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tv   The Daily Show  Comedy Central  January 11, 2017 11:00pm-11:32pm PST

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this is my toothbrush. - no! this is your toothbrush, you [bleep] idiot. right where you left it, in the toothbrush cup. - talk about disrespecting other people's stuff. - ahh! [knocking] - jeff! shut your fat mouth! - cut. ♪ gold shower beckons you ♪ to quench his yellow thirst drink water first ♪ it's trickling down
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>> from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with trevor noah. ( cheers and applause ) captioning sponsored by comedy central >> trevor: welcome to "the daily show." thank you so much, everybody. and thank you for tuning in. i'm trevor noah. my guest tonight, "new york magazine" writer and author of the new book "audacity." jonathan chait is joining us, an amazing writer. but let's get straight into it. last night, the first and last first black president of the united states, said good-bye to 20,000 of his closest friends. and you could tell obama of really the president of the the millennials. because his entire speech seemed like one giant subtweet. >> democracy does roar a basic sense of... when we sit back and
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blame the leaders we elect, without examining our own role in electing them. it falls to each of us to be those anxious, jealous guardians of our democracy. if something needs fixing, then lace up your shoes and do some organizing. if you're tired of arguing with strangers on the internet, try talking with one of them in real life. ( laughter ). >> trevor: okay, this guy has clearly never been catfished before. look i don't say this often, but i do not agree with the president. do not meet people that you've argued with on the internet. it will end with you bleeding in an alley. don't do it. don't do it. you know, last night's speech felt leslike a farewell address and more like a parent going on vacation tell his kids how to behave while they're away. "american kids, race relations,
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you'll find those in the fridge. make sure you know the supreme court justice before you let him in. and your baby-sitter, he's coming soon. stop complaining. you chose him. you chose him. do what he says, but if he asks you to take a shower, you should probably say no. probably say no. that's what you should do, probably say no. can i take a second here, guys? how is all of this real? no, how is this politics? how is this what we're talking about? because what happened yesterday, i mean, you could not have a bigger juxtaposition between the president america is losing and the president america is gaining. like, did you know that last night, the number one trending topic on twitter was "obama farewell." and the second trending topic-- no kidding-- was "golden showers." ( laughter ) now, i don't know if i need to, but i'll explain anyway. last night, right about when obama was speaking, buzzfeed
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leaked an unconfirmed report that claimed russia has blackmail material on donald trump which includes damaging financial and personal details about him. now, if it's true, the financial stuff is bad nurveg but the personal is what's got the people going because it claims that donald trump once visited russia, stayed in the ritz-carlton in moscow, and then hired prostitutes to perform a golden shower. and that russia might have the whole thing on tape. ( laughter ) yeah, and now, woe don't know if this is true. but if the donald could shake america tots core with an audio tape, imagine what he could do with video. you know what the worst part of the story is? because the story trend worldwide, this morning, i got a call-- are you looking at that? ( laughter ) i'll tell you why this is the
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worst thing for me. because this morning i got a call from my african uncle with a question. he was like, "trevor, what is a golden shower?" ( laughter ) yes, uh-huh. and then...? "but i thought you guys had toilets over there." now, just to be clear, there is no proof any of this is true, but because it's donald trump, it feels like anything is possible. i mean, this is the same person who grabs pussies. he walks in on girls getting changed and if you would choose a sexual act donald trump prefers it would probably be the one with "gold" in the title. dp&now because of this, everything from trump's past takes on a different meaning, like his hotel ad from a few years ago where he says he never misses a golden opportunity. that's his own ad! ( laughter ) all of this! all of this is like now we flash back through everything, and suddenly we realize what maybe
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it all meant. like, for instance, remember how trump had that weird business where people had to send him their pee? >> the trump network relied on participants to sell health supplements and other products person to person. >> a key product was personalized vitamins, supposedly tailored to each customer after they sent their urine to a lab for analysis. ( laughter ) >> trevor: now look, now look, that seems disgusting, but at least back then, donald trump was getting american pee. now he's outsourcing it to rash. and again, and again, this is this is all unsubstantiated and we shouldn't be wasting our time? what are we going to talk about the republicans are trying to confirm air man with opposing civil rights to run the justice department? we could talk about that, but how can you concentrate on anything when you hear about trump possibly being involved in water sports and then you see this.
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( cheers and applause ) ( laughter ) >> trevor: was that water? ( laughter ) because then that's a real challenge. #trumpchallenge. don't send us your video. now everyone single memory of his will be tarnished like this moment from the debates. >> i'd bring back waterboarding and i'd bring back a hell of a lot worse than waterboarding. >> trevor: this poor dpierk he can't even be celebrated without other thinking he's getting peed on. >> president-elect donald trump left trump tower this morning bound for the airport where his plane was given a so-called water salute. ( laughter ) >> trevor: "a water salute." now you see i want to believe that trump was sitting in his chair and not standing at the
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cockpit window like... i feel like if trump shakes his head, his hair will still stay in the same place. and, you know, what? i personally think it's terrible that people are spreading an unconfirmed rumor that donald trump likes golden showers. it's disgusting! it would be like suggesting that president obama was a secret muslim born in kenya, or suggesting that hillary clinton was a murderer, or saying that ted cruz's dad killed john f. kennedy, which is not true! only thing he killed was his smile! how could anyone justify spreading rumors they know are completely false? >> all i did is point out the fact that on the cover of the "national enquirer "there was a picture of her-- him-- and crazy lee harvey oswald. i'm not saying he did it, but i'm just saying it was all over the place. was there a birth certificate? you tell me.
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some say it was not his birth certificate. nobody knows. >> trevor: exactly, nobody knows. so did trump pay prostitutes for a goanld shower? i don't know. nobody knows. but a lot of people are talking. including my uncle. ( laughter ) we'll be right back. we'll be right back. ( cheers and applause )
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>> trevor: welcome back to "the daily show." now today for the first time in six months, donald trump held a press conference which i guess was well timed because last night we heard from obama was so grateful to the american people. and today, we heard why the american people should be so grateful to donald trump. >> i was offered $2 billion to do a deal in dubai, a number of deals, and i turned it down. i didn't have to turn it down. we could make deals in russia veryacy easley if we wanted to. i just don't want to. i could actually run my business and run government at the same time. i don't like the way that looks, but i would be able to do that, if i wanted to. i would be the only one that would be able to do that. >> trevor: congratulations, america. you've elected a man who looks at the presidency as his side
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hustle. he's like, "man, i'm just doing this white house (bleep) signal i get that paper, man. that's all i'm doing." no joke, trump is taking his new job really seriously sp to show how hard he's working, he even brought every single manila foldener america. look at that table! wow! it's a prop. you know somewhere in america there's a staple where's someone walked in and said, you know what i need? one of everything! i'm going to make america great again." what was great about today's press conference is for the first time we got to hear trump use russia and hacking in the same sentence. >> as far as hack, i think it was russia, but remember this-- we talk about the hack and hacking's bad and it shouldn't be done, but look at the things that were hacked. look at what was learned from that hacking, that hillary clinton got the questions to the debate and didn't report it. that's a horrible thing. >> trevor: yes!
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finally, america has a president who knows how to look on the bright side. i mean, hacking's bad, but look at what we learned from the hack. i can't wait to hear trump's views on global warming. "flooding's bad, real bad, folks, but look how many people are learning backstroke, huh, huh? come on, bright side." it appears there's no cloud trump cannot see the silver lining in. >> on that intelligence report that the second parent of their conclusion was that vladimir putin ordered it because he aspired to help you in the election. do you accept that part of the finding? and will undo what president obama did to punish the russians for this or will you cope it in place? >> if putin likes donald trump, i consider that an asset not a liability. >> trevor: well, yeah, the man is right. someone who is a help to a foreign power is called an asset. yeah, that's true. yeah. trump is like jaceo jason bournt without everything. and, by the way, is it that simple to be on the right side
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of trump? you just compliment him and all of a sudden he's like, yeah, i like this, this is good." i tonight want to give isis ideas but it seems the way to get to trump and on his good side is complement him. it's like death to america, but trump's hands are huge. trump will be like, "what's so bad about isis? it's a good thing they like me and my hands. i'm an asset, okay? high five." what really makes donald trump great, though, is other than his bravery in the face of reason, he knows what america wants because, yeah, because, yeah, he dropped some new singles today, but he also played the hits. >> if somebody said about me what pyongyang said about hillary, i was the boz, i would have fired him immediately. i wouldn't be giving a reset button like hillary. here, press this piece of plastic. the guy is looking at her like what are you doing? do you honestly believe hillary would be tougher on putin than
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me. >> trevor: it's time for trump to realize he can't keep running for president. donald trump, it's time to be president. just because you were really good at elementary school, doesn't mean you get to stay there forever. eventually, you have to move on. you have to move on. but hillary wasn't the only person trump went after today. he also got mad at cnn for breaking the russian blackmail story. >> mr. president-elect, mr. president-elect, since you are-- >> no, not you. >> since you are attack our news organization you can give us a chance? >> your organization is twecial. >> can we just ask a question, sir-- >> be quiet. don't be rude. don't be rude. >> can you give us a question? >> don't be rude-- no, i'm not going to give you a question. >> can you say-- >> you are fake news. >> trevor: "are you fake news. you're not here right now. you're telling me to do bad things." wow. welcome to the next four years. you know what, honestly, that was one of the most frightening
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moments of today's presser for me. because in america, the press is supposed to be a check on the president, not the other way around. and you realize, this is essentially the first step in the authoritarian tango. that's what you do. you shut down one news organization by alleging that it's all fake. that's your move, right? and then if you get away with it, you can shut down another news network. and then you can shut down another news network. shut them down, shut them down. until all that's left is, "breaking news-- has president trump been working out?" "this just in, pump is tired because he's been running through my mind all day. up next, weather-- it's not warming." we'll be right back. ( cheers and applause )
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( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: welcome back. my guest tonight is a columnist for "new york magazine" and author whose new book is called "audacity: how barack obama deified his critics and created a legacy that will prevail." please welcome jonarthan chait. ( cheers and applause ) welcome to the show. >> thank you very much. >> trevor: i'm a huge fan of your writing. and the book is no different. what a time for the book to come out "audacity: how barack obama deified his critics and created a legacy that will prevail." what i love about this title is that you changed it. >> i did. >> trevor: because you wrote the book before trump won. >> right. most of it-- i actually wrote a decent chunk after trump won. >> trevor: the original title was, "how obama deified his critics and transformed america." >> yup.
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>> trevor: and then, trump, and you were like, no, it didn't transform. >> no, that's not the point. so as soon as the election happened-- ( laughter ) as soon as the election happens, basically everyone jumps to the conclusion that it's all gone. trump is going to erase it within the first week. and that was what everyone thought. and i want to make the case in this book-- and i do-- that that's not really true. and i think we're already seeing that's not really true. >> trevor: but, i mean, trump says he's going to come in and reverse all of the executive-- >> right. >> trevor: --work that obama has put into place. he's going to erase obama. he's going to replace obamacare with something much better. so, essentially, is that not the legacy that people are worried, you know, donald trump can erase? >> so the idea that obama only did things with executive action is a myth that republicans used i think to attack his programs. and if you read the book, it's not really true. he passed a lot of laws that people were not paying attention to in his first two years, and he did use executive actions. but he put these things together
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in a way that's going to be very durable, even the executive action, like on the environment. they did a lot of regulations, and he made a deal with china on climate change, and they got the world's first climate change agreement and that's moving forward. and the united states may pull out, but the world is not going to stop caring about climate change. so these agreements they put into place, no matter what trump does, i think that's still going to be there. on obamacare, that's a great example, everyone said gone. they're farther away from replacing that thing now than they were before the election. they're moving backwards. they said, "we know what to do." and then, "i think we know what to do. does anyone have an idea what we should do?" ( laughter ) and they're in chaos now. >> trevor: you have to replace it with something much better, that's what you have to do. >> something better and cheaper. it's going to cost less. >> trevor: better and cheaper. i'm glad we agree on this.
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>> do you agree or disagree that trump being elected to office is a response of eight years of obama, or do you have a response that maybe-- an opinion that differs from that? >> i think in some ways it is. and i think the election of donald trump-- it was a big part of my book, and trump's rise was a big part of my book before i thought he was going to win. because if you trace the shape of the republican response to obama, it was moving in a trumpest direction from the very beginning. it was-- there was an argument between right and left about what is this tea party rebellion about? what is this response about? and conservatives said it's about a principled response about restoring the constitution and limited government and the deficit. and liberals said, no, we think this is a sort of racialized response to social change. it's not really about those ideas. and i think that argument is over. trump has won the argument for the liberal side about what this response to obama was. >> trevor: wow, you think so? >> i-- i do. i think-- if it was any of the
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things that conservatives said the tea party was about, they would have nominated anybody except donald trump. he literally would have been 17th out of 17 candidates if it was about limited government and democracy and the constitution. >> trevor: that was the one thing he offered that nobody else did on the surface. >> right. he understood that their stated concerns were a pile of crap. he understood that the things that they said they were upset about with obama weren't the things they really were upset about with obama. >> trevor: you work with the press. now, we know 75% of the pret pressis scum, very dishonest. >> yes failing. sad. ( laughter ) >> trevor: is this the time for the press to come together almost and say, "hey, you realize, we are stronger together than we are apart?" or is it everyone just going, "hey, we're in it for ourselves. let's see what happens?" is there any sort of game plan if your world with a man who specifically said, "i think we need to--" don't forget there's
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a liable law he talked about that he seemed very serious about. and today as we saw in the press conference he's not afraid to say, "no, you don't exist in my world. are you fake news." >> complete delegitimatization of the media and delegitimizing source of the media that previous conservative republicans did not want to delegitimize. like alex jones. alex jones air force lunatic who could not be touched until donald trump came along. breitbart was sort on the fringes and icy and gross. but now they're trump news. and fox news were the unofficial republican >> trevor: are you a little afraid for yourself? >> no, i don't think he's going to bother with me. first of all, he's not a reader. ( laughter ) ( applause ) he's not. he's not a reader. ( cheers and applause ) i mean, he watches television-- maybe you have something to worry about. if he's clicking through the tube and comes to your show, he might be upset. but he doesn't read something
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longer than 140 characters. >> trevor: i'm also not worried. remoats have big buttons. we'll be good. thank you so much for joining us. you can read an excerpt from "audacity" in this week's "new york magazine," and the book will be available january 17. jonathan chait, everybody. ( cheers and applause ) if you could see your cough, you'd see just how far it can spread. robitussin dm max is now better tasting, with the same fast powerful cough relief. robitussin dm max. because it's never just a cough.
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>> student for "@midnight" coming up next. here it is, where you are moment of zen. >> all my life i made money.
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i have always been good at making money. all my life i did well, and my father always said everything he touches turns to gol comedy central captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org ( cheers and applause ) comedy central [cheers and applause] ♪ >> chris: it's 29 minutes until midnight. until then, enjoy the poetic cadence of today's online hits. the internet lost its (/ bleep/) last night over some salacious new gossip about our president-elect donald trump. the explosive leak is unverified. we don't know if it's true. we were working when this broke and i didn't really get all the details, but i don't see the big deal. everyone loves golden girls! what's the problem. especially -- [cheers and applause] >> chris: what's the big deal. right.

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