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tv   The Nightly Show With Larry Wilmore  Comedy Central  April 5, 2016 2:10am-2:41am PDT

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[♪] . >> larry: ooh, yeah. thank you very much. oh, my god. what a crowd. thank you. please have a seat. please, your so kind. welcome to "the nightly show." actor and comedian mike epps is on the show tonight. tonight is our first night back from a week off. man, i missed you guys. and before we get started we have to talk about march
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madness. >> 2016. >> larry: explosions always surprise me every time. so the championship game is didn't. we shot the show before the game so we don't know who won yet but it's down to villanova and south carolina that means hosting as my alter ego soul daddy versus starting a twitter battle with kanye. yeah, man. that's right. if north carolina wins i'll be coming for kanye higher than his debt collectors. doing it already. i still can't believe north carolina beat out syracuse. it was a major upset dare-wise. i was looking forward to hosting the show drunk i really was. then i remembered, hold on, it's
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my damn show i don't need a syracuse win as an excuse to host drunk. i'll just pour myself a little whikey for the late night homies that ain't here. ugh. all right. let's see our first story. >> the governor of mississippi has signed a proclamation declaring april confederate heritage month but made no mention of slavery. >> larry: confederate heritage month. this is not going to do. [cheering] >> larry: confederate heritage
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month? i assumed in mississippi every month was confederate heritage months. hold on a second, guys. can we play that clip one more time. >> the governor of mississippi has sound a proclamation -- >> that brother can barely get those words out, all right. he can't believe what's on the teleprompter. you can see his brain going just say the words, brother. keep your job>ó brother. keep your job. you know it's [bleep]. why are they doing this now traumatized black anchor. >> he believes the state's history deserves deflection no matter how unpleasant slavery might be >> larry: unpleasant? it's not humidity.
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the south lost, why are we still dealing with this [bleep]? i mean, you know what, this is what robert e. lee said stow it away and put it in your attic which brings me to a new segment called "things i never thought i'd say." i agree with the confederate general, these are things i thought i'd never say. i have to say, guys, when it seems as a people we're more divided than ever. last week someone brought everyone together in the shared horror and disgust and i'm not talking "batman vs. superman" but the trump comments about abortion. >> do you believe in punishment for abortion yes or no as a principle. >> the answer is that there has to be some form of punishment. >> to the woman? >> yeah, there has to be some form.
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>> larry: i agree. usually this is the part i get angry and curse through a bullhorn but i think i'll give it to a woman on this one. here you go, holly. [cheering] >> thanks, larry. all right. how does this thing work, oh, here we go. [bleep] that [bleep]! [cheering] >> larry: thank you, holly. now, even for trump, guys,ñi th is pretty extreme. so extreme he even issued a correction, well, sort of. >> trump campaign u uncharacteristically backtracking and within a few hours a reversal of the first statement saying if abortion were made illegal, quote, the doctor or any person performing the act upon a woman would be
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held legally responsible. the woman is a victim in this case. >> larry: no, donald. that's not better it's just more condescending. women have agency. doctors aren't going around rounding up women and force them to have abortions. come here, you, having an abortion kept for the one guy which reminds me don't get in dr. goofball's abortion van. that guy's not legit. it didn't end there. trump took five positions in three days. five different positions in three days. sounds like me last weekend at the sandals resort. [cheering] that's right, guys. the woman in barbados are still recovering from hurricane larry. i was there alone.
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i was there alone. just supportive. thank you very much. okay, so trump marked to unite both sides in condemnation but ironically he exposed the logic of the psyche this week and once that was exposed it has hard to take thatlong logic train to make sense town. >> why shouldn't a woman who makes the choice to take the life face a punishment or sanction. >> because i think it's difficult on her to begin with. >> larry: wait, wait, wait. so your calling a woman a murderer but forgiving her because it was difficult to commit the murder? that's now how it works. mr. dahmer you said after i ate the man's penis you did some soul searching. okay, no jail time for you i can tell it's been really difficult and no more eating penises. get out of here.
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now over the weekend the pro-life movement made it clear when it comes to abortion they're look out for women. >> who should be punished when you make abortion illegal the pro-lifer say not women. >> it's the anti-abortion line we're not about punishing women. >> of course women shouldn't be punished. >> larry: it's nice for the gone to say they don't want to punish women for performing abortions but women in ohio have seen funding cuts and clinic shirt and draconian actions and counselors banned from referring women to abortion clinics. you can say you're thrown side of women and don't want them punish but when you defund planned parent hood or move clinics hundreds of miles from poor people and enact laws
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designed solely to shame, you are punishing women for having abortions. donald trump was the only one to own up to it. so for a couple hours at least. we'll be right back. marvin thinks you have to be a brainiac to do your own taxes. so we brought in a world-renowned brainiac, to help him. take your finger and press it right here. [camera shutter]
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yay, you got it. intuit turbo tax.
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show me "previously watched." what's recommended for me. x1 makes it easy to find what you love. call or go online and switch to x1. only with xfinity. >> larry: welcome back. the state of kansas city isn't sure. can you blame them with kansas facing a halve million of about >> the students' physical privacy
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act said the bathrooms and shower rooms are for one sex only and it's identified at birth by a person's anatomy. >> larry: first question, why is the kansas senate ways and means committee coming up with definitions of sex especially when no one on the commit is a scientist. it consists of a farmer and travel agent who would come in handy if you are trans and want to get the hell out of kansas. it's the latest in a nationwide anti-trans backlash and the privacy act goes further. >> if the bill passes schools would have to pay $2500 to students who encounter a transgender student in the bathroom. >> there's a $2500 bounty on the
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heads of transgender children >> larry: with more on how jayhawks are cashing in a resident mr. mcmasters. what exactly do you do? >> i'm a bathroom bounty hunter, larry. >> larry: wait a second. a bathroom bounty hunter? >> that's right. and right now i'm in a high school girls bathroom. just looking for those that don't belong if you know what i mean. >> larry: i think you mean you. >> well, i'm picking up a scent here. i smell "d" on this towel. there's been a man in this bathroom. i taste it too, he's here.
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>> larry: you are an idiot. have you identified any transstudents yet? >> not yet. turns out most kids just close the stall doors. pretty tough. not to mention, trans isn't really about the body part. it's more about what happens up here. >> larry: hold on a second. you sound pretty progressive for someone who wants to cash high school kids. >> well, i'm a bounty hunter. i'm a progressive scholar second. >> larry: so do you think the law is stupid? >> it's wrong as hell but it's easier than catching criminals. >> larry: why are people so hung up on who is using what bathroom? >> a lot of men here still haven't accepted that ladies poop.
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they're a little behind. >> larry: you're kidding me. >> let me say this, you spend two hours in here and you'll know. >> larry: i get it. all right, so have you collected on this bounty yet? >> nope but that's why i'm keeping old trusty wide open. >> larry: how did you lose your eye? >> it's a dark tale, larry. a ninth grader clawed at me when i was peering over a stall. i played a hunch and the hunch was wrong. she was right. that's my bad. >> larry: yes, she was. flag mcmaster bathroom bounty hunter. we'l
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[robotic voice: doritos!] i quit! has the world gone completely bold? new doritos mix. four snacks in one. ♪ ♪ give extra. get extra. >> larry: welcome back. i'm here with our contributor rory albanese and nightly contributor and from "meet the
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black folks" comedian mike epps. join our conversation on twitter with our hash tag nightly. the smash "hamilton" the story of alexande alexander hamilton show came under fire for seek non-white men and women. they got in trouble for using the phrase non-white. >> got in trouble for that? being the highest grossing musical of all time. >> larry: if you're a casting agent what's the best way to say we don't want white people? >> this is a tyler perry movie.
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>> like we don't want white people i don't understand what the problem is. i'm being serious. there's never been a history of people not inviting whites. it's a nice change of pace. like, oh, that's what that feels like. >> larry: what'só more offensi the idea for wording of a diverse cast. the exclusion part ofçó it? we're going to act like everybody's invited. >> we don't want to say like non-white, what? they're mad because it's a hit without them. that's why they're mad. they feel like minority are stealing the story of alexander hamilton white people do an all-white "color purpose" and it's a hit -- >> i'm telling all the white people.
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>> and that's true. the reality of it is is that i went to a prince concert and he was sitting in the middle of the floor with a piano and he was jamming and what blew my mind is it was all white people. like no black people in there. i was having a ball and cheering and one of the songs went off and i was like yeah, and a white dude at me like, "he's not yours anymore." >> larry: he opened for the stones and he was ours then because he got like booed. he was ours then. >> let me tell you something, they can never have prince.
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>> white people are the worst. i'm sorry. >> larry: no, no, no. is it okay to specify race in casting. you've been a casting director. the way they break it down usually when they don't say anything, mike, and you go out and they usually have to say when it's black.ñr >> how would you know what to ask for if you don't specify. it's kind of hard. >> that's why it was so shocking. white people are like used to saying michael, 30s and it's like oh, he's white but when it's jerome it's like he's black. >> larry: doesn't it feel like casting directors are the one place you're allowed to be racist and it's not based on hate but if you're trying to
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cast a movie about overweight people then like you don't want to see skinny people. it's a waste of time. we just bring in the fatties. like, it's a business. >> >> larry: it's tough when you're in the waiting room.ñi >> it feels like a business. you're paying casting directors money so they won't waste time. they know they don't want white people. >> larry: they kind of have to profile. sometimes it doesn't get out of hand. like there's been talk about the way women are written in character descriptions for "straight out of compton" some called it racist, "b girls" with hips. >> they asked for girls "a," "b," "c," "d."
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>> and then do you down to "c," medium to light skin with a weave. you get to "d," african american, not in shape and how do you grade women on this? >> that sounds like a police report. >> larry: so was she "a," "b" or "c." >> what's messed up is the least flattering was "d." they could have reversed it like "a" a little out of shape. >> it's crazy because i mean like me as an african american in hollywood. >> do you don't have to whisper.
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we know. >> larry: go ahead, mike. >> because i'm a black actor in hollywood sometimes i tell my agent, look, man, don't cast me for no black roles. cast me white. >> larry: you want to be the lawyer? >> i'm speaking about the money. >> larry: that makes a lot of sense. we'll be right back. >> if you live in the new york city area or planning to
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how many letters? five letters. just think about what am i doing right now? smile. (laughs) smile? uh huh. (ping sound of text message) (crash) (sirens) nobody likes to be stopped by the police. but if i'd seen her texting while driving and given her a ticket. it just might have saved her life. put more fun in your day with ice-cream-flavored coffees at dunkin' donuts. go for delicious flavors like butter pecan, cookie dough, or new pistachio. enjoy one today. america runs on dunkin'. this is the all-new 20wow, it's nice.. let's check it out. do any of you have kids? i do yes. this car has a feature built in called teen driver technology,
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>> larry: we're almost out of time before we go i'm going to keep it hundred for you. tonight's question from an audience number named julia. let's take a look. >> larry, how did you really go bald? >> yeah, larry, how did you go bald? >> larry: that's messed up. i'm not bald. i just cut it short. thanks a lot. keep it a running ahundred. i'm not bald.


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