Skip to main content

tv   The Daily Show  Comedy Central  January 18, 2017 1:37am-2:08am PST

1:37 am
- if y'all hurry home, maybe someone's periscoping. [both laugh] ♪ ♪ - damn, even the drone's smashing. - you know what, it doesn't matter. when i needed you guys, you had my back. the school, local law enforcement, and the fbi may see you as terrorists, but you're more than that to me. you're care-orists. - well, before we start sucking each other's dicks, y'all wanna know a secret? i'm the phantom shitter. - aw, hell no! not the trophy! [laughter] ♪ ♪ >> from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with trevor noah! ( cheers and applause ) ♪
1:38 am
>> trevor: thank you so much, everybody! thank you and thank you for tuning in. welcome to the "the daily show." i'm trevor noah. my guest tonight, co-founder and president of lyft, john zimmer is here joining us! ( cheers and applause ) everyone is getting a free ride! ( cheers and applause ) terms and conditions apply. ( laughter ) but first, breaking news from the world of fashion. >> a shoe company recalling a boot because the boots leave what looks like a nazi symbol, a swastika on the ground. the company polar fox says it's an innocent mistake and only found out about the problem when somebody posted this photo online. ( laughter ) >> trevor: man... if you thought it was embarrassing walking around with toilet paper stuck to your shoe, imagine tracking swastikas everywhere. is that you? oh, no, no, it's not. ( laughter ) by the way, it's 2017, so it's not acceptable to sell nazi
1:39 am
boots. you have to call them alt footwear. that's how it works. how much would it suck to get kicked in the face with those. not only would it hurt, but everyone could think you were the nazi. no, they kicked me! but if these boots are making you uncomfortable, there is a lighter option online. >> this is trending, flip-flops depicting mahatma gandhi removed from amazon after they caused anger in india. >> trevor: congratulations, am shone, you've pissed off the second largest group of people in the world. the only way you could offend more people is if you wrote on it na'an is just (bleep) pizza. that could be anybody's ear. but this is india's great hero. where did they come from. pakistani shark tank?
1:40 am
was this an idea they had? is that where it came from? i'm glad amazon stopped selling the flip-flops because that means my gandhi flip-flops are collectors items now. that's right! bling bling, bitch! all right, (bleep). i'm going to say this to you anyway. i shouldn't but i'm glad people are wearing flip-flops with gandhi's face on them. he was sexist and racist. he gamed women for thain own race. he lived in of course 20 years. he called people basically the nigger of south africa. gandhi, gandhi, did good things. yeah, but he was a racist and sexist -- >> no, no! >> trevor: hasan minhaj, everyone. ( applause ) >> who does that? come on! even if what you're saying is true, who does that? look, trevor, gandhi is a complicated guy. sure, he said racist stuff about
1:41 am
black people in his 20s and highly questionable attitudes towards women but helped liberate india from 300 years of rule. >> trevor: that's like saying jerry san dusky is not that bad, look at all the games he won! >> nelson mandela cheated on his first wife. >> trevor: nelson mandela was perfect, hasan! get out of here! get out of here! ( applause ) speaking of flawless first black presidents, in three days barack obama will no longer be the official president of the united states. ( audience reacts ) no, no, he'll still be the unofficial president. you know why? there is no term limits in people's hearts. ( audience reacts ) now, with less than a week to go, before you're no longer president, you would think barack would spend most of his time playing xbox in the
1:42 am
situation room with joe biden, hanging out eating pizza. looks like they're having fun. obama is, like, boom! you're the second guy who died on the screen. president obama is mott only trying to cement his legacy but working on the trafn cigs to trump. it feels less like a transfer of power and more like obama has been baby proofing america. no, no, which makes sense because america has essentially elected a giant baby. and like any good parent, you knead to bolt things to the wall, you move valuables to the high shelves. you baby cake the stairs because as much as you chose this little (bleep) you know they're probably going to destroy the place. you know this is true! ( applause ) and that is exactly what obama is trying to prevent. take for example the environment. we know baby trump doesn't believe in climate change, restricting oil drilling or
1:43 am
moving toward green energy. so papa obama is taking some land and putting it on a high shelf. >> president obama banned drilling in hundreds of acres of the arctic oceans and used a 1953 law to make it more difficult for the next administration to reverse that prohibition. >> the president obama's designation of two new national monuments, bears ear and gold butte, there is a push to dial it back, but undoing a national monument is unchartered territory. >> trevor: you know a black man is desperate when his best option is to get laws from 1953. everyone is, like, don't go there, obama! i gotta go. we're going to use this regulation and i'm going to take a sip from this colored water founden. mm-mmm! i loved this, one of the places
1:44 am
president obama declared a national monument was an area called gold beaut gold butte whs genius. no way trump will unprotect anything with gold butt in the title. trump will be, that's the best part, i love it. that's a monument. there is also america's legally dubious prison facility guantanamo bay which obama spent his entire presidency trying to shut down. >> today oman is accepting ten more prisoners for temporary residence. the latest transfers leave are 45 detainees at guantanamo. >> the administration estimates it will soon cost $10 per year per guantanamo detainee and they say the exorbitant cost should be reason enough for the e topt shut it down. >> trevor: if you think donald trump cares about cost or reason, you know nothing.
1:45 am
baby trump has other plans. >> git mo, guantanamo bay, which, by the way, we are keeping open. ( cheers and applause ) and we're going to load it up with bad dudes, believe me. we're going to load it up. >> trevor: with some bad dudes! bad dudes, get on in there! yeah! donald trump always sounds like a man who's speaking the lyrics to a song. have you noticed that? he sounds like an idiot talking, but i bet you if john legend sang those same words, it would be a hit. if you put that out -- ♪ gitmo right ♪ guantanamo bay ♪ which by the way, by the way ♪ we are keeping open ♪ which we are keeping open and we're gonna load it up with dad dudes ♪ ♪ bad dudes ♪ we love you john but trump sounds like an idiot doing it. and obama's trying to baby proof everything he can. he rallied democrats to fight to keep the affordable care act so
1:46 am
that 20 million americans would not go uninsured. he made it harder for states to deny funding to planned parenthood, not to mention he changed the password on the white house computer to popular vote lol. and on top of that, just last week, president obama's justice department released a damning report exposing the chicago police department for routinely trampleling on civil rights and using excessive force chiefly aimed at african-americans and latinos. the reason the obama administration rushed this report out is they knew when jeff sessions running baby trump's justice department, the only reports we'll get about the police is how handsome they are, which they are but that's not the point. ( laughter ) i tell you this, we better hope papa obama can baby proof as much as possible before the baby is in the house, because if there is one thing we know about this baby, it's never going to grow up. we'll be right back. ( cheers and applause ) so if you have a flat tire,
1:47 am
dead battery, need a tow or lock your keys in the car, geico's emergency roadside assistance is there 24/7. oh dear, i got a flat tire. hmmm. uh... yeah, can you find a take where it's a bit more dramatic on that last line, yeah? yeah i got it right here. someone help me!!! i have a flat tire!!! well it's good... good for me. what do you think? geico. fifteen minutes could save you fifteen percent or more on car insurance. [phone buzzing] some things are simply impossible to ignore. the strikingly designed lexus nx turbo and hybrid. the suv that dares to go beyond utility. this is the pursuit of perfection.
1:48 am
wiback like it could used to? neutrogena hydro boost water gel. with hyaluronic acid it plumps skin cells with intense hydration and locks it in. for supple, hydrated skin. hydro boost. from neutrogena (cat meows) ♪ (snap) ♪ (cat meows) sheba® perfect portions™. what cats want™
1:49 am
it's just a cough.our cough, sfx: woman coughing you'd see how often you cough all day. and so would everyone else. robitussin 12 hour delivers fast, powerful cough relief that lasts up to 12 hours. robitussin 12 hour cough relief, because it's never just a cough.
1:50 am
they said it was impossible to have great-tboom.g light beer. award-winning heineken light, brewed with cascade hops. they also said it was impossible to hypnotize you. you're getting sleepy... watch the beer! ♪ what ari can explain...s 11pm. you should be out there disappointing your father. i need to clean this place up. bloopy, bad judgement and loopy. hunger keeps inventing new problems, so we invented snickers® crisper. ihear me now, but i switched to sprint. their network reliability is now within 1% of verizon. and, get this, with sprint's new unlimited plan, you have the freedom to do virtually whatever you want. is there no worrying about gigabytes, shmigabytes, overages, bill phobia? that's the dream right there. well, then mama is gonna text, ping, post, tweet, snap... can you hear that? (vo) get unlimited mobile optimized data, talk, and text. plus, get $800 to spend anyway you want when you switch a family of four to sprint. for people with hearing loss, that's $200 for every line you bring! visit sprintrelay.com.
1:51 am
( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: welcome back to "the daily show." when a new story falls through the cracks, our very own lewis black catches it with a segment we call "back in black" ( cheers and applause ) >> the inauguration of america's last president is only a few days away, and it's shaping up to be as exciting as bird watching with a tax attorney! >> we're days away from donald trump's inauguration. so why is such a major event
1:52 am
having problems booking major acts? >> at least some stars are turning down the invitation. >> donald trump has had a tough time attracting many celebrities -- celine dion, elton john, kiss, ice tea, just to name a few. >> do you want to know why so many celebrities died in 2016? it was to get out of playing the inauguration! ( cheers and applause ) but, hey, being universally hated is no excuse for not throwing a good party. richard nixon booked james brown for his inauguration! look at that! the god father of soul shaking hands with james brown! personally, i don't give two (bleep) whether famous people are lining up to serenade the new president. i got my tickets and i'm gonna go no matter what because i want to be there when trump touches the bible and his hand catches on fire!
1:53 am
( laughter ) but you know what? president-elect sour grapes doesn't give a damn if the cool kids come to his party. >> trump tweeted as though the whole thing doesn't bother him. the so-called a-list celebrities are wanting tickets to the inauguration, but look what they did for hillary. nothing. i want the people! >> what a coincidence! the guy who can't book any celebrities doesn't want any celebrities! reminds me of when i was a teenager. i swore off having sex with the prettiest girl in my class. no thanks, charlene. i'm in a loving relationship with some polaroids of my cleaning lady. ( laughter ) now, before you go thinking it's just celebrities turning down the gig, even people known for lining up and doing exactly what they're told to don't want to perform. >> the rockets are kicking up
1:54 am
controversy over the upcoming presidential nomination. >> the rockets represent strong, intelligent and classy women, so to associate this with president trump who has a list of degrading women tarnishes what the rockets embody. >> the roug rockets are forced o perform but they get to take turns kicking president trump in the balls! and this inauguration has such a stink on it, it's toxic to get even near it. >> uproar on social media after a ban from an historically black college in alabama is instriated perform at president trump's inauguration. the talladega tornadoes marching band accepted the invitation to take part in the inaugural parade. >> why the hell is an
1:55 am
historically black colleges marching band performing for a guy who retweets white supremacists? if you want a college marching band, what about trump university? sure, it's just one guy with a kazoo who's $50,000 in debt, but he sure could use the work! ( applause ) but don't ever tap the donald out, he always has a few surprises up his sleeve and the inauguration committee tweed big news. >> proud to have blackjack, take part in inauguration day 2017. >> oh over beyonce and jay-z, we have a celebrity horse coming through! of course, blackjack himself won't be able to attend since he died in 1976. not to coin a trays, but you guys are literally tweet ago dead horse -- tweeting a dead horse. right now the two biggest acts
1:56 am
booked for the inauguration are an america's got talent contestant -- contestant, not winner! -- and the mormon tabernacle choir. oh, yes! the thrill of choir music but with the edginess of mormonism. ( applause ) and don't forget about the parties. at one to have the inaugural balls, they've got great acts like 1980s cover band the reagan years. they play all the hits from the '80s while ignorin ignoring the existence of aids. but, look, when it comes down to it, we may not know who will perform, but we just found out the theme. >> with just over a week till donald trump is officially sworn in as president, we now have a better idea of the theme of his celebration. soft sensuality. >> trevor: yeah, that's right.
1:57 am
soft sensuality. mm-mmm! good to know when america's getting (bleep) by donald trump. at least he'll do it gently. trevor. >> trevor: lewis black, everybody. we'll be right back. ( cheers and applause ) (♪ ) i believe in me too. ♪ i am the unicorn of your confidence ♪
1:58 am
don't pay hundreds more for taxes and fees. introducing t-mobile one. now with taxes and fees included. 4 lines. 40 buck each. all unlimited. all in. switch your family today and get 600 bucks. learn more at a t-mobile store.
1:59 am
then he tried tostitos michscoops and salsane. and started following them in real life. no!
2:00 am
and kept following... ...everywhere. wow, okay. boundaries, michael... boundaries. hey, mike. 'sup? oh... tostitos. bring the party. ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: welcome back to "the daily show." my guest tonight is co-founder and president of lyft. please w welcome john zimmer! ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: welcome to the show. >> thanks for having me. >> trevor: congratulations on creating and disrupting business as we know it. >> thank you. >> trevor: how do you come up with lyft and what kind of creepy person thinks h i it woue cool for people to share cars and be strangers? >> my co-founder and i came at it from two different ways. logan grew up in l.a., so he hates traffic, and he wanted to find a way to solve for traffic.
2:01 am
i studied hospitality at cornell and wanted to think about how to apply the principles of hospitality high occupancy and great service to transportation. we only use our cars 4% of the time and it costs us more than anything except the house. it meps us to bring people together, we did over is 60 million rides last year. >> trevor: i am genuinely fascinated by in terms of the growth of the company, you've now teamed up with g.m. and you're developing driverless cars. i know i'm one of those people who goes i love the idea, but what does that actually mean? so, first of all, like, do i have to call them is this because you know sometimes the driver is not there and it's, like, is that a robot i'm talking to? no-i'm-at-the-other-corner --
2:02 am
( laughter ) so how is that going to work? >> we're a few years off from having autonomous cars and it have a real impact on how we're getting around. we need to zoom out and say why are we doing this? the majority of our cities are paved over, parking spots everywhere, roads everywhere, the more roads we build, the more cars we get, we started thinking about how can we design our cities around people instead of cars and you start down a path of making transportation affordable versus owning a car which costs about $9,000 per year per household. autonomous cars will be one way to get there and make it more efficient but it will be a complement to the drivers we have on the platform as well. >> trevor: it worries me that, yes, people are spending money on owning cars, parking cars, everything is paved over, but some people may be listening to you going but what about my job as a driver?
2:03 am
i've just become a driver and you're saying there will be no more jobs for drivers in this industry. isn't that something that, you know, i don't think it's -- i don't know if it's a responsibility or not but as lyft as a corporation, do you think of the ramifications of that? >> yes, and, yes, it is a responsibility. we wouldn't be doing what we're doing if we didn't think it was a net positive for the world. i think we're about ten years away from this impacting jobs and you are hope -- the fact that we're happy we're in this, because if we're not in this, we don't know what the other companies are going to do. our record has shown we've taken better care of drivers than any other company, we're going to be responsible for through any transition. we think there is a possibility to create a service that creates more jobs. they may not be driving the vehicles ten, twenty years from now, but i don't think the car will look like a car anymore, i think it will be more like a room on wheels and you might have services in those rooms. >> trevor: just a hypothetical, let's say i'm rolling in my autonomous lyft in
2:04 am
the future and there is no driver and we get pulled over by the police and the police happen to find bag of weed in the car, can we agree that your robot was smoking that (bleep)? >> yeah. >> trevor: like, how does responsibility work? i mean, in terms of accidents, in terms of just thinking about a world where there's an autonomous car, what does that mean for responsibility? because in an accident you go, this happened because of this automobile and this person gets blamed. what happens in that world. >> is this i think you can look to the airlines industry. there will be product liability on the vehicle, whoever's providing the vehicle, and operations liability on the company. as i said, we have family members, i'm a new father, i have a 1-year-old daughter, and i think about when she turns 16, whatever way she's getting around, i want to be incredibly safe and i know everyone else has their loved ones in vehicles so it's a huge responsibility
2:05 am
and one that's the most important thing we do. we can't have trust with our users, parents, drivers if we don't solve that first. >> trevor: where do you see yourselves going beyond just autonomous? what is lyft trying to do in the world beyond just the future rising of the car? >> the nice thing about lyft today before we add share ride options and autonomous automobiles, you have different people with different political beliefs talking to each other, drivers going through town talking to people. that's powerful and important and a big part of our mission. >> trevor: i admire what you're trying to do. i will say this as a person who has adopted new york as my home, i don't support you in any way. i think getting rid of traffic and getting rid of awkwardness with strangers is part of what makes the city what it is. ( laughter ) so good luck to you and yours my friend, but don't do it here. thank you very much for being on
2:06 am
the show. john zimmer, everybody. we'll be right back. ( cheers and applause ) cheers )
2:07 am
>> trevor: that's our show for tonight. stay tuned for "@midnight" coming up next. now here it is... your moment of zen. >> joining us from capitol hill, chairman of the senate armed services committee, republican senator john mccain of arizona. very good to have you on the show this morning, sir. >> thank you. i'm freezing my ass off. comedy central ( cheers and applause ) >> chris: it's 29 minutes until midnight, which means in japan, it's 29 minutes until 5:00 p.m. tomorrow. the world is a toilet, and we are all completely (bleep). but there are still occasional bits of good news to distract us from impending doom, and here's one of 'em: happy 95th birthday

38 Views

info Stream Only

Uploaded by TV Archive on