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tv   The Nightly Show With Larry Wilmore  Comedy Central  July 7, 2016 2:05am-2:36am PDT

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it is, your moment of zen. >> you can understand that a basketball camp got the surprise of their lives over the weekend. >> there are some little warriors, take a look. >> selling girl scout cookies. what's going on, man, how are you comedy central
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[ cheers and applause ] >> larry: thank you very much. thank you very much. oh, thank you. thank you. thank you very much. welcome to "the nightly show." they are correct. they are correct. i am larry larry, larry larry. [ laughter ] our good friend bassem youssef is here tonight. [ cheers and applause ] he good, y'all. he good. [ laughter ] all right. so this morning, i'm having a little "morning joe. i'm watching a little "morning joe," and i had a little moment of whoa! [ laughter ] guys they put together a montage of hillary's statements about her emails from a year ago with the fbi director's statements from yesterday. ooh, enscwroip --enjoy. >> i thought it would be easier to carry just one device. >> she also used numerous mobile devices to send and to read email. >> so that the emails were immediately captured and preserved. >> there was no archiving at all of her emails. >> there were no security breaches.
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>> it is possible that hostile actors gained access. >> there is no classified materials. >> 110 emails contained classified information. [ laughter ] >> good morning. [ laughter ] >> larry: yes! good morning! [ laughter ] oh, my god. if they were that rough on hillary on msnbc, i can't imagine what they were doing over at fox. [ laughter ] right? you know, i think we have a shot of the fox news control room. [ laughter ] man this does not look good for hillary. she needs something big to distract from all this. and you know what i always say, when you want to distract, always go black. oh, my god! oh, my god, she was on the soulplane? ♪ go hillary it's your birfday ♪ [ laughter ] >> please join me in welcoming the president of the united states, barack obama.
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[ cheers and applause ] >> larry: oh, my god. look how happy she is. [ laughter ] i've never seen her this relieved. yes, the boss is here to bail you out hillary. [ laughter ] look at that smile. she's like a youtube baby watching a dog pop bubbles. [ laughter ] in this an baby. i just want to be clear about that. just you so know. just so you know. by the way, that is the greatest thing on the internet. so, yes, despite all the controversy swirling around the ex-secretary of state, the president took to the mic and became her biggest cheerleader. >> the bottom line is she was a great secretary of state. >> larry: i don't know if that's the bottom line. [ laughter ] i mean we really need to look at the entirety of her career. al pacino may have been brilliant in "the godfather" and "dog day afternoon," but, sadly, that's not the bottom line. [ laughter ] i mean, have you seen "jack and jill"? [ laughter ] [ bleep ]'s awful! but the president forged ahead
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and spoke movingly about hillary's capability for kindness. >> i saw how she treated everybody with respect, even the folks who aren't, quote-unquote important. [ laughter ] >> larry: folks who aren't quote-unquote, important? what's up with that? [ imitating obama: ] >> hillary, you were so nice to that peasant. i'm impressed. i'm impressed. [ laughter ] >> and the bottom line is she had to do everything i had to do, but she was like ginger rogers. she had to do it backwards in heels. [ laughter ] >> larry: backwards and in heels? actually, that would explain benghazi and the emails. if you think about it. am i wrong? [ laughter ] it would. what? come on! [ cheers ] but -- no, no, no, but the president made it really clear that he is with her. >> i have run my last campaign. and i couldn't be prouder of the things we've done together. but i'm ready to pass the baton.
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[ cheers and applause ] and i know that hillary clinton is going to take it. >> larry: you better [ bleep ] believe she's going to take it. [ laughter ] are you kidding me? are you kidding me? you don't have to pass the baton, mr. president. [ laughter ] in fact you might want to check your pockets right now and make sure you still have the baton. [ laughter ] what happened to my baton? [ laughter ] you know, i make fun but i have to say it's kind of nice to see them together. they fought so hard in 2008. man, i wonder what president obama really thinks of all this. why am i thinking about it? why don't i just call him? [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] right? i mean he is my boy! [ laughter ] i'll just use my special black phone. [ laughter ] [ ringing ] it's a red phone, but the person on the other end is going to be black. trust me. >> air force one, this is barack. >> larry: hey, mr. president.
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it's larry wilmore, your boy! >> oh, hey, larry. i'm just sitting here not smoking a cigarette. [ laughter ] >> larry: right. right, right, right. whatever you say, sir. okay. so yesterday was your first day of campaigning with hillary. how did it go? >> it was great! got up on stage, waved to the crowd, dropped some sick sound bites, and totally distracted the american public from the email to the female, which is hillary clinton. [ laughter ] >> larry: nice. i like how you did that. you've got some rhyme skills. >> no, larry, what i've got is 197 days left in office. at this point if there were less than zero [ bleep ] to give, i'd have that. [ laughter ] >> larry: wow. really? >> yep. the hillary folks needed me to serve as distracter-in-chief, and because of the blood pact i made with hillary in 2008 to get her to drop out, i had to do my part. now i can get my third child back. >> larry: oh, my -- third? third child? you have a third child? >> exactly. god bless those clintons.
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say what you want about them, but they know how to honor a blood pact. >> larry: wow. i had no idea. okay. so your job was to turn america's attention away from the email story as quickly as possible and that's why you're stumping for her? >> yep. americans love jiggly shiny stuff. remember that time i hosted a beer summit? >> larry: yeah, i remember. i was trying to distract everyone while we replaced vice president biden with an imposter. >> larry: wait, what? oh, my god. he's an imposter? >> this is way above your security clearance. moving on. >> larry: oh. all right, all right. >> i'm going to be president! hell, yeah! >> larry: wait. is hillary on air force one with you? >> yep. i've asked her to leave and she won't. [ laughter ] it's getting really awkward in here. [ laughter ] >> larry: oh my god. she won't leave? what is she doing? >> i think she's measuring stuff. [ laughter ] >> larry: oh! i can set up my email server over here! >> that's what got you in trouble the last time. >> shut up, it's my plane. e doesn't listen.
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larry: oh. all right, mr. president. good luck with all that, and i hope you guys work things out. >> who are you talking to? larry, i have to go. arry: okay. no problem mr. president. hey, man, you'll always be my -- [ dial tone ] hello? hello? i never get to finish that. president obama and secretary clinton, everybody. we'll be right back. [ cheers and applause ]
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[ cheers and applause ] >> larry: welcome back.
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i'm here with my panel. first up, "nightly show" contributor mike yard "nightly show" contributor rory albanese, and his new fusion web series, "the democracy handbook with bassem youssef," will be available to stream in its entirety beginning thursday, july 14th at fusion.net, comedian bassem youssef. [ cheers and applause ] and for everyone at home, join our conversation right now on twitter @nightlyshow using the #tonightly. okay. so we shed this earlier in the show. a mash-up that "morning joe" did of hillary talking year being her emails and fbi reporting yesterday. check it out again. >> i thought it would be easier to carry just one device. >> she also used numerous mobile devices to send and to read email. >> so that the emails were immediately captured and preserved. >> there was no archiving at all of her emails. >> there were no security breaches. >> it is possible that hostile actors gained access. >> there is no classified materials. >> 110 emails contained classified information.
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>> good morning. [ laughter ] >> larry: it's just funny every time. boss 'em i'm going to ask you directly, did she lie? >> welke only think of one thing as she's saying that "i did not have sex with this woman." [ laughter ] >> larry: that's what it feels like. >> she is ready to be president. she's doing what presidents do best. >> larry: all right. they lie. [ laughter ] >> larry: yeah. and it works. larry: yeah. and it's worked for her. denial. it's like, yeah, deny. >> larry: deny deny, deny. yeah, she's ready. just put her in office already. >> larry: it's -- it's like that eddie murphy joke from "raw," wasn't me. >> [ bleep ]. [ laughter ] >> larry: and maybe it wasn't you. >> larry: who you are going to believe? >> right. it's like they all lie, but isn't that like a bad place that we've gone to that we accept that. how about david cam'ron? how cool was that?
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i blew it. i'm an [ bleep ] i've got to go. >> that's the other side of the spectrum. yeah, i screwed up. sue me. you can't do anything. i mean -- >> trump will -- but trump is like yeah i'm a racist. yeah. uh-huh. and people love it. >> it's amazing how she looked at that camera no. >> i grew up with dudes who would look at and you lie just lie. they all locked you. [ laughter ] -- locked up. >> larry: i almost sense admiration from this panel. >> listen i'm not -- i'm pragmatic. larry: i understand. i get it. >> do you know how much money she can make playing poker? [ bleep ] >> she already made money on wall street. >> larry: i don't know why she doesn't use that grandma card again. i don't know how things work. i'm a grandma. [ laughter ] i believe her. >> if she wasn't lying since 1975 the grandma -- >> larry: i know, right?
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sometimes i feel that's disrespectful to grandmas. okay? because my mother's a grandma and she got better email security than [ bleep ] hillary clinton. [ laughter ] >> larry: really? really? >> you want to email my mother? you got to email my sister. my mother don't get [ bleep ] directly dawg. >> larry: come november, will the average person even care about this type of thing? >> it's just like a playoff. it's too long. and i think you should profit from this kind of sell tickets because everybody is watching you guys. i don't know why -- back there where i come from we just have a guy with a couple of tanks and he just -- [ laughter ] and that's like a life -- presidency is like first term. that's like that's it? and you guys are spending that much money and you're ending up with trump? [ laughter ] >> no! we just go -- haven't ended up with trump yet. >> but the thing -- the thing you just describe -- [ laughter ]
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the thing you just described is our congress. we have them forever. they just don't have tanks. they have motorcades. >> larry: what does the rest of the world think of us when they see our political process especially this year? >> very entertaining and very disturbing. [ laughter ] and seriously -- like if you go to times square, like those lines, if you just sell tickets. but seriously, guys, i think the only people who are profiting from this are the news networks. >> yeah, of course. this is the only place where they have the rating. >> by the way, you have to say news networks. >> you need a year and half to know a candidate? come on. we already know they're [ bleep ]. >> it's a big job. [ laughter ] >> you need a year and half to know this? they're already corrupted xenophobic whatever. >> well, we need to find out if the [ bleep ] is on our side. >> we are really in a situation now, like this hillary thing to me is bad because i was leaning towards hillary because trump being horrible and now i'm like, oh! i think that's where everyone's
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at. that's why the stat we had yesterday was 13% of america is hoping for a meteor to destroy earth. [ laughter ] >> yes. i've got to get on the bandwagon. [ cheers and applause ] >> i was happy when dee's nuts was trending. [ laughter ] remember that? >> i -- he had a good point. [ laughter ] >> but seriously, you guys after just like a couple of bad candidates and you're wishing for a meteor? i mean, welcome to the middle east. [ laughter ] we're like -- >> it's so true. we are screwed for decades! and you got two candidates? >> larry: you guys would love donald trump. >> no, already like some americans are like, we got to go to canada. >> everybody always says that. we're not going anywhere. now you know how we team. maybe you shouldn't reject refugees. maybe you should sympathize. >> come on. come on. >> larry: i'm not going
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anywhere. i'm staying right here. [ cheers ] >> everybody always threatens to go to canada and then they go to canada and they're like, [ bleep ]. >> larry: i never threatened to go to canada. >> we going to ride this [ bleep ] out. [ laughter ] >> we going to ride it. i'll see what's left. larry: we'll see what's left. we ain't going nowhere. larry: do you think we'll see president trump because of all of this or -- >> no. larry: what do you think? seriously. >> okay. i mean, a part of me says no but look at brecksility in britain. they made it. they made it. so don't underestimate the power of hate and ignorance and fear. >> and just orange. [ laughter ] >> yeah yeah. the orange menis, the or-- menace, orange hate orange fear. [ laughter ] >> oh, my god. that's a weapon, agent orange. >> agent orange. [ cheers ]
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>> it is. agent orange? [ boisterous laugh ] i feel like i got a revelation. >> unlike trump, agent orange was in vietnam. [ cheers and applause ] >> i know. larry: we'll be right back. [ cheers and applause ] grab free tickets to "the nightly sh
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>> welcome back. now tonight we have to talk about the latest police shooting video that's making national news. >> police in louisiana this morning are investigating the deadly police shooting of a black man. the video apparently shows police confronting 37-year-old alton sterling on tuesday morning. he's tackled by one of the officers. seconds later, an officer appears to scream out, "sterling is holding a weapon." sterling was pronounced dead at the scene. >> larry: he was pronounced dead at the scene because he was shot by the cops while he was pinned to the ground. i mean, when i saw this video -- like many of us in this office -- we were all just speechless. is this the type of thing we should really have on a comedy show? we've covered this type of thing in the past, and to be frank with you, we're just tired of this [ bleep ] happening and feel like we have to address it in some way. and let me just say, thank god
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for [ bleep ] cell phones, [ cheers and applause ] really. because we would never even hear about incidents like this otherwise. in fact, part of what makes people in the black community so enraged about this is for years we never had evidence for these things. but, you know, in baton rouge, the cops have body cameras. okay, let's see what that shows. roll it. >> the officers in question were wearing body cameras, but they apparently fell off at the altercation. >> larry: fell off? things don't just fall off unless you're talking about sisqo and the face of the [ bleep ] earth. [ laughter ] all right? i mean, seriously, sisqo, where's "thong song 2"? [ laughter ] i don't know. this looks bad, louisiana. they know it looks bad too. they even brought out the governor to talk about it. >> the video is disturbing to say the least. in louisiana, we're known for our ability to come together in difficult circumstances. we will certainly get through this tragedy.
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>> larry: seems like they're taking it seriously. he's got more middle-aged black women on stage than a community theater production of "the color purple." [ laughter ] right? right? kudos, kudos, kudos to you. all right. but what does the louisiana governor specifically have to say about the investigation? >> there should be no doubt in anybody's mind but this incident is going to be investigated impartially, professionally, and thoroughly by the united states department of justice civil rights division. >> larry: wait. hold on a second. the department of justice? the same department of justice that just handled hillary's emails? [ laughter ] i don't think black people are waiting for these cops to be excused because the fbi says they were just careless. and what gets me about this -- what really gets me -- is that whenever this happens, there's always an immediate takedown of the dead man's character. >> we do understand he did, in fact, have a criminal record according to his family and some
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of the records that we dug up. yes, he did have at least one prior conviction. >> sterling has an arrest history ranging from battery to drug possession. >> larry: so he had a criminal record. martha stewart has a criminal record. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] i don't remember her being executed in a convenience store parking lot. maybe i missed it, but it feels like that would have made "huffington post" at least. [ laughter ] no matter what his crimes were alton sterling did not deserve to be executed for them. look, guys, the punishment for resisting arrest shouldn't be death. the punishment for selling bootleg cds shouldn't be death. the punishment for having a gun in an open carry state shouldn't be death. the punishment for being a black man shouldn't be death. [ cheers and applause ] black lives matter protests have already sprung up across louisiana in the past 24 hours, and let me just say a quick word
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about this for a second. it's not that black lives are more important than white lives or asian lives, but all people don't have the same uniquely fraught history with law enforcement that black people do. this is why, as infuriating as it was, black people cheered for the o.j. simpson verdict, long before white people could give an emmy to sarah paulson's hair. [ laughter ] so when black lives matter is protesting, can we just not hear this right now? >> this theme of black lives matter. you know what else matters? blue lives matter and all lives matter. >> black lives matter because all lives matter. >> all lives matter. black lives matter or all lives? >> they say black lives matter. i and you and donald trump say all lives matter. >> larry: okay. if you really believe in all lives matter, then you should be out there protesting, right? i mean, alton sterling was a -- [ cheers and applause ]
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break it down, alton sterling was a life, the loss of which should be upset you. you know what? in the spirit of inclusivity let's check in with an all lives matter rally here in new york. [ laughter ] that's our bad. maybe all lives matters is protesting in chicago, illinois. huh. my bad again. all lives matter must be protesting in louisiana. i mean, that's where this murder happened. where's the outrage, guys? i thought all lives mattered to you. doesn't alton sterling's life matter? we'll be right back. [ cheers and applause ]
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>> larry: thanks to my panelists -- mike yard, rory albanese, and bassem youssef. that's our show. good night everybody. [ cheers and applause ] ptioning sponsored by comedy central captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org 11:59 and 59 seconds. this happened on twitter.com! the twitter account for nasa's kepler mission regularly tweets out beautiful, awe-inspiring images from the deepest recesses of space. well, the account was apparently hacked today and tweeted an image that was beautiful and awe-inspiring, but from from other deep rec

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