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tv   The Nightly Show With Larry Wilmore  Comedy Central  May 2, 2016 9:16am-9:49am PDT

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>> larry: all right, thank you very much, thank you! thank you very much. man oh man oh man. welcome to the nightly show. i'm larry wilmore. such a good crowd, i know, man, you guys are on fire tonight. i love this crowd. (cheers and applause). >> larry: on fire. i just had to say, i told the gentleman last night in the keep it a hundred said i would kill him but said it was too late to be killed. steveon, you are a brave man, you are a brave man, steveon. all right. okay let's get to it. now before any candidate can denegrofy pennsylvania avenue they have to denegrofy pennsylvania first. so let's see what is happening with the unblackening. favorite song. there were two big winners in
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pennsylvania yesterday but also one big loser. >> the criminal case bill cosby can resume after a pennsylvania court blocked his appeal. >> cosby was trying to get the sexual assault case thrown out because of a prior agreement with the prosecutor. but an appeals court has reswrected that argument. >> larry: that's right, [bleep]! that's right! even on election day i still haven't forgotten about you. but i digress, back to the election. okay. now trump win means that he's basically got it locked up. but ted cruz still delusionally thinks he has a chance. >> after a great deal of consideration and prayer, i have come to the conclusion that if i am nominated to be president of the unitied states that i will run on a ticket with my vice presidential nominee carly
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fiorina. (cheers and applause) (laughter). >> larry: you picked a running mate? you're not the nominee. ladies and gentlemen, i larry wilmore would like to announce that i just picked a running mate. i know, i know, i know i haven't announced i'm running yet. but since ted cruz only won three more delegates than i did yesterday, i may as well pick one. and my running mate is halle berry, thank you very much. (cheers and applause). >> larry: yes, thank you. i appreciate it. halle, i've made reservations at the sandals resort so he can with start our debate prep. just so you know. here is the thing, okay, look, at least carly fiorina is a serious policy person. she can balance out ted cruz's creepiness. >> i know two girls that i just adore. i am so happy i can see them more. cuz we travel on the bus all
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day, we get to play. we get to play-- (laughter). >> larry: how hard is it to be [bleep] normal! how hard? (cheers and applause) look, carly, say anything you want, just whatever you want to do, just don't sing like a creepy young girl from a horror movie, okay. stay away from that. ted cruz also thought he would creep out the people of indiana, the hassiers, state lovers of basketball by pretending that he shared their affection. >> instead he flubbed the word for hoop. >> you know, the amazing thing is that basketball ring here in indiana is the same height as it is in new york city. >> larry: that's right n basketball, indiana state ed it cruz called this a basketball ring. you know, that's like going to
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the adult entertainment expo and calling this a [bleep] hoop. easy mistake. easy mistake. all right. so for last night's contest we knew going in trump and hillary were going to win, there was no drama but that didn't stop the networks from des freightly trying to convince us that what we were watching is exciting. >> it is an exciting night. >> it is an exciting night. >> i love nights like this. (laughter). >> larry: really? brian williams looks like he's wishing he really did die in that fake chopper explosion. oh my god. okay, but look at what they took for breaking news, okay. trump movement running out of i am, eugene robinson, rick tyler, those are just names. that's not breaking news. okay, wait, hold on, i'm getting a news alert, you guys. breaking news, larry wilmore.
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man, what monumental news, do you remember when you were when larry wilmore? (laughter) cnn on the other hand, cnn thought they could fool people by insisting every tuesday is supertuesday. >> welcome to supertuesday number four. >> supertuesday four. >> it's supertuesday number four. >> supertuesday number four. >> it's supertuesday four. >> supertuesday four. >> larry: yes, supertuesday four, the characters you have grown to hate back together again for one last delegate heist. cnn had not one by two tables of panelists with nothing left to say about these candidates. >> we're all sort of waiting to see which donald trump will show up. >> i think there is one dn all trump, i'm sorry to say this. but i think it's one donald trump who sometimes behaves one way and who sometimes behaves another way. >> like everybody else, i would add. >> right. (laughter). >> larry: i don't think anyone
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thought there were actually two physical donald trumps. but thanks for clearing that up, cnn. i appreciate it. larry king must be rolling over in his grave, you guys. i'm sorry, what's that? larry king's still alive? hey, msnbc, here's your breaking news. right there, that's it. (applause) all right. here to discuss his plan and how to keep things exciting in two political races that are now clearly over the news consultants for cnn clyde wood. (cheers and applause) nice to see you. now clyde, how is cnn going to keep things exciting now that the races are pretty of all but decided. >> oh, larry, this thing is far from over. as we said on last night's coverage of the supertuesday four, the awakening.
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(laughter) >> jesus, cnn, supertuesday four, the awakening? i thought there was only one supertuesday. >> really? why don't you tell that to next week's st five, supertuesday five, more superrer. >> larry: okay, please, enough with all this ridiculous technology. cnn should vus cover the news and not resort to gimmicks to keep us interesting. the countdown clock, hollo grams. >> slow down. >> larry: what? >> we do not use holograms any more. >> larry: good, that's a start. >> we are doing something totally better. we're doing snapchat face transplanting technology. it is so-- it is off the charts. i can put anybody's face on my body. check this out, hold on. look, look, i'm ted cruz. >> hello. >> i'm crazy, look at this picture. we don't have to wait for the news to come in, we can just make the news. >> i'm ted cruz and i'm running
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for president and i will outlaw sex. ha, ha, ha. >> larry: you can't just make up news. that's not your job. >> it's not even-- not even a little bit? we can't make up the news a little bit, larry, huh? not a little bit? are you sure about that? a little bit of news? >> larry: is that robert de niro. come on now. >> come on, hmmmm, you talking to me? are you talking to me? >> larry: yes, i'm talking to you. i'm-- look, you will never get a respectable cnn news anchor to do this ridiculous stuff. >> are you sure, because i'm wolf blitzer. and i have no problem making up the news. this just in, ted cruz's war on sex heats up. >> larry: you cannot get away with this. it's not. >> you can't get away with this. -- i'm larry wilmore. look at me. i don't-- i don't understand how to make news great. hey, its' time to go to
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commercial. i can't stop holding in this fart any more. >> okay, you got it, larry. >> thank you, to commercial. >> larry: that's not me. >> it's my show, it's my show, listen to me. >> larry: we'll be right back. fine. that's not me. (cheers and applause) at our house, we're always down for more... ♪ ding! hot pockets! and the heartiness of hot pockets makes that more possible. case in point: our handcrafted skydiving chamber.
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could save you. >> larry: welcome back. now beyonce's album lemonade has cautioned quite a stir on the internet sparking controversies,
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think pieces and twitter. and now franchesca ramsey with her segment hash it out. >> thanks, larry. yup, this week has been all about lemonade. beyonce's new visual album is the musical journey of a woman scorned by her cheating husband because as the saying goes when life hands you lemonsk drag your [bleep] cheating husband and collect your grammy. that is before kayne tries to collect those grammys for you. personally, i loved lemonade. but obviously when beyonce drops an album there is one person we all want to hear from. one oracle of wisdom who can cut through the noise and celebrate black womanhood to its proper place. i'm talking about cnn failed host piers morgan. so what did piers more began have to say. let's look at some of his tweets. >> to clarify i love bo yons and lemonade is a good album but i didn't like the rationally
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charged video that went with it. he is ma because the music video for the song freedom includes the mothers of trayvon martin, eric garner and michael brown. it is a sad but powerful moment in a song about overcoming the odds and fighting for what is right. apparently advoity kaing for black lives gets piers nickers in a twist. i said nickers, you guysk i'm not some sort of piers morgan over here. his next tweet says i've always been consistently against gun control. beyonce suddenly turned political there is a difference. sure, you consistently been against gun control, you have also consistently been a douche bag. first off, music has always been political. ever heard of bob marly or john lennon or bill clinton playing sax on arsenio? as far as i'm concerned, beyonce's music has always been polit ka. bill, bill, bills was clearly about raising the minimum wage. single ladies, the ultimate marriage equality theme song. crazy in love about funding mental health infrastructure.
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frequentu m dress impose tariffs on dresses. and par tition, that is just about [bleep] in a limousine. but as the internet does, people felt they needed to jump into the conversation and cosign this foolishness totally uninvited. i agree with piers morgan. i'm black and i believe beyonce has exploited our race for album sales. let her prove she hasn't by donating. u m, prove it? how, oh, you mean like the millions she spent to help victims to help hurricane katrina or benefit concert for haiti or contributions to bail out the black lives matter activists in ferguson and baltimore. not to mention all that stage time she donated to coldplay during the super bowl. come on. but that is piers more began because of course he wasn't done. am i even allowed to listen to beyonce's new album given my
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white skin color? i'm confused. >> yeah, well, i'm confused by the way british people spell color. and you can absolutely enjoy lemonade, and you should. but you also have to realize that this album isn't about you. that's why beyonce featured an ultimate black girl squad including serena williams fsm lemonade was about you, piers morgan, it would have been called metamucil. (cheers and applause) look, piers, it's like if you try to wear a pear of apple bottom jeans. sure, you can get them on. but without a big booty they might not fit that well. it doesn't mean that you can't wear them, but you're going to have a hard time feeling totally comfortable because they weren't created for your comfort. so if you are cool with that, then go ahead and get into formation. and if you are not, then in the words of beyonce, please, suck my balls.
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(cheers and applause). >> larry: franchesca ramsey, everybody. everybody. we'll be right back. this is violet. she's been waiting for this moment for awhile. a moment other kids wouldn't think twice about. her first bowl of cheerios. because now that cheerios are gluten free, violet, and many others are enjoying their first bowl today. it's bright yellow wrapper is bold. and if it's crlspety, crunchety, peanut buttery goodness unapologetically sticks to your teeth.
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>> larry: welcome back. nightly show distribute ericy velez. and nightly show contributor franchesca ramsey, and he plays george washington in the broadway smash hit "hamilton," emmy and grammy award-winning actor, musician and composer, chris jackson. and for everyone at home join our conversation right now on twitter@nightly using the hashtag tonightly. so i will talk about what you just talked about. the whole controversy surrounding beyonce's album lemonade. some people are criticizing her for getting all political and real saying she should leave that alone and just stick to music. others are praising her for making a stand. why are people so upset that beyonce is evolving as an artist. >> because it is 2016 and people love to bitch, larry, that's what it is. if you your biggest problem in
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2016 is beyonce, kill yourself. end it. >> oh no. >> larry: is that what it is? >> that simple. >> listen, i think the big thing is that a lot of people felt like beyonce was a safe flak, she has light skin and blond hair and they're like she's not that-- she's not going to talk about black issues and got tricked because they had to remember that she she's actually black and that she can talk about black [bleep] >> larry: right, i like people think there is some black expiration thing happening. suddenly wakes up the black alarm clock that goes off. all right. you think people are making too much of this? i mean what did you think of it? >> my take is that as long as you call yourself an artist and you put things out in the world to be artistic and to say something, you better follow the path and follow the inspiration that you have. otherwise you're not an artist. >> larry: right.
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>> absolutely. >> people both want their artists to evolve and demand that they stand still at the same time. what is so controversial about her album anyway. >> it blows my mind that the controversy is about her supporting black lives matter and standing up for the moth errs who lost people to police violence. i am more upset about the fact that jay-z cheated on beyonce. i don't-- like that's where my mind is, like wait, i don't understand. that makes no sense. >> do you have a problem with the album. >> larry: the whole jay-z thing. >> every time she comes out with a song with him cheating my girl walks around the apartment like i did it. >> it's true though. >> i know, i know what you are doing, ricky. i know, jay is the same way. >> it's true. i've in a very happy relationship. and that album made me almost break up with my husband. >> larry: unnerving. >> i was like i don't need you in my life. he was like i didn't do anything. i am like, it just-- . >> larry: she talked about wearing another woman's skin,
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that is like a silence of the lamb type of thing. >> but at the same time you're dating an ex-drug dealer. you don't want drug dealer [bleep] than don't marry one, i'm sorry. >> larry: i like when people say she transcends race what does that mean. i never understood that. >> that is another thing that white people say to make other white people comfortable. >> larry: how can you transcend. >> i don't mind saying it. my momma's white. i'm just saying. since when do we have to transcend anything other than being black and having to deal with the kinds of things that only black people have to deal with. >> larry: you never tell a white person you transcend race. >> nope, you don't. >> eminem. >> larry: he transcends race. >> he transcended, i mean come on-- . >> larry: i think eminem was poaching race, not transcending race. >> a white kid with a do-rag on, larry. >> larry: thank you, poaching. >> at the end of the day race is the no the problem. racism is. and beyonce is still black no
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matter whether you feel comfortable seeing her as black or not. and that's something you have to transcend. are you not seeing me for who i am because i'm black all the time. >> absolutely, absolutely. but i don't-- (applause) i don't-- i think that the conversation when eminem kaiment out but i don't think he transcends anything, i they he is one of the-- rapee and that is why we love and appreciate him. he disn shy away from the fact that he was white and everyone paid attention to that at first. but clearly that brother has got game. >> i agree he has game but i think he also had to adapt to-- not being a white guy. >> wow, this white dude can rap. >> but even so, he has owned everything that he. is forget that i'm white, i'm broke. i'm poor. you know what i mean. i have it just as bad as anyone else who is broke and poor. and i very much like our show, i have written my way out of my
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circumstances. i have figured out what i do, and i'm going to capitalize on that no matter what. and more than anything else, like if we stop reducing artists to just this or just that. stop reducing artists. >> larry: she wanted to be regarded as more than that. and it's not that easy, she wants to be regarded as something, she's just making a statement, you know, in what she is doing. some people, let me ask you, do you think beyonce's big enough that she can actually change people's mind. because she is on a level that is rare where she is right now. >> absolutely. i think people love celebrities. look, we have a reality tv star oning for-- running for president. people love celebrities. and so if beyonce says, takes a stand and people are inspired by it, i would rather have a celebrity who is advocating for black lives matter rather than [bleep] on mexicans and muslims coming. (cheers and applause).
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>> larry: do you think there is a risk when an artist takes controversial stand. >> hopefully. >> larry: yeah. exactly. >> i think great artists are supposed to cost the art something, coming from the artist, you can't get that back. it is going to take something from you. but hopefully the conversation, the dialogue, the change and what is happening will fill you back up or you take a break, you read a book, you go sit in a quiet meadow somewhere and figure out what the next is. but it is our job as artists, it's a responsibility to say something that is going to affect change, at least start a conversation. and if we can get past the point of well, she shouldn't be an activist, she sunt sh be black, she shouldn't be this, she should be everything that god made her to be. please, just be that. be that. >> larry: all right, we'll be right back right after this. if you live in the new york city area or are planning to visit grab some free tickets to the
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nightly show. ♪ ♪ take any day, and squeeze some magic into it. ♪ ♪ well, i told you to bring a warmer jacket. when? every day since you could walk! now i just say it with my eyes like... folks, park ranger mark. -sup, bro? -hey, forest cop. you're taking up a lot of space. i'm going to need you to move a vehicle. todd, load the four-wheeler into the truck. flo: that's like bundling! 'cause progressive can bundle your boat, atv, and rv with your truck to save you money. don't talk to her. she has rabies. rabies was created by the government. look it up. [ flames whoosh ] [ gasps ] who are you people? yay, grandpa's still alive. i don't want to buy any cookies, little girl.
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♪ ♪ ♪ can you say i love it? ♪ oh love it? ♪ can you say hey? ♪ hey! ♪ that's the spirit! oooooh.♪ ♪ ooh ooh ♪ wooh ooh ♪ wooh ooh ♪ sing sing, baby baby i love you. oh yes.♪ ♪ ooooh oooh. ♪ every little thing. ♪ ooooh oooh. aha! cinnamon. milk. cinna-milk. cinnamon toast crunch. crunch! crave those crazy squares. cinna-milk! (man) hmm. ♪hat do you think? (stranger) good mornin'! ♪ (store p.a.) attention shoppers, there's a lost couple in the men's department. (vo) there's a great big un-khaki world out there. explore it in a subaru crosstrek.
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>> larry: all right, thanks so my guests ricky velez, franchesca ramsey and chris jackson. good nightly, everyone.
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>> from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is "daily show" with trevor noah. ( cheers and applause ) captioning sponsored by comedy central >> trevor: welcome to "the daily show." i'm trevor noah. thank you so much, everybody. thank you. my guests tonight from the hit show "key and peele," peele and key are here, everybody. and, yes, yes, those are their government names. so, since the results of today's primaries are still coming in, let's talk about voting. it's one of life's little pleasures. you know, without it, we don't have a say on who occupies the white house, who plays in the all-star game, or who wore it best. because we all know that i

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