, these terror attacks in the, people check to make sure
your friends and family are okay, so it is a different way to connect people to the story a in a way that tv can't do, because they can't -- >> larry: a lot of the arab spring took off because of twitter, and because of the internet and people -- i mean, movements, seeing movements happen in real-time. that is unbelievable when you think of how par the world has come to see those kind of things in real-time. but at the same time, wasn't there like an isis joining group you can join on facebook. so i mean, like, that is pretty (bleep)ed. >> what are you into? >> basketball, baseball, isis? what the (bleep). >> it is a different world now. >> larry: here is my question. okay. why do people -- why are people so obsessed with taking pictures of their food? what is up with that? do you do that? >> yes, i am guilty. it is like sharing. i mean, when you get a good meal and it looks so good and it tastes so good you just want to
share it with everyone and make them jealous? i don't know. my husband is a good cook. i do it on snapchat and what better way? it goes away in 24 hours and -- >> it is annoying it, i hate it with a passion. don't take pictures. i take pictures once i ate it and it went through me. >> ate too much greens last night. >> larry: you take pictures of your weed, right? >> the world don't need no journalists. we got journalists. >> larry: all right. we will be right back. >> if you might have in the new york city area or planning to visit, grab some free tickets for the nightly show.
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introducing the x1 sports app. get live stats, averages, and standings. right on your tv. change the way you experience tv, with xfinity x1. >> larry: thanks to my panelists, ricky velez, plan fran and jenn mcallister and special thanks to bob dibuono as donald trump for being here. before we go we have to keep it 100. all right so tonight's question is from laura. let's take a look, laura. >> hey, larry, keep it 100. (bleep), marry, kill, donald trump, vladimir putin or kanye west? what that is impossible. i am killing all of them. all right? thanks for watching, don't forget to check in on twitter. give me some tea. i don't care. yeah, yeah!
i am >> from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with trevor noah. ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: welcome to "the daily show." i'm trevor noah. thank you, everybody. thank you so much. tonight's guest from the great state of south carolina, senator lindsey graham is here! ( cheers and applause ) that's coming up in a bit. but first, yesterday was another primary election day, and