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tv   The Daily Show  Comedy Central  January 30, 2017 11:00pm-11:32pm PST

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aw, shit. captioning by captionmax www.captionmax.com >> from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with trevor noah. ( cheers and applause ) ♪ >> trevor: welcome to "the daily show"! i'm trevor noah! thank you so much for tuning in. my guests tonight, i could not be more honored, are the parents of trayvon martin, sybrina fulton and tracy martin are joining us. they've written a new book, it's called "rest in power," and we're going to discuss treyvon's life and death and the political movement it inspired. ( cheers and applause ) but first, let's get into tonight's show and the start of week two of the donald trump presidency. >> chaotic scenes erupting at
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airports around the world. >> protests all across the country. nceounce president trump's temporary ban on travelers from seven mostly muslim countries. >> lawyers descending on airports. >> chaos and confusion. >> is thi america we believe in? >> no! >> i>> trevor: do you understand how insane this is? people at the airport are pissed and not because they're at the airport. ( laughter ) welcome to trump's america. that's how bad the donald is. no matter how bad the situation you're in, donald trump can make it worse. there could be people trapped in an earthquake and people would be going, ahhh! i can't believe donald trump's new policies! ahhh! that guy was the lucky one! ( laughter ) it's official, people, this weekend, trump signed and executive order put putting his
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so-called muslim ban in it. i know you all know what's in it but for the one person who doesn't understand it fully, let's explain what the ban means. hey, donald. i know you don't actually write or read any of those boring papers, so let me explain to you what you did. you banned everyone from seven muslim countries from entering the united states, even though you said your ban was to protect america from outside threats, that ban included people with green cards. it even seemed to include dual citizens of canada or britain or any other country you didn't plan to plan, you silly billy! now go back to cnn. go back, go back. by the way, real quick this guy banned from the u.k. is czar ma which and he used to tweet about brexit. he says we need our country back
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and we need to protect our borders, brexit! and this week he's, like, america won't let me in because i'm a foreigner! how can donald trump do this? comes around, baby! ( cheers and applause ) now, because donald trump put this thing together with the consideration of a drunken vegas wedding, it's not surprise it ended with devastated families. >> families separated for hours including this 5-year-old boy. >> the cleveland clinic doctor forced to leave even though she holds a visa for special workers. >> this is a 53-year-old iraqi and helped the military as an interpreter. >> this family and iraqi refugees planned to move to the u.s. yesterday. he risked his life working with the u.s. government. >> opiate what to do because i sold my house. i quit my job. >> trevor: now, if ever
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there's a story of being screwed over,eth this. a man risked his and his family's life to help america's efforts in iraq, and now he's being turned away? he can't go home. he sold his house. he quit his job. also, because anyone going out like that, you know he burned a few bridges on the way out. like, no one's leaving iraq coming to america without making a show. he was probably like, malik! who's going to america? who's out? i'm out! ( humming star-spangled banner ) i'm out of here! ( laughter ) he can't go back. now, one of the advantages of being president is you get to decide foreign policy without consulting anyone. i understand that's a perk. but only a trump administration would fail to inform itself as to what's going on. >> sources told our homeland security reporter that senior
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levels at d.h.s. did not have meaningful warning to have the details. >> homeland security scrambled to understand and enforce it. >> john mccain and lindsey graham say they're caught offguard. >> exclusion of general mattis. >> no guidance for border protection. >> trevor: what kind of lap stick administration are these fools running? think about it, even the border officials didn't understand the ban. they had to enforce it and didn't understand it. they were probably asking the refugees to help them. this is, like, hey, do you know what this means? the guy is like, oh, yeah, i think it means you should be sending me back even though i have correct paperwork. paperwork. it just feels a little draconian. i don't want to feel like an ass. we all have jobs, my friend. your job is to enforce an irrational ban, mine is to go home and die. we all have jobs. ( laughter ) you wonder where president trump was when countries around the world were in chaos. >> he is hosting a family
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screening of "finding dory" in the white house theater. >> trevor: shhhh! don't disturb me! i don't care what's happening at the airport! i'm watch ago poovy about families being separated! it's hilarious! shutup! ( laughter ) who is this man? who hasn't watched finding dory yet? it's 2017! this man is not fit to be president! not fit! ( cheers and applause ) to chenet on president trump's immigration banks please w welce hasan minhaj, everybody! ( cheers and applause ) i'm sorry, hasan. right now, i can't even talk. i can't imagine what it's like to all of a sudden have the united states label muslims as inherently threatened. >> i'm not surprised. you know, in the past, america has had lots of issues with muslims and immigration. president carter banned iranians.
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bush built a registry of immigrants from 24 countries, obama suspended immigrants from iraq. but trump took it to a whole new level. other presidents dipped their toes in the pool, trump shot the canon and felt up the lifeguard. they promised me trump never would do this. >> i don't think any of the people screaming at the top of their lungs thinks for a moment that is a literal -- a literal interpretation would be muslims. >> that's not a real proposal. it's not something that's going to happen. >> i don't think you can take a lot of that seriously. >> he's not going to ban all muslims. >> trevor: what the (bleep)! so we are getting banned? >> trevor: hasan, hasan technically you're a citizen, so this ban doesn't affect you. >> yet! we're on day eleven, man! that's it! where do you think this is going to go? it's like watching the first
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episode of breaking bad thinking, oh, it's just a science teacher cooking meth. it can't get any crazier! but it does! ( laughter ) >> trevor: hasan, jokes aside -- and this is completely true -- you actually flew into j.f.k. airport this weekend, as trump's executive order was being implemented. >> correct, and i was scared i wouldn't be allowed back in. >> trevor: from where? iraq, syria? >> sacramento, california, the syria of the west. ( laughter ) >> trevor: i mean, jokes aside. on the real, though, you're a muslim person, you're seeing this happening, you must really hate president trump right now. >> actually, trevor, i'm not sure. because usually, being a muslim in an airport sucks, but this weekend, it was like i was at the weekend. i land at j.f.k., i get to the
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arrival section, literally three white people run up to me, hug me and say, thank you for being muslim! i'm 3 is years old! that's the first time anyone has thanked me for being muslim. >> trevor: what did you say to them? >> i said what any muslim would say to them in that situation. do you where package claim 5 is? ( laughter ) how can i hate trump? look at what he's done at the airport. white women were turning scarves into hijabs. muslims were publicly praying and people were cheering them on. do you understand? muslims publicly praying at the airport! think about how crazy this is! because of donald trump, people were being nice at the airport! here's the beautiful irony -- for years, donald trump has been terrified about the spread of islam in america. well, congratulations, mr. president -- mission accomplished.
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>> trevor: thank you, hasan. hasan minhaj, everybody! we'll be right back! ( cheers and applause ♪ get up...and get down at cricket wireless. where plans start at only $30/month. and more 4g lte coverage than t-mobile or sprint. plus, when you switch now you can get a brand new smartphone for free. cricket wireless. something to smile about.
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>> trevor: welcome back to "the daily show." my friend neal brennan's 3 mics is now streaming on netflix! neal brennan! ( cheers and applause ) >> hi, buddy. >> trevor: welcome back to the show. so let's talk a little bit about the show. everyone says it, and i don't know if that helps or hinders the comedy, people watch and go, it's very funny, but, oh, he talks about depression in such a new way. is that what you're trying to do? >> i talk about it in a new way in that i just talk about it in general. i did it when i was on the show live and i was on this show when you and i talked about it and what people don't know is you have depression, too. >> trevor: yes. >> but you're so (bleep) cute, no one would ever guess it. ( laughter ) you look at me and go -- yeah, he's got it -- >> trevor: i've never thought that. i look in your eyes, neal.
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you taped the show in september. >> yeah. >> trevor: that was before donald trump became president. >> yeah. >> trevor: so are there any trump jokes in the show in. >> no, because first of all, i didn't think he was going to win. >> trevor: ( laughter ) >> but i didn't want to put him in and -- >> trevor: are you afraid? >> no, i think he's afraid. people on the right talk about liberals being snowflakes, meaning they're overly sensitive and can't take a joke, but donald trump is the biggest snowflake in america. ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: the biggest snowflake? >> yeah. except he's the colored snowflake you shouldn't eat. ( laughter ) >> trevor: okay, but i don't understand, trump's the mean guy. i don't think you can call trump a snowflake. >> yes, you can. dude, trump watches "saturday night live," a shown known for mocking the president, and is
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somehow hurt they mock him, too. so trump comedy writers would look at his wife, his spray tarntion tiny hands, his hooker p and be, like, we can't find a good comedy angle -- ( laughter ) week by week he watches "saturday night live," feel bad and tweets how bad it is, then watches it the next weekend and gets hurt all over again! ( applause ) you know what they say, fool me once, shame on you. fool me every week for a year straight, maybe i'm a (bleep) sociopath ( laughter ) ( applause ) >> trevor: so you're probably one of the people who think trump is good for comedy. >> i don't know, my twitter feed is going off the rail. people used to make jokes, now people are saying you have to follow this national park. i'm not going to follow a park.
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i don't go to parks in real life. when i hear park and follow in the same sentence, i assume someone's going to get murdered. >> trevor: the other question i have because you are a comedian. >> mm-hmm. >> trevor: do you think donald trump's son barron should be off limits for comedians? >> yeah, i do. why would you make fun of barron when we have eric? ( cheers and applause ) eric has the kind of face you want to punch even though it looks like someone just beat you to it. ( laughter ) i also don't think people should make fun of melania because she's clearly going through some stuff. did you see her at the inauguration? >> trevor: yeah. >> smile, smile, smile, smile -- oh, god, thank god it's over. ( laughter ) ( applause ) >> melania was embodying what a lot of trump voters are going
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through. hey! this guy sounds like fun! an outsider! sure, he loves food, at least he's better than hillary! wait, obamacare and the affordable care act are the same thing? oh, man, i (bleep) up. ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: this is weird. i haven't figured it out, yet. do you think people are genuinely surprised by trump's behavior? >> i don't think ultra conservatives are, i think they're super happy. but i think moderate voters are having second thoughts which is insane because he's exactly who he said he was. you can't act surprised now. trevor, when you buy a pet tiger and he eats your face, you can't be, like, this is very out of character for you, tiger! >> trevor: you can't say anything because your face is gone. >> the point is, you guys -- ( laughter ) -- the point is, we have to impeach the tiger. ( cheers and applause )
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and then we'll put him in a zoo where people can just stare at him because that's all the tiger really wanted anyway. >> trevor: neal brennan, everybody! be sure to check out neal's special 3 mics on netflix. neal brennan, everybody! we'll be right back! ( cheers ready or not, here i come. winner gets the cheetos! it's go time. lights out. ok, not funny you guys. this is not how we play hide and seek. that's what you think pops. [from the bathroom]: alright, very funny, let me out. and the student has surpassed the master.
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is ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: welcome back to "the daily show." my guests tonight are authors of the new memoir, "rest in power: the enduring life of trayvon martin." please welcome sybrina fulton and tracy martin. ( cheers and applause ) thank you so much for being on the show. every single piece of this book is something you want to remember. every line, every paragraph, it almost feels like you're reminding people, don't forget, he was more than just the politics, he was a boy. is that what you were trying to do? >> correct. i think, for the most part, we
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wanted to have people visualize who treyvon was. we said i in the book that we didn't get a chance to -- in the court system, we didn't have a chance to actually be a character witness for him, so the book goes in detail about just who he was to sybrina, who he was to myself, who he was to my family. >> trevor: i remember when it was unfolding. i was shocked at how quickly the news moves on. does it ever feel like it has moved on for you? >> well, no, it doesn't. even though the calendar says it's been five years since treyvon was shot and killed, it doesn't feel like five years in my heart. it feels like it recently happened. and, so, it's not a story for us. it's a tragedy that happened in our lives, so we are living this tragic story, much like a lot of the other parents who are going through losing a kids through
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senseless violence. >> trevor: i spent so long looking at this paragraph again -- we tell it in the home of healing the divide that separates america between races and classes. how are you still able to feel that when most people in this situation would only be able to feel rage? >> one of the things that we understood early on was that this happened to treyvon, but it's so much bigger than treyvon. we just feel like anybody's teenager could be treyvon martin, and, so, we just can't make it and keep our focus just on treyvon. so the moving forward part, the healing part is about other children. we certainly know that treyvon is not going to come back to this earth. you know, we know that he's resting in peace in heaven -- hence the name, "rest in power" -- but, at the same time, we feel like we have to do our part to help other children. >> trevor: you talk about that in the book. how do you go from being parents to really being the fuel that starts one of the most powerful
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movements america has ever seen? >> anytime you're dealing with grief, you definitely have emotions, and your emotions can take you to places you don't want to go, but just out of the love and respect for our child, and we chose to take the high road, so to speak, in his death, and we know that this is more -- this is bigger than treyvon, this is about many other kids that are across this country and, while we're here, we're going to do what is in our power to stop other families from losing their children to the same violence. >> trevor: is >> yes. he was about nine years old at the time. we'd go to the park and he'd stay in the park from 7:00 a.m. to 8:00 p.m. at night. when we got ready to leave after his game, i asked him did he want something to eat, and he just wanted to go home. so we went home. as soon as we got home, he
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decided he was hungry. i decided to cook us something to eat. both of us was tired. i put the grease on the stove, decided to do chicken and fries, something quick, and both of us fell asleep. i woke up two or three hours later, went in the kitchen and the stove and cabinets was on fire, and i just tried to smother the pot of grease with the towel, and what it did, it drug the entire pot of grease down on my legs. so i kind of blacked out from the burns, and i week up calling -- you know, calling his name, and he ended up waking up and, at fine years old, he -- nine years old, he drug me out of the house, went back into the house and retrieved the phone and called 911. so in the book, i go into detail as far as it hurt, knowing that he saved my life, for me not to be able to be there february 26 to save his life. and, so, he's my hero.
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>> we know, just like with any other teenager, that he was not perfect. we never proclaimed him to be perfect. but, at the same time, he was ours. he belonged to us, and we feel like our life was interrupted by this tragedy, and, so, we have vowed to make sure that we do everything in our power to make sure that his name lives on and that we make positive change. >> trevor: i cannot thank you enough for being here. ( applause ) the book is an inspiration. treyvon's life and death will be an inspiration, and i thank you so much for your time. thank you for bringing this. "rest in power" will be available tomorrow. sybrina fulton and tracy martin, everybody. we'll be right back. ( applause )
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o112 million people watchingal with adam driver show us how you'd, uh, deal with that kind of pressure. ok, nice.
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then he tried tostitos flavored salsas...nline. ...and realized that not all sharing is easy. oooh, roasted garlic... can i...um... stuart... share the salsa, stuart. thanks! roasted garlic, nice. you guys know there's more salsa, right? tostitos. bring the party. tonight. thank you so much for tuning. now here it is... your moment of zen. >> any comment on the travel ban in the united states? >> i think it's (bleep). i'm not going to get into it too deeply but personally i think it's (bleep). >> want to try to again, use
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another word is this. >> no, not at all. y'all got to bleep that out. central chris: it's 11-- we find out what awaits us. well, i guess t rump has decided to become a man of his word at the worst possible time this week. i thought he was saying all that [bleep] when he was trying to get elected and then he would be ah [bleep] i'm going to coast the next four years, i dnlt know he was going into [bleep] turbo mode. he went good on his plan to ban muslims. literally everyone hates it. look at this tweet, calls to ban muslims from the u.s. are offensive and unconstitutional. i wonder if trump will come across this lip tard named mike

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