tv The Daily Show Comedy Central November 29, 2016 1:37am-2:08am PST
- moment of truth, y'all. [knocking on door] [phone dinging] - hell, yeah. it's back. [phones dinging] [pummeling] - uh! uh! [phones dinging] - hey, grover, what's up? - hey, cindy, just, uh, wanted to check in and see if you was okay. the internet's been down. - oh, i been, uh, tied up for the last 20 minutes. - cindy louise scrilla, did you drop a beefy deuce in the guest bathroom again? - dad! - it took me three flushes and a coat hanger to get it down! - okay! - i'm just saying, the next time we go to boston market, you are not getting the meatloaf! [both laughing] - so what's up, guys? - what's good with that text? - i never texted you. - boo, stop frontin'. uh, oh. uh, okay. - [giggles] i'm so stupid. i meant to text grandma, not grover. i must have fat-fingered it. whoops. - cool, yeah, makes sense. uh, we got to go now. i'll holler.
- lord knows the girl needs to eat more greens. her insides is rotten! lord, they rotten. - smell you later, cindy. - you better hope she don't wipe back to front. [both laughing] - and that, my niggas, is how you stack your bread, be a good role model, and become one with the universe to achieve peace on earth and shit. i killed that shit! [gentle music] [phone dinging] [gunshots] oh, shit, we back up, nigga! who want to get they ass blowed up? [laughing] take that, nigga! - hey, man, sorry about cindy. real talk: i may have hung out with you for the fish sticks in the beginning, but then i realized you were my nig. shit, man, you even taught me how to pump fake. - 'preciate you, bruh. if it wasn't for you, i'd still be butthole brains. this headband you gave me back in the day changed everything, my nig. - ooh, that shit got worse.
- y'all probably tight with me 'cause i'm always on time with the comedy, right? or is it the stories? y'all know i got them stories on deck. - honestly, bruh, i just like the fact that you rich. - i just love your mom's titties. [all laughing] - at the end of the day, yeezus was right. we're all slaves, especially when it comes to this digital madness. this powerful tool that should be connecting the world has made us more disconnected than any time in history. in a world where real emotions have been replaced by emoticons, who will teach the next generation to love? - yo, i got the tape. - hoagie! come and take the hoagie! [grunting] - damn, that's a ashy dick. - yeah, look like he been smashing chalkboard erasers. [all laughing] [funky hip-hop music] ♪ from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york.
this is "the daily show" with trevor noah. (cheers and applause). >> trevor: wow, wow! welcome to the daily show. thank you so much for tuning inment i'm trevor noah. my guest tonight, i could not be more excited. an amazing guy, ryan speedo green is here to chat about his new book. i'm excited about that. but first, welcome back everybody, welcome back, welcome back. i hope you had a good thanksgiving. i know there was a lot of anxiety about how divided the country is. but for me, i knew we were going to be okay the day after thanksgiving when i saw the whole country coming together as one. for the traditional black fri celebration. look at the joy in their faces. you know what, i bet this year people didn't even go for the deals. they just wanted to be in a space where they could punch somebody. that is what they wanted. afterwards everything was still there at wal-mart.
people were like what did they take? the blood, that is what they took. the truth is we might need to have black friday every week because now that donald trump is going to be president, people really do want to fight about everything, including whether donald trump is actually going to be president. >> green party candidate jill stein is calling for recounts in several states that helped donald trump win the white house. her party has raised almost $6 million and filed paperwork friday for a recount in wisconsin. >> he wears lots of hat, taking place around this election. the equipment that we used, much of it is not just open to hacks, it basically invites hacks and now pampering human error. >> yeah, we know there was human error. because now he's president. (laughter) oh, and by the way, by the way, jill stein, why are you hiding up in a cabin in the woods. (laughter) you don't need to hide, jill. no one is looking for you.
although, although, they may be looking for you after the people who gave you $6 million read the fine print on your website and see that it says if we raise more than what's needed, the surplus will go toward election integrity efforts. or to put that another way,-- i make it rain, i make it rain. >> trevor: i don't even know what that was. now, now, few people think the recount will change any results because hillary clinton is more than 10,000 votes behind in all three of these states. nosmally a third party requesting a recount of a few state was not be a big store he, shouldn't be a big story. but yesterday dn ald trump made it a big story. >> president-elect donald trump riled up on twitter as election officials in wisconsin meet today, trump tweetedded, i won the popular vote, if you deduct the millions of people who voted illegally. trump offered no proof for that claim. >> trevor: offered no proof of that, that is the new away of
saying bull [bleep] (laughter) bull [bleep]. how can donald trump find a way to be a soar winner. i didn't even know that was a thing. and you know trump only cares about this because the popular vote has the word popular in it. that is the only reason he cares about this. and now instead of letting it slide trump has made a nonstory into a real thing. trump's going we don't need a recount, folks. there are millions of illegal votes. >> well, that settles it. i got that right. but clearly donald trump is the winner on thanksgiving. he he's got so much to be thankful are for. he ran the campaign the way he wanted. lots of people give him high fives and he was elected president which means all those time travelers clearly failed. on top of that he will also be the first commander in chief who is doing president as a part a part-time job. >> conflict of interest between donald trump business and his
presidency are already sparking talks of a constitutional crisis. >> the question a-- arises, how are his personal financial interests potentially conflicting with the national interests of the united states. >> that's a very good question. a question you would think would be answered after 17 months campaign, a hundred debates and $12 billion hours of press coverage, but i mean we spent all that time on emails so i mean we know so much about emails now. you have noticed that. we know about i map, pup three, bleech-- and every type of server. we even though know the shape and general size of anthony weiner's di c, k but we know almost nothing about where trump's money is. ha ha ha. what we do know, what we do know is that trump definitely plans on making more. >> on friday the trump international hotel in d.c. entertained a group of foreign diplomats marking the new hotel's exclusive townhouse
suite. cost per night, $20,000. >> the secret service is considering renting an entire floor of trump power-- tower to set up a command post for protecting donald trump and his family when in new york. this is a plan that what koses about a million and a half dollars a year just to rent a floor of trump tower. >> that's kind of a dick move, man, are you going to charge rent to the people who are there to keep you alive. are you making a profit off the secret service? you know, if one of them takes a bullet for trump he's probably going to charge them for his dry cleaning bill. be lake you got blood on my suit and this suit was made in gina okay, you are going beguna pay, how can he do that. i wouldn't be shocked if the secret service gave trump [bleep] a nickname, slum lord son the move, slum lord son the move. by the way, don't do that, secret service. now in an normal administration the president making money off the secret service would be a monumental scandal that would dominate the news for weeks.
they would probably make an hbo show about it or atly a showtime one. the point is paul giamati would be in it and it would be amazing but for trump it doesn't even make the front page news because in the last two weeks he has been on the phone with world leaders every day. and it em soos like trump's eye is not nesesly on the right ball. for instance n argentina trump's companies have been struggling to get their permits for their $100 million, 35 story story in beuns airs so when argentina president called trump to congratulate him on his victory, trump just coincidentally handed the phone to his daughter who will now be overseeing his real estate businesses. oh, so just out of the blue, like oh, look at that, ivanka, oh, what are the chances. (laughter) in fact t seems like every time trump has a conversation with foreign officials, it includes the business of trump.
>> donald trump embroiled in a legal fight with the scottish government over a wind farm just offshore ruining the view. a fight he lost less than a year ago. but shortly after his election, he met with british politician nigel farage who helped lead the brexit movement and did they discuss wind farms again? just today trump told "the new york times," i might have brought it up. >> trevor: what do you mean you might have brought it up. this is a question about international relations and he responds like a character from a jane austen novel, i might have brought it up. a lady never tells. why, why is the president-elect of the united states stressed about the view from his scottish golf course. you're the president! focus, donald, focus! job, isis, the economy, focus! most people see president of the-- trump is like now that i'm president, can i finally be a
successful businessman. what are you doing? focus! and look, don't get me wrong. i'm not saying trump shouldn't make that paper but at least put america's interests first. because at this rate u.s. foreign policy is likely determined by where trump happens to have a hotel. like the whole world say monopoly, syria is fine, i don't have a hotel there, russia, you can roll again. the guy was on a call with the president of turkey and he still found the time to slip in a good word for his istanbul business partner. now here is the thing, in ird wan is nice to trump's business partner it is a chance trump will owe erdogan in reserve. which is not good, because no one wants to picture trump scratching erdogan's back app two if you own hims a person 58 fave, the favor he calls in could be for the u.s. to stop supporting his enemies in the kurdish militia which are america's most effective allays in the fight against isis. so trump's turkish sky
scaper-- scraper could end up 456r7ering the battle against middle easter rohr. if you think foarn leaders haven't noticed where trump's head is at, well think again. >> president duterte the philippine leader already named mr. trump's business partner in manila as a special envoy to the united states. >> mr. trump has been tied to philippine real estate magazine nev jose anton qulo-- antonio who has been a pontd the country's enjoy-- envoy to the u.s. and he is also building trump towers manila in macati. >> look at, that the man who trump needs to build his towers in the philippines is coming to washington asking for favors in america. don't be shocked when trump goes against obama and says dut ert can go on killing people in the street because then trump will be like you're making a killing. i'm making a kill, we're good. being president of the united states is already the hardest job in the world. you don't need somebody distracted by picking curtains for his newest tower. and i picked curtains, that [bleep] is hard it is so hard
because you have to pick more than the things and the space and there is the one that does that, and the, and if you gets hooks, and thing is falling, shi have got blinds! it it's so hard. it's so hard. but all of these things trump is doing. think about this, if god forbid somebody decided to attack one of the trump towers in the world, is that an attack on the hotel, or is that now an attack on america? think about it, because the hotel is owned by the president of america. and you know that trump would react to it the guy melts down if someone insults him on twitter. is he going to invade the middle east because someone [bleep] in his lobby because i will tell you now, i would, i will tell that you straight up. if i had nuclear weapons and you [bleep] in my lobby, i would [bleep] you good because that would be the last [bleep] anyone in your country ever takes. i'm coming for you man, don't [bleep] in my lobby! story, you know what i mean. look, the point is, having a
president who is trying to run businesses all over the world not only makes for a less focused president, but people who voted for trump said they wanted someone who would run america like a business. more and more though t seems like voters got someone who is running america for his business. and you should put that on a hat. we'll be right back. (applause) twenty-one years ago we created blue moon.
you felt, the world will be a much different place without mrs. brady. also fidel castro died. he died after 57 years of ruling cuba, one of mark's biggest enemies is actually dead. and despites being what some would call a hot list dictator, castro also did a lot of good things for his country like fighting to end racial discrimination, not just there in but all over the world including south africa and giving all cubans free access to education and health care. so yes, castro robbed cubans of the chance 20 live free lives. but at least he made sure that those unfree lives lasted a long ass time, you know. so cubans in cuba and cubans who escaped, are both treating his death as a major event. just not exactly in the same way. first, we're going to miami and >> thousands of cuban americans taking to the streets after the passing of the dictator. >> on the streets of little havana in miami they are still
celebrating. >> and an absolutely unbrideeled celebration. >> david begnaud is in miami with more. david, good morning, what's happening in miami? >> the island that fidel castro was. >> okay, cuba honking cars, okay now the cow bell, ready to go live, this is a good time, this say good time. >> what is he doing? you might as well do your report in front of the speakers of the pitbull conference. i don't know what was going on there. everyone heard the news from different places. personally i heard the news from the same source i get all of my information. donald trump's twitter feed. he tweeted fidel castro is dead. exclamation point. i like how trump tweets that, he tweeted it like he did it himself. that is how he tweeted. fidel castro, dead. like he was sent on an assignment to cuba, just backed in,-- it is done.
now obviously that couldn't have happened because trump's hands can't reach around the-- to put his hand in the mouth. anyway. the point is castro ruled cuba for six decades and as you heard, many of his people had a real attachment to him. so the people in cuba are not taking it quite as well as the folks in miami. >> cuba is beginning nine days of national mourning with-- can el-- carn selled and flags flown as half-mast. >> trevor: for nine days no alcohol, all shows cancelled and even worse, salsa dancers will be miles-- so maybe cubans will never be able to agree on what exactly castro's legacy ssm but whatever it definitely live on. his rule of cuba lasted through 11 american president sees. seven james bonds. and three mrs. trumps. fidel castro held on to power longer than any other living
national leader except queen elizabeth. so you know this weekend she must have been like [bleep] castro, i won biatch. we'll be right back. >> he drove a 1959 plymouth until 2008. while he was playing baseball, his citizens were rowing crew. his government never toppled. but he did. he was-- the most interesting dictator in the world. >> i didn't always dictate. but when i did, i looked ominous. stay starving, my friends. this is the new 2017 chevy cruze. i'm only going to show you half it. what do you think? i think it looks very sleek. the lights remind me of audi lights. and it starts at $22,190. nice. but, there's another side to this car. oh, wow.
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>> trevor: welcome back. pie geses tonight is a bass baritone who performs with new york city's metropolitan opera and the subject of daniel beggarner new book, sing for your life. please welcome ryan speedo green. (applause) welcome to the show, sir. >> thank you for having me, trevor. >> it is such a pleasure to you have, especially after reading your book. you have quite a story to tell. your journey leading up to the world of opera was on hoestly one of the hardest journeys, in the book there is a line where one of the teachers is talking about how becoming professional opera singer is as hard if not more difficult than becoming a physician. and then on top of that, the chances of success are almost zero. how does a kid who grows up in the world that you grew up in, i
mean, growing newspaper the hood, growing up in a world where you were facing so many obstacles, how do you look at opera as your way out? >> you know, i mean i think for me, it was the educatedders. there are two important people in the book. one is in being my almost ree school teesmer, when i was in fourth grade, nine, 11 years old, i was in a class of six or seven of the worst kids in the school district in south eastern virginia. and it was taught by this little five foot one tiny blond curled lady named elizabeth hughes. and the first day of class the way that i introduced myself to her was by throwing my desk at her and telling her that i would not be taught by a white woman. and instead of send moog he to the office for my moth tore take me home, she took my chair away and said you can learn from the floor, and when are you ready to learn from your desk you can have both your chair and your desk back. this is one of her first like tough love lessons she taught me. but right after that she made it a point to teach everyone in the class of all cultures,
ethnicities martin luther king i have a dream speech and made all of us learn it and memorize it and say it almost every day. because she wanted all of us to know that in her class you you wouldn't be judged by the color of your scene but the content of your character. the mantra that she taught us, 2 didn't feak me immediately. it actually took a long time. once i left herr class, i left that safe haven, i want back to my old ways and i remember at the age of 12, being drif tone juvenile detention in handcuffs and leg shackles and spending two months there. and i remember spending a lot of time in solitary confinement. >> trevor: what is genuinely powerful is when are you telling the story of being in solitary con fienlt, you talk about it from almost the perspective of a child. it's not changing you. it's not helping you. it's not fixing what at the time was wrong with your mind. in fact f anything, you said it just made you angrier and made you-- it made you worse. >> i actually would scream at the top of my lungs until i lost my voises and you know, but the
thing is, for some reason, when i got out i made a decision that people tell me is not a normal decision. but i made the decision to surround myself not only with the right people but the right environment. with extracurricular activity. i joined football and i joined the latin club because it was so different from my trailer park. and that sorted of lead me on a path. i took choir, an easy elective i thought i would have this amazing nfl football career, choir lead me to audition for a school, for the arts and i got in. next thing you know i'm sing mieg first opera at 15. >> st a beautiful story. i wish we had more time to chat about it. but i really loved it. i loved how honest you were. i loved how you talked about your relationship with your mom, going through and what is really amazing is the happy ending of the story. >> at 15, i took my first trip to see an opera at the metropolitan opera. and for me i thought opera was something only a white person could do i thought this big fat
white biking lady breaking windows that you saw on cartoons. and for me, i saw this carmen at the metropolitan opera and what made it monumental to me was the person singing the lead role, the title road was an african-american mezo so prano and she made me feel every emotion on the emotional spectrum. and afterwards i got to meet her back staining. and she called me her boo, took pictures with me. and i fell in love with opera. when i left the operahouse that day, i told my voice teacher mr. brown who is also in the book, great person, i told him you know, i know what i want to do with my life. i want to sing at the met that was the first dream i ever had, the first dream. >> and you fast forward to you performing at the met. >> nine years later. >> and somebody has come to watch you. >> yeah. and you know, recently denise it graves who happened to hear by word of mouth about the book. ended up being in the same green room as i did a couple montds ago, colleen at the met,