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tv   The Daily Show  Comedy Central  May 23, 2016 11:00pm-11:32pm PDT

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central's world news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with trevor noah. (cheers and applause) >> trevor: welcome to the daily shoarks everybody am i'm trevor noah. thank you so much for tuning in rose byrne is joining us, people, rose byrne is here, but, but, we begin this weekend's news from pakistan. >> confirmation today that the leader of the taliban was killed this weekend in a u.s. drone strike. >> one of those killed was
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taliban leader mullah akhtar mansour. >> the u.s. says it pakistan denies that and accusing the u.s. of violating it's sovereignty. >> trevor: that's right, taliban. if you play with fire, you get tali-burnt. oh, you thought the u.s. forgot about you because of the whole isis thing? well, joke's on you. because isis was just a dei could the entire time, bitches. yeah, great work, boys, well done, well done on that, they fell for it they time to shut it down. shut it down. enjoy your summer break. >> wouldn't that be the weirdest scam ever in history? you know what is strange about the story, it's really weird, that pakistan dnt care that america's using drones. they just wants the heads up. that saul they're saying. and the u.s. is saying to pakistan, we towld. and pakistan is like no, you didn't, you didn't. the u.s. is like the worst which friend ever. they don't say anything but just show up and [bleep] sorry babe, i thought i definitely texted you. and pakistan is like well, we didn't get the text.
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we didn't get the text. america is like no, look for yourself, heads up, gunner bomb emoji taliban guy. and pakistan is like that wasn't to pakistan, look, it says patricia. who's patricia. an they're like ah, [bleep]. so coming back to the u.s., you know, so much, so much has happened this campaign season. i mean between finding out ted cruz's dad killed kennedy, john kasich struggle with tape worm. well, partnership with tape worm, i should say. and that whole jeb bush wedgie incident. i mean there was a time we thought that would be the biggest moments in the race. none of us remember it now, you can remember? no, we all forgot it. it similar with chris christie because we forgot, it was only a few months ago that the new jersey governor slashed soprano's extra was still running for president. now by the end of his campaign he had blazed through 8.1 million dollars and was hundreds of thousands in debt.
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so chris ye spent millions of dollars and didn't get out of jersey, or as they call it the reverse springsteen. so after dropping out he endorsed donald trump which seems normal now. but at the time, the announcement had people reacting like this. >> chris yis c.e.o.-- chris ye endorsing the frontrunner. by >> the biggest high profile endorsement that trump has received. >> a jaw-dropping endorsement. >> isn't shk waves throughout the republican party and beyond. >> yeah, that is the top rated news broadcast in india. it is not. it is just a joke. so though, because that's not india. i get t calm down. so for several days everyone in politics was in shock including chris christie. look at that face. look at that face. that is the kind of face you make when you are trying to remember if you used a condom last night. that is the look you have and if you did, which side of it were you on.
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that is the look that he has. so everyone was wondering why chris christie would do such a thing. but people always forget that when you sell your soul to the devil, are you still getting something in return. and last thursday we found out what that was. >> donald trump in central new jersey at a fundraiser in lawrenceville for governor christie. >> a $200 per person event was designed to pay you have christie's $200,000 debt from his failed presidential run. >> you know, chris paid off his entire campaign debt tonight, right? his entire debt. >> trevor: yeah! we did it! we did it! i mean we could have given that money to are chaity, but let's be honest, christie is the real tragedy here, come on. yeah, there is probably kids in africa going no, no, i know me, but have you seen his face, give him the moneyment i will wait for next time. i will wait for next time. so yes, trump helped wipe out chris ye's debt in just one night. and all christie had to do was endorse a man who a few months prior he had said this about. >> i just don't think he's
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suited to be president of the united states. >> why? wince don't think his temperment is suited or his experiences. >> trevor: i don't think he's suited and yet now he. is and also, while they are walking along the boardwalk, it is an interview, not a high school date, i don't understand, unless this is christie's game, i will meet you for an interveurks 8 p.m. at the kissing booth, see you there. s to atly business. now look, we understand there is going to be a certain level of back scratching in politics, but this level of payback is seldom this obvious. i mean it's right in our face. it is like a couple joining the mile high club on the aisle of a plane, have the desensee to at least go in the tiny bathroom, at least. even though it was christie's event, it was-- . >> when a company moves to mexico and they think they're going to drop outlining carrier, like ford, like nabisco, they think they will take our people, fire all of our people, move to mexico, make their air
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conditioners and sell them right across the border, no tax, no nothing, guess what, folks, not going to work that way any more. every year that you make, that you sell into the united states, you are going to pay a 35% tax, okay? very simple. >> we're losing our shirts, folks. >> trevor: we're losing our shirts, folks. we're losing our shirts to these foreign countries. and no one knows that better than donald trump whose brand of shirts is manufactured in china. yeah, so if you want american made trump clothing then you basically have to wear a bunch of his steaks, that is how it, was. it makes more sense than eating them, let's be honest am but let's back up a second. let's back up a second. because when done all trump says you're going to pay a 35% tax, you understand, he means you, the american consumer that is who ends up paying the tariff. it feels lick yesterday shoppers were pulling knives on each other to save ten bucks on a blu ray player, but now they are cheering. when everything from thoses country is suddenly one-third
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more expensive, trump is basically putting economic sanctions on america, you know, the sanctions the same thing the u.s. uses to cripple other countries that is basically trump's economic recovery plan. a plan that could actually deepen the trade imbalance, singt u.s. into recession within a year and lead to a trade war with china and mexico. this is a trade war. >> these dumbees say oh, well, that's a trade war. trade war! we're losing $500-- 500 billion in trade with china. who the hell cares if there say trade war. trade war? it's crazy. >> trevor: no, you're [bleep] crazy! (cheers and applause) how is this gi a presidential candidate? i mean i know maybe you don't care donald trump, but you know who would care? the four million americans that would stand to lose their jobs if a trade war happened. there is no war with china that you can say you done care about it doesn't matter what kind of war it is. a military war, a trade war, a storage war t doesn't matter. if china had to cheap all their [bleep] we would be overwhelmed
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in a week. trump says i don't care. so helping christie with his debt and starting a trade war with china was basically the business part of friday's event. but trump like the human mullet that he is, saved room for the party in the back. >> there's nothing like new jersey. wise guy, so many wise guys. i will tell you what, you can make it in new jersey. you can do just about anything you want in life. >> trevor: if you can make it in jersey, you can do do anything you want in life. it's like the royaltiy free version of new york new york that they use an unlicensed karaoke bars. if you can make it in-- i don't understand. how do people look at this man and think yeah, president. he just walks up on stage and starts riffing. it's his nature. he's like a monkey at the zoo who is like what am i going to do, not masturbate in front of tourists? it's who i am.
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donald chimp. we know that making a bunch of weird misinformed and sometimes flat-out wrong statements at chris christie own bailout fund raiser couldn't possibly be the worst humiliation trump would serve the governor that night. you see, before trump was done, he would have to make it personal. >> i could tell you this. when carrier and ford and nabisco leaving chicago with their big plant they're moving to mexico, i'm not eating oreos any more, you know that, but neither is chris. you are not eating oreos any more. no more or yos. for either of us, chris, don't feel bad. >> trevor: don't worry, chris christie dnt have room for any oreos. he's too full from eating so much [bleep]. much [bleep]. we'll be right back. i'm here for the new iphone. my horoscope told me i should get one. well it just so happens that right now, we're offering a really great deal on the iphone.
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oh, great. so your horoscope said buy the new iphone? oh yeah. it said, "this day will be fairly eventful." yeah, i mean there's no other way to interpret that. totally, right? at&t has a better reason to get a new iphone. switch to at&t and get up to $650 in credits per line announcing pizza hut's new applewood smoked bacon and melty cheese in the crust pizza hut's bacon stuffed crust pizza is here!
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around the clock. in defense of all we hold dear back home. america's navy. >> trevor: welcome back to the daily show. now we are less than a week away from memorial day weekend which is why he consider it to be the official start of summer time travel. not to be confused with summer time travel. because that's how i relax. what if you are planning on flying anywhere for vacation this summer, you should probably
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get in line now. >> one week out from the memorial day rush, travelers are bracing-- today in chicago midway airport, passengers stretched clear out to the parking garage. >> the u.s. travel association called the situation a national crisis. >> that's right, a national crisis. i mean, not as dire as flint or congress not allocating enough funds to fight zika, but sure, having to wait an extra hour in front of cinnabon, that's bad too, yeah. no, the biggest reason for the long lines falls on the tsa, the agency tasked with the dual mission of stopping terrorism and excess sham poovment the tsa has had a rough go. last week it was revealed that they had a 95% failure rate at finding weapons at airport security. and now it turns out they are almost as bad at finding employees who want to work for the tsa. >> the tsa now says 35% of their
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people quit within the first year on the job. >> the tsa also has the lowest moral of any federal agency. apparently they are losing a hundred agents every week. >> some tsa security officers have been assigned to security for the presidential candidates. >> trevor: can i just say, if you are a presidential candidate and they assign tsa as your security, that say hint that you got to get out of the race. (laughter) they do not care about your safety. what is a tsa agent going to do. he's got a gun. guns in the tray, sir, guns go in the tray! guns in the tray! keep your belt on. keep your belt on, guns in the tray. yeah, so there is a problem, but do not worry, like a wizard who lost his luggage, the tsa is determined to fix their staff problem. >> the tsa immediately increased overtime for its officers just last week. and they are speeding up the hiring process for to get them on the job so but the union representing tsa
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officers say that won't be enough. they say they need 6,000 new hires. >> trevor: listen, tsa, if you need to find 6,000 new people to get strangers to take their shoes off, just go on craigslist. there sat least 6,000 creeps who are into that. guys will be all day, i'm feet. >> wow, you guys are creepy. now a lot of you may be thinking hey, this isn't going to be a problem for me because i have a tsa precheck. so i have my own special line. >> as a frequent flyer and platinum medallion i can tell s. those lines sometimes-- . >> trevor: i like how that reporter gave a genuine account of the problem. >> while also getting in that little humble brag.
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the it precheck is not the solution am i'm a platinum medallion status am. no bigie it lets me upgrade to any seat i want in the middle of the flight. even if the seat is tain, they kick the passenger out the door of the plane. at the terminal he has to carry my bags but seriously precheck isn't the solution. i'm very successful. now airports are basically caught between the pass scwhrers and tsa. and all these extremely long lines and missed flights are no fun for either side. and in des operation, they're taking extreme measures to try and calm angry travelers. >> in denver they're planning to sweeten up passengers offering them candy in line, seattle and atlanta, musical performances with snacks. and cincinnati, miniature therapy horses to help calm your nerves. and in san diego, they're bringing in the clowns. >> trevor: oh, wait, wait, wait. you are taking a stressful situation and you're adding clowns to the mix? that is never a good idea.
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that is never a good idea. and horses-- marines advertising handbook and make those wand waving ivy checking jobs look cool. and at the daily show, we're doing our part to help with tsa recruiting. >> when america takes to the skies, they don't trust their safety to it to-- there is no challenge too trecherrous, no doodle too meaningless. no wand waving to sassy. and this summer, the tsa needs you. will you get to see all the shapes, square shapes, circle shapes, dildo shapes. my god, the protecting
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your lives, lotions and half drunk waters, your heart desires. oh, yeah, room temperature. as a defender of the skies, you can chat with your coworkers whenever you want because at 15 dollars an hour, you don't have to give up [bleep] they are the many, the not so proud, the tsa. (laughter). >> trevor: now that's how you make an ad. we'll be right back 7
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around the world. around the clock. in defense of all we hold dear back home. america's navy. lepe's foods is a locally owned here in santa rosa. as a small business, we're always looking to save money, and pg&e was able to help us. i help the small businesses save money and energy. it feels great.
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we looked at their lighting, their refrigeration system, and with just those two small measures, they were able to save a good amount of money. i was shocked. i couldn't believe that i could save $1,500 a month. with the savings that we get from pg&e, we're able to pass it on to our customers. it's pretty awesome. learn how your business can save at together, we're building a better california. (cheers and applause). >> trevor: welcome back to the daily show. tonight's guest is the star of both neighbors 2 sorority rising
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an x-men apocalypse. >> they call themselves-- named after an ancient being they believe to be the world's first. >> world's first what. >> the world's sphirs mutant. these describe the powers great are than any man po es ised. >> an all-powerful mutant. >> exactly. and wherever this being was, he always had four principal followers, desiems, protectors imbued with powers. >> like the four horsemen of the apocalypse, got that one from the bible. >> or the bible got it from him. byrne. (cheers and applause) welcome to the show. >> it is just like a job interview. i didn't bring my cv. >> trevor: who is getting the job, why does it feel like a job
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interview. >> because it's a desk. >> trevor: is this what job interviews, they are normally like a brown ding with papers, pens. i've got some pens under here, yeah, this will-- now it's a job interview. >> set it up. >> trevor: now it's so, welcome to the show. >> thank you. >> trevor: it is not a job interview. you got every job right now in hollywood. congratulations. are you doing extremely well. in three movies right now? >> yeah. >> trevor: three very different movies as well. x-men and neighbors 2, and then you have a comedy movie that is out with susan sarandon, she was telling me about that. >> yeah, the meddler, a great movie to take your mum too or your dad or a friend or someone it is a really sweet. >> trevor: i like how that escalated, mum, dad, friend, someone. find a stranger, come on, we're going to much what the meddler. we're going to watch the meddler. you about you know what, this may be weird for some people, but i remember watching you on-- it was neighbors in australia, wasn't it? the soap opera.
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>> the soap opera, yes, yes. >> trevor: that was huge in south africa, with like a. >> wow. >> really? >> trevor: you cannot have made is sound more backwards, oh, wow. >> that's a shame. >> trevor: it was huge. >> really? >> trevor: everything. neighbors, everybody was a neighbors. we sing the song. i feel like-- yeah, but you have. >> i didn't know that. what else is popular there on tv? >> trevor: well, everything else, we just go like neighbors and then idol and everything else. >> okay. >> trevor: we just dip into old australian films that is what we do. >> i'm very flat erred. >> trevor: let's talk a little bit about x-men. a huge franchise to be a part of. and you are playing one of the few nonmutants. >> yeah. >> trevor: was it fun not having to sit in makeup for hours. was that like your superpower. >> it basically was. everyone else is getting blue or green or whatever, from 2 a.m.
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and i would roll up at 8:00, and you know, but it's a bit dul, really. who wants to not be a mutant, right? like i'm surrounded by people without can set themselves-- can fly. >> trevor: but they are not really doing it while you. >> yes, they are. >> trevor: you muses have felt cool. >> the movie is rel. >> trevor: just because we have neighbors, dubt mean we're dumb. don't treat me like that. but you do have a superpower, though. you can do like any accent. >> except south african, that's very hard. >> trevor: really. >> yeah, i'm very impressed with your south african accent. it's not real, is it? >> trevor: no, no. >> you are putting that on. >> trevor: i'm actually german. yeah, and you caught me and now i have to go back-- to my original accent, and the show is-- howmany accents can you do? >> three. >> trevor: three, four, five. >> i feel like you can shall. >> i really can't. can i do english, australian,
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american, that's about it, canadian. >> trevor: one thing you do have is you have a giflt for kussing real good. in neighbors, if you ever watched neighbors, i was a huge fan of neighbors the first one that came out, and it's very rare for the secretary movie to be as funny if not funnier. >> it is, it's very challenging, especially on comedy sequels it is actually very funny. a lot of people thought it was funnier than the first one. >> trevor: and it's tough to make a movie, it is all about the sorority coming. and you would think going from a fraternity to a sorority, it gets raunchier. >> the girls are-- they're nasty. >> trevor: so x-men is really, i mean, it's a powerful franchise, neighbors as well, number one r rated comedy in america, so congratulations. >> thank you. >> trevor: with that, and the meddler coming out as well. every movie, i am a huge fan. i'm still on the fifth season of neighbors, so i will catch up with the rest of it. >> you're very sweet. thanks for having me. >> trevor: thank you so much for being here. thank you so much, neighbors 2,
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sorority rising is out now and x men apocalypse is in theaters friday may 27th. rose byrne, everybody. (cheers and applause) siri, open the nba app. here he is over jackson! that's the guy you're playing in this movie. a cold-blooded assassin. so what part of you hurts the most? what does it matter to you? you're playing young kobe. i'm playing you all the way through now. i mean, with prosthetics and stuff like that. siri, play the curious case of benjamin button. fast forward 20 minutes and 36 seconds. genius! now that's the guy i'm playing in this movie. get out of my trailer. okay. you got it. intromercedes-benz c-coupe, redesigned with its athletic prowess and sleek new body. it doesn't just raise the bar...
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canredd's apple ale!ome beers? ♪ [ "stay" by lisa loeb ] redd's apple ale. also for a limited time in blueberry. [ song continues ] announcing pizza hut's new applewood smoked bacon and melty cheese in the crust pizza hut's bacon stuffed crust pizza is here! now with applewood smoked bacon shhh and loaded with cheese just $12.99. only at pizza hut. >> trevor: that's all we have time for tonight. thank you for tuning in. join us tomorrow night at 11:00. here it is, your moment of zen. >> we are viewed as the stupid country. we're like a big, big sloppy bully that gets punched in the face and goes down. you ever see a bully get knocked out.
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it's a terrible thing unless are you doing the punching. then it's okay. captioning sponsored by comedy central ♪ (cheers and applause) >> larry: thank you very much! oh, man! what a crowd! thank you so much! welcome to "the nightly show." i'm larry wilmore. such a great crowd here tonight,


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