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tv   The Daily Show  Comedy Central  May 26, 2017 1:40am-2:11am PDT

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ntry ♪ - ♪ and i'm a little bit rock n' roll-a ♪ - ♪ i'll be the muscle of america ♪ - ♪ and me, i'll be the caring soul ♪ both: ♪ and when you put us together ♪ ♪ you get a nation with one goal ♪ ♪ to thrive and prosper ♪ with a little country and rock n' roll ♪ - come on up here, everybody! all: ♪ we're a little bit country ♪ ♪ we're a little bit rock n' roll ♪ - we can be a nation that believes in war... - and still tells the world that we don't. all: ♪ let the flag for hypocrisy ♪ ♪ fly high from every pole ♪ 'cause we're a little bit country ♪ ♪ and we're a little bit rock n' roll ♪ - well, good night, everybody. it sure has been great bringing you 100 episodes. - we wanna thank our guests, the pro-war people... [applause] and the anti-war people. - what the hell are they doing now? - i don't know. all: ♪ for the war, against the war ♪ ♪ who cares? 100 episodes ♪
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[fireworks crackling] - i hate this town. i really, really do. captioning by kristi at captionmax www.captionmax.com >> from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with trevor noah. ( cheers and applause ) ♪ >> trevor: welcome to "the daily show"! i'm trevor noah! thank you so much for tuning in!
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we've a great guest for you tonight, wanda sykes is here, everybody! ( cheers and applause ) but first, i just want to say real quick, we had a double shot of really good luck this weekend and i just want to take a second to thank you, all of our fans, on saturday "the daily show" received a glad award and then on sunday we also received an mtv award. thank you so much, we couldn't have done it without you. ( cheers and applause ) and to top it all off, i'm sure you all saw what i did at the kentucky derby. ( cheering ) let's move on. so last thursday, house republicans passed their version of a healthcare bill to replace obamacare, all right, which would basically remove the obama and the care part. and if you haven't read all the details yet, guess what? you're qualified to be a congressman. >> did you read this entire bill? >> yeah. i wouldn't say every -- yes, i turned through every page. >> did you actually sit down and read the entire bill plus all
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the amendments? >> i will fully admit -- well, i did not, but i can also ashire you my staff did. >> have you read the whole bill? >> oh, gosh -- let's put it this way, people in my office have read all the parts of the bill. >> congressman, have you read the bill? >> um -- >> trevor: of all the excuses, congressman um has my vote. he's learned the trick, keep moving. you know? that congressman knows if you drive 60 miles an hour, you will get there. congressman collins is probably the worst. not only did he not read the bill before voting for it, but what he did, these constituents in new york. >> new york would lose $3 billion a year in federal aid
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from that. they're low-income new yorkers. collins was asked about this by a reporter from the puff low news and he didn't know what this program entailed. >> trevor: he didn't even know about it. this was imprudent. $3 billion? last week while still safely in washington they threw a rose garden frat party celebrating. this week's recess, back home, more than 217 congress people who have voted for the bill have not scheduled town halls which tells you all they need to know. if they thought they had done something great, they would have been parading through their home states crowbarring their achievement into every conversation. they would be like, i'm so sorry to hear about your daughter.
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did you see that bill i passed this week? no? too soon? all right. ( laughter ) yeah, none are like that. most are coming home like this -- >> did you eat all of your treats? cooper! >> trevor: bad congressman! you bad congressman! down! at least a dog understands it did something bad. that's more than you can say about this idaho congressman who did hold a town hall. >> you are eliminating people on medicaid except dying. >> no one wants that -- that line is so indefensible. nobody dies because they don't have access to healthcare. ( audience reacts ) >> trevor: come on! not a single person in this room has died because they didn't
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have healthcare. i rest my case. the bill passed. it's now to turn it into an eric trump and not a donald, jr. mitch mcconnell handpicked the senators to rewrite the bile bill. seems something a little sausagey about the group. >> a group of 13 republicans will be responsible for crafting the senate's healthcare bill, a group made up of all men. a g.o.p. aide responded to concerns no women were included, said it's not about gender, it's about getting the job done. >> trevor: guys, we're not being sexist, we're just saying women are pretty much useless and this whole thing will go faster if they're not nagging us and men straiting all over the bill. dude power, yeah! unlike the republicans, we have an actual woman who can give us her perspective on how this bill
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impacts health. >> hello, trevor! ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: what do you make of this healthcare bill? >> i'm not sure it's a bill as much as a line from a notorious b.i.g. song. republicans are, like,. >> trevor: biggie at least loves healthcare. >> the panel looks like, well, she drowned, guess she wasn't a witch. throw in another one! 13 white guys and no women. 13 white guys, no women. two mormons but no women. ( laughter ) which is weird for mormons because normally they want extra women. ( applause ) i mean, you'd think they'd at
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least put mike pence in that group so his wife would have to be there, too. >> well, to be fair -- to be fair, michele, just because this bill is being worked on by only men doesn't mean that they can't be fair to women. >> oh, sure, they could be fair to us, but this is what they've done so far. the bill in its current form would hit women especially hard. for example, women who are pregnant, have had a previous c-section, have irregular periods, have breast cancer and end do meetosis among others, could all be slapped with a pre-existing condition label, opening up door for insurers to potentially deem them uninsurable. >> i'm sorry. you have to pay extra for insurance if you get irregular periods? okay, quick glimpse into a lady's life. every period is an irregular period. it's not like a paycheck where it arrives on the same day every month. your period is more like an
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outdoor cat. you know it's going to come back at some point, but you're never positive when, and you have no idea what it's going to have in its mouth. ( applause ) the only thing regular about a period is that it sucks! am i right, trevor? >> trevor: i don't know if i -- >> yeah! ( applause ) see? men can't even talk about periods without getting squeamish. even our president is uncomfortable with periods. that's why he never uses them in sentences, exclamation point. ( laughter ) in fact, i think that's the only way to fix this problem. women just need to show up in washington. >> trevor: like another march? >> no, we just need to go into congress and talk about periods. the men will disappear like a boner when you smell grandma. ( laughter ) and then us women can handle the (bleep) ourselves, and don't worry, congressmen, under our plan, we'll cover assholes.
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( laughter ) >> trevor: thank you, michele, michelle wolf, everyone! we'll be right back! we'll be right back! it's the applebee's big bold grill combos. try a chicken combo, combo'd with a ribs combo. it's the combo of combos. combo'd two meats, two sides. the big bold grill combos. starting at $12.99. only at applebee's. starting at $12.99. we've been a symbol of thers. future, a standard, a star.
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( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: welcome back to "the daily show." do you guys want to hear some good news?
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>> yes! >> trevor: i don't know, because, i mean, i don't know if you remember what good news is. feels like it's been a long time. but in weekend, france may have saved the world. ( cheers and applause ) or at least delayed the ending. >> in a resounding rejection of the far right, emmanuel macron was elected president. ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: whoo! yeah! i want to be french. the french celebrate a victory with a full-on rave at the louvre? even the mona lisa was getting turturnt. are you serious? ♪ this was fascinating. the global trend toward nationalism, the future of the european union but mostly
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american people trying to pronounce french names ( pronouncing emmanuel macron) >> emmanuel macron took the victory over the weekend and supporters gathered outside the luv-ree. ( laughter ) >> trevor: i don't think that's a thing. anyway, the question now is what macron's 30 point victory over le pen means. both candidates were celebrating. >> the winner strode on stage to give his victory speech accompanied by beethoven's ode to joy, the european anthem. the loser trade to dance her blues away to "i love rock and
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roll" ( laughter ) >> trevor: you know what they say, dance like nobody is voting. honestly, i believe le pen is happy. she lost the election but she won a lot of the people. her xenophobic national party came from nothing to win 35% of the vote which is basically all donald trump really wanted. he didn't want to win, he just wanted to be the opposition party, criticizing the president at every turn. sitting at home, like, if i was president, i would fix healthcare so fast, so fast, the fastest, folks, and i most certainly would not have been on the golf course -- no golf, no golf -- ( laughter ) >> trevor: but the french election was different. there were other things i liked about it. the media announced it like the finale of a reality show. this whole hop popping up thing and when the winner gives a speech they have a mime on screen doing it with them. obviously that's sign language. it's not miming. i just couldn't resist making a
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stereotypical french joke. not cool. i'm sorry. it's not like every frenchman spends the day sitting in an outdoor cay pay fay with a scarf wrapped around his neck, philosophizing about what's happening. we should get away from the stereotypes and listen to what real french voters are saying. >> le pen is not necessarily the person who offers a solution. what she does well is speak about the problems. >> trevor: my neck gets chilly! but this sexy part under my neck stays warm! (french accent) ( laughter ) in the background, another man wearing a scar off. if you look further, a pile of staroffs wearing man! let's go to french correspondent, roy wood, jr., everybody! ( cheers and applause ) ( french music playing ) roy, please stop. roy, just stop. don't, don't, don't...
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>> what are you doing? i'm miming right now. you don't talk to a mime. you don't talk to me while i'm miming. the freakiest part of all the miami. check this out. >> trevor: roy, what are are you doing? >> i'm hitting the the mime button. >> trevor: i didn't need miming. you were supposed to be reporting on the french election. >> if you would let me mime this, you would understand what i was trying to say. this is a talking raccoon in the "guardians 2". i don't know how to mime? >> trevor: go wash that off your face.
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>> no, i'm keeping the this longer. >> trevor: roy wood,
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spiked sparkling water. so now you can make the ultra light choice. henry's hard sparkling. the ultra light choice. if ystart by..oh, is that a galaxy s8? handsome screen. well pack that. uh-op, oh okay we're moving fast. you'll need a tour guide...apparently not. don't forget a big camera. or that phone will work. okay, i guess you have the world traveler thing covered. ♪ i believe in me too. ♪ i am the unicorn of your confidence ♪ ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: welcome back to
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"the daily show." my guest tonight is a comedian and actor who can be seen in the new movie "snatched." >> i love everything you're saying. ( laughter ) >> everything okay over here, emily? >> i'm at the pool. >> never have more drinks than tits. two tits, two drinks. >> i know how many i have. >> did you just give me danger eyes? >> i don't know what that is. i didn't make that face. >> that's danger eyes. >> go away! s h h-sh! la ti da. >> trevor: please welcome wanda sykes! ( cheers and applause ) >> oh, my god how you doing? >> trevor: thank you for being here. >> thank you, thank you! >> trevor: welcome to the show. this is fun! >> i appreciate it. my wife is french, and that thing with the sta scarf, totaly
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true. dead on. she has been on the beach in a bikini, a damn scarf. >> trevor: is that like a fashion thing? >> i don't know what it is, if it's just part of their wardrobe. i don't know. >> trevor: a thing that the french have. >> right. >> trevor: a cold throat, the french thing. >> maybe it's to get all that -- ( making french sounds ) they got to keep that thing warm. >> trevor: ohhh! ohhh! the french election must have been a pretty big thing in your house. >> it is. we watched the coverage. it is like a reality show. it goes,da-da-da-da! the president! >> trevor: i like that announcement. >> yeah. >> trevor: i feel like america should have that as well, have the people pop up, surprise you.
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>> right. you don't have to be up all night listening to wolf blitzer and all them and the ticker tape. 7:00, you get a new president. that's it. they should let drew carey announce it like "let's make a deal." door number two! boom! there you go! >> trevor: i like that idea. go home, have dinner afterwards, a few president, eat afterwards. this is fun. let's talk about the movie for a little bit. you're in this film which looks hilarious. amy schumer is really funny, you are hilarious in this as well. you filmed this this movie in hawaii but it's supposed to be set in south america, correct? >> right. >> trevor: or central america. >> right? >> trevor: but you're outdoors all the time. >> know you enough to know you are not an outdoorsy person. >> i am not. i grew up in a rural part of virginia, so i have been outdoors enough.
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we have enough money now to be inside, and that's where i want to stay. ( laughter ) ( applause ) not a big outdoorsy person. >> trevor: you know, that's something you will find almost consistently all over the world with black people. >> yeah. >> trevor: black people are not longing for the outdoors. >> yeah. you know, if you go talk to national parks, which i have not -- ( laughter ) -- they need to put one inside. ( laughter ) but i notice, though, like, you know, you go ton a couple of hikes or whatever and you look and it's, like, i don't see any black people out here hiking. >> trevor: if your wife is french, though, there is a good possibility because french like the picnics, they like going out, the walks, the beach. are you outdoors with her all the time? >> yes, yes! and i mean i'm worried that, you know, the kids might get taken away from us because she doesn't give a damn, you going outside.
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it could be, like, below freezing, and she's like the kids need some air. go, go outside! i'm, like, it's freezing out there! you can't see the kids outside! the neighbors are going to call somebody and they'll come take our kids! what's wrong with you? >> trevor: i want to be in your household. sounds like fun. >> she loves outside, always a picnic going on. she loves that. >> trevor: yeah. the administration we're faced with now is one you're not a stranger to. i follow your tweets. you are deep into politics. you are watching what's happening. you're commenting on what's happening. you were watching the sally yates thing today. >> sally yates gave them a beat down today! oh, my gosh! sally slapped the (bleep) out of ted cruz, the senator from texas, whatever his name is, oh, my god, she just had him, uh, uh, uh, uh...
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and she was like, no, what i said was, i said it was unlawful. she didn't do this, but i saw it. ( laughter ) what i said, it was unlawful. that's what i said. >> trevor: oh, man! >> and the senator from louisiana got so flabbergasted, at one point looked like he turned into colonel sanders -- now, hold on, now, missy! we don't have no gal talk up here like that! you know. ( laughter ) it was beautiful! it was beautiful! they didn't know what to do with that woman. she was so cool and they just lost it. they were just -- oh, it was beautiful. it was beautiful. >> trevor: oh, man. >> i loved it. >> trevor: i feel like we need to start a wanda sykes tells you what happened in politics. i've never heard a hearing -- ( applause ) i've never ever heard a hearing sound that exciting. as someone's who's watching everything, one of the things
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you're most concerned about in this upcoming administration and one of the things you're most unenthusiastic for. where do you go, this is where my hope lies? >> my hope lies, i think within the next two weeks, maxine waters is going to head butt paul ryan. ( laughter ) ( applause ) just give him a good head butt. that's what i'm hoping for. >> trevor: that will be the greatest. your lips to god's ears. >> mm-hmm. >> trevor: honestly, wanda. can you imagine her -- >> yeah, like she's talking. he's a little too close and just, mmm! give him a nice -- ( laughter ) >> trevor: oh, man, i was going to ask you so many things. i just want to manage out with you all night now. you're one of the funniest people i've ever come across. wanda sykes is in theaters may 12. wanda sykes, everybody. thank you so much, everybody! ( cheers and okay, i picked out my dream car.
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