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tv   The Daily Show  Comedy Central  March 14, 2017 11:00pm-11:32pm PDT

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♪ - [deep voice] so what's your name? >> from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with trevor noah. ( cheers and applause ) ♪ >> trevor: welcome to "the daily show"! thank you so much, everybody! wow, you guys are amazing! i'm trevor noah so excited to have you here. my guest tonight is one of our favorites. laverne cox is here, everybody, joining us once again! ( cheers and applause ) there is big news to get to. first, let's warm up with a tale of romance in the white house. >> a photo of ivanka sitting in the president's oval office chair is getting a lot of attention on twitter.
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shows her sitting in the chair. she's with canadian prime minister justin trudeau and her father president trump standing behind her. in a tweet yesterday she captioned it "a great discussion with two world leaders about the importance of women having a seat at the table." >> trevor: i'm sorry. that photo shows the importance of women having a seat at the table? your dad rete you sit at his desk. that's not a woman in power. it's talk your daughter to workday. ( laughter ) don't get me wrong, it's a love lovely instagram photo. i think she probably used the nepotism filter. #woke up like this with a rich dad. ( laughter ) what makes this annoying is 3 million more americans wanted a woman sitting behind that desk full time. ( cheers and applause ) full time. not just for the photo op. but like ivanka said, this photo was taken during a visit with
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canadian prime minister justin trudeau who is acknowledged by people of all political leanings and sexual orientations as the finest world leader currently. ( cheers and applause ) no, no, seriously. look at that guy. that guy gets so much poutine. ( laughter ) if this were the old days when alliances were sealed by kings taking multiple wives, canada would be the world's greatest superpower. a lot of people think ivanka notices that as well. look at that look. can you zoom into her eyes? look at that! oh! ( audience reacts ) oh! you can feel it! ♪ ♪ ( sexy music ) she looks like she's ready to risk it all. looks like she's considering dressing up as syrian refugees so canada will take her in -- let me in, justin! ( laughter ) i get it. ivanka is an attractive, vibrant
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young woman and ever since her dad became president have you seen the troll men she has to hang out with? hi, ivanka! for valentine's day i got you a coupon for a foot massage! ahhh! ahhh! don't get me wrong, not saying they're ugly but definitely alt hand some, is what i'm trying to say. ( laughter ) speaking of love, happy valentine's day, everybody. ( cheers and applause ) yes, happy valentine's day. i hope every single one of you gets something special from the one you love because that's what this day is all about, the magic and romance. maybe it's the greatest day of the year. if you don't have a valentine, who cares. it's (bleep) and made up anyway. let's be honest. for some people, valentines isn't the beginning. for some it's the end. >> back with breaking news. this is big breaking news. michael flynn has resigned. >> flynn's shock degree parture
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comes after just three weeks on the job. >> he is the shortest serving national security advisor now modern history. ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: yes! trump! trump! trump! donald trump finally draining the swamp of the people he brought to the swamp! ( laughter ) president trump is a genius, people! he hires a cabinet full of terrible people, fires them one by one. looks like he's a man of action. drain-the-swamp down to the previous levels! drain-the-swamp down to the previous levels! not as catchy. con dollenses to whoever bet sean spicer would be the first to go. i was the same. ( audience reacts ) i know you didn't win anything. but for you who had flynn, your prize is a gift certificate to chili's -- chili's, now hiring michael flynn. ( applause ) how big is this story, the
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national security advisor fired after just three weeks! who could have seen this coming? >> a red flag was raised by late last month by then acting attorney general sally yates, yates telling the trump white house she believed flynn was available to russian blackmail. >> trevor: ah, russia! i forgot russia was a part of the story. they're like the villain from the last season making a guest appearance now. ha ha! you thought i was de-ad! this is why you got written out of the show, man. this is not working. it makes sense. remember after obama put sanctions on russia for election meddling to help trump win? remember that? after that, flynn called the russian ambassador and told them not to sanction the u.s. back
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because trump was going to cancel american sanctions when he took office. that even sounds illegal. i don't even know the law. ( laughter ) sounds illegal. so president trump must have been so grateful to this sally yates lady who warned him of this major national security breech. i wonder what was her reward? >> president trump fired yates last month after she refused to defend his controversial immigration executive order. >> trevor: ah, yes! of course! the great immigration ban of 18 three weeks ago. ( laughter ) so flynn, possibly, had an illegal conversation -- ( laughter ) -- with russian diplomats before trump was sworn in. but as with major scandals, there's always two parts, the crime and then the coverup. >> general flynn lied, got caught -- >> he was not straightforward with vice president pence. >> he had told vice president
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pence he never had that conversation. the vice president went out on sunday morning television shows and said he never had the conversation about sanctions. >> i talked to general flynn about that conversation, they did not discuss anything having to do with the united states' decision to expel diplomats or impose censor against russia. >> trevor: look what you did flynn! pipes went on "face the nation" and told your lie! you lied to the vice president! the man in charge of -- ( laughter ) snacks? ( laughter ) no, what is the vice president in charge of, for real, though?
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is he -- oh, you guys also don't know? you're laughing at me. is he in charge -- anyway, the point is, flynn is out, and everyone should be happy about it because there were a lot of signs he was not the right person to be the national security advisor. just in this story alone, two things -- one, he didn't know that the u.s. government routinely taps calls to the russians which is stupid. that's the plot of every spy movie, america taps russia's calls. everyone should know that. secondly, if his letter of resignation, he said he didn't lie to mike pence, he said he just couldn't tell pence the full story because of "the fast pace of events." not a valid excuse. just sounds like you're trying to tell someone a story and you were both on opposite trains and you couldn't tell them the story. i tried, i tried, i tried. ( applause ) get out of here, man. you can't say it was moving too
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fast for you. the job of national security advisor is almost only about accurately reporting and analyzing events at a very fast pace. you can't tell i.s.i.s., slow down, guys! i'm still talking about the other attack! so fast, come on! ( laughter ) mike pence lied to by flynn. the question is what do you do? what i love about this administration is they've already given us all the answers on how to deal with their misconduct because this was flynn at last summer's r.n.c. >> we do not need a reckless president who believes she is above the law! ( cheers and applause ) ( audience chanting ) lock her up, that's right. if i did a tenth -- a tenth of what she did, i would be in jail today. >> trevor: amen, brother! preach, pastor, flynn, preach!
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( cheers and applause ) so powerful in your principles! a tenth! i wonder what flynn with all his principles is doing right now? >> if you want credibility, maintain your integrity. protect your integrity. people will give you credibility. you have to give yourself integrity. >> trevor: well, ain't that a bitch? we'll be right back. ( cheers and applause ) my laptop has the nastiest virus and i'm terrified. yeah, that is scary. you know an ipad pro doesn't get pc viruses, so relax there's nothing to be afraid of. ... except ghosts! ahhhhh!
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"the daily show"! so, obviously, the firing of a national security advisor michael flynn is a big story. details are still developing. so is the way republican officials are trying to weasel out of talking about it. it's really entertaining, like take for instance jason chaffetz, the house oversight committee chairman and the man michael jackson left his nose to. ( laughter ) now, chaffetz is the guy who should be formally investigating the scandal. should be. >> should there be a broader bipartisan, independent investigation into the administration's ties to russia? >> i think that situation has taken care of itself. >> trevor: oh, the situation has taken care of itself? what kind of an investigator are you? chaffetz is like an exterminator
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who comes in the kitchen, turns the lights on, roaches run and he's, like, well, problem solved! easier than i thought. nothing to do here. ( laughter ) another interesting reaction from new york congressman chris collins. i've never heard of this guy before today, bu but i will nevr forget him now. >> you have no curiosity about this even though it deals with the heart of national security? >> well, to be honest, i just live in a world where i always move forward. in a busy world, you don't dwell on the last at this point in time general flynn decided to resign -- >> come on, congressman. it's valentine's day and for the love of truth you can't say you just want to move on. >> it's the world i live in. i call it a guess what now what world. guess what he resigned, now what, we have a lot of issues to deal with. >> trevor: guess what, that's
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bull (bleep), now what we're going to make fun of your ass. we live in a guess what now what kind of a world. kind of like a douchebag "hakuna matata." guess what, simba, your dad died. now what? we dance! ha ha! ( laughter ) during a scandal like this, to be honest, there is only one person i want to hear from, because there's two ways to react to a story, the normal way and a con way. >> yesterday on msnbc you said michael flynn enjoyed the full confidence of the president. yesterday they were evaluating the situation and last night michael flynn resigns. were you out of the loop on this? >> not at all. both were true. >> trevor: how does she do that with a straight face. kellyanne conway does not
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concede anything. she's like a character from alice in wonderland. every time she talks, i'm, like, am i on drugs? up is down, down is up? seriously, guys, you can't claim michael flynn had the confidence of the president and had to resign because he didn't have the president's confidence. it doesn't work like that. i feel like this whole trump administration is about having it both ways and you can't. think about it. every single scandal they have. they talk about the inauguration. they go, oh, it was the highest attendance of all time and people also didn't come because it was raining. the muhamad ban, oh -- the muslim ban, we're not anti-musms, we're just doing what obama did. but obama was for immigration. yeah, but we do it the way he does. they're saying the opposite.
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the crackdowns. people are kicked out of the country at a rate we've never seen before. what do they say? no, it's not a crackdown. obama was deporting people, too. but you said obama was not deporting people, that's why you needed to be voted in. yeah, exactly. ( laughter ) can't have it both ways. you have to choose which one it is. you can't have your cake and eat it, too, you know why? because guess what? we have your cake. ( cheers and applause ) the viewers are going to tell us what to do wit. maybe we'll eat it ourselves or maybe we'll deport it to mexico. who knows?! maybe both are true. we'll be right back! ready or not, here i come.
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winner gets the cheetos! it's go time. lights out. ok, not funny you guys. this is not how we play hide and seek. that's what you think pops. [from the bathroom]: alright, very funny, let me out. and the student has surpassed the master. this is how many people were born here. this many are fifth generation. this is how many are named hiawatha kitty mcgee. he keeps the town dry. they'd prefer it a little wet. this many are proud of what we make here. this is how many will go around bragging about it. this is our town. if you can't get here, just look for one of our postcards. we send them all over. they look like this.
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but they didn't know they were all tobacco products.e... ooh, this is cool. it smells like gum. yummy! this smells like strawberry. are these mints? given that 80% of kids who ever used tobacco started with a flavored product, who do you think tobacco companies are targeting? do we get to keep any?
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>> trevor: welcome back to "the daily show"! my guest tonight stars in the new cbs legal drama "doubt." >> let's go drink. >> i can't. isiah thinks he's better than me. >> he thought a fresh pair of eyes could use. >> that's why i need help. >> why take it personally. >> let's try to figure out why lester is crazy. >> 20 years of psychiatric records. >> they don't buy it. they hear he's a violent schizophrenic and he's just a guy taking a nap. his meds make him sleepy. >> i need to hear the the ranting if i'm a juror. >> barking. >> barking? >> he barks when he's excited. >> welcome to the show laverne cox! ( cheers and applause ) welcome back! ( cheers and applause )
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it's like a warm hug of applause. >> i know. feels so aplaying! happy valentine's day, everyone! >> trevor: thank you for the love. >> i think it's appropriate we spend valentine's day together. ( cheers and applause ) that we are valentines by default. you are all my valentines as well. >> trevor: i love how i went from special to everyone else. >> but you got to touch me. >> trevor: oh, oh! i like that. welcome back to the show. >> i'm not that full of myself. >> trevor: first of all, congratulations on everything you have been doing recently. let's talk about the grammys first. >> my dress. >> trevor: i saw you at -- it was a beautiful outfit. i saw you at the naacp image awards. >> yes. >> trevor: then at the grammys and, you know, you were doing a thing, had some great moves.
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then when you came out on stage, you threw it in out of nowhere, i didn't know what it was, but you said google, you said a name, and then the internet blew up. >> yeah. >> trevor: what was that? >> i said google gavin grimm, he's going to the supreme court in march, #stand with gavin. gavin grimm is a 17-year-old young man from glouter, virginia -- gloucester, virginia. he had to sue the departmen thef education to use the boy's bathroom because he's transgender. can you imagine having to sue to be treated like all the other boys? we've seen hb2 in north carolina that criminalized transgender people using a bathroom consistent with our gender identity. over 50 bills introduced same. in texas a bill was provided, similarly they call it the privacy act that would also
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criminalize transpeople going to the bathroom. transpeople have been going to the bathroom for a long time. i don't know why it's a thing. >all of a sudden. >> trevor: now we know. that's the difference. crazy you say that. >> a very long time, without any issues. now all of a sudden it's an issue. i think first of all this is the first time the supreme court is hearing a case about transgender rights, the very first time. what's at stake is whether or not transpeople are covered by title 9 which bans discrimination based on sex in our educational institutions in title 7 which bans sex discrimination in the workplace and public accommodation. these bills are not about bathrooms. it's about whether or not transpeople have the right to exist in public space. somebody in north carolina said i don't really think you want me in the p men's bathroom. maybe you do, i don't know. ( laughter ) i don't think you want me there. if you don't want me in the
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men's or women's bathroom, where do you want me to pee? somebody said pee at home. so these bathroom bills are whether trans people have the right to exist in public space. we have been here since the beginning of time and have the right to exist in public space. ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: let's talk about the acting, the show "doubt." this is a fascinating and groundbreaking show. the fact your character is transgender just happens to be a part of who your character is. but the story is just a story about an attorney. >> yeah. >> trevor: i'm sure that's a big deal to you, but why? >> being trans, i talk about it a lot because we're being discriminated against a lot so we high light that but it's not everything i am. what i love about the show is the couple are married and have a transgender in real life.
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they say tom is trans, but they also say he's messy and an actor and all these other things and all these other things are also what make us woo we are. we're not just one thing no. one is just one thing. so that really was exciting to me. people want me to read trans characters and i say, where's the trans thing? the "what else" is she's a really passionate attorney who's a yale graduate, who's good at what she does and has chosen to be a defense attorney for people who are accused. it encourages the viewer to think critically about what justice means and that's something a lot of us are thinking critically about now. >> trevor: it's an interesting show. i'm so proud of you for doing it. look forward to seeing you on the screen again. "doubt" premieres wednesday
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the discussions. it's purely a matter of trust. see you tomorrow. valentine's day. >> chris: it's 29 minutes until midnight, and the people are represented by two separate yet equally important groups: the police, who investigate crime; and the district attorneys, who prosecute the offenders. these are their stories. ( laughter ) march 14 is an important day in history for so many reasons. it's albert einstein's birthday, the anniversary of the cotton gin's patent. but most importantly, it's (bleep) pi day, (bleep)! ( cheers and applause ) yeah, there's no party like a pi day party, cause a pi day party don't stop ever. it literally goes on and on and

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