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tv   midnight With Chris Hardwick  Comedy Central  May 26, 2016 12:01am-12:32am PDT

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>> larry: all right, thanks to our mie guests, ricky velez, francesca ram see and arianna huffington. good nightly, everyone. sorry.
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this happened on la-ist! this election year is pretty scary and not just because it looks like we'll have a haunted jack-o-lantern running against a chico's chupacabra. according to a recent investigation by kcbs, hundreds of dead californians have been regularly casting votes from beyond the grave. spooky! now, it's still unclear why this is happening. could be voter fraud, or a clerical error or maybe some tormented soul's unfinished business involves electing the local comptroller. now they're trying over and over. either way, it's bad news for hillary clinton given how many current ghosts grew up with bernie sanders. so comedians as an undead voter tell us an issue that's important to you.
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>> we should require body cams on all ghost busters male or female. >> i'll vote for any candidate that will start you chris hardwick for digging us up for late-night sexy time. >> sometimes it's in the afternoon. well, make america brains again. >> chris: it's time for "@midnight"! captioning sponsored by comedy central >> chris: welcome to "@midnight." i'm chris hardwick. tonight's comedians are from "hidden america with jonah ray," series premier june 2 on seeso, it's jonah ray. [cheers and applause] i don't know if you're aware
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he's wearing a t-shirt he'll be hosting on. >> chris: creator and executive producer of "outcast," series premier june 3 on cinemax, it's robert kirkman. >> chris: from "powers," season 2 premier may 31 on playstation network and "whose line is it anyway?" on the cw it's wil wheaton! [cheers and applause] >> chris: ripped from today's internet headlines, it's rapid refresh. here's a list of things you scrolled past because you thought they weren't interesting but you were wrong! first there's a bizarre video message made by cantankerous hill person charlie daniels.
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you may remember or your grandparents remember from the hit song devil went down to georgia or auditioning for the country bear jamboree. let's take a listen. >> because i told them every terrorist you enable listen up you haven't read the steel workers from cajun country that can wrestle a full-grown gator out of the water. [laughing] >> chris: i'd like to thank all the terrorists watching this and go oh, well, we can't wrestle gator. now we angered yosemite sam's step-father what are we going to do? we won't be terrorists anymore.
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it's more like a dating service with eligible rednecks. you iranians haven't met the racoon list whisperer or the methamphetamine pushers pushing cough syrup and a broken hot cub to someone can jam it in. it's a hoe-down. comedians who else did charlie daniels leave off this specific list of americans they haven't met yet? >> my wife's cousin booger who hasn't spoken his his book of hustler was lost in an accident.
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>> chris: jonah? >> you haven't met the people that can't even find iran on a map. they're not liking for terror. >> chris: it looks like he's about to invite us to jurassic park. >> wait, you got a t-rex did you fill in the missing data with frog dna? we just [bleep]ed a gator. >> chris: next up this man -- well. >> well, are you working for the terrorists? because if you're working for the terrorists. you don't know how to pronounce
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it. >> i'm sure they do. >> well your smartphone? >> it's 132 gigabyteses. >> it's not at all. >> it's a gift. >> chris: and by hickory dank. what did he use? jonah? >> all of the above. >> chris: you have to pick one? >> how can you? ok, his butt. >> chris: let's see the answer. >> oh.
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>> what happened to the family show? do it again. >> way more impressed if he held it in there. >> i can do it with a bigger one. >> chris: hey, whoa, hey! don't think i don't remember how i got the job. [laughter] >> chris: that's the end of rapid refresh now it's time for tonight's hash tag wars. get ready for the hashtags.
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seems like every year there's 100 new shows based on comic books and that's only counting the ones made by millionaire robert kirkland. i'm not sure you knew this but @ midnight is based off a comic book. in honor of the ongoing comic book invasion the is #comicbook tv shows. 60 seconds. >> blackish panther. >> the incredible hulky smith. >> super dare delve. >> walking deadpool. >> talking deadpool. >> chris: yes.
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jonah. >> are you afraid of the dark knight? >> chris: yes. kirkland. >> it's always sunny in the candle city. >> chris: jonah? >> corell. >> dr. harley quin medicine woman. >> chris: fine. >> nypd blue beetle. >> better call solom and grundy. >> chris: that's the end of the hashtag wars and keep it going. we'll be right back with more "@midnight." "@midnight." our tweet of the day was sent to
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it's a big australian "@midnight." our tweet of the day was sent to dinner party, every outback, every day and we always serve our best i'm adrian richardson... in australia they call me 'the meat guy...' but now, i've got big steak news here at outback... now, every sirloin here is center cut the most tender sirloin of all! >>to celebrate our new sirloin, this month, get a size bigger on us! this big, australian dinner party... never ends... but the free bigger size's only till june 21st, so go online & claim yours! is it bloomin' great here... or what!?
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heineken it doesn't do that. control people's minds. award-winning heineken light is the best light beer you've ever tasted. that's true... i made you say that. no you didn't. yes i did. mmm mmm... yes i did... you didn't. i bet sprint can download this book faster.on? your lucky tooth necklace for anything on that trailer. i'll take the grizzly. go! come on... sprint wins! double or nothing. the sprint lte network is now more reliable than ever. so switch today. ♪ ♪ ♪
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♪ ♪ >> chris: now it's time to play
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chriselganger. but i'm know only chris hardwick in the world there's a lot and i'm sure they hate me. you are three of my closest friends. i'm going to introduce you to the other chris hardwicks and for 250 points answer a question for them. first this one owned this way back in the day. you have to stop "ohhing" everything. it's just a picture of an old guy. what is the name of this 19 century man's podcast. >> i married my 15-year-old cousin and other things that aren't illegal yet. >> chris: that's right. the hardwicks are -- we came out here.
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next up he solved rubik's cube lindfolded. he legit solved it in 12 seconds. he's amazing. what's is his twitter bio? >> all cubes no pubes. >> i'm the rubik cupe guy not the one that has sex with dead bodies. >> chris: he recently found himself on the wrong side of the law. what show did this chris hardwick host? >> at murdering people night. >> @ midnight we're going to saw out of prison.
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>> ships. >> chris: finally this is peter hardwick, aka, me in 2003. yeah. bet you're feeling stupid for using up all your "ohs" earlier on. i collective, "i get it now." >> what other movies? >> one man's fat is another man's thin -- hold on. >> want me to workshop that joke for you? >> i'm going to take it back b t
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but, the handsomest man alive. >> chris: that's the end. it's time for our live challenge. cliff-lamer. well, today's life challenge is about cliff hangers. we saw who it was. as all walking dead fans know the season ended with a twist
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and it has something to do with lucille here. naturally some fans handled the pivotal cliff hanger scene with tact like this tweet. it wasn't chilling. it was annoying. [bleep] you chris hardwick. [bleep] you and your giant [bleep]. they were hoping to see who gets killed. we don't know yet -- >> i know. >> chris: it's not good or bad but something tells me the cliff hanger rage is not going away soon so please give us the voiceover for the worse cliff hanger you can think of. we'll be right back with more "@midnight."
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[cheers and applause] >> chris: for the worse cliff hanger you can think of. let's start with you.
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>> on the next the situation room with wolf blitzer. wolf learns growing up doesn't just mean getting bigger. >> chris: on the next divers, diners and drives we see what guy fieri -- >> he kills himself. [cheers and applause] >> chris: kirkland. >> on the next exciting episode of the walking dead we find out how mad fans are in the season 6 cliff hanger. >> chris: i'm not going to make
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you wait all summer. i'm not [bleep] >> well, i lost the bet. >> chris: i don't even know how to reward points for that. >> give the all of them. or take some away, i don't care. >> chris: i'll give 1,000 points to everybody. >> i don't agree with that but it's your show. >> chris: yeah, it is my show, robert. i can do what i want on. all right. 5,000 points for everyone. >> can i have one extra point just to make robert mad? we're a point rounding economy.
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>> what happens to the audience? they were so blown away they oh'd their way to the ocean. [cheers and applause] >> chris: more when we return on "@midnight." what's that? well this is my equation for success. i developed the 4 p's. politeness, patience, practice and... promotion! heeyaw! heeyaw! out here there is no me and no you, there is only us. ♪
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and occasionally them. ♪ but then we turn this way, and it's just us again. ♪ "daddy doing work",d it's funny that i've been in the news for being a dad.
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windows 10 is great because i need to keep organized. school, grocery shopping. my face can unlock this computer. that's crazy. macbooks are not able to do that. "hey cortana, remind me we have a play date tomorrow at noon" i need that in my world. anything that makes my life easier, i'm using. and windows is doing that.
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>> chris: welcome back. it's time no balls to say balls. we don't usually talk about sports on the program when jokes collide with sports balls but this time it's just sports balls colliding with sports feet. [laughter] >> chris: kind of weird. the one thing you didn't oh at. that's earlier this week when draymon greene kicked stephen d
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adams and you can see groin topped the list. it will be my favorite because who talks of getting kicked there. >> it depends on the ratio. >> chris: you've never heard the best episode is when sir johnny knoxville whacked steve-o in the [bleep]. >> chris: and other phrases so we have to come up with as many as your own euphemisms as you can for getting crammed. >> dipping the toe in the wife pleaser. >> getting it in the old hardwick. >> it's my belief they can also feel pleasure. >> getting it in the thunder
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cats. >> getting two broke girls. >> working on your falsetto. >> i'm hitting it. >> chris: wil. >> getting it in the kirkland. [laughter] >> getting walked off the showed because chris hardwick's a [bleep]. >> chris: that's the end of no balls to say balls. we'll have to eliminate someone


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