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tv   The Daily Show  Comedy Central  April 26, 2016 11:00pm-11:32pm PDT

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♪ and smell you in my clothes ♪ cinnamon and sugary ♪ >> from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is "daily show" with trevor noah. ( cheers and applause ) captioning sponsored by comedy central >> trevor: welcome to "the daily show." i'm trevor noah. thank you so much, everybody. thank you. my guests tonight from the hit show "key and peele," peele and key are here, everybody. and, yes, yes, those are their government names. so, since the results of today's primaries are still coming in, let's talk about voting. it's one of life's little pleasures. you know, without it, we don't have a say on who occupies the white house, who plays in the all-star game, or who wore it best. because we all know that i did.
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( laughter ) say what you want, gaga, but i slayed. everyone voted, but i slayed. the point, is the right to vote is enjoyed by many americans and now in virginia another group is set to join the party. >> the governor of virginia is going to give convicted felons the right to vote. that means every felon in virginia who has completed his or her sentence, whroong any sort of supervised release, will now be eligible to vote and to run for office or serve on a jury. >> trevor: oh, interesting-- voting and jury duty. some bittersweet news for an ex-con. ies like, "i'm free! i can vote! wait, i gotta sit on a jury? haven't i paid my debt to society!" obviously, there are people who are against giving felons the right to vote, and they do have their reasons. >> i don't want convicted felons, even if they've spent their time-- i don't want them
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voting. >> we're going to give them their rights back. >> they have shown a propensity to lie and have not been audience have, a loose relationship with the truth. >> trevor: you whan? she is right. people are a loose relationship with the truth don't belong in a voting booth. they belong on fox news. ( cheers and applause ) now, now, you can argue that voting restrictions on felons have their place. i mean, when you commit a crime, you do give up certain rights for a period of time, much like when you eat sushi at a strip club. for a certain period of time you give up your right to solid poop. and that's just something you accept. fish at a strip club upon. who came up with that? have some brains. stick with the chicken fingers. there's a key phrase here-- it's a period of time." and that is how long society agrees to be punished. it doesn't mean keep punishing people when it's over. and there's another reason why
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these laws are shady. >> 50 years after the voting rights act, one in 13 adult african americans cannot vote simply because of felony convictions. >> this is a major, major way of undermining the strength and power and vibrancy of communities of color and poor communities of color. and it is the new jim crow. >> trevor: it's the new jim crow-- new style, new haircut, same old racism. here's how you know this was designed as a race thing and not a criminal thing. after the civil war when the slaves were allowed to vote, all of a sudden, additional laws were created to limit the rights of felons and ex-felons. just look at that chart. that shows how quickly the states changed their laws to ban ex-felons and felons from voting. you see that? look at that spike. if that spike were any more black it would have courtside seats to the knicks game. that's a black spike, and that's what they were doing. they were open about being racist back then. back in the 1800s-- and this is insane-- voting rights in mississippi were revoked for
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theft or arson but not for murder because as the mississippi supreme court ruled, black people were given rather to furtive offenses than to the robust crimes of the whites. yeah, in other words, black people commit sneaky crimes, whereas white people are good, old-fashioned murderers. ( laughter ) sounds like a def jam joke, doesn't it? you ever notice how the black people do those furt furtive crimes sneaking around, and you got white people ( bleep ), ( bleep ). that's a joke. so, even though we know it was a system designed to oppress black voters, can someone please explain to me why you would be against had change? >> i don't know any reasonable person who looks at our democracy and says the thing we need is more murderers voting, more rapists voting, more violent criminals voting. i don't think that makes whole lot of sense. >> trevor: you see, ted cruz, there are many things that don't
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make sense. for instance, your face. i mean, how is it melting and solid at the same time? ( laughter ) it's like an almost-ripe chee cheese. what's happening there? like these people have served their time. and the logic doesn't make sense because what's the worst thing an ex-con could do with their votes? they can't hurt anyone because the last time i checked murder and rape aren't options on the ballot. so literally the worst thing a felon could do in the booth is vote for ted cruz. that's the worst thing they could do. ( applause ) and this is the saddest thing about this entire issue, the saddest thing is that it's being politicized when it really shouldn't be. >> some republicans say this is not about justice but sheer politics. >> it really is obvious to anybody that's paying attention that this is a direct desire to bring 200,000 new voters that will support hillary clinton. >> trevor: okay, another no, now, look. maybe virginia governor terry macaulliffe did it for partisan reasons. there's no way to know for sure.
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and, yes, virginia is a key swing state this november, and a few thousand votes one way or the other could actually make a difference. for argument's say, let's say he did do it for partisan reasons. personally, i'm fine with that because giving citizens their rights to vote, especially after they've served their time is still the right thing to do. everyone in the world should do the right thing, even it is for selfish reasons. in fact, we should name is after him. you know you give to charity just to get a tax deduction? and we'll say you're macauliffe-ing. or spending a lot of time with your grandmother, but just because she's also your weed dearly. macauliffe-ing. that's what we should be doing. for morthis we go to senior incarceration correspondent, jordan klepper, everybody! ( cheers and applause ) thanks. thank you, thank you, trevor trevor i'm here in augusta penitentiary in virginia and
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this place could really use a hail and hardy. and also, convicted felons should not be allowed to vote. >> trevor: hang ohang on, jordan. all kinds of people end up in prison. how you can generalize about so many potential voters? >> do you have any idea what it's like in there? i do, i did six long years watching oz. take it from me, prison is a hell hole where the language is fear and the currency is stabbing. >> trevor: okay, jordan, jordan, i feel like you haven't actually tiewkd any inmate. >> that's where you're wrong. i met two ex-cons who just finished serving their sentences. guys, come on over. ( cheers and applause ) this is darius and this is killa b. killed. >> the "b" stands for bartholemew. ( laughter )
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>> trevor: first of all, welcome back to society, gentlemen. jordan just said you guys should not have the right to vote. how do you feel about that? >> this ( bleep )... is absolutely correct. >> you can't trust convicts with this electoral ( bleep ). we savages, son! >> see? >> trevor: wait, you don't want to vote? >> oh, we want to vote. but we don't have the aptitude to make informed political decisions. i used violence to solve my problems in the short term without thinking about the long term, much like america's disastrous foreign policy decisions in the middle east destabilized the region and led to the emergence of the islamic state. i mean, i mean, i mean-- i'm stupid, yo. >> dumb as bricks. >> yeah, yeah, yeah. what do i know about fancy issues like tort reform or
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campaign finance? i'm too busy running a functioning, cigarette-based side economy while taking night classes so i can file legal appeals on my own behalf. i'm a ( bleep ) maniac! ( laughter ) ( applause ) >> total psychos, tragic. >> trevor: guys, i think you may be selling yourselves short. you don't need to be defind by the crimes you committed. what were those crimes, by the way? >> tax evasion. >> super murder. it's a new kind of murder i invented. it really takes murder up a notch. >> trevor: wow, okay. one more question: if you did regain the right to vote, who would you vote for? >> ted cruz. >> hell, yeah, son. trus-ted. >> trevor: i don't understand, that makes no sense. >> i don't know, man, there's something about his eyes, man. something a real serial murderer can relate to, you know what i mean?
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. >> trevor: welcome back to "the daily show." i want to talk about something to be honest i don't want to talk about-- periods. the subject makes a lot of men squeamish, although not squeamish enough to keep them from figuring out how to make money from it. but at least in new york state, that's changing. >> new york is poised to bct latest state to repeal its sales tax on tampons. >> in new york state tampons are considered luxury items meaning women pay an extra 4% tax at checkout. >> trevor: great news. with more on the good news we're joined by senior period correspondent, michelle wolf, everybody. ( cheers and applause ) >> thanks, trevor. this is a big deal for us. losing the tampon tax could save new york women $14 million a year, and save me nothing. i steal all my tampons from the gym. ( laughter ) they're good. but there's still 39 states that
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charge the luxury tax for tampons. that's a lot of red. those governments put a luxury tax on products they see as not necessary or nonessential. according to the government, tampons are a luxury item, as in, "buy some tampons, ladies! treat yourselves." >> trevor: michelle, clearly, this is long overdue. >> oh, you know what else is long overdue? thankfully, not my period. being able to talk about periods. we've cloaked it in such secrecy and shame. we say things like, "time of the month," and "feminine hygiene." and a bunch of code words that mean menustration. it's like we put menustration in the witness protection period and it now goes by period and lives in a small town in oklahoma. >> trevor: you're right, michelle. we should talk about menustration because it's a totally natural and beautiful thing-- >> whoa, whoa, whoa! back up, little pony. it's definitely natural, but
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it's also definitely disgusting. once a month you wake up and all of a sudden you're carrie at the prom. thing can be gross and normal at the same time. it's not just men who don't want to talk about periods. it's women, too. partly because men use menustration as a tool to discount our opinions and not take us seriously. like, "she's being a bitch, must be on the rag." news flash, i'm being a bitch because i'm a bitch. ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: actual lie, i think you're pretty nice-- >> you ( bleep ) don't know me! ( cheers and applause ) this isn't just about taxes. we've got to stop ignoring periodses for a bigger reason. they're not just a puddle you can step around. take it from new york
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congresswoman carolyn maloney. she spent 20 years trying to pass a law to get tampon ingredients listed on the box. >> these are products used in very intimate areas, very close to the body and could be very descrus if they do contain them. >> even the woman trying to pass a tampon safety law can't say the name of the place we put them. she says "very intimate areas," like it's a bed and breakfast in vermont. ( laughter ) this isn't michelle's very intimate area. this is michelle's vagina. though, that just gave me an idea for a great bed and breakfast in vermont. ( cheers and applause ) vacancy! >> trevor: okay, okay, michelle, right now i'm so confused. why won't tampon companies list their ingredients. >>? >> exactly! tell me what's in the box before you pit it in my box. ( laughter ) plus i want to know what that little string is made out of.
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it's sturdy is it a shoelace? >> i don't-- i don't eye don't think it's a shoelace. >> it may not technically be a shoelace, but i have definitely used it to tie my shoes. we've all been there! look, getting your period shouldn't be shameful. it's not a disease. it's just a pain in the ass. which, by the way, is something we have tax-free medicine for. the last time men got so mad about something being taxed they dumped crates of it in the boston harbor and started a revolution. and if you guys don't change ( bleep ), we might do the same thing. ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: wow. thank you, michelle. michelle wolf, everyone. we'll be right back. [ upbeat music ]
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[ upbeat music ] so, you're saying we can't use sorry sir it's hotel policy.l? is it really hotel policy? i'm afraid so sir. do it. how about now?
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( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: welcome back to "the daily show." tonight, my guests are the stars of the new movie "keanue." >> ralph, it's going to be okay. i know you don't want to hear this right now, but everything happens for a reason. >> you're right, clarence, everything does happen for a reason. i want you to meet keanue. >> what? no, no. oh, my god! that's the cutest cat i've ever seen in my life. >> hello, keanue. >> i think it means cool breed in hawaiian. >> trevor: please welcome keegan-michael key and jordan peele, everybody.
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( cheers and applause ). >> thank you, thank you. >> a lot of cat fans pain lot of cat fans. >> trevor: a lot of you fans, man, a lot of you fans. you guys are looking sielin' man. >> thank you. >> we pay somebody-- >> to dress us like humans. >> trevor: there are moments if the camera moves around quickly, we could change-- which, wait, wait. >> yeah, we all-- >> yup, yup. >> if you put us in like a fly telepod together we'd just come out one mixed dude. >> yeah, yeah. >.>> wood be doubly mixed. like a double stuffed oreo. >> trevor: thank you for being here gentlemen. >> thank you for having us.
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>> trevor: legends, we're all sad about the show ending but you have moved on to the movies now. >> we're super excited. >> super excited. >> we're big movie fans and it seems very surreal that we're movie stars. ( cheers and applause ). >> thank you. >> trevor: i peen, you're not stars yet. you're going to be. >> movie stars? >>. ( cheers and applause ) movie stars. ( cheers and applause ) movie stars. ( cheers and applause ). >> oh, nice. >> i like that. >> they are in sync, trevor. >> trevor: i didn't know that you could do that. >> you can do that. >> trevor: here's a question i have. you split up to do separate parts but you keep coming back together. do you have an open relationship? what's going on here. >> we have an open relationship. we're modern guys. >> every time i think i'm out,
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he pulls me back in. i can't-- >> i can't quit you, man! in an artistic way. >> artistic. >> happily married. >> but, yeah, it's been nice actually to go apart and do things on our own. it gives you other ideas. it gen raits new stuff, new inspiration. >> trevor: people love seeing you together. i love seeing you guys together. you're one of america's favorite couples. i see you on the screen and i'm like i hope you stay together forever. you look beautiful in the movie "keanu" is-- i don't. this is an obvious thing. i watched the movie with keanu reeves where the whole movie was about him killing everybody because of a cat. >> because of a dog. >> a puppy. >> a puppy, yeah. >> trevor: killed everyone because of a puppy. and them you guys made a movie, an action comedy and you called the cat that gets stolen keanue. is that a coincidence? >> of course, it is.
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>> we just wanted to confuse every stoner out there, out of their mind. you know, it was actually a complete coincidence. i kid you not. we wrote this script, and john wit came out-- it was crazy. but i wish it was a parody because i feel like that's an even cooler story. >> trevor: it's not, though. >> it's not. >> trevor: this is an action-comedy. you guys are action stars in this. you're not-- you're not-- >> our body count is huge in this movie. >> we're killing people left and right in this movie. >> trevor: you have a poddy count. >> people die. there are bullets whizzing by the kitten that's running it's kit cent real action star. let's be honest. >> yeah, yeah. kinds of movies.-- we love these we wanted to make a movie similar to the movies we grew up with, movies from the 80s and 90s like "48 hours" "beverly hills cops ""thelma and louise."
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where the comedy is real but the bullets are also real. >> trevor: what makes people laugh more than bullets. that combination. it works really well. one thing that fascinated me in the film. you talk about code switching. code switching is basically where you act differently depending on the group you're with. >> cultural situation. >> trevor: you do natha in the movie. >> we do it in real life. >> we're doing it right now. we're doing it right now. >> trevor: what are you acting like? >> we'll come back out, and-- >> come back in. we're going to do like this. >> yeah, nan. >> no, no, man, what's up, trev? >> this is the real key and peele right here. it's where it's been the whole time. >> we really do talk differently-- and i think everyone does. i think that's the thing.
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code switching it's not just a black thing, it's not just a mixed thing. you talk to your different than you talk to your best friend or some dudes about to kill you on the street. >> trevor: my grandmother is all three of those people? >> real estate. >> trevor: yeah, yeah. >> that's a violent granny. >> that's a movie in itself. >> i hear you, i hear you. >> trevor: thank you so much for stopping be. >> trevor: "keanu" is in theatersed from april 29. keegan-michael key and will jordan peele, everybody! this is a fingerprint. and with touch id it does way more than unlock your phone. it logs you into things, like your bank account. see what i mean? it checks you into your flight. ooop, your phone! it pays for stuff like... (mouth full) doughnuts. how about chew then talk. it unlocks things for you. it signs documents for you. hey, you bought a boat! i bought a boat! i just said that. and it does this.
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yeah, it starts your car. so now we're just starting cars with our fingerprints. just. whoa. beer never looked so refreshing. 100% natural lime flavor in a twist bottle. ♪ bud light lime.
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okay,hmm, pot pie costs youeast. ffive bucks.. that's a famous bowl, five bills. tenders for a fiver. and that's my two piece original recipe, also five dollars. that's five real meals, each for five bucks. kfc, it's finger lickin' good. (man) hmm. ♪hat do you think? (stranger) good mornin'! ♪ (store p.a.) attention shoppers, there's a lost couple in the men's department. (vo) there's a great big un-khaki world out there. explore it in a subaru crosstrek. love. it's what makes a subaru, a subaru. ( cheers and applause ). >> trevor: thank you so much for joining us. that's our show for tonight. here it is, your moment of zen. >> the woman climbed over the fence saturday and into the
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tiger enclosure "p" yikes! she caught the attention of a tiger who lunged at her. the unidentified woman made it out unharmed but another visitor can be heard calling her a (cheers and applause) ♪ >> larry: yes! thank you very much! thank you very much! very kind of you! (audience chanting larry) thank you, appreciate it. so kind. welcome to "the nightly show." i'm your host, larry wilmore. man, we have a great show for you guys. i am so excited. breaking news -- this just in.


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