Skip to main content

tv   The Daily Show  Comedy Central  August 1, 2016 9:44am-10:18am PDT

9:44 am
enormous assault rifles, people! (applause) last night the republicans put on a three-hour prime time show called "foreigners are coming to kill you." other than that, everything is great in cleveland and i'm not the only one who feels this way because i'm joined by the best (bleep) news team in town covering the convention. first up, jordan klepper, everybody! (cheers and applause) >> yes, thank you! >> thanks, trevor. things are going great over here. loving cleveland, go cavs! as far as the republicans fear mongering, i'm not buying it. >> trevor: what's in your hand? >> oh, my blankie? just drafty out here. don't worry we're ant to hand
9:45 am
this over to a narcissist who will bankrupt us. i definitely don't want my mommy now. be a big boy, jordan! >> trevor: stay strong, jordan. let's go to desi lydic, everybody, on the street! (cheers and applause) desi, do you share jordan's concern over trump? >> trevor, why would i worry donald trump is going to kill us in the future when i'm gonna die today? >> trevor: what are you talking about? >> i'm in the middle of an angry political protest in an open carry state. you don't know, trevor, i just saw grandma open a cap of great lakes with an ar-15. you're not in this! >> trevor: i feel for you, desi. minhaj is joining us on the convention floor! how's it going? >> i'm sorry, trevor, my name is chad smith. i don't know who this hasan is, but he sounds a little too muslim to be safe at a trump
9:46 am
convention. ha ha! you know what i mean, trevor? i love nascar. >> trevor: hasan, seriously? you put on white face? >> you mean my naturally fair and lovely complex that i got from my real-life parents bryce -- and i wanna say -- leslie? >> trevor: get the (bleep) out of here, chad! >> all lives matter! >> trevor: let's go to ronny chieng at the quicken. ronny, what's going on? >> hey, you can't be too safe, okay, trevor? you heard them last night, an immigrant is going to kill me and then kill my family. >> trevor: ronny, you're an immigrant. >> yeah, well, so are you! wait... you're gonna kill my family? >> trevor: well, maybe you're gonna kill my family! >> why are you going to kill my family, trevor? >> trevor: you're the one
9:47 am
who's trying to kill my family. let's go to roy wood, jr. inside the convention now. >> that's right, reporting to you live from inside the quicken loans arena. it's so white looks like i'm inside a tub of cream cheese. >> trevor: there is also a lot of tension. you can't be with feeling safe. >> they love me! republicans never do good with black people. in ohio trump was 0% with white people. >> trevor: in ohio h, trump was 0% with blacks. or could be up there -- but you're in the r.n.c., what are you about to do? >> i'm having the time of my life. everybody wants me to be their black friend. i have been to five bar mitzvahs, two weddings and a yacht race. how much does trump love black beampeople? >> he loves them. >> how good is donald trump for black people?
9:48 am
(laughter) you've seen some black people here at the convention, right? >> i don't pay attention. >> we're at the republican national convention, i need you to work the west side of the arena and i'll work the east side and people won't confuse us. >> they won't confuse us because you see how i'm dressed. >> black guy at r.n.c., i'll be your black friend. as you can see, i'm having a blast in cleveland. i'm making tons of friends. >> trevor: they just think you're steve harvey, right? >> let's play "the feud." >> trevor: thanks, roy! thanks, everybody! (cheers and applause) let's move on to the big story. yesterday was the headline speech by melania trump, an accomplished woman who might be the only good thing donald trump
9:49 am
ever attached his name to. melania gave a good speech that highlighted her family and how she became a american citizen. unfortunately, the citizen she came was somehow michelle obama. >> my parents impressed on me the values that you work hard for what you want in life. >> barack and i were raised with so many of the same values, like you work hard for what you want in life. >> that your word is your bond and you do what you say. >> that your word is your bond, that you do what you say. >> the only limit to your achievements is the strength of your dreams and your willingness to work for them. >> the only limit to the height of your achievement is the reach of your dreams and your willingness to work hard for them. >> trevor: goddam, melania trump just took something for
9:50 am
her own or as iggy azalea says, a new hit. (applause) the problem is not melania trump or the plagiarism, it's how the campaign chose to respond. >> it's not plagiarism. there were on a few words common to both. >> these were common words and values. >> 93% of the speech is completely different than michelle obama's speech. >> melania trump said the strength of your dreams and willingness to work for them. twilight sparkle from my little pony said this is your dream, anything you can do in your dreams, you can do now. >> what we should be celebrating is the fact that a democrat and republican have similar values. >> trevor: yes, they are similar values -- like nyquil and my voice. (laughter) the trump campaign is not even admitting there was plagiarism. it would have been so easy for them to own up and say this happened, it may have been a writer especially when this is a lie that not a single person in america believes.
9:51 am
guys, this is not even a policy thing. it's not even politics. it's a speech. what it is, though, is a preview, because this group of people, given actual power, will put us in some deep (bleep). (applause) and there is some good news, though. all day there's been back and forth about what really went down. did melania trump know, and the question remains did she do it on purpose? how will we ever know? turns out the only way we know anything these days from kim kardashian's snapchats. (laughter) you see, melania did know her speech was plagiarized and kim got the whole thing on tape. >> i think this is a really cool thing to have. >> i know, i can't believe i'm speaking at the convention. i wrote the whole speech myself, except the part that i intentionally plagiarized from michelle obama. >> yes, i feel i have a responsibility to you as a friend, you know and --
9:52 am
>> i appreciate your warnings, but no one will ever know. if they catch me, i will say, it is remix. >> trevor: i knew we could count on you, kim. back with more "the daily show" from the r.n.c. in cleveland! here in cleveland! (cheers and applause) slap break! wrong. have a break, have a kit kat! tens of thousands of miles, taken years of hard work, and more energy than i knew i had. but that's ok. i'm looking far down the road... where many more hours, and miles and long days lay ahead. 'cause where i am today is just a start... compared to where i'm going. ♪
9:53 am
♪ i'm comin' over squuuuack, let's feed him let's feto the sharks!sharks! yay! and take all of his gold! and take all of his gold! ya! and hide it from the crew! ya...? squuuuack, they're all morons anyway! i never said that. they all smell bad too. no! you all smell wonderful! i smell bad! if you're a parrot, you repeat things. it's what you do. if you want to save fifteen percent or more on car insurance, you switch to geico. it's what you do. squuuuack, it's what you do.
9:54 am
♪ ♪ (grunts) we got this! oooowww! do summer like a winter olympian. have a reese's. at our house, we're always down for more... case in point: our handcrafted skydiving chamber. be hungry for more. just never be hungry. with premium pepperoni and 100% real cheese... ♪ ding! hot pockets! if i hired you, i see a few things changing. less mergers and acquisitions, more charitable donations. retiring on top. linda?! letting boredom get the best of me. and then, returning triumphantly. smells like we're done here. [old spice anthem]
9:55 am
9:56 am
9:57 am
"the daily show." from cleveland, ohio, we're covering the republican national convention. last night i got to experience my first real american republican convention. i'm still wrapping my head around the skeptical. they had all the biggest stars you could think of who would agree to come to this event. i mean, there were actors you forgot about, marvels you sort of remember, people who call ducks for a living. i'm still confused by that, by the way. i don't understand what that is. congressmen you never heard of. reality stars you don't remember married to congressmen you've never heard of. i loved it. this is trump style. he makes sure he gives us so much fun, crazy to talk about that we miss the dangerous crazy. for instance, last night's official theme was "make america safe again." but to us, the theme really felt
9:58 am
like "make america fear again." because that's what all the speeches were about. >> all the things that we hold dear are being attacked every single day. >> our enemies are plotting against us. >> enemies who are hell bent on destroying us. >> your war is here. >> this is an economic disaster. >> terrorists who are going to come to western europe and come here and kill us! >> this is the last stand on earth. >> killing us and our allies! >> there is no place to escape to. >> trevor: why are you talking like that?! what's this?! what's happening?! (cheers and applause) no place on earth! really, there is no place on earth? really? no place to hide? because i'm pretty certain everybody's going to canada. you guys are acting like winter
9:59 am
is coming. have you heard, john snow, the non-white-walkers are coming! (applause) i'm serious. that was the night. terror. speech after speech of screaming about everything that will kill us forget "make america safe again." after that, i just wanted to "make underpants dry again." (laughter) i don't understand this fear. this country is much safe than 20 years ago. crime is declining. i was watching being, like, why are republicans so terrified? then rudy giuliani said something and i finally understood. wasn't so much what he said, it was how he said it. >> this is a man with a big heart who loves people, all people, from the top to the bottom, from the middle to the side! >> trevor: wow. wow. you got all those directions wrong. you would be the worst air
10:00 am
hostess ever, light attendant -- the exit is in the back! the middle was your left, your back was your front. but maybe that explains why republicans are so scared. they're living in a world where up is actually down. and i guess that's why to them safer is actually scarier. oh, and speaking of up is down and black is white, yesterday the republicans actually featured a few black speakers, although if your eyes were closed while listening to the speeches, you wouldn't have known. >> if you really want to heal our communities, more men need to start stepping up and taking care of their children. safe neighborhoods happen when fathers and mothers aren't home. somebody with a nice tan need to say this -- all lives matter! >> trevor: my friend, if that's a tan you're rocking -- (laughter) -- you need to see a dermatologist, because you are three hours away from skin cancer, my friend! but nicely played, dude.
10:01 am
i totally hear what you're saying. black kids grow up to be criminals, yeah, because their moms are never home, probably down at the club, yeah, oh, because they have to work two jobs and public transportation doesn't go to their neighborhood and the the legacy of red lining has kept them from living in better areas, but also at the club! yeah! and where are the black fathers? too busy getting arrested, am i right? i mean some for a broken taillight, trumped up charges and driving while black, but also still at the club, am i right? yeah! (applause) that's the thing about these speakers -- at first, you're thinking, wow, republicans invited people who don't fit the normal mold to come in and speak, that's amazing! then you think, wait... why would republicans do that? because they know they're going to get this. >> ladies and gentlemen, i would like to make something very clear -- blue lives matter in
10:02 am
america! there is some good news out of baltimore, maryland, as lt. brian rice was acquitted on all charges. (cheers and applause) >> trevor: i'm sorry -- good news? wait, let me get this straight, we're talking about freddie gray, the man who had his spine severed while handcuffed in the back of a baltimore police van, and that's good news? what a relief, yeah, to find out no one killed him. ha -- i mean, he was killed but no one killed him. half of getting killed is someone killed you, you understand that? so this is progress, now we all have to figure out why all these black folks are so susceptible to dying! get the (bleep) out of here, man. (cheers and applause) don't get me wrong, i'm not saying no one has the right to be afraid. i'm not even saying feelings are inconsequential. you cannot complain about america being afraid, though, when you are the same people
10:03 am
frightening it, which gets me back to melania trump. that was the one speech that was kind, hopeful, unifying and optimistic. it's almost audacious how hopeful it was. and so what if it was taken from michelle obama. if that's what it takes to bring america and have a positive message, go ahead, do jumping jacks and eat your kale while giving a speech! i don't know why melania trump is in trouble for plagiarizing. maybe if she feels comfortable stealing michelle obama's speech, mabel trump will steal obama's policies and the world you say we can't plagiarize obama, yes we can. we don't bring that mess around here, evan! whoo! don't do it.
10:04 am
don't you dare. i don't think so! [ sighs ] it's okay, big fella. we're gonna get through this together. [ baseball bat cracks ] nice rip, robbie. ♪ raaah! when you bundle home and auto insurance through progressive, you get more than just a big discount. i'm gonna need you to leave. you get relentless protection. [ baseball bat cracks ] (lion♪it's peyton on sundaytion. mornings.♪ (peyton) you know with directv nfl sunday ticket you can watch your favorite team no matter where you live. like broncos or colts. (cashier) cool. (peyton) ah...18. the old number. ooh. i have got a coupon for that one. (vo) get nfl sunday ticket - only on directv. and watch live games anywhere.
10:05 am
well this is my equation for success. i developed the 4 p's. politeness, patience, practice and... promotion! heeyaw! heeyaw! ♪ adios, muchacho. [spraying & sniffing] [whip crack] [grumbling] [groaning] and that's how the deodorant commercial ended. [old spice whistle] unlike ordinary diapers with two layers, pampers have three pampers. absorbent layers to stay up to three times drier, so babies can sleep soundly all night.
10:06 am
wishing you love, sleep and play. pampers. at our house, we're always down for more... case in point: our handcrafted skydiving chamber. be hungry for more. just never be hungry. with premium pepperoni and 100% real cheese... ♪ ding! hot pockets! slap break! wrong. have a break, have a kit kat! ♪
10:07 am
♪ >> trevor: welcome back to "the daily show"! coming to you from cleveland, ohio, my guest tonight is the former chairman of the republican national committee. please welcome michael steele, everybody! (cheers and applause)
10:08 am
>> good to see you. >> trevor: welcome to the show. >> it's great. cool to be here. >> trevor: what a time to be alive. >> oh, yeah. >> trevor: for those who don't know, real quickly, you had the job reince priebus now has. >> yes. >> trevor: you were in charge of the convention, basically. if you were running this convention, how would you grade it? on day two, what are you looking at? are you saying this is good for you? is this good, yeah? >> um, it started out pretty good. >> trevor: is that with the revolt? >> no. it started out while they put the gavel in the right place, which is good. >> trevor: okay. >> and then there was voting, took place after that and that's when all hell happened. >> trevor: mm-hmm. >> look, the fact of the matter is this tension has been growing for a while. we knew coming into this convention there were a significant number of delegates who would be exercised about the prospects of donald trump
10:09 am
getting the nomination. >> trevor: let's get a discussion going. you are a republican. >> i am. >> trevor: are you a black republican? >> i am. >> trevor: just checking. you may be very tanned. never know. >> yeah, never know. but i'm black first. >> trevor: how do you justify voting for donald trump? >> i said from the very beginning going back to the primary that, when asked about who i supported in the primary, and i didn't support anyone in the primary, my view was i was waiting for someone to run for president because i was inspecting and hoping the party would have a different conversation than the co the one currently having with the country. number two, the first part of this ends tonight. he has secured the nomination. his speech on thursday will tell the tale on whether or not donald trump is ready to be president of the united states, and everything he does between now and november will be dictated by how he begins this moment, so that's when the clock starts running for knee before i
10:10 am
let you go, and i'm not trying to trap you or trick you, i'm just trying to get a conversation started here. >> all right. >> trevor: let's see i give you a concession. let's say there is a donald trump people don't know, there is a donald trump who is good, who has helped minorities whether in new york or wherever it is. >> right. >> trevor: let's say there is good in donald trump that is hard to see when you look at him. but let's say there is good. i ask you this -- >> all right. >> trevor: on the flip side with hillary, republicans come out and say the devil, the liar, the worst, the murderer, lock her up, no right to be president, and everyone discounts every single year and every single achievement and everything she has worked towards, apart from whether or not you believe she should have the presidency, do you believe she's qualified? >> it's newt trick question. absolutely, she is. absolutely, she's qualified. (applause)
10:11 am
and i'll take it one step further, the fact of the matter, she has grown beyond first lady. she's secretary of state, regardless of what you think about her service, it's an accomplishment, she's flernd that capacity and done a nice job. she's been a united states senator and worked across the aisle with republicans. so you need to be aware of the opponent standing in front of you, and that's the mistake i hope we don't make from the end of the democratic convention next week to november. >> trevor: thank you, my friend. i appreciate it. michael steele, my friend. we'll be rig well she loves to say, "well, fantastic!" a lot. i do say that, you see... i study psychobiology. i'm a fine arts major. nobody really believes that i take notes this way, but they actually make sense to me. i try to balance my studying with the typical college experience. this windows pc is a life saver! being able to pull up different articles to different parts of the screen is so convenient.
10:12 am
i used to be a mac user but this is way better. at our house, we're always down for more... case in point: our handcrafted skydiving chamber. be hungry for more. just never be hungry. with premium pepperoni and 100% real cheese... ♪ ding! hot pockets! m&m's® milk chocolate melts not in your hand.h, ♪ and it feels so good ♪ ♪ oh yeah ♪ and it feels so good ♪ igoing to clean betteran electthan a manual. was he said sure...but don't get just any one.
10:13 am
get one inspired by dentists, with a round brush head. go pro with oral-b. oral-b's rounded brush head cups your teeth to break up plaque and rotates to sweep it away. and oral-b delivers a clinically proven superior clean versus sonicare diamondclean. my mouth feels super clean! oral-b. know you're getting a superior clean. i'm never going back to a manual brush. (alien humming) fruit by the foot fun what's on the end of yours? if i hired you, i see a few things changing. less mergers and acquisitions, more charitable donations. retiring on top. linda?! letting boredom get the best of me. and then, returning triumphantly. smells like we're done here. [old spice anthem] an oven-baked digiorno? or waiting for delivery? did you have that beard when we ordered?
10:14 am
a hot, fresh-baked crust? or? did we order extra soggy? don't settle for delivery. rise to the occasion. it's not delivery. it's digiorno. ♪ (vo) making the most out of every mile. that's why i got a subaru impreza. (avo) love. it's what makes a subaru, a subaru. get zero percent on select subaru models during the subaru a lot to love event, now through august thirty-first.
10:15 am
♪olympics 2016, let me get you on my level. ♪ so you never miss a moment, ♪ ♪miss a minute, miss a medal. ♪ ♪ why settle when you can have it all? ♪ ♪soccer to wrestling. track and field to basketball. ♪ fencing to cycling. diving to balance beam. ♪ ♪all you have to sa♪ ♪ is, "show me," and boom it's on the screen♪ ♪ from the bottom of the mat, ♪ ♪ to the couch where you at? ♪ ♪ show me the latest medal count♪ ♪xfinity's where it's at. ♪ welcome to it all. comcast nbcuniversal is proud to bring you coverage of the rio olympic games.
10:16 am
>> trevor: that is our show for tonight! thanks for tuning in! catch the full interview with michael steele online, you don't want to miss that and, of course, "the daily show" will be coming to you live from cleveland thursday night. now here it is... your moment of zen. ♪ we are the champions ♪ we are the champions ♪ no time for losers because we are the champions ♪ man: next on c-span: on friday, president obama was in seoul, south korea for the annual g20 conference, where he met privately with chinese president hu jintao.
10:17 am
good afternoon. thank you. ( cheering and applause ) thank you. earlier today, representatives of the world's 20 largest economies concluded the full session of the annual g20 conference. after which president hu and i were able to meet privately. we had an extraordinarily frank and wide-ranging discussion on a variety of topics from trade practices to currency devaluation to fair labor standards to global climate change. i left convinced that relations between the united states and china remain strong and will only grow stronger. president hu. ( speaking chinese ) thank you, president obama. president obama is absolutely correct. in our meeting, we spoke candidly about a wide array of issues. everything under the sun. no topic was off limits. you name it, we covered it. in fact, and correct me if i'm wrong,


info Stream Only

Uploaded by TV Archive on