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tv   The Daily Show  Comedy Central  March 28, 2017 11:00pm-11:32pm PDT

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- whoa, whoa, whoa. whoa. - i can't have a baby! i'm a dancer! - cheryl! [indistinct speech over p.a. system] >> from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with trevor noah! ( cheers and applause ) ♪ >> trevor: welcome to "the daily show"! i'm trevor noah! thank you for tuning?! my guest tonight is correspondent from the failing "new york times" and author of the book about africa's first female president helene cooper is joining us on the show! let's begin with plan oat earth while it's still here. >> donald trump signing the executive order to cancel the obama administration's clean
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fowler plan. >> president trump taking a sledgehammer to environmental regulations. >> new order allows for new coal minus and rescinds six executive orders from president obama in regulating carbon emissions. >> years of protecting the environment swept away in an instant. >> trevor: years away swept away in an instant much like the coast of florida. you know why i think donald trump hates the environment? because he looks up to mother nature and he's like, you did this to me! you did this to me! ( laughter ) what the hell is donald trump doing? just when we've begun to accept he's going to destroy america, now he's going to destroy the whole planet? people who had a plan b, they're going, oh, all of them? all of them. he must really hate being president if he's willing to speed up the end of the world to get it over with. that's what it feels like. donald trump, please, drnld, think about what's going to happen if you destroy the
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environment. for one thing, where is don, jr. going to sit awkwardly? think about it. ( laughter ) just think about it. that's a real picture. that's trump's worst policy. what is that? now, cutting regulations isn't the only way trump will be cooking the planet. over the past few weeks, we've had a chance to look through trump's first federal budget proposal where he cut huge amounts of funding for climate change, research, along with everything else that is holy and good. the white house is unveiling its federal spending priorities today and what it is touting as the america-first budget. >> slacker roughly 30% to the budget for the state department and the epia.p. >> cut billions of dollars for teacher training, after school and summer programs. >> cooperation for public broadcasting and public radio stations gone, national endowment for the acts gone. >> trevor: giving a (bleep) for your fellow man, gone. america standing in the world,
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gone. reasons to go on living, gone. president trump wants major cuts to almost every single department. almost. >> president trump calling to boost military spend big $5 billion. >> you see what we're doing with our military, bigger, better, stronger than ever before. >> that's right. trump wants more military spending. even though america already spends more on defense than china, saudi arabia, russia, great britain, france, india, japan. the denver broncos and bill cosby combined. all of it. now, these numbers may be hard to wrap your head around and luckily to help us see the numbers. jordan klepper has prepared a presentation. jordan klepper, everybody! ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor, these cans represent america's defense budget and these cans are china, russia and our number one enemy, mexico.
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now, you can see this comparison, and i know what you're thinking, america needs more cans. that's why trump's proposing to add more cans here by taking cans from other programs. so epa cans, our budget? not anymore. we don't need clean water, we have soda. i'm already starting to feel safer but not state of enough. we need to protect ourselves from three-can mexico right here, and there's no better shield than our children's future. education, what else do i need to learn? i already know i can drink soda instead of water. and the justice department, we can make some cuts there because collin is expanding now so i think we're pretty good. i'll take safety wherever i can find it like the entirety of the public broadcasting budget. now -- oh! i feel so much safer. trevor? >> trevor: wow, thanks, jordan. by the way, those were all his personal cans. so, in trump's mind, if it's not military, it doesn't matter.
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even if it's a program like meals-on-wheels, for instance, which provides food and companionship to lonely old people, but that's not how trump or his budget director see it. >> can't spend money on programs just because they sound good and, great, meals meal meals-ons sounds great. that's a state decision to take federal money and give it to the states to say we're going to give you money for something that doesn't work. >> trevor: the trump administration there defend putin, white supremacists and sexual assault but delivering food to old people? that's immoral! i've got to look at my family at night, buddy, hey, hey! ( laughter ) but all of this gave us an idea. if trump only wants to spend money on the military, then maybe we just have to make everything military. >> i have been with meals-on-wheels since 1990.
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i get their meals three times a week, and i enjoy them very much. >> i'm 98 years old and i do receive meals-on-wheels, which i really depend on. without it, i would probably wind up living on canned food. so i really do appreciate it. >> when we first heard president trump was sending money to the military and cutting money from programs like meals-on-wheels, the solutions was obvious, become militarized. we're now meal team six. if we look and act like the military when delivering food, we can trick the president and protect meals-on-wheels. we feed the elderly, the disabled, half a million veterans, over 2.4 million americans. listen up meal team six, the survival of this unit is predicated on us delivering sustenance to those who need it. i'm talking about milk! i'm talking about bread! i'm talking about protein! i'm talking about the whole damn food pyramid! now who row r you?
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>> meals team six sir! who are you? >> meal team six, sir! >> delicious! it's our duty to get food into these people's homes and bellies. it's not food. they got locked doors and cats and some need their food before "jeopardy" starts. ( suspenseful music ) >> it's a sandwich. why can't they just ring the doorbell? i'm always home and i have a cooler outside, if you put the food in the cooler, either one is good. >> does it get intense? hell, yeah, it gets intense! >> i'm not gonna make it! >> i got you, brother! let's go!
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we do our job and get people fed! ( soft music ) ( crashing ) >> not every mission will be perfect. you have your good days and your bad. ( crying ) i forgot the cream cheese! i forgot the cream cheese! ( sobbing ) but you wake up the next day, you strap up your boots and keep tricking the president into thinking you're part of the military. irene! put the quesadillas on 320 for three minutes. perfect temperature. >> i have a microwave on the counter. >> outstanding. >> 100% better than no food at all. >> i would prefer this type of delivery than -- >> what kind of food do you want
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for dinner? spaghetti or meet balls? >> spaghetti! >> do you have any gluten allergies? >> no, i don't. good! is this the perfect way to get fad to people? probably not but at least it's feeding folks like irene and peter and they're veterans for god's sake. they fought for and alongside america. it's our duty to feed them. and if you mess with them or any other meals-on-wheels recipients, you will see what meal team six can do! do not mess with us! we are meal team six! ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: we'll be right back. #
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♪boys are boys and girls are ♪joys♪ ♪ ♪to you and me they're more than toys♪ ♪ ♪gonna find one so i won't be lonely♪
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♪she'll be mine forever only ♪and when i do it'll be alright♪ ♪wee hoo ♪i tell ya now! ♪boys are boys and girls are joys♪ "the daily show." here's one thing i'll say about president trump -- he may be doing america harm, but on the bright side, he's also exposing problems america didn't even know it had. as we see in tonight's new segment, black light on american democracy. >> trevor: when you think about a black light, what do you think? perfect bed? shine the right lights and all of a sund you're like, ooh! i'll sleep in my clothes. ( laughter ) that's exactly what donald trump is doing for america. think about it -- every subject he touches exposes the loopholes. h he did it with tax returns. everyone assumed presidential
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candidates had to release their tax returns. trump comes along and he's like -- sad! and now he exposed it's not actually a law. you don't have to do it. same happened for hiring family members to work at the white house. it's not actually illegal, it's just strong frowned on, and a strong frown is trump's whole look so he's fine with that. ( laughter ) congressional oversight committees, they're designed to hold the executive branch accountable. once again, thanks to trump's black light, we're realizing how flimsy that premise is. look at the story in the news now, devin nunes, the man leading the house intelligence committee's investigation of trump's false claim that obama wiretapped him. now, we assume that someone investigating the white house would be independent of the white house, yes? ( buzzer sound ) >> an evidence bomb shelter report, house intelligence committee chairman devin nunes goes straight to the president with e-mails and details about
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intercepted information involving the trump transition team. >> chairman nunes went to the white house to brief president trump on the information he had received before discussing with other members of the intelligence community. >> trevor: i mean, wow, this guy sees not even trying to act like an investigator. who shares evidence with someone involved in the case? who does that? it's like if marsha clark was, hey, o.j., found a glove i want you to try on tomorrow. get ready for that. okay, bye-bye, now. i'm not the only one who assumed you wouldn't show someone involved in an investigation the evidence. black light. what makes the story worse is the evidence nunes says help trumps seems to have come from the house that trump lives in. >> devin nunes revealed yesterday that he met with an unnamed source and reviewed classified documents last week on the white house grounds. >> trevor: okay, now i'm just confused. so this is what nunes says. he says he found evidence that backed up trump and found this
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evidence at the white house. then after that he left the white house and then came back to the white house to tell trump about the evidence. why not just tell trump why you're at the white house. why leaving and going? have a secret job for post-mates? got to -- ah -- taco bowl, there steve bannon -- what are you doing? so shady. you would think nunes' shadiness would make him lose his spot. black light! >> prine has full confidence congressman nunes can conduct a fair and credible investigation -- ( audience reacts ) >> trevor: paul ryan has confidence in nunes! if paul ryan has confidence in something, it will never go any , where we learned this week. we'll be right back! ( cheers and applause )
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>> trevor: welcome back to "the daily show"! my guest tonight is a pulitzer prize-winning "new york times" reporter and author of the new book, "madame president: the extraordinary journey of ellen johnson sirleaf." please welcome helene cooper, everybody! ( cheers and applause ) thank you so much for being here. >> thank you. >> trevor: first of all, let's get into the why. i mean, it seems pretty obvious on the surface why you would write about africa's first female president, but why was the story so close to you? >> i'm from liberia, so i grew up there, and my family moved to the u.s. as refugees, actually, in 1980, and i was working in the "new york times" office in new york in 2005 on the editorial page when liberian women staged this democratic coup and actually got a woman elected president for the first
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time ever on the african continent, and ei knew right away that i wanted to write about this. this is something that i instantly wanted to bring write about. so for years after that, i sort of put it aside and thought when am i going to get around to this? i eventually did, so i have been really excited. >> trevor: what made it special as well is this was not a fore-gone conclusion. not only was it not only a woman running for president, but people calling her names, she's a grandma, boring, out of touch, she was running against someone who was really popular and, like you said, it was a democratic coup. what does it mean when you say that, though? >> what the women did was so extraordinary. you have to remember liberia had just come out of 14 years of civil war, and we're talking horrific civil war. i mean, the kind of stuff that would make what you guys do here -- i'm saying you guys -- here in america look like child's play. we had soldiers dressed up in wedding gowns and blonde wigs kidnapping kids from their
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mothers and turning them into child soldiers. it was horrific. after this the women of liberia who really carried this country on their backs during this entire civil war were so fed up that they determined that they were not going to tolerate, you know, having another -- and they blame the men for the war, so they were going to vote for a woman president any way that they could, which meant for them that they were going to get as down and dirty as the men had been in the past, and -- >> trevor: yeah they really got down and dirty. there are some stories in the book where you say they would go to bars and they would trade the men beers for their voter i.d.s. >> yeah, because why not? >> trevor: that's a pretty slick level of being, yeah, we're going to disenfranchise these people. >> that's not all they did. there were moms who stole their sons' photo i.d. cars. ellen was running against a professional football player, a harvard-educated i.m.f., work
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for the u.n., minister of finance, she had experience oozing out of every pore, 67 years old at the time, versus a football player, george w. ia who had never worked in government before, had never run a business, but had been a big star for the italian team a.c. milan. so many of the young boys in liberia were so excited the idea of football player as a president whereas their moms were outraged that after the country has gone through this war you are now going to turn around and give this country to a football player? so they said, no, we're not going to tolerate this. i talked to one woman who actually went into her son's bedroom in the middle of the night, stole his wallet, took his voter i.d. card out and buried it in the yard. ( applause ) >> trevor: it's a pretty insane story that they went to these lengths. one of my favorite moments was
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one of the grandmas in the book, when you're talking about it, and you know these grandmothers who say why would you do that and they go, well, i raised my kid for nine months, i know better than them. >> absolutely. she said it to me in straight librarian english, you take -- ( speaking in accent ) did you understand that? >> trevor:io i didn't. >> you've lost your african. >> trevor: africa isn't a country! why would you do that to me? we have a different accent where i'm from! ( laughter ) you cannot deny the parallels between elen johnson sirleaf and hillary clinton. other than winning the presidency, you have someone who spent her entire life in public service, someone who was plagued by scandals, someone who was seen as being too old and, you know, too weak -- >> and too boring. >> trevor: -- and too boring.
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>> not charismatic. >> trevor: yeah, and how has that worked out since? >> well, she's done -- elen johnson sirleaf has smoked all the men who came before her, but that's not hard to do because the men were like charles taylor, samuel do convicted of war crimes, so it's a pretty easy comparison. as a president, she's had issues. she hasn't done enough to crack down on corruption. in liberia, charges of nepotism because she put her son in high government offices, but, at the same time, they prosecute rape now in liberia, which is something that was never done before. >> trevor: wow. >> there is so much freedom of speech and of the press in liberia that you're not having dissidents thrown in jail and that sort of thing and the country is making eenormous progresses special when you compare it to where we were in 2005. eshe's had an uphill battle but she's weathered it really, really well. >> trevor: if an american
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person is reading this book going i love the idea but what am i going to get from it specifically, what would you like someone on the other side of the world to get from this book? >> i'd love from somebody on the other side of the world to look at this book and say, wow, 11 years before pan suit nation became a secret facebook group, the women of liberia staged a master class on huh to get a woman elected president. this is how you do it. >> trevor: this is how you do it. thank you so much for being on the show. ( cheers and applause ) "madame president" available now. helene cooper, everybody! we'll be right back! ( cheers and appla by wagner playing ]
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(mic thuds) uh, sorry. it's unlimited without compromising reliability, on the largest, most advanced 4g lte network in america. (thud) uh... sorry, last thing. it's just $45 per line. forty. five. (cheering and applause) and that is all the microphones that i have. (vo) switch to unlimited on verizon now and get our best android smartphones for as low as $15 a month. ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: that's our show for tonight. before we go, i want to tell you about something fun we're doing. you know how every american president gets a library when they leave office. it's a place where they display all their important documents there their time in the white house. we at the "the daily show" were thinking donald trump doesn't have any documents, he just has tweets, which is why we've decided to honor him with something -- "so much better than a regular library "! ( laughter ) and we're calling it "the daily show" presents the donald j. trump presidential twitter
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library. ( laughter ) this is going to be an actual building that you can visit here in new york city that's going to have interactive displays celebrating donald trump's most important and insane tweets, which are often the same, and even though libraries usually wait until the president has left office, because we don't know when he's going to go, ours is open this june because, let's face it, we don't know how much longer trump will last, he might get impeached or maybe he'll just get bored and wander off. ( cheers and applause ) either way, we'll be ready. "the daily show" presents donald j. trump presidential twitter library. you can get more information on twitter follow tds ramp library. now here it is... your moment of zen. >> i've said it from the day that i got here until whenever that there is no connection. you've got russia. if the president puts russian salad dressing on his salad tonight, somehow that's a russian conne
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>> chris: it's 29 minutes until midnight when only one comedian will be left standing. it's night two of tournament of champions! last night, moshe kasher came from behind for a stunning victory with a last-minute double rear naked choke on ron funches and mamrie hart. the winner of tonight's show will go to the final on thursday where they'll face moshe and tomorrow night's winner in a fight to the death for my and your amusement. now it's onto the competition.


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