tv The Nightly Show With Larry Wilmore Comedy Central May 25, 2016 11:31pm-12:02am PDT
tonight. thank you for tuning in. joan us tomorrow night at 11:00. now, here it is, your moment of zen. >> it's going to be about security. we're going to have great security. we're going to have great borders. we're going to have the wall. we're going to have the wall. ( cheers ) we'll have that wall. (cheers and applause). >> larry: yes, thank you very much! man, such great fans! welcome to the nightly show. i'm larry wilmore. thank you so much, guys.
arianna huffington on the show tonight. very excited about that. (cheers and applause). >> larry: yes. before we start though, i have to show you guys something. i was watching cnn last night at 1:30 a.m. because on tuesdays i like to punish myself for my sins. it's just what i do. catholic, catholic, catholic, couple of jews, okay. nd now, i'm not making this up. while they talked about protests at a trump rally, absolutely true, this happened. >> a tweet donald trump just put out. great rally in new mexico, amazing crowd. now in l.a., being rally in anaheim. no mention of the protests. >> larry: okay, you probably didn't see it. so let's look at it again and this time let's focus on the reply tweet. >> great rally in new mexico, amazing crowd, now in l.a., big rally in anaheim. (laughter) okay. okay. all right. okay.
for our home audience, okay, i know the word is blurred for you guys, so let me just tell you, but it rhymes with "lock." it starts with a "c." and it is [bleep], okay. so the word, the word is [bleep], is what it is. that's right, cnn showed a reply tweet from@parker9 underscore that said does your [bleep] match your skin color, like is it orange? i don't know. guys, hmmmm, hmmmm, hmmmm. it's an historic moment in that-- this is true. this is the first time that cnn has ever featured a followup question. unbelievable, you guys. unbelievable. (applause) okay. the nightly show salutes
you@parker9 underscore. well done. well done. well done. that's the question. that is a followup question, my friends. oh, very excited about this. now it is time for a new segment on the show "larry does lines." no, no, no. guys. really graphics department? i don't do cocaine, you guys. yes, i roll up my hundred dollar bills but that is just because it's easier to carry. that's it. okay. no, the reason why we have that is because we're talking about these massive airport lines. >> complaints about long security lines at airports have increased more than ten fold over the last year. >> the tsa blames those delays on an increase in travelers, and a shortage of screeners. >> this headline dubbed the trip through security a slow march through hell. >> slow march through hell. and if you are flying spirit, you got a long flight through hell. a lot of hell.
that's a lot of hell. anyway, congress is looking into the problem and has already fired one top tsa official. >> the tsa has been under fire for giving its now former intelligence chief a $90,000 bonus despite ongoing problems with airport security and long, frustrating wait times at airport security checkpoints. >> larry: okay, guys. i know $90,000 seems like a lot, right. but in his defense, he did come up with the idea of touching people's junk. that was his idea. no, it's true. before that they just passed the wand over your junk, right. and you said hey, man, touch the junk. (laughter) you know. do it in front of the kids. let's go total humiliation here. that's my contribution. 90,000 dollars, bitches, right here. okay. but truthfully, i don't-- i don't understand why this is all happening. all people have to do is walk through metal detecters. how hard can that be.
can we see who is holding up the line? (laughter) there's the problem. i almost forgot about that allegedly blind alleged-- i almost forgot. could somebody lock that guy up so we can get through these lines. amidst-- amidst the growing frustrations airports are trying to make it up to passengers in delightly idiotic waynes. >> in denver they are planning to sweeten up passengers offering them candy in inloo, seattle and atlanta, musical performances with snacks. and in san diego they're bringing in the clowns. >> larry: a clown? good lord. there's already tons of anxiety at the airport. the last thing you want is a guy who didn't have the wherewithal to avoid being a klown. a clown's whole life is a slow march through hell. that's all i'm saying. jesus, what's next?
a petting zoo. >> in cincinnati they inenlisted the help of therapy ponies to bring down the tension. >> come on, distracting crowds with pink and white therapy ponies is condescending to our human intelligence. and it's doubly condescending to my psychiatrist who is an actual therapy poanee. -- pony. dr. heynibble has gotten me through some very tough times, you guys. there is more on this frustrating situation, is tsa agent ron thursday. (cheers and applause) hey, ron. >> hey, larry >> r 1 ose 0 : >> larry: how's it going. >> you could call me producer ron. >> larry: producer? why would i call you that? >> because a brother's multitalented, man. i'm a tsa agent slash producer, baby. >> larry: producer? what are you talking about? >> i will show you, right now. in three, two, one.
bam! whooo-who! >> larry: what the hell was that? >> that was prince, baby. are you not entertained? >> larry: i'm not entertained, correct. but look, what about these long lines? all these people are-- they're all trying to catch flights. >> look, these people aren't here for no flight, larry. they're here for the show. come on, am i right? how many of you are all here for a flight? y'all are not here for no flight. come on in, giggles. >> larry: giggles? >> watch this, watch this, watch this, larry. watch this, hey, make me an elephant, giggles. >> larry: an elephant. >> that is too complicated. just make me a steak. do i have an all-star line-up or what, larry? huh? come on. (laughter) do i not have an all-star line-up, larry? >> larry: he didn't even do
anything. >> oh, come on. >> larry: that wasn't even a good snake for christ's sakes. producer ron, there are people in line for hours. you have to do something about that other than just entertain them. >> look, larry, the truth is we can't do [bleep] with these line, man. can't do a damn thing. we only get four weeks of tsa training, larry. okay. do you know how long terrorists train? six years. >> larry: whoa. >> we don't stand a chance, man. >> larry: that's true. >> so we just keep them entertained, baby. >> larry: i understand. >> yes. >> larry: i understand. okay. shunlt the tsa be focused on security and not putting on a show? >> larry, look, the whole idea of security at airports is a show. okay. look, last year diseurg tests we missed knives and bombs 95 pergs of the time. >> larry: oh my god. >> dude, we are horrible at this. okay? so this is all just for show. speaking of show, make it rain,
a purple rain. (cheers and applause) >> i got you. gerald. >> larry: gerald is horrible. it's the worst prince impersonator ever. this is insane. look, how is this ever going to get better, please. >> with bits like this, come on, giggles. ha ha. come on. this guy is hilarious. he's hilarious. he's doing a clown. look, look, the clown with the rifle bit. >> larry: ta doesn't even make sense. what if he is a terrorist. >> please, larry, where did you ever see a terrorist that funny. remember, people, no liquids on the line, no liquids unless you just peeed in your pants from this hilarious comedy show. ha ha. ron thursdays,. >> larry: producer ron thursday/talent show, everybody. we'll be right back. >> whenever you need me, larry. the e-class has 11 intelligent driver-assist systems.
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>> larry: thank you, welcome back. okay. all right. let's continue the theme of larry does lines. guys, no, it's still not about cocaine. you had the entire commercial to fix that, all right. we're talking about the inexcusable lines our nation's veterans face to get health care. >> veteran affair secretary robert mcdone all continuing to catch a lot of flak for his comments made yesterday. >> how does the veteran feel about their encounter with the va. when you go to disney, do they measure the number of hours you wait in line or the number-- you know, what's important? what is important is what is
your satisfaction with the experience. >> larry: oh. why are you comparing what a government agency does to what disney does? i mean that's like the irs saying sure, we have a complicated system but what about dora the explorer? i mean, her accounting is all over the place. hmmmm? it doesn't make sense. look, now secretary mcdonald's disney comparison statement is bad enough but i also love this fox news' anchors reaction. >> first of all, disney does measure your satisfaction on how you wait in lines. they come up with fast passes, other ways to amuse the kids. (laughter). >> larry: yeah, disney is the one that needs defending here, not the troops, right. look, the point is, is that va waiting times suck. and comparing them to disney's lines insults veterans, not disney. though perhaps it does insult disney veterans.
(laughter) thank you, mulan for your service in defeating the hu ns. oh, and then there's this. >> there is a new g ao report which indicates that there are still very long wait times that, of 180 people who had been surveyed, of only 60 had gotten in for primary care. >> larry: only a third are getting care? look, if nothing else, by comparing the va to disney, the statement shows that getting the time for health care is the real fantasy. and what gives me about this is veterans wait for ever after fighting these wars but there is no weight at all to-- wait at all to sign up to get in the war. for more insight on this matter, we thought it would be interesting to talk to two nightly show staffers who are also army veterans, please welcome john jonathan ginter and
benari poulten. you served two tours tours in afghanistan, you served three tours, one in iraq, afghanistan and guantanamo. thank you for your service. >> thank you, thank you. >> larry: so now what's been your experience with getting health-care benefits after coming back from war? >> from my experience, i would say if you are going into the va, remember the tables are now turned. and are you in charge. you don't have to take the doctor they give you. if you don't like the person's attitude, you can just say give me a different doctor and keep doing it until they give you somebody who is actually addressing what you need. >> larry: and you can seuss that, i was just in afghanistan [bleep]. >> right, but also we're also part of a community. and there are a lot of people, good people in the va who want to help you. but there are also a lot of good organizations, veterans organizations that are out there who can help you navigate this system. so you know, when are you in the military, you have a suck it up
and drive on attitude. >> larry: that doesn't help in this situation. >> so don't be afraid to ask others for help to help you. >> larry: that's very good. so we kind of made fun of the fact that the guy compared this to disney. but on a lighter note, do you have any fun stories about disney? >> yes. i have never been to disney. >> when i was in high school years ago my family-- . >> larry: do you have. >> yeah, i do. we took a trip to disneyworld and we got the vip, the fast pass that you love so much. we got to cut the lines and do the secret pass ages and went to the bear jam boree and they took us through the back room where the break room was. and i have seen a lot of [bleep] in the military. but nothing will ever be as disturbses alike goofy and minnie with their heads off smoking cigarettes. >> larry: that gives some visuals. we want to thank our nightly show staffers and proud veterans, jonathan ginter and
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show me "previously watched." what's recommended for me. x1 makes it easy to find what you love. call or go online and switch to x1. only with xfinity. >> larry: welcome back. i'm here with ricky velez. and nicely show contributedder francesca ram see. and her new book the sleep revolution, transforming your life one night at a time, is out now. she's the cofounder of course and editor in chef of the huffington post, arianna huffington. and for everyone at home, join our conversation right now on twitter@nightly show using the hashtag tonightly. so graduation season is upon us. recently president obama in his commencement speech at rutgers
gave the graduates flak for disinviting condoleezza rice a couple of years ago. saying dropping her was misguided. i don't think that is-- when we're not even willing to listen each other. he paused for an hour and then gave the speech, right. but this also speaks to a larger trend. apparently over the past 15 years the number of largely conservative speakers being disinvited to colleges has risen dramically. oh my god. look at that number. okay. what the hell is going on? anybody have any. >> it's rude, man, that's rude. >> larry: it's rude. >> actually. >> have you haven't been invited to a party t hurts your feeling. >> i see a lot of the guys gave two commencement address this year and one more to go and i haven't been disinvited from any. but-- (applause). >> larry: there's still too.
>> but i still want to first of all, i don't agree with disinviting guest speakers. but-- i think-- . >> larry: you invite them and then they get disinvited, right. >> yeah, but my point is i think when it happens, since the iraq war. has made everybody feel that it was such a dreadful decision, that this was the worst, most tragic foreign policy decision ever. >> larry: sure. >> in our lifetime and before. and so the people who are part of that decision, i mean george w. bush was disinvited seven times. >> larry: yes. it's true. and ex-president. in fact, we have-- can we show that? i know we will-- yes, here are some of-- george w. bush, seven times, an ex-president for goodness sakes, ann coulter i understand. but john mccain, john mccain say war hero. >> i honestly want to know who is paying ann coulter to speak
anywhere? other than-- . >> this is a bubble. this is a bubble. college has become a bubble. a lot of these schools, georgetown, boston college, this isn't happening at nas awe community college and-- . >> larry: john mccain was disinnighted with gnaw saw community college? >> yes, they would be so hyped. >> the point here is that they were invited. >> larry: yes. >> if they were not invited, of course, it's no issue. and if i was in charge, they would never have been invited. >> larry: it's clear, arianna, if you were running a college, it's clear. it's clear who is going to get invited. >> larry, would you have gotten invited. i don't know if you would have accepted. >> larry: of course. >> but my point is it creates something incredibly is dangerous that is a tyrant's view. i find your views offensive. >> there is a different between torturing someone and just saying i don't really want to hear what you have to say. they're not the same. >> you have that right, to not
invite them. but we're talking about once they have been invited. nobody here is saying you don't have the right toin viet. >> larry: there are different ways to protest. this happened, i think it was at depaul university, some activists hijacked an event by the college republicans, i think it was. the guy, milaian op-- yiannopolis, can i tell you, it is a great name. very good, arianna, very good. >> i thought that is why i was invited. >> larry: yes, i appreciate you helping a brother outlining that. >> i could produce nouns yiannopolis. >> larry: if you need helps with deshawns or that kind of thing. let me know, i'm there for you. so what happened here was that the activists actually came up on the stage and stopped the event from happening. see, i think that's going too far. i think booing is fine, you know. >> i hate this idea that when people critique someone's speech, someone says that oh, my free speech is being impeded.
no, you have the freedom to say something and people have the freedom flee dom. >> again, i don't think it's right that they took the mic away from him, but i do see lots of people saying bigoted things and just being like, just my opinion. free speech. it's like i have the free speech to tell you that you are a bigot and i don't like what you have to say. >> rickie? >> the definition of a liberal right now has changed, i think. you look it up in the dictionary-- on college campuses everywhere, it's just line-- big liberal was being understanding, willing to listen to other people's opinions and the other side. and that's gone. now that that is gone, it makes a college a dangerous place, because are you only going to learn what is in that lane. and that's not good, ever. >> i think if your opinion-- (applause) i think if your opinion upholds the mistreatment of someone else, then you absolutely have the right to critique it. but i also hate this idea that this is just put upon college
students. as if college students are like these big babies. i dare you to tell a baby boomer that the beatles are overrated and they will freak out. and they will freak out! >> larry: hold on. >> i'm just saying. >> larry: the beatles are not overrated, young lady. >> that's what i am saying. >> they are so quick to say that it is-- . >> larry: but it's truth. now these are fighting words. >> exactly. >> larry: arianna, bring us home. >> i think we are mixing up two things. >> larry: yes. >> nobody here is saying we cannot critique. what we are saying is do we have the right to censor someone by digs inviting them or by taking the microphone away from them. and i say absolutely yes to the-- . >> larry: can't we just live in one large-- together. >> exactly. >> larry: that's what i say. all right, we'll be right back. if you live in new york city or are planning to visit, grab tickets to the nightly sho ♪
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