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tv   The Nightly Show With Larry Wilmore  Comedy Central  June 16, 2016 9:17am-9:50am PDT

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if you never have to step foot on a dealership lot again, neither should they. zero to happy. ( cheers and applause ) >> larry: thank you very much. >> larry! larry! larry! >> larry: welcome to "the
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nightly show." thank you so much. what a great crowd tonight. energy. i like that energy in our crowd tonight. ( cheers and applause ) even if you come to "the nightly show" alone you are keeping it 100. timothy simons from "veep" joins us on the panel tonight, you guys. very funny. oh, oh, here's news. yesterday, donald trump turned 70. or as bernie sanders calls it, the good ol' days. ( laughter ) but entering his 70s also makes trump history's oldest baby-- that is, since brad pitt played that elderly toddler getting into mischief with i think it was cookie lyon. but on day one of this new trump decade, obama had some harsh
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words for the 840-month-old birthday boy. >> the president responding in the most forceful way yet to what he's heard from his critics, especially the presumptive republican presidential nominee, donald trump. i haven't heard the president get this passionate on an issue, jim, in a long time. >> larry: hold up a second. wait. did anyone else notice the woman in the top left of that screen? wait. let's see that again. >> i haven't heard the president get this passionate on an issue, jim, in a long time. >> larry: wolf, i've got breaking news. i think we found becky with the good hair. ( cheers and applause ) anyway, what was obama saying? >> the main contribution of some of my friends on the other side of the aisle have made in the fight against isil is to criticize this administration and me for not using the phrase "radical islam." >> larry: wait, wait, hold on.
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obama, you just said it! no, obama, you fell into their trap! now they have it on tape, and they can do this. >> i love. >> radical islam. >> and so do you. >> part of the reason i love-- >> radical islam. >> larry: i warned you about this, president obama! >> as larry wilmore pointed out last week. >> radical islam. >> larry: wait, how did i get dragged into this? no. ( applause ) anyhow, yesterday obama made it clear he doesn't need to use the g.o.p.'s phrase. >> there's not been a moment in my seven and a half years as president where we have not been able to pursue a strategy brawz... we didn't use... the label... "radical islam."
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>> larry: seven and a half years? i think your pauses took up seven of those years. look, i've said i believe trump needs to think more before he speaks, but, honestly, obama, you need to think less while you're speaking. just say it! but obama is right. refusing the term requested ratical islam, "has not made him soft on the middle east. i mean, when it comes to terrorists, he's ruined more plots than an obnoxious coworker live tweeting "game of thrones." >> if there's anyone out there who thinks we're confused about who our enemies are, that would come as a surprise to the thousands of terrorists who we have taken off the battlefield. >> larry: "taken off the battlefield?" mr. president. if i may say, i don't think you're using the proper language here. just seems a little soft. may i suggest something like, "we killed osama, bitch!" ( cheers and applause ) much better. better.
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>> u.s.a.! >> larry: u.s.a.! i love that. yeah, larry, u.s.a.! but, actually, there was a word obama carefully avoided during his speech. i'll give you a hint-- it rhymes with trump. >> we now have proposals from the presumptive republican nominee for president of the united states. politicians who tweet and appear on cable news shows. >> larry: politicians who tweet? i mean, seriously? ohhh, who could he be talking about? "orange-faced combover folks." here to comment on his increasing tensions with president obama, please welcome the presumptive republican nominee, you guys. ( cheers and applause ) oh, and before we get started, i wanted to wish you a happy belated 70th birthday. >> thank you, larry. bittersweet, really. i mean, last year, my sexy daughter ivanka called me to wish me a happy 69.
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and i saved-- i saved the voicemail. i listen to it all the time. hearing her say the number 69 is like ear porno. sexy as hell. so hot. >> larry: you really are disgusting, aren't you? so what do you think about obama giving an entire speech about you but never using your name? are you insulted by this? >> larry, come on. are you kidding me here? this is the highest compliment possible. it's huge, massive, like my hands. >> larry: i literally don't think any part of what you just said is true. >> excuse me, excuse me. ever read those harry potter books? they're fantastic. a little hard to follow and not enough pictures, but otherwise fantastic. they really are. you know who else was so powerful that nobody could speak his name? voldemort. me and voldemort, like two peas in the pod. ( applause ) 's ( applause ) >> larry: voldemort?
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you're comparing yourself to voldemort? >> excuse me, excuse me. did he not make hogwarts great again? he was a fantastic magician. should have gotten mexico to pay for the dementors, though. >> larry: i do not think he made hogwarts great again. but this is all besides the point. i can't believe you think it's a compliment for the president to avoid using your name. >> it's like when you're presented with a line of new nameless miss universe contestants, larry. you just nod at the choicest one and whisk her away on your private jet. huge compliment. who needs a name when you have legs up to here? i mean, come on. >> larry: what you just described is demeaning and gross. >> excuse me, excuse me. you want to talk gross? how about when obama says isil? really? come on, what's that? it sounds like the name of a popsicle brand. ( laughter ) speaking of which, you haven't lived until you've seen a popsicle licked by my daughter ivanka. >> larry: okay, all right. you are.
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( cheers and applause ) you have the most horrible, gross-- you're gross! >> exactly. hey, obama, it's isis, not isil. what a disaster. he's awful. all i know is his refusal to acknowledge me means he knows i'm powerful and right for america. >> larry: but that doesn't even make sense. you think it's good if he doesn't say your name, but you think it's bad if he doesn't say "radical islam"? >> at this point, the only thing i want from obama is for him to leave everything in the white house. we know how the blacks are, larry. by the time i move in next year, the the whole place is probably going to be looted. >> larry: okay, that is it! the man who will not be president, everybody! we'll be right back. ♪ ♪ it's here, but it's going by fast.
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try it in a milkshake! i would like three two is standard. i'm not standard. three weeks. ok. ( cheers and applause ) >> larry: welcome back. now, after the tragic events in orlando, many politicians are rallying around the l.g.b.t. community, including florida attorney general pam bondi. >> and we are making it clear anyone who attacks our l.g.b.t. community, anyone who attacks anyone in our state, will be gone after with, to the fullest extent of the law. >> larry: yup, nice words. but unfortunately for attorney general bondi, anderson cooper was there to go all 360 on her ass. >> you basically have gone after gay people, said that in court that gay people, simply by fighting for marriage equality, were trying to do harm to the people of florida. do you really think you're a champion of the gay community?
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>> larry: ooooh! snap! anderson's going off! damn, you do not want to make anderson cooper mad. he will... respectfully ask you some questions about the cases you oversaw against gay marriage. >> are you saying you did not believe it would do harm to florida? >> of course not. of course not. g-g-gay people. no, i've never said that. >> larry: the only time that much stuttering doesn't mean you're lying is when it's in a dance remix, right? g-g-gay people! >> i have never really seen you talk about gays and lesbians and transgender people in a positive way until now. i read your twitter history for the last year, and i saw you tweeting about, you know, national dog month. you never tweeted about gay pride month. >> larry: hold on. a year?! now i don't know whether he's a good journalist or just a stalker. maybe both. and, yes, she tweeted about
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national dog month, but we checked, and she never sent one tweet about national gay dog month! that's just wrong. but pam had a solid defense for that, too. >> well, actually, if you look at my, um, website. now we have hands clasped together, um, all different color, rainbow hands. >> so you just put that up now. >> yeah, i did, after this horrible tragedy, absolutely. >> larry: oh, you just put that up now. absolutely, she will show respect for minority groups when there's a stock image available. except-- spoiler alert-- there are no rainbow hands on pam bondi's site! she didn't even do the one (bleep) political move she said she did! here, pam, let me help you out. ( cheers and applause ) now, it's been 24 hours since the interview, which apparently isn't enough time to find some rainbow hands, but it should be enough time to set the record straight.
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or, well, you know. >> there's a time and place for everything, but yesterday wasn't the time nor the place in front of a hospital when we could have been helping victims. >> larry: yeah, you could have been helping, by clearing up your (bleep). and, for good measure, she doubled down on her non-apology. >> i was extremely disappointed in that, because all it did was encourage anger and hate. >> larry: no, no. the florida gay community all right hated you. they already did. it didn't encourage it, no. you know, for the whole saying gay marriage would cause public harm thing, insinuating that gay parents don't create stable homes thing. and, of course, the gay friends things. >> are you personally against it? >> you know, i have so many gay friends. >> larry: jason at starbucks is
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not your friend. and he's straight! stop judging guys with man-buns! all right, okay? ( applause ) not right. now, i have to say this, though, guys i have had my issues with cnn in the past. i'm technically not allowed to appear on their network, but i have to give credit where credit is due. anderson cooper for doing what we should be seeing on cable news all the time. i am giving you a half-stand full clap. ( cheers and applause ) way to do your job, man! way to do your job! and i still got my eye on you, wolf. and becky with the good hair. and becky with the good hair. we'll be right back.
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( cheers and applause ) >> larry: welcome back. i'm here with my panel. first up, "nightly show" contributor ricky velez. ( cheers and applause ) and "nightly show" contributor grace parra. ( cheers and applause ) and you can see him in hbo's hit show "veep," actor timothy simons. ( cheers and applause ) and for everyone at home, join our conversation right now on twitter @nightly show using the hashtag #tonightly. so yesterday in washington, this was amazing, paul ryan called for a moment of silence in congress. i don't know if you guys saw it. but this happened. some people got up and walked out, saying they are tired of silence and prayers, while others stayed and literalry yelled, "where's the bill!" they were talking about the gun bill that was put aside. and since this taping christopher murray has been filibustering on the floor for gun control. he has been joined by 20 senators, including cory booker and elizabeth warren. do you think this was just for
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show? or do you feel congress is actually ready to do something about guns? >> i honestly don't know. hard to say. i think that that there is-- i would love to say that they would but i don't think we've ever seen any actual evidence that they-- i don't want to be pessimistic, but they've historically proven that they won't. >> i feel like it's a psyche they'll we go through. we go through the mourning. we go through the feelings of how disappointing it is. and then the next thing you know, someone shoot a gorilla and we all forget what happens. >> i have high hopes -- >> you're saying if more gorillas were killed we'd ban guns? >> after the leaks reaction? >> i have high hopes for this filibuster. i love a good filibuster to begin with. i'm backstage watching c-span like it's game six of the finals. i love it. >> larry: you dvr the filibuster? >> i feel like there's something right now it's energy in this country is one of action, of
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activity. >> but i feel like every time this happens-- and it is far too often-- >> yes. >> we feel like that, but then the energy just dissipates. and i do think we get too caught up-- like, when we look at, like, whether or not it was right for them to interrupt this moment of silence-- we end up arguing about all these other things. like was that the right way to protest a moment of silence? when it just gets us further and further away from 50 dead people in orlando. and i-- ( applause ) every single time. >> larry: yeah. >> and then it just goes away and we forget about it and more people get shot. >> one tiny speck of optimism i have with this "no fly/no buy rule," where if you're on the no-fly zone you can't buy a gun, which is something both obama agrees with and weirdly, frump agrees with, too. >> larry: amazing. >> amazing, isn't it? but it feels like there is a little bipartisan support for -- >> you're saying when future
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impeach president trump is looking back on his time in office he may have passed something like this. >> he may have passed-- possibly. i feel like this is the start of -- >> how can we can't agree on assault weapons? how come we can't eye don't know why we can't agree. >> because there are too many out, larry? >> larry: you think so? who needs a-- it kills a lot of people. >> i think there is a thing, where even people that don't-- like, i'm not eye don't own guns. even people that are for gun control, guns are such a part of the fabric of our country, that even people that don't agree with them are like, wher well, e shouldn't get rid of all of them i don't know. i think it's hard for people to ever think that we could just get rid of them. frankly, there are so many guns in america, even we band the sale of assault weapons right now, there would still be three guns for every person in the country. like, there's -- >> i know what you're saying. >> it does feel we talk about
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the sale and distribution of guns and not so much about the production of them. why are we not talking about stopping the production-- >> the u.s. government is one of the biggest producer-- >> whenever this happens, anybody that opposes gun control points to something like-- the lieutenant governor in texas tweeted that terrible thing about-- like a man reaps what they sow. there's always an excuse for why it wasn't guns and somehow these people brought it on themselves. that seems to be a talking point-- "if they didn't make these choices leading up to it." >> if they had a bigger gun. >> but once we let sandy hook pass, there is nothing more innocent than a room full of children, and we couldn't even do anything about that ( applause ) like, that is why i don't eye don't hold a lot of hope. but i don't like eye don't like thinking that. i don't like waking up and thinking i don't have hope for this.
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>> larry: and i do agree that, look, we should also focus on the person who actually did the crime itself. you know, and the-- i think the horrible scourge is that tha isn't talked about enough, homophobia, and where it rears its ugly head. not just in the middle east and that part of the world, but in so many places, you know. that's the fuel that was underneath here. >> i agree with that to an extent. although, i want to know what you guys think about this. i think it kind of takes a village when it comes to a shooter like this. we're hearing today his wife knew about it. >> larry: you mean co-- enabing this? >> yes, there's a lot of enabling, and there is institutions, like homophobia that you're talking about it. >> larry: they think she knew about it? >> they think she knew where she was going. i've been with my girl for four years. i trust her with everything i have but she would snitch on me in a ( bleep ). ( applause ) you're going to go do what? >> larry: how do you notice
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and say... when they do something? >> buying that much ammo? the guy who sold him that ammo, i think he should be held responsible. i think ammo should be regulated and see how much goes out to everybody. ( applause ) listen, listen, shooting guns is fun. it is a fun thing. to go to a shooting range and shoot a gun is a lot of fun. but you don't need more than 100 bullets at a shooting range, and you can buy more bullets at a shooting range. i don't understand why we allow just anybody to go and have as many bullet as they ( bleep ). it's crazy. >> larry: do you want to say one more thing? >> i agree. you grew up in maine, and i am one of those people that-- this was not the case in my house-- but there were plenty of families i went to school with who needed to hunt to have food for the winter. number one, that's crazy and that's a whole other thing. >> larry: and it's maine.
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>> yeah. so i'm not-- >> shoot lo lobsters? ( laughter ) ( applause ) >> just a bunch of happy deer walking behind -- >> maine elmer fudd. hewo! mr. lobstah! >> i'm not going to take that away from a family that lives up there but you don't need anaar-15 to hunt a deer. you don't need anything that powerful. >> you don't need to go to-- i'm from texas where guns are very easily accessible, too, and i agree with that completely, completely. >> larry: all right, i think we've got it all figured out. we'll be right back. ( applause )
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captioning sponsored by comedy central from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with trevor noah. cheesier (cheers and applause) >> welcome to the daily shoarks i'm jordan klepper. >> our guests tonight the director of independence day relurg ent roland emmerich is here. >> now you may notice neefort us are trevor noah. that is tonight we'll be talking about something near and dear to our hearts, white people. >> for years white people in this country have been relegated to places like vermont. >> old episodes of friends.
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>> and the first 450 pages of your american history text book. >> but this year is different. >> this entire election is going to be an election of the white working class voter. >> white working class voters feel like their economic status has shifted in recent decades. >> there are a lot of white voters who are sick about hearing about racism. >> they oppose free trade, deeply hostile to immigration and in many cases to the cultural and demographic diversity of the country. >> white voters are still making up more than three quarters of the electorate. >> yes, three quarters of voter this year are still going to be white. making us 2016's cover eted demographic. >> finally an election where white people count. >> candidates hunting for white votes, care being white needs. it's been a long time coming, jordan. >> you're so right, tell me about it white people have been getting the short end of the stick in this country tor decades. did you know that as recently as the 19 of 0st we were forsz-- 1960st we were forced to drink at separate water fountains. and they forced usri


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