tv The Daily Show Comedy Central June 1, 2017 11:00pm-11:32pm PDT
day, held the gun all weird upside down like that. meh, i killed him. good night. >> from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with trevor noah. ( cheers and applause ) ♪ >> trevor: welcome to "the daily show"! i'm trevor noah. thank you so much for tuning in. tonight our guest senator al franken is here, everybody! ( cheers and applause ) going to have a lot of fun. and i know the big news of the day is trump pulling out of the paris climate accord but before getting into that, there's one story that, as new yorkers, we have to address. >> mr. met is out of a job at the moment. >> mr. met is fired.
>> he's out of there, and here's the reason why. the video of the new york mets mascot giving a fan the middle finger. >> trevor: you know, it's kind of sad he got fired. look at him. look at him. what other job could he possibly get? it's not like he can go work for uber. first of all, he could only drive a convertible and, secondly, every passenger is going to be, like, hey, man, don't i recognize you from somewhere? he's going to be like, mmmmm! and they're, like, yeah, that's why uber is going down. i knew it. let's move on from one mascot flipping off fans to another flipping off the entire world. >> breaking news, the president about to announce his decision on the paris climate accord. >> unfolding in washington, d.c. the rose garden where president trump is expected to speak any moment now. >> the united states will withdraw from the paris climate
accord. ( applause ) thank you. >> trevor: you know, i don't know what's worse, the fact that donald trump may have doomed the planet or the fact that he announced it like it's an episode of the bachelorettes. earth, with we had a great time in the hot tub -- ( laughter ) -- but i gotta give a rose to coal, my black beauty, i choose you. ( laughter ) it's official, people, donald trump has pulled the united states out of the biggest climate agreement the world has ever seen. we all joke about him destroying the world, but this could be it. can i just say, telling nature to go (bleep) itself while standing in a garpd is a pretty gangster move. i'm not going to lie. the only way that could have been more messed up is if he did it with a polar bear standing in the background, though i'm sure eric would have shot the polar
bear. father! look what i brought you! do you love me now? ( laughter ) and if you don't know what the paris accord, is here's why leaving it is a big deal. >> the paris climate change accord united 195 countries in a single agreement to tackle climate change. >> the parties to the the agreement are saying it is our shared goal and purpose to limit warming to below 2 degrees celsius. >> environmental experts claim if global temperatures warm more than that, it could lead to climate catastrophe. >> if we cross the red line, there could be catastrophic and in the words of the united nations irreversible effects. >> trevor: after the earth's temperature crosses a certain threshold we may not be able to go back. it's like telling your girlfriend her friend is hot. that problem is manmade and irreversible. you can never take it back. i said it one time, baby. one time. yeah, she's still hot but that's not the point! ( laughter ) what makes it worse is every other country in the world
agreed. even countries you wouldn't expect. russia agreed to. this north korea. kim jong un is, like, i know i'm crazy, but hold on. ( laughter ) even israel and palestine are on the same side when it comes to climate change. what are your views on climate change? same as ours. wow, that's like when we agreed on pork. yeah! and chick peas! why do we always fight? only allah knows! that's it! that's it! ( applause ) every country in the world agreed. technically, there are two other countries that the the u.s. now joins -- nicaragua, they didn't sign the accord because they don't think the deal is strict enough on rich countries, and syria didn't sign because, i mean, they've got other things on their mind. i think we can all agree syria gets a pass.
i guess syria is, like, oh you are worried you might be in trouble in a hundred years? i can't imagine how scary that must be for you. ( laughter ) so they have an excuse. the news of trump pulling out has sent shock waves around the world, but donald trump doesn't live in the world. he lives in america. >> i was elected to represent the citizens of pittsburgh, not paris. ( applause ) >> trevor: and every day, the citizens of paris are, like, thank (bleep) for that. ( applause ) but i do get what trump was trying to say -- in his mind this, decision basically fulfilled his promise to bring back old-school industrial jobs, you know, like cement and steel and coal. and here's the the thing -- we all want people to have jobs, but the numbers have shown that green energy is where the work is going to be.
there are certain things you can't bring back. you can't bring back coal jobs. it may have been big back in the day, but it's not going to work now. it's like bay watch. you can't save it. doesn't matter. ( laughter ) i think this has less to do with jobs and america's economy and more to do with how trump thinks this makes him look to the rest of the world. >> the rest of the world applauded when we signed the paris agreement. they went wild. they were so happy. for the simple reason that it put our country, the united states of america, which we all love, at a very, very big economic disadvantage. at what point do they start laughing at us as a country? we don't want other leaders and other countries laughing at us anymore, and they won't be. ( laughter ) >> trevor: no one -- no one
was laughing at you, donald. i mean, well, not for this. ( laughter ) i mean, they laugh at you for many other things, but not for this. the other countries were cheering because it was a chance to save mother earth, not screw uncle sam. i don't know where trump got this paranoid idea, like the world is going, ha ha, look at this idiot joining us to save the planet and children, ha ha! dumbass! ( laughter ) who are you? you know, this is all really bad, but, on the bright side, at least we found a new job for mr. met. yeah, just throw a it mr.le paint on him and he can deliver the message to trump for the entire world. we'll be right back. ( cheers and applause )
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>> trevor: we can back to "the daily show." now, while trump is trying to make america great again, one country seems to be already pretty decent. australia is a country with some of the world's best healthcare, passed meaningful gun control legislation and managed to get rid of mel gibson. we got to wondering, what do australians think about what's happening in america? you have to figure it out and to help us is our guest contributor jim jeffries, everybody!
>> hey, trevor. >> trevor: jim, i'll get straight to it, man. as an australian, how do you think america is going? >> it's going (bleep). >> trevor: wow. okay. ( laughter ) >> here's how i can tell, because i know every time in the current administration. >> trevor: i don't understand what that means. >> knowing everyone's name is a scary thing, right. the government is like the human body. you only learn about the small parts when they start to fail. the only people who care what an anterior cruciate ligament are people who have torn one. do you know where it is, trevor? >> trevor: actually, i don't. >> i don't either. i haven't torn it yet. but i'm sure it's part of my arm or something like that. i'm not quite sure. but why do i know bannon, priebus, kushner, tillerson, sessions, spicer, devoss, carson, why do i know who these people are? ( applause ) if we're going to talk going to
(bleep), i usually know the president, the vice president, the secretary of whatever it is, an that's it. but now i can name the entire cabinet, and i just don't know the last names, i know full names. like attorney general jefferson beauregard sessions. he's the racist one. well, the most racist one. ( laughter ) when was the last time people knew the names of the entire white house staff down to the most boring jobs? like, we even know the name of the deputy press secretary -- sarah huckabee sanders. that's her maiden and married names. that's remarkable. like, deputy press secretary sound like a madeup job that you give your kid when it comes to work. like, today you're gonna be deputy press secretary! huh? ( applause ) but don't talk to comey's kid, he's a tattletale.
( laughter ) see, we only know about stuff when it goes wrong. like, name an italian leader. moose leany, right? who was the guy before mussolini or the guy after? who's the guy right now? there's no way to find out. ( laughter ) all right? name me an own ocean liner, the titanic. an african hotel. >> trevor: sun city, nairobi hilton? >> you're the wrong guy to ask. the rest of us would have said hotel rwanda. ( laughter ) trevor, name a job chileans do. >> trevor: miners. >> exactly. mining. that's the only thing i know about chillle. i don't even know if there were more than 33 miners. and this is how i know if the
trump administration wasn't doing great. it wasn't like this under obama. does anybody remember chief of staff ethan kanin or health secretary pendleton peck? no. one is a character from 24 and the other is the a team. ( laughter ) unfortunately, at this moment in history, we do have to know and pay attention and be engaged if only for a few years. but i look forward to the day when i can go back to eknowing nothing, because poll the ticks should be like surgery. the best you can hope for is no complication. it went fine. resting comfortably. but when a surgeon comes blasting out of the e.r. saying we (bleep) crashed it! that's when it's time to freak out. trevor. >> trevor: would yo >> trevor: you have it, jim jeffries. jim jeffries show on comedy
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>> trevor: welcome back to "the daily show." my guest tonight is a democratic senator from minnesota and a best-selling author whose new book is called "al franken, giant of the senate." please welcome senator al franken! ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: welcome to the show! >> thank you. >> trevor: what a day to have you on. >> ah, it's a depressing day. i was in paris for the conference, and this is
terrible. our leadership in the world is at stake. this was a monumental achievement, getting the entire world, minus syria and nicaragua -- and now us. we want to be leaders of the world where we're giving that away, our leadership. >> trevor: so if you were to look at the situations donald trump is in now, looking at his pulling out of the paris climate treaty or russia, what do you think is worse? >> well, russia happened, in terms of the interference in our election, and that was -- if that hadn't happened, i think that hillary would be our president and we wouldn't have pulled out of this, so they're actually related. >> trevor: that's an interesting way to see it. >> well, i have an interesting mind. ( laughter ) >> trevor: let's -- >> that's why i'm a giant of the
senate. ( laughter ) >> trevor: let's talk about russia before we get into the book. some people saw why is russia a story? seems like there is no direct evidence linking the trump campaign to colluding with the russians, this just seems to be a whole lot of smoke. >> there's a saying -- ( laughter ) where there's smoke, there's fire. now, i know that might be an american saying. i'm not sure if that's true in south africa. >> trevor: we go, there could just be a lot of smoke ( laughter ) but i get what you're saying. this is a culture. we agree on paris but we don't agree on this. >> no, look, we have a special prosecutor, we will find this out. but -- >> trevor: we have a special prosecutor because of you, i should mention. >> well... >> trevor: no, no, no, that's true ( cheers and applause ) that is true. you are the person who asked jeff sessions the questions that got him to recuse himself. >> yes, but he didn't actually
answer my question. he answered another question. he pivoted from my question. i asked him would you recuse yourself, basically? he answered a different question which he said i never met with any russians during the campaign which is not true. senator lahey, pat lahey and i wrote a letter to the f.b.i. to have them investigate that and the important thing is they can't investigate perjury to a senate committee unless congress asks them to do that, so that was part of the purpose of that letter, and we shall see. we have a special prosecutor and i think we have the right guy there, bob mueller, and i believe he'll get to the bottom of this. we'll find out if there's fire, where that smoke is, yeah. >> trevor: you talk a lot in the book about the nuts and bolts, the making of the sausage behind the scenes in the senate, which i really enjoyed reading about because you give it, you
know, a personal spin. a lot of people don't think of senators and congressmen -- congress people as humans, right. and what's nice in the story is we hear -- what's nice in the book is we hear the stories of u.s. people, as friends. i find it strange, though, that you talk about being friends with people like jeff sessions. >> jeff sessions, who i gave a hard time on during his confirmation hearings, i told him the day before, eat your "wheaties." i warned him. his wife knit a baby blanket for my first grandson. >> trevor: yeah, i mean, i get that. but then, like, you know, some people would be, like, yeah, and he's pushing for maximum sentencing for -- >> yeah, yeah. well, that's why i voted against him, why i gave him a hard time. >> trevor: okay. >> but it's hard to hate a guy
whose wife knit a baby blanket. >> trevor: why not hate the guy and like his wife for knitting the baby blanket? >> oh, that's what i should have done. ( applause ) >> trevor: here's one thing i would propose and i don't know if this is realistic, it feels like america and americans don't have that same attitude when it comes to politics. many americans don't go we should get along to get something done and, oftentimes, they look at their representatives and go, they hate each other, we're doing the same thing, but you're going baby blankets and knitting. don't you think there should be a day in the senate and congress where you say, hey, this is a friendship day where you shake hands? >> i actually have a secret santa. >> trevor: is one of them ted cruz? >> ted has participated in secret santa, yes. >> trevor: what does he send people, coal? >> actually, one of the best gifts that people have gotten is from joe manchin of
west virginia. he takes this very hard coal, and somebody has sculpted -- sculpts an elephant and a donkey. >> trevor: oh, that's sweet. you use coal to show all the things it's killing in the world. that's nice. i like that. ( laughter ) at least you're doing something. i could chat to you forever, but luckily i have the book. "al franken, giant of the senate" is available now. senator al franken, everybody. we'll be right back. ( cheers and applause )
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>> trevor: that's our show for tonight, ladies and gentlemen. now, just a moment, real quick. this is a week that had its highs and lows and today is not the funnest day in the world but earlier in the week there was a fun thing trump did and we like messing around at the show. today we'll make the zen a little special. so here it is, your moment of zen. ♪ ♪ >> teacher, if all african names have a meaning, what does my name mean? >> "covfefe." i don't know. >> but "covfefe" is such a stupid name. all the other kids laugh at me. >> one boy, alone in the world. ( chanting "covfefe" ) >> not knowing who he was. >> we will find out what your name means, when the time is
right. >> and then, one day, everything changed. >> this morning, confusion over a tweet after president trump posted at 12:06 a.m., despite the constant negative press followed by the word "covfefe." >> "covfefe," "covfefe," none of us really know how to say this. >> asked about the tweet, white house press secretary sharps said the president and a small group of people know exactly what he meant. >> teacher! quickly! donald trump, the president, he knows who i am. i must go to america. >> how will you get there? >> i will swim. >> swim, all the way to america? >> swim! ( panting ) >> the big apple! >> critics are calling it heartfelt, compelling, and i can't believe we're still joking about this. ( honking ) >> hey! who do you think you are, asshole? >> i am not asshole. i am "covfefe"!
>> join him on his remarkable journey. >> my friend, can you help me meet president trump? >> i don't know marntion. he doesn't really like immigrants. also, he lives in d.c. >> oh. d.c. so i must swim. >> there's a bus. >> swim! ♪ >> to beat the odds and discover who he really is. >> who are you? >> i am --
>> ladies and gentlemen, the 45th and final president of the united states. ( applause ) >> wow. wow. unbelievable. unbelievable. it's great to be back in america. how very much i've loved you. how very much i've tried my best to give you a good life. ( laughter ) is it hot in here, or did i just pull out of the paris accord? zabinga! ( laughter ) what a terrible deal that was for america. everyone says, "trump, trump! what about the melting ice caps?"