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tv   The Daily Show  Comedy Central  January 19, 2017 11:00pm-11:32pm PST

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good night, and congratulations to the audience member of the week. [cheers and applause] >> from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with trevor noah! ( cheers and applause ) ♪ >> trevor: welcome to "the daily show"! i'm trevor noah! thank you for tuning in! we have two great guests tonight, a political reporter and co-creator of "embeds," scott conroy is joining us, and from the new movie "split" james mcavoy is in the studio! ( cheers and applause ) we have a fun show for you. let's get straight into it. so today is officially president obama's last day if office. ( audience reacts ) and i can tell you the marine
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helicopter that's going to carry him off tomorrow better have extra juice in it because people are not ready to let him go. we coming for you, barry! we have no idea what trump's inauguration will be like but we know he's personally been hard at work on it. >> yesterday trump tweeted a photo of himself quoting writing my inaugural address at the winter white house mar-a-lago. looking forward to friday. >> it's appears trump is writing the first page of his speech with a sharpie, what appears a brand-new legal pad. >> one user said that desk looks like the mar-a-lago receptionist desk rather than a personal office. would the president-elect really be writing the speech there? >> writing any inaugural address. >> trevor: with a pen and paper? i would believe he was tweeting his inaugural address. then i would believe it. by the way, that's an iphone.
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just looks big in his hand. ( applause ) although, the idea donald trump was working at the reception desk while doing that is pretty funny. he was sitting at the reception desk of mar-a-lago. i know when i'm writing i can get distract bid someone speaking and it ends up in the writing. so now french's inaugural address is probably going to be, like, my fellow americans, i say to you now the bathroom is down the hall to the left! oh! i knew this would happen! we need a united one. let me transfer you to housekeeping! may god bless the united. we hope you enjoy your stay! ( laughter ) this is one of those situations where, honestly, i don't believe people should waste their rage. i see people going, it's a lie! why is he lying about where he is! calm down. is donald trump really sitting down writing his speech at that desk? no. but that's not the point. it's not a lie. it's an ad. america, you have to get used to
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the fact that you've elected a reality star president. and you should know a publicity opportunity when you see one. donald trump was just promoting tomorrow's premiere of the 45th season of the tv show "president." yes, that's all he was doing. it's also the final season by the way but that's a separate subject. this is just what trump does! this is all he does! i mean, look! here he is a few years ago having his photo taken while pretending to say, you're fired! >> you ready? >> yeah, we're ready. >> all right! ( laughter ) >> trevor: how is that a president? oh, gosh, we're so (bleep). oh, man. i'm sorry. no, it's just, like, because -- the brain. this is what i don't understand. he says, are you ready?
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but then he doesn't say it and he goes - -- it's like he thinks the words will go into the photo. lo ready? ready? we're only going to see more photos like this in the next four years. trump will put pictures up, here i ambulancing the federal budget all on my own! hey, here i am bringing jobs back from mexico! this is me defeating i.s.i.s. single-handedly! look how much i killed them! ( laughter ) get used to it. we've got to get used to it because trump is all about promotion. an essential ingredient to any authoritarian. you know wholes does that? vladimir putin. he does the same thing. those are not candid pictures. that is not something that just happened. i bet vladimir putin is like a girl on instagram -- no, no, high angle, high angle!
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no -- make sure you get crimea in the background! can you see it? can you see it? ( applause ) what these people do. speaking of putin, by the way, earlier this week during a press conference at the kremlin the russian president finally commented on the unfounded and scandalous rumors for donald trump paying for golden showers from russian prostitutes. >> did trump really come and meet with moscow prostitutes? first, he is an adult and, second, he is the person who for many years has organized a beauty pageant, socialized with the most beautiful women in the world. it is hard to believe he went to a hotel to meet with our girls of a low social class, although they are the best in the world. ( laughter ) >> trevor: hashtag, humble brag! ( laughter ) such a strange thing to end off on. i don't blame putin, to be
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honest. when you're in russia, you have to take national pride where you can get it. obama is all over there, the tv, america has the world's number one economy, military and top innovators in tech and science. and putin is, like, we have world's best prostitutes! we also have bear who knows gymnastics! ( laughter ) but you know what the truth is, it's actually a great time to be vladimir putin right now because, for a long time, nobody was even thinking about russia. but now he's got us playing his game. we're all obsessed with russia because of all the hacking and e-mails. seems like russia is the sinister force behind everything. for instance, did you guys see what happened on c-span the other day? in the middle of the speech about russia, the feed suddenly cuts to russian tv. now, i mean, if that was just a one with-off thing, it could be a mistake or stupid incident prank. but how do you explain that on
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the very same day, the happened. >> it was a weird day on capitol hill. in the pompeo hearing they were talking about a russian influence and the light went out in the hearing room. >> the intelligence committee's assessment that russia at the direction -- >> and just hours later, this happened on msnbc. >> whatever the russians may have intended with their hacking has made it much more difficult to get to with they want. there's now a big impediment. when you hear general mattis today, mike pompeo, the c.i.a. director, almost swearing they're going to be hard liners on russia...on russia...on russia...on russia...on russia...on russia...on russia...on russia...on russia...on russia...on russia...-- >> trevor: what the (bleep)? they may be undermining america's democracy but at least you can dance to the beat -- >> on russia...on russia...on russia...on russia...on russia...on russia...on russia...-- >> trevor: nipples --
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nipples -- i feel like those would be the lyrics, anyway. ( laughter ) is russia infiltrating america's networks in maybe but probably not. i think what's happening is the people are anxious that, tomorrow, america's committing to a man who may be in cahoots with russia, and nobody knows. this is one of those situations where you wish you could protect yourself, but wouldn't it be cool if america could sign a pre-nup with donald trump? oh, we thought it would be cool and look something like this. >> now, may i call you america? i foe you and mr. trump are in the honeymoon phase and i know it seems like it will last forever but having a pre-nup is smart. seems like mr. trump is into the relationship now but we all know he has a side thing with russia,
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so if he hooks up with putin it will cost him money. and he must consummate his relationship for a year in the form of a conference of satisfactory length and breadth. you get to keep the white house but he's insisting on custody of paul ryan's balls, supervised visits only and you get a billion-dollar bonus if you elect him to a second term. >> sorry i'm late. >> this is mr. trump's lawyer. >> lawyers are scum, not a lawyer. no offense. >> none taken. >> we have demands ourselves. >> say no to everything till we have time to discuss it. >> first, mr. trump is unhappy with america's signs of aging -- drooping roads, sagging bridges -- so we ask america consent and fund any kind of cosmetic enhancement mr. trump deems necessary. >> look, we're a beautiful
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country, just a matter of maintaining. >> yes, we request complete deforestation. mr. trump likes to keep things nice and smooth. >> you don't want to look bald from space. >> daylight savings will become the trump power hour. >> right. >> other than that, it's all pretty basic stuff -- healthcare, the wall, and you do consent to doing pee stuff. >> only in the shower. >> and the rose garden. >> and the squirrels can't watch. >> you agree none of the clauses are nonbinding and mr. trump can do whatever he wants without consequences. we need your john hancock. >> remember, you don't have to do this. >> yes, you do. we won. >> yes, i guess you did kind of ask for it. >> oh, one final thing. you are now mrs. united states of trump. ♪ ♪
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( hail to the chief playing ) >> trevor: we'll be right back. ( applause ) the lexus rx, rx hybrid and rx f sport. this is the rx...elevated. get up to $5,000 customer cash on select 2016 models. see your lexus dealer.
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have you any wool?eep, no sir, no sir, some nincompoop stole all my wool sweaters, smart tv and gaming system. luckily, the geico insurance agency recently helped baa baa with renters insurance. everything stolen was replaced.
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and the hooligan who lives down the lane was caught selling the stolen goods online. visit and see how easy it is to switch and save on renters insurance. >> trevor: welcome back to
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"the daily show." my guest tonight co-creator and executive provider of the new streaming series "embeds" and the upcoming book "vote first or die." please welcome scott conroy, everybody! ( cheers and applause ) >> good to be here. >> trevor: this is special for me because when i first took over the "the daily show," i came out to new hampshire and met you, an embed, a reporter on the road with a campaign and we talked about these stories, you as the inbeds were some of the first people who saw the rise of donald trump. >> yeah, we focus too much on data journalism and punditry and we could have listened more to the reporters who were on the ground. we get criticized for reporting that's anecdoting but if you had gone into a diner in dayton, ohio, two weeks before election day and talked to 20 people, you would have had a pretty good
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sense that hillary clinton was in deep trouble. >> what i enjoyed about your experience is you wrote about sarah palin and were an inbed on her campaign. >> yes. >> trevor: did you see similarities between palin and trump? >> with palin i thought, cool, the most insane election we'll ever have in american history. ( laughter ) >> trevor: you silly, silly man. >> but you can trace this all back to sarah palin, i think. >> trevor: in what way? >> 2008 before sarah palin, you had milk toast kind of republican candidates for the post part. mitt romney was the conservative. >> trevor: when you said millening toast i thought mitt romney. then i thought, that's not cool, trevor. when you said it and i thought, oh, all right, carry on. >> she was wildly unprepared for the job but tapped into a deep-seated thing that donald trump just blew up. >> trevor: what i found interesting in your writing was
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talking about how you notice that people on the ground were liking sarah palin, which is something you almost forget these days, just liking, not policy, plans, but just likability. >> she had this clintonian quality -- bill clinton. >> trevor: i was about to say, i don't think you are familiar with -- yeah. >> that's important, whatever you think about her politics she would put her hand on your shoulder and say, howas it going? i'm sarah. good at making you comfortable. that the what the embeds are experiencing. >> trevor: this is a comedy show but it's one to have the scenes i -- it's one of the funny scenes from the episodes. >> i hear you have the best breakfast pizza of any gas station in iowa. ( laughter ) >> she's not changing her mind. we need a plan b. >> she's pregnant?
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>> i'm going to have this baby. >> next president. >> come on, come on, got it. >> i'll alert the pulitzer committee. ( laughter ) >> trevor: what i love about that scene is first of all everyone is young which you think is fake, but when i came to new hampshire, i was, like, you guys are young as a group. >> it is 20-somethings on the front lines in the campaign. they're doing the hard work. used to be the boys on the bus, the bigwigs, they're back being pundits now. so it really is the young people getting this information first hand. >> let's talk about that hard work, specifically that term hard work. >> yeah. >> because it did feel like the message that came out after the election was, if you were on the ground, if you were outside your bubble, if you weren't in your coastal bubble in the news, you would have known this was happening. >> yeah. >> but a lot of news organizations no longer put money into embeds. they say i can play b roll of trump and know the campaign.
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>> broadcasts spend millions of dollars on the embed program. it makes more sense to put the young 25-year-old reporter on the ground in raleigh, north carolina, des moines, iowa, talking to trump voters seeing how much they like it if the guy they voted for is going to take away their healthcare. i think that's more interesting than putting another reporter in the white house press corps which is bloated as it is and you don't get a lot of news sitting in a press conference in that way. i think it's much better to send people on the ground. >> trevor: you're doing a great job. the show looks like it will be funny. join us again. >> thank you so much. >> trevor: "embeds," scott conroy, everybody! ( cheers and applause ) play marian hill. ♪ ♪are you down, d-d-down, d-d-down,♪ ♪d-d-down, down, down?
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♪are you... down, d-down, down,♪ ♪d-d-d-d-down, down, down, down?♪ ♪down, d-down, down, down, ♪d-d-d-d-down, down, down, down?♪ ♪are you down, are you down,♪ ♪are you d-d-down, are you? ♪
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>> trevor: welcome back! my next guest is the star of the new thriller "split." >> my name is headwig. i have red socks. he's-on-the move! someone's coming for you and you're not gonna like it. >> tell us. >> i'm not supposed to say. ( chuckles ) but he's done awful things to people, and he'll do awful things to you. ( laughter ) >> trevor: please welcome james mcavoy! ( cheers and applause ) ♪
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welcome! >> hello! >> trevor: i have been a fan of yours for such a long time. thanks for being on the show. >> thank you. pleasure. >> trevor: but i have a bone to pick with you. i don't watch scary movies. that's a general rule. watched one, couldn't sleep for a while, had a bit of a peeing problem. then i watched this move from and you are positively terrifying. >> thank you very much. yes, i am. ( laughter ) i find -- i play one character in this film who's a lady and i wear a skirt and high heels and i agree with you, that in itself is terrifying. >> you don't look very good. you did not look good. >> yeah, with the shaved head and -- >> trevor: as a child, you were also terrifying. i think you're just terrifying as a human being. ( laughter ) to bring people up to speed, this film is basically about you playing a person who has suffered a great trauma and now they suffer from basically a
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multiple personality disorder. >> yeah, which used to be known as multiple personality. >> trevor: and you are playing -- the person has 23? >> the character has 23 personalities, and i portray nine of those people that live plurally within one body. >> trevor: when making the film, did you forget who was who? when you were dressed as a woman did you forget and talk as a child? >> kind of like an orangey where you don't know who's in who and -- >> trevor: yes. >> no. we respected each other's boundaries and, you know, it was an inclusive atmosphere. nobody was in the outside looking in but at all times we knew who we were, if you know what i mean. weirdly, it was really, really easy to keep separate. partly, we tried to do one day, one character. >> trevor: oh, okay. >> but i don't know, man, it was like doing my job always, except
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doing my job one time, i did my job nine times, you know. >> trevor: which makes it a lot harder. >> i know. >> trevor: a lot of work. >> and you only get paid once, not nine times. >> trevor: you need a better agent. that's what you need. >> oh, you hear that? you're getting called out on tv! >> trevor: can i say, honestly, you're getting praise and rightfully so for this film. >> thank you. >> trevor: there were truly amazing things i learned from this movie. for instance, a person who suffers from this disorder can take on diseases for different personalities or like, let's say, one personality can have diabetes and the body actually has diabetes. >> there have been documented incidences of that in people who have allergies, anaphylactic response to a bee sting, another person who lives plurally within that body can get stung by a bee
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and be fine, while the other personality need an epi pin and if they don't have it might die. a woman in germany, one personality is blind, her eyes completely unresponsive to stimulus, not just mentally behind, her eyes literally would not physically work. but as another personality, she could see. >> trevor: with m. night shyamalan, everything is a twist. does he invite you to his house? he's, like, come over for dinner and then he's, like, surprise! breakfast! ( laughter ) is he that kind of person? >> i would really like that. the ultimate one would be, like, he gives you a job and you're, like, yeah! you get on the plane and get there and he's, like, surprise! i hired exphbles! ( laughter ) >> trevor: thanks for being here!
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"split" in theaters friday, january 20. we'll be right back. >> thank you so much. emerge restored. fortified. replenished. emerge everyday with emergen-c packed with b vitamins, antioxidants, electrolytes plus more vitamin c than 10 oranges. why not feel this good everyday? emerge and see.
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>> trevor: that's our show for tonight. tomorrow night at 11:00, "the daily show" will be hosting a special inauguration show. so whatever you're doing friday, cancel it, especially if you're donald trump. here it is, your moment of zen. >> did you enjoy meeting me? >> i hope you are as much fun on that diias as you were on your
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couch. >> well -- >> may i rephrase that, sir? >> please. ( cheers and applause ) ♪ >> chris: this is 2-9d minutes until midnight. don't get all scared and call your mommy. whatever do you tell her chris hardwick says hello. tonight we would like to take some time to look back at the president see of barack obama. we were not nor his o rations or policy but he was the first president that new how to use the internet. there is a rumor trump will change the potus avatar once in office. but obama was a true online renaissance man. we have compiled some of his best online moments. love him or hate him, you got to admit obama is photogenic at


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