tv The Daily Show Comedy Central December 7, 2016 1:37am-2:08am PST
okay?" both: [snicker] - that's essentially what the event was. and, uh, if it killed disco, it just sent a message that said, "maybe everybody doesn't love this [bleep] 24/7." ♪ i would like to do some disco lyrics right now. - okay, go ahead. - [imitates disco music] [falsetto] ♪ baby, oh, yeah ♪ tonight's the night [scatting] ♪ tonight's the night - ♪ nights - ♪ the night of nights, tonight, all right ♪ ♪ a night-- all right, i get it. - [laughing] - duly noted. thank you. - [laughing] - it's just [bleep]. just the worst. [dramatic patriotic music] ♪
>> from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with trevor noah! ( cheers and applause ) ♪ >> trevor: welcome to "the daily show"! thank you so much, everybody! i'm trevor noah. i am so excited. my guest tonight is an honest to god legend! john legend is here, everybody! ( cheers and applause ) joining us on the show. but first, just in case you haven't been paying attention to austria's election, i got some good news! >> austria will get a new left-leaning president after reject ago far-right candidate. >> the far-right candidate norbert hofer was trying to become president. he would have been the first far
right head of state in europe since world war two. >> this is a party found bid essentially former nazis, so it may have been one step too far. >> trevor: yes! one step too far. thank you, austria. thank you so much! the voice of reason in the world. feels like right-wing populism is sweeping the globe but austrian voters were like, eh, right wing populism, that's so 1930s, yeah? but the politician who lost was the most bad right winger ever. >> hofer walks with a gain. the result of a serious dplieding accident and he carries a 9-millimeter glock pistol on the campaign trail. >> trevor: yeah, and he carries the glock in case he pumps into the hang glider again. this time i'm ready for you, glidey! he sounds more like a bonneville than a candidate. can you imagine a hang gliding
nazi? the two don't mix. hang gliders are super chill. nazis? not so much! this is peaceful, yeah! i'm floating lik! people look like cockroaches to me! but let's focus on the moment, president-elect donald trump. ( audience reacts ) can't deny, he knows how to throw a punch. with his fists, very little wind resistance, he's basically bullied critics, forcibly renamed critic rivals and called the "new york times" "the failing new york times" so much they finally just went with it. ( laughter ) but for trump, those were small fry. he's always had his sights set on a much larger enemy. >> i always hate that i have to have my ties made in china. we can't continue to allow china
to rape our country. china is ripping us off. they're taking our jobs. we want deal! china, china, china! >> trevor: chyyyna! ( laughter ) quick question, how are you going to fight a country when you can't even pronounce their name? chyyyna. chyyyna. sounds like a toddler who just learned the name of her private parts. chyyyna! chyyyna! chyyyna! that's where my ties come from! ( talking like a baby ) and, by the way, why do donald trump's suits fit so poorly? i don't understand why they fit like this. they're made for you and by you! why would they fit so badly? i wouldn't be so shocked his suits fit like that because he exaggerates his measurements to his tailors. no, my arm's this long!
( laughter ) since the '80s, trump has been itching to pick a fight with chyyyna. even though it's 44 days till he officially takes office he's already started (bleep). >> in an unprecedented move mr. trump took a call from taiwan's president, breaking tradition. >> calling it a blunder. >> phone call touched you have a weekend diplomatic fire storm with china and broke decades of presidential protocol. >> trevor: yep, once again, donald trump breaks protocol. which is basically his specialty, because since nixon, all american presidents have publicly regarded taiwan as being a part of china. but not trump. yeah. donald trump, he treats protocol like the kool-aid man treats walls. >> i think there are a lot of questions going forward about what donald trump's policy towards china will be. >> it took decades to develop the ground on which we talk to china, and donald trump tore it up today. >> if i were china right now, i would have no idea what's going on, and i'm not 100% trump does
either. >> trevor: one knows what trump's plan is. he's that kind of guy. wakes up, says, who said that? me? oh, okay. okay. because nobody knows if he has a plan. this could be a blunder or his opening chess move. or actually its too complicated. maybe his opening checkers move. no, no, i'm sorry. his opening hungry hungry hippos move. half laug( laughter ) that looks right. there is more skill in that game than you think ( laughter ) the president of the united states has a right to determine america's policy toward china. donald trump doesn't seem to know which direction he's shifting or even how he's shifting it. now trump is positioning his taiwan call as taking a progressive stance against china. when the story first broke, trump implied in the tweet he didn't plan it. he spoke to the president of taiwan because she called him
out of the blue. which is even more frightening. how are people able to call the president of the united states randomly? and also, if that's the kay, why is he answer -- if that's the case, why is he randomly answering calls? this is president-elect of the united states! ( ringing ) oh, that could be a world leader or my uber calling. hold on. yes, this is donald. hello, donald, this is tsai ing-wen from taiwan. yeah, i'm waving. is that you in the camry? is that you? ( laughter ) who is this man? and this is why everybody is freaking out because it doesn't look like trump knows what he's doing, and china's relationship with taiwan is too tricky to not know what you're doing. you see, just like dwayne johnson wasn't always the rock -- ( laughter ) -- china wasn't always communist. and after its communist revolution in 1949, all anti-communist fled to taiwan
and declared themselves independent from china. that's how it started, which china vehemently reject which in china's book stores they open the page and rip out the page for taiwan. that's crazy ex-lover behavior. you realize when you rip out a page of the dictionary, you lose not only taiwan, all the other words with t are around it. "taken" is gone, that's why liam neeson's movies flubbed in china. they had no meaning. he's like, what? my daughter's been gotten?! ( laughter ) but that's how china rules. and because america tries to respect both china and taiwan, their relationship end up being complicated. >> ever since nixon's visit to china in 1972, the u.s. has had a one-china polls, recognizing
only one of the two countries that call themselves china. >> recognizing taiwan through defense contracts and informal contacts but not as a separate government with its own diplomatic standing. >> trump tweeted, interesting how the u.s. sells taiwan billions of dollars of military equipment but i should not accept a congratulatory call? >> trevor: it is weird america accepts china's selling weapons to taiwan but will not stand for a phone call. but it's a weird thing you have to respect because it's a matter of respect. sort of like when you visit your grandma, out of respect, you and your girlfriend sleep in separate rooms. yeah. she knows you're together, but you just act like it's not happening. donald trump, he doesn't do respect, he doesn't play protocols. when he's at grandma's, he (bleep) bigley. ( laughter ) and the crazy thing is, we have to get involved. we are reading up on china because we are afraid because the president of the united
states doesn't know what he's doing. we're like, all right, we're going to read up just in case, donald. because no one's ever messed with china like this before. no one really knows what the ramifications may be. it may be nothing or it could lied to a war or maybe china trials to hurt america's economy by stopping all trade. these are all really bad outcomes. really bad. i will say this, though -- if a trade war means we don't have to see him in one of those suits anymore, then maybe it was all worth it. >> we'll be right back. ( applause ) this is basically nothing. and yet, it's everything. introducing pepsi zero sugar. zero sugar.
(groaning continues) you got one more.eed here we go.g push. congrats! i hear you're having a baby. here we go. just breathe. here we go. you better start saving for college tuition. and you'll probably need a bigger house at some point. but new york life can help you manage your family's financial future. so you can relax, and enjoy life's special moments. like this moment. (guttural yelling) that's what being good at life is all about, right? (vo) be good at life. new york life. heineken has been family owned they know about tradition. my favorite tradition? aww you shouldn't have.
exchanging gifts. i actually brought these myself. slap break! wrong. have a break, have a kit kat! it's just a cough.our cough, sfx: woman coughing you'd see how often you cough all day. and so would everyone else. robitussin 12 hour delivers fast, powerful cough relief that lasts up to 12 hours. robitussin 12 hour cough relief, because it's never just a cough. ♪ follow those who pale in your shadow ♪ ♪
♪ did she make you cry ♪ make you break down ♪ shatter your illusions of love? ♪ ♪ now, tell me, is it over now? ♪ ♪ do you know how ♪ to pick up the pieces and go home? ♪ [ male announcer ] rated m for mature. "the daily show." the u.s. military is the biggest, baddest military on the planet, but is that big badness
at risk? hasan minhaj reports. >> the u.s. navy is a bad (bleep) fighting force known for power, speed and synchronized dancing. and now they're developing crazy new technology like rail guns, laser cannons and -- >> the great green fleet is what they're calling it! >> so i hopped on board one of these bad (bleep) green fighting machines to check out what makes it so powerful. >> biofuel. ( laughter ) >> that doesn't sound very bad (bleep). >> i think biofuels is pretty intimidating. >> the navy was transforming from this into this! i wanted to help put the pants back on our military, so i went all the way to the secretary of the navy. >> we're buying biofuels made out of animal by-product, made out of used cooking oil, agriculture waste, algae. >> you're rung $570 million ship
of destruction on algae, and almond butter? >> yes. >> this is what the navy is going to look like in ten years. >> what in the world is that, a doobie? >> yeah. >> that destroyer running on green fuel make the navy better war fighters. >> we americans love the military but even strong on defense pro military reps were trying to -- >> put a stop to this nonsense. >> from states like colorado. >> my amendment ends this wasteful and dangerous practice. >> california. >> as if it's possible to fight an environmentally sensitive war. >> and oklahoma. >> how can anyone justify this so-called greening of the military? >> exactly. the navy's job is hunting down i.s.i.s., not poll innerring solar panels. this is biofuel. this is regular fuel. >> you want to use the one that gives you the combat advantage. >> that's definitely this one because this one will get me amped and make me want to punch
a cop. that's why i love rock star. >> that one, the engines last longer. the most vulnerable time for a navy ship is when it's refueling and, so, by using biofuels, we're staying out at sea weeks longer doing our job. >> but reps know -- but republicans know this is just a part of -- >> the obama administration. >> the obama administration. >> the obama administration's push for green energy. >> actually, these programs started in the bush administration. >> wait, what? did i just get scooby-doo'd? >> this isn't a partisan or political issue. when the climate changes, our responsibilities change. as sea levels rise, as ice melt in the arctic, you will see nations disappear, perhaps. it's a real threat. >> but you're on boats. >> bases don't float. the department of defense uses more fossil fuels than any place on earth, but because we're
using this, all of a sudden, we're not dependent on fossil fuels. >> not dependent on fossil fuels? that's terrible for oil states like colorado, oklahoma and california. wait a second! why do those states sound so familiar? oh! they're lawmakers are the ones fighting biofuel, and no wonder they're so upset, not only could they lose oil money but a more precious resource -- campaign checks from oil companies. you're turning your back on special interests and you're saying, mae, you're not special anymore. >> i hope so. we can't afford to fall behind in technology. if we stayed with what we had, we would still be using sails. >> i guess these ships are pretty bad (bleep). choppers, energy-generating suits. this titanic sketch of my naked body, maybe a green military future won't taste so bad. >> tastes pretty good. >> it's awful. tastes like i'm drinking a car
a silicon valley server farm. the vault to man's greatest wonders... selfies, cat videos and winking emojis. speaking of tech wonders, with the geico app you can get roadside assistance, digital id cards... or even file a claim. do that.. yeah, yeah that should work. it's not happening... just try again. uh, i think i found your problem. thanks. hmm... the award-winning geico app. download it today. ♪ ♪ ♪
and actor whose new album is called "darkness and light." he can also be seen in the upcoming movie "la la land." >> you say you want to save jazz? how you gonna save jazz if no one's listening? jazz is dying because of people like you. you're playing to 90-year-olds at the lighthouse, and where are the kids? where are the young people? you're so obsessed with kenny clark and felonious monk. these guys were revolutionaries. how are you going to be a revolutionary if you're such a traditionalist? you're holding onto the past, but jazz is about the future. >> trevor: please welcome john legend! ( cheers and applause ) ♪ >> hello! hey! >> trevor: welcome to the show.
>> my friend, it's finally good to be here. >> trevor: it's good to have you finally. i have been wanting to have you on the show. glad you made it and not a moment too soon. you're doing everything. you're living up to the name. >> everything this week. ( laughter ) my album came out friday and the movie comes out this friday. >> trevor: let's talk about the movie first. this is something new for you. >> yes. >> trevor: "la la land," a lot of hype around the film. a lot of people saying it's a fantastic movie. ryan gosling, emma stone, and yourself, it's so secret they wouldn't let me watch it before hand. so i have to ask you, what is it about? >> oh, you could have faked it? i could have faked it? >> i'm sure. >> trevor: i watch everything. >> come on. >> trevor: no, i watch everything. >> the movie is about ryan and emma. they embark on a romance but also move to los angeles so they can become stars in their respective field. really, ryan's character really doesn't want to be a star. he wants to play jazz piano and own a nightclub.
emma's character want to be an actress. you see the ups and downs of their career and also romance, and i represent sort of like a villain to ryan's character because i'm kind of telling him, you know, this whole jazz thing you're trying to do is not going to work out, and i'm trying to steer him in a more kind of commercial direction, and he's trying to decide which way he wants to go. >> trevor: you smile the way you say it like you enjoyed playing a villain. there's a look in your eye while you're telling me that. >> my wife watched this. he said, john, keith is an (bleep). that's my character. >> trevor: was it fun? >> he wasn't that much of an (bleep) but he was trying to give ryan's character a bit of a reality check. >> trevor: let's talk about the album, darkness and light. >> yes. >> trevor: this is a beautiful album. >> thank you. did you really listen to it? >> trevor: i did. >> he really listened to it. ( applause ) >> trevor: what surprised me
were some of the themes, though. >> yeah. >> trevor: i mean, like, you have images of iraq. you have themes of, you know, i guess the violence and the oppression of the black man and the black woman in america. >> sure. >> trevor: that's not something a person would normally associate a john legend album with. >> well, you might not have associated my albums with it but if you follow me on twitter, you know what i talk and think about. if you've seen me on those like this, you know what i talk about and think about. so i think about a lot of different things and i wanted to incorporate some of that into the music, because i always write about romance, and i still do on this album. but i want to incorporate more of my world view into the music, and so that's what we tried to do on this music. >> trevor: what's your favorite song? no one asks the artist that. >> my favorite song, my favorite track is darkness and light, overload a song i did with miguel, and a song i wrote for my daughter called i write for
you, luna ( applause ) >> trevor: oh, that's sweet. let's talk about your organization free america. you say you're vocal on twitter. >> sure, i'm vocal as an activist. we visit prisons, jails and detention centers around the country, juvenile centers and we're trying to make america a less incarcerated place. >> trevor: what does that mean? >> we are the most incarcerated country so that's a fact. a set of policies and actions by our politicians over the last 40 years have led us to that place and we're trying to reverse that. so part of it is through getting involved in local elections with sheriffs and d.a.s that control a lot of these decisions, part of it is changing laws on a state level like we've done in california, texas and other places. some of it is federal as well. but most of it actually is on a state and local level. so we get involved working with activists working on the ground and help pass laws to make us a freer place. >> trevor: if someone is saying i want to get involved,
do something that will help and move the country forward, where can they start? >> i think there is a lot of places, depending on what you're worried about and what's important, but in a trump administration, we should worry about places like planned parenthood, the aclu, organizations that are out there to protect people, the legal defense fund for the naacp. all these places that are out there trying to protect the people from an oppressive government and from people that would want to take their rights away. so we all need to be involved and be vigilant and pay attention to what the government is doing under our name and with our money and hold them accountable and support organizations that are fighting the power. ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: let me ask you a question, because this is something i grapple with sometimes and i know a lot of people do. i've seen people say, john legend, great singer -- >> hate his politics!
>> trevor: shut up do, what you're good at, leave the politics to the politicians, sing more! >> yeah. so i assume -- i always wonder if those people are actually politicians because i don't think they are. so what they're telling me that them as plumbers are more qualified to talk about politics than i as a singer am, but we're all citizens. we're all part of this country, we all vote, we all pay taxes, and what decisions our politicians make impact all of us. so just because i have more followers than you -- ( applause ) ( laughter ) -- doesn't mean it's suddenly out of bounds for me to talk about politics but you can talk about it to me. so i think what they really want to do is me agree with them. if i agree with them, they would be perfectly happy for me to talk about politics. but we all have to be involved and pay attention to what's happening, and when we have something to say, we should say it, and i have a special platform and i'm not going to waste it. >> trevor: i appreciate you ( applause ) >> trevor: "la la land," december 9 and everywhere
december 16 in theaters, december 16 in theaters, "darkness and light" i girl: you're going to need me. you're going to need us. all of us. you're going to need our help with your water... your air, your food. you're going to need our determination, our compassion. you're going to need the next generation of leaders to face the challenges the future will bring. and we promise we'll be there when you need us.