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tv   midnight With Chris Hardwick  Comedy Central  December 16, 2016 2:07am-2:36am PST

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so much for being with us through 2016. we had an amazing time with you. thank you for coming out and joining us. thank you for tuning in every single day. we'll be back next year. here it is, your moment of zen. >> donald trump will not be the president of the united states. i don't even think he'll be the nominee. >> we better be ready for the fact he might be leading the republican ticket. ( laughter ). >> i know you don't believe that, but i want to go on. >> donald, you're not going to be able to insult your way to the presidency. that's not going to happen. and i do have the strength. ( cheers and applause ) comedy central captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org >> chris: it is 29 minutes until midnight. we're going to butt this bull [bleep] year behind us. 2016 has truly been a strange and complex year, i think historians will agree on two things t only lasted 12 months
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and it totally sucked balls but st a multifaceted beast made of con traditions, for every rage post there a delightful meme or adorable animal video waiting to load which is why tonight we're celebrating the not so crappy of 2016 with a special segment called "@midnight's" look back at the stuff from 2016 that wasn't trump or the death of a celebrity. (cheers and applause) first up, first up, our favorite online personality of the year was youtube john sudano who takes the music of smash mouth, you see, and mashes it with other artist was do the impossible, make it amazing. ♪ hey now you're an all-star. ♪ get your game on. ♪ go play. ♪ if all that glittersters is g. ♪ only-- baby. (laughter). >> chris: comedians, now that
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john has made them relevant again how is smash mouth celebrating. matt besesser. >> celebrating nickel back moving up to number one on the lamest band ever ranging. >> chris: all right, points. andy richter. >> by going to a creed concert. >> chris: yes, points. how do you go to a creed concert? ♪ sorry. diona. >> buying as many taquitos as their cargo shorts can hold. >> chris: points, that is the ammo. >> yeah. >> chris: next up, viral video of the year, we polled our fans, or just a couple of people to find out which viral video was the favorite and this was the winner. >> damn daniel, damn, daniel. back at it again with the white vans, damn. >> chris: yes, with 36% of the vote an inside joke between two
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high schoolers that inspired a generation to believe that they too can be familiar us by filming someone who is wearing shoes. comedians, since the double d crew could not be here to receive their award wa, is a line from their acceptance speech. matt besser. >> the damn daniel video did not die on the vine, vine died on the damn daniel video. >> chris: yeah, yeah, you're right. >> so true. >> chris: that's deep, man. [bleep] man, it makes you think, man. >> yeah, man. >> chris: andy richter. >> because of this honor i have been a poanted president-elect trump's secretary of health and human services. >> chris: all right, points. yeah. next up, a salute to vine as mlt besser pointed out the six second video platform was given a death sentence. we want to remember vine not for its sch-- shrill impressions but for its beauty@curtis conner suggested this vine but boy on the kruks of manhood wit
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benessing the vape goddess of his dreams. >> wow. (laughter). >> chris: comedians, that was uncanny. i love that that video is bigger than anything i worked on this year. >> chris: ever, ever. comedians, what is something else that would make this young pan go wow! >> diona. >> he finds a curly fry in with his regular fries. >> chris: yes, points, that is-- a [bleep] gift. a gift. andy richter. >> a friend tells him i bet she also vapes squirts. (laughter) i mean that would be a wow. >> chris: that would be a wow. >> cherry flavored.
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>> bubble gum. >> chris: out of curiosity, everybody wants to understand vaping and squirting from the same area or is it just a double show. >> wow. >> chris: all right, perfect. next, celebrity tweet of the year, twitter was pretty hectic place in 2016 but a handful of delightful users still imagined to bring us joy in the social network. which of these tweets did our followers name tweet of the year. firs one dame judi dench trying twerker or joe biden's friendship brace et for president obama. >> judei dench twerking. >> chris: i way it was the case t was this adorable-- oh. there it is. with a whopping 64% of the vote. it is a are doable twet was our follower's fave. let's see what the best buds did after that, what did they do after that? >> oh. (laughter)
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i think the story is. >> this story is about to end. yeah, 2017, the nothing is coming. that is the end of "@midnight's" look back at the stuff from 2016 that wasn't trump or the death of a celebrity. and now let's check in with the scoreboard. with he have three stars from andy richter's home for the holiday premiering december 20th, with 400 points andy richter. >> hi there. also with 400 points, diona reasonover. and with 400 points as well, matt besser is back. now it is time for tonight's hashtag wars.
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from donald trump calling jeb bush low energy to donald trump caught on tape bragging with sexual assault to donald trump becoming a [bleep] pret, 2016 feature news stories as insane and unbelievable as donald trump l2017 be anywhere fer as events 68. only time will tell, we have to wait and see or will we. let's all gaze into our crystal balls with tonight's hashtag 2017predictions. ha ha, ho, ho, whoa. yes. my first prediction is that this [bleep] guy is not going anywhere. other examples might be-- stop it. you say that here then you go on the internet and tell me how much [bleep] i eat on twitter. that's for you. so examples might be apple swings the other way and adds
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two headphone jacks or it will finally be a wrap on pan planet earth. 60 seconds, begin. >> black twitter finally becomes a separate but equal app. >> chris: points. matt besser. >> trump resigns the presidency to take over the trump impression on snl. >> chris: points. diona. >> planned parenthood changes its name to figure it out yourself you dumb flip. >> chris: andy richter. >> jimmy fallons to eled putin's hair and gets his hands dunked in acid. >> chris: all right, points. matt besser. >> kayne west completes a full concert. >> chris: yes. (cheers and applause) >> the whole thing. >> chris: never happen. diona. >> jay-z releases his followup to lemonade called, we were on a beak. >> chris: all right, points. andy. >> the first viable human cloan
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is produced. it's a chris hardwick that hosts a recap show about all the other shows that the actual chris hardwick does. >> chris: that is a fantastic idea. fantastic idea, yes. all right. la tha is the end of hashtag, send us your hashtag 2017 predekses and tag those "@midnight" to keep this game going. we'll be right back with more "@midnight." congratulations to our tweet of the day from yesterday's hashtag warp. yesterday's hashtag warp. well played this year at t-mobile, the holidays are on us! yesterday's hashtag warp. well played switch your family of four to t-mobile, get unlimited everything, and we'll give you $800. that's right! $800 to spend anywhere you want. plus, all season long, get awesome deals on smartphones,
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tablets, and accessories. hurry in to t-mobile and get your holidays on us.
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>> chris: welcome back to "@midnight." it's time it play time of your life, time of your life. (cheers and applause). >> chris: facebook is mostly known as i fake news aggregator, they ream invaleed their lightest year in a view, it takes your most notable photos of 2016 and show them to you it is a great way to revisit those wonderful memories getting tump dumped after your birthday or geten beat up feen up betweens.
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generate some years in review for each of you, i am going to walk us through the it the allly real slide show about things that definitely happened this year in your life and we'll review them. so first up, very-- first of all congratulations, matt, you competed for olympic gold. oh wow. see this? >> so do you want to tell us about that. do you want to tell us about this a little bit. >> yeah, this is free style pooping. >> that's great. >> and i pooped out some olympic rings in the background, you can see there. >> oh yeah, yeah, it is very difficult to do. next up, next up, so your band had a pretty bad gig, pretty big gig. >> your band has a really big gig here. >> this was actually a weird gig. the name of our band is the horns because we all wear horns. they thought we were a brass band with trum pets and stuff. >> terrible misunderstanding. >> but then after the horns
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things showed your support for legalizing marijuana which was-- right there. >> not a flattering angle, but yeah. i had tennis racket, a pool cu e and a dog tamer. >> chris: that's great. so that was a wonderful year you had, matt, thank you for doing that. (applause) but you know, not to be outdone, diona actually had quite the 2016 herself. i know how much you love animals. as this picture will-- trying to save all the pigeons, what happened there. >> you know what, tallly funny enough, right there i was playing poke monday go in real life. >> i did, i did. >> these give you legion heirs disease. but also very healthy year for you too, you really hit the gym
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as we-- . >> yes. >> yeah, i found out brad pit was single and i was like get in here. >> chris: and then finally, i think it is great that you were not shy about your political beliefs. so. >> yeah. >> chris: you are here, how did this happen. >> you know what i toll him i was kayne's cousin and he was like, come on in. >> chris: fantastic. and then what-- what a wonderful end to an amazing year you had, diona thank you for that trip down your 2016. and finally andy richter, i mean, annie richter, andy richter is a straight arrow. he knows how to have fun. he wants to tell us all about his 2016. he saw first hand how technology was evolving. >> yes. i made a robot tom cruise actual
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size. >> chris: that's great. >> yeah, yeah. >> chris: that's really great. so you had a very high profile relationship with another celebrity. >> yeah. >> first of all, your wife was cool with this. >> she was fine with it. but that was because i had told her, and i just assumed that i was dating taylor dains. so that is what broke it up. that is another taylor. >> i don't know who she is. >> yeah, i know. >> but she was hip. >> chris: i know. >> she was going to write a song about it. >> chris: you don't have to explain it to me. tell it to my heart. this is christmas season, thank you, this christmas season has kept you very, very, very busy. >> yeah. >> chris: as you can see here. >> yes, well, i mean, have i to confess, i'm usually overcompensating for my candy cane penis. so yz are you upset that it is
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thin or curved? >> mostly sticky, it's just really sticky. really hard to get a good-- . >> chris: thank you so much for your trip down 2016. >> thank you kz that is the end of time of your life. i mean that is fantastic. i think i just have to give everyone 5,000 points for that. >> wow. >> oh my god. >> chris: they were all so good. >> wow. >> that just made the first-- act meaningless. >> chris: nothing to see her here, nothing to see here, no behind the curtain t is [bleep] holiday, i'm keeping everyone for for the win so it doesn't matter what the poants are at this point. it's the holidays! i don't care. none of this is real. these are empty. there is nothing in there. it is empty. this is-- this is -- this is nothing. these aren't-- these have
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nothing in them. it is led, these aren't even real [bleep] candles. it is not even-- empty. nothing in here! there is nothing in here! there is nothing in here! this is-- oh, that's real, that's real. we'll be right back with more "@midnight." this is all-- this is fake! this is all fake! z hi, i'm paul.
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"@midnight." it's time for not lost and not forgot en. yes, i know. we have to get real a little bit am we lost a lot of amazing
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artists an human beings in 2016, it was really sad. but, but a the lo of people are still alive too, you you guys. i know, you're here, and they're here. i'm here. and that probably makes you angry but [bleep] you so instead of despairing let's celebrate all the people who made it through 2016, battling tooth and nail against self-driving ubers and nate silver election predictions to stay alive. i will show you a picture of a celebrity who is thankfully still with us and i want you to tell us how they survived. first up, bete white, amazing. i know. she's still here. matt besser. >> i know i had a first hand experience, by bleep extras, young extras. >> chris: points. >> i got one i was going say she is kept alive by her goddam genius. i'm not going to sit her and let anyone bad mouth betty [bleep] white. >> chris: poants. >> she exercises daily by
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traveling down the road and back again. >> chris: nice, very good. that was very nice of you to bring up that. are you a friend and a kf dante. next up, the gary busey. seen here after getting beaten with-- fat. andy richter. >> the secret to him staying a live is that he actually thinks he's dead. >> chris: i'm a ghost. >> yeah, yeah. >> chris: y'all can't see me, i'm a ghost, i'm just passing through. i keep trying to run to the light. i don't know what is smoased to happen. points for that. next up former president jimmy carter. how is he still alive? >> diona. >> i'm a millenial and i don't know who that is. >> chris: great, points. >> points, wow. >> chris: next one lindsay lohan, andy richter.
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>> actually death las come for her a number of times, he just doesn't recognize letter any more. >> chris: points. all right, next up, 100 years old, kirk douglas. kirk douglas matt besser. >> he won't talk to the grim reaper, he's afraid he will take his job. >> chris: all right, points. last one, queen elizabeth 2. andy richter. >> well, because of all the inbreeding she only has four chromosomes. >> chris: yeah, okay, points. >> that is the end of not lost and not forgotten, so it is christmas week. we are not eliminating anyone tonight that means it is time to bied your time, it's for the win. don't get used to it. don't get used to it. because when we come back, 2017
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chris hardwick is a [bleep] prik that guy is going to eliminate everyone on the show, at the end of every show it will just be him going what are going to do about it, it is my show, get your own [bleep] show. nothing you can do about it. >> wow jz but for now, we have twitter what the most influential meme was. one man rose bofer the unicycle frag, pansexual elves, smugged by ingsocbob maryng's cool uncle who gives a sip of beer at thanksgiving, joe biden, there he is. here is an example of a biden meme posted to know your meme.com. that's right, tweet of the year and meme of the year, so even if you disagree with his politics it is hard to argue that not so sloppy joe is a pretty cool operator right there, he is a veep who is truly a breathy
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inspiration on the shoulders of humanity. so comedians, i would like you to joint the countless people who memed this silver fox in internet history and create your own joe biden meme. we'll have our come #edians answers and name a winner when answers and name a winner when we come back on "@midnight". (vo) it's the holidays at verizon, and the best deals are on the best network. with no surprise overages, you can use your data worry free and even carry over the data you don't use. and right now get four lines and 20 gigs for only $40 per line. you'll even get the iphone 7, the samsung galaxy s7, the pixel phone by google, or the motoz droid absolutely free. hurry, these offers end soon.
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that have been trusted for generations. give them craftsman tools. >> chris: welcome back to "@midnight." it's time for for the win am i will wipe your scores clean, wipe, wipe, wipe, it's a christmas miracle. i will read your answer as loud you the audience will decide the winner, before the break i showed that our followers nominated joe biden as meme of the year and ask you to make your own veep meme. let's see. first one.
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>> chris: number one was the winner, who was number one? you have won the internet, congratulations. you are the funniest person in the world for the rest of 2016. thank you so much for watching us this year. whether you-- thank you. whether you like the stuff we did you didn't like the stuff we did this year, you stuck with us and i sincerely appreciate it. i hope you have a wonderful holidays. we "@midnight" 2017 predictions to become the next tweet of day. thank you so much. i'm@hardwick on the tweet and in12r5-- instagram. good night, i love you. happy holidays! >> no, it's true. i'm telling you.

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