tv The Daily Show Comedy Central June 7, 2017 11:00pm-11:32pm PDT
die hawkins dance! student council is retarded! [chime sounding] - the sun is up, and the birds are chirping. i'm casey miller, and these are the morning announcements. i have a letter from second grade student brian felner. brian writes, "dear casey, "why is our school president such a fat, stupid dickhead? "my desk is broken, "and so far, eric cartman has done nothing about it. "will you please let that walking bowl of anus pus know that we are not happy?" well, brian, i couldn't agree more. our asshole president is a fat, smelly, douche bag milkshake. - i'm doing the best i can! [crying] captioning by captionmax www.captionmax.com comedy central >> from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with trevor noah. ( cheers and applause )
>> trevor: welcome to "the daily show." thank you so much for tuning in! i'm trevor noah. my guests tonight are the director of a new documentary about syria and the rise of isis. sebastian junger and nick quested are here, everybody. joining us on the show. ( cheers and applause ) really fascinating conversation. you want to stay tuned for that. but first, like the rest of the world, we are all waiting for tomorrow when former f.b.i. director james comey will testify about whether president trump fired him because he wouldn't stop investigating russia, and it is going to be delicious. but today, we at least got a little taste. >> breaking news this hour, we have just seen an advanced copy of james comey's prepared testimony that he'll give tomorrow on capitol hill and the fired f.b.i. director will confirm several bombshell reports about his interactions with president donald trump. >> trevor: extra, extra! read all about it! comey christmas comes early!
i know it's tomorrow. i know it's tomorrow. and we'll get into it, and the full hearing and everything that took place. but some of the statements that have come out already are so fun. i have to share, i have to share a few parts of it, right. this is-- this is one of my favorite things that comey said out his meeting with trump. he said, "on the morning of march 30, the presit called me at the f.b.i. he said he had nothing to do with russia, had not been involved with hookers in russia. ( laughter ) and had always assumed he was being recorded when in russia. ( laughter ) and i love that trump was like,x with hookers in russia! i was being recorded." ( laughter ) otherwise, though, i mean, sure, why not, why not? here's another part which may actually be my favorite of all. this is from comey's notes, which sound like a diary entry i have to say. ift says, "the president began by asking me whether i wanted to stay on as f.b.i. director. a few moments later, the from the prt said 'i need loyalty.
i expect loyalty. '. i didn't move, speak ochange my facial expression in any way during the awkward silence that followed. we simply looked at each other in silence." ( laughter ) ( applause ) ( cheers ) i love it. i love that comey basically has to treat trump like he's a bear he came across in the wild. "if i just stay still, maybe he'll leave me alone." can you just imagine that scene, just the two of them having dinner alone staring each other in the eye in total silence. because you know in that moment, comey was thinking, "man, this is a tragic moment of serious ethical failure." and trump was thinking, "oh, boy, i think we're gonna kiss." ( applause )
let's move on. let's move on. because james comey may have already been fired by president trump, but as it turns out, he may not be the last one pack his bags. >> tensions developed between president trump and his attorney general after session recused himself from the russia investigation, a decision that paved the way for special prosecutor of robert mueller to take over the probe. >> a source close to jeff sessions says the two men have had several heat the exchanges in recent weeks with the attorney general even offering to resign. >> trevor: wow. reportedly jeff sessions has threatened to resign. and that would be insane for two reasons. one, he was one of trump's first big supporters in washington. and, two, i didn't know that house elves would leave of their own accord. ( laughter ) ( applause ) i didn't know that that was a thing. ( cheers and applause ) so, so if people as close as
trump and vegz on the outs, that's that's a pretty big deal. though it should be said, in this administration, it seems that at one time or another, everyone is on the chopping block. >> reports are swirling around white house chief of staff reince priebus that he may be the next to go. >> trump's chief strategist steve bannon is facing an uncertain future. >> there have been persistent rumorrumors that sean spicer's b could be under threat. >> aides have described a white hous where no one's position, not even mr. kushner's feels entirely secure. >> trevor: even jared kushner. i mean he's not just ivanka's husband. he's the guy who trump put in charge of fixing the middle east, solving the opioid crisis, and revamping the entire federal government. yeah. now he's going to get fired, maybe. i bet trump's going to make jared do that job as well. "jared, i want you to fire my failing son-in-law and then come right back. there's a lot more i need you to do, jared.
thank you very much, get that done. come back asap." all of those people still have a job. but a lot of other government officials have been on the bad end of the infamous "you're fired." >> new questions this morning after 46 federal prosecutors were asked to resign by the trump administration. >> mr. trump's incoming administration is getting rid of president obama's diplomats. trump's transition team ordered politically appointed ambassadors to leave their post by inauguration day. now, typically, incoming administrations give diplomats a grace period until their replacements are confirmed. >> trevor: you know, getting fired athe start of the trump smrgz like being kicked off the "titanic" before it sets sail. the moment it happens might feel (bleep). but in a few months you're probably going to be watching likev: "they all died! at could have been m" ha-ha. now, to be fair, a new president getting rid of some hold-overes from the previous
administration, that's completely normal, right. that happens. what's not normal is deciding that none of those positions should ever be filled by anyone ever again. >> there are 442 senior government positions for which this administration has not named a candidate, including some big positions dealing with terrorism. homeland security. >> it's broader than that, andrea. 80% of the-- of the positions that are required for senate confirmation haven't even been submitted. by the way, this isn't the senate holding things up, or the democrats holding things up. the nominees just haven't been submitted, and we can't approve somebody that we-- that we haven't seen yet. >> trevor: that's right. you can't approve someone you haven't seen yet. it's like having tinder with no pictures. "what are we supposed to do? use your personality? get the (bleep) out of here, man! pictures are nothing!" ( applause ) but that is a scary number. there are over 400 senior administration positions that trump hasn't even begun to fill yet.
at this rate, trump is going to be doing every job in the administration by himself. "get me the u.k. ambassador." "right away, mr. trump." "and by the way, nice ass." "how dare you!" ( laughter ) ( applause ) now, part of the reason-- part of the reason for all of the unfilled jobs is that donald trump is too busy right now. i mean, fox news isn't going to watch itself. ( laughter ) but there's a simpler reason that so many prestigious powerful positions are still open, and that is no one wants to work for donald trump. >> several names are being floated for the next f.b.i. rector. >> former senator joe lieberman congressman trey gowdy, senator john cornyn-- all were originally floated by the white house as contenders, and all said that they wanted to be removed from consideration. >> the white house is having trouble finding a replacement for the outgoing communications director. four potential successors are said to have declined to be considered. ( laughter ) >> trevor: i'm sorry, wait.
do you have any idea how insulting it is for people to say they don't want to work for you before you even ask them, right? ( laughter ) that's like randomly walking into a dunkin' donuts and just shouting, "never gonna happen, guys! never gonna happen! i'm not interested!" ( laughter ) but you know what, i think i see the problem. i think i see the problem. the trump administration can't fill positions because everyone knows that working there is so volatile and it's so insane, so the people have been scared off. but maybe the administration should use that to its advantage. think of it this way-- if you have a house that's creepy, you don't try to put it up on airbnb. that's not going to work. what you do is you say, "it's a haunted house." now people want to come, right? ( laughter ) maybe that's how trump gets people to take the jobs. don't pretend that it's safe. just make the danger part of the appeal. >> are you ready for the ultimate professional thrill ride!
then strap in for wild, wild west wing u.s.a.! can you handle a job at trump's white house? are you man enough, or at least not a woman? start each day never knowing if it will be your last. wade through the sewer of in-fighting. lose your (bleep) in the colludinator. and if you are too much of a pussy to handle a big-boy job, then take a stumble through the white house press kiddie pool. >> uhm, with respect to, uhm... uh, over-- >> amateur hour! >> moving on. >> thrills, chills and more investigations than your ass can handle. wild, wild west wing u.s.a. two weeks in the white house-- a lifetime in prison. ( laughter ) >> trevor: sounds like a great deal. we'll be right back. we'll be right back. ( cheers and applause )
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find new roads at your local chevy dealer. hershey's cookie layer crunch. a layered twist on a classic. are you happy that you switched? hershey's cookie layer crunch. yes - i switched to sprint and their unlimited plan is half what you pay with verizon for a family of four. you could save over $1000 in the first year! that works for me. (vo) unlimited! $22.50 per month per line. for people with hearing loss, don't let a 1% difference cost you twice as much. visit sprintrelay.com. >> trevor: welcome back to "the daily show." with james comey set to tesfy tomorrow, it is clear that president trump is having a
sad-- exclamation point-- week. and now on top of all of that, his third favorite son eric is in hot water of his own. >> late today, president trump's son eric lashing out at those. >> floating baseless russia conspiracy theories and democrats on capitol hill desperately searching for any evidence of collusion, president trump's sons, they are now coming to his defense. >> the man himself, executive vice president of the trump organization. >> i've never seen hatred like this. i mean, to me they're not even people. it's so, so sad. i mean, morality has just gone. morals have flown out the window. >> trevor: wow. ( laughter ) wow. the same guy-- the same guy who got so upset when hillary called his dad's supports deplorables is now saying that democrats aren't even human beings? really? and he didn't even warm up to it in the interview. it was practically the first thing out of his mouth. i can only imagine what it's like on a first date with eric.
"hey, agreement to meet you, ashlee. do you do anal?" ( laughter ) i don't know about you, but whenever i see this sort of thing, it makes me wonder-- how did this person get this way? and then yesterday, a story came out that sort of helped me understand a bit. "forbes" magazine published an artie exposing where some of the money that eric for charity was actually going. >> now to that blockbuster new report raising serious questions about the trump organization and charity golf events that were meant to raise money for children with cancer. >> "forbes" magazine reports hundreds of thousands of dollars in charity expenses went to the trump family business, despite eric saying many of the costs would be covered by the trumps. >> you have money that starts as other people's donations where they think that they're giving to charity, and it appears to end up as revenue at a trump club. >> trevor: wow.
>> audience: ooooh! >> trevor: taking money that was meant for kids suffering from cancer to line your own pockets. that is-- i mean, that is just... >> so, so, sad. i mean, morality has just gone. morals have flown out the window. >> trevor: my man. ( laughter ) ( applause ) so, so when i first read this story, i thought wow. this guy's such a dirt bag. but that's not entirely fair. honestly. because eric trump did raise millions of dollars for the st. jude childrens hospital. in fact, they even put his name on a hospital wing, right. not a picture, just his name. those poor kids have been through enough. ( laughter ) but still, they like him. and this brings us to how eric went from using his incredible privilege to help the less fornat to being the guy skimming from charities. and it turns out he fell in with a bad crowd. >> "forbes" says problems started with the charity when donald trullegedly demanded
rged for using the facilities. >> donald came in and said, "you know what? we're going to start bilge you guys. even though it's a charity event, even though this is for kids for cancer, we want you guys to pay." >> trevor: "even though this is for kids for cancer, we want you guys to pay." that is heartless, and also the theme of trump's new health care plan. oh, and if that wasn't bad enough, daddy trump also starting-- he started charging his son's charity 500% more than a venue would usually charge. that's what he also did, yeah. so i guess at the end of the day we're starting to understand this is the curse of being one of donald trump's children. you can try and be good, but he'll be like, "no, no, no, don't do that. you're a trump." and now, eric might as well be one of trump's buildings. he's not as popular as he once was, and if you look deep, you'll find that he's also empty on the inside. we'll be right back. we'll be right back. ( cheers and applause
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( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: welcome back to "the daily show." my guests tonight are award winning film makers who produced and directed the new documentary "hell on earth: the fall of syria & the rise of isis." >> trevor: please welcome sebastian junger and nick quested. ( cheers and applause ) welcome to the show. >> thank you so much.
>> trevor: thank you and wow. this documentary film tackles so many issues. i knew of many of the stories individually. i understood a piece of what's happening n syria. i understood about the rise of isis. i understood about conflict between assad and his people. but never before have i watched a story that so effortlessly encompasses everything. because there's so much in it, what did you want people to take away from this documentary film? >> i think we wanted to do two things. we wanted to explain how the civil war worked. these aren't crazy people. these are good, ordinary people, just like people in this country. and yet, they were trapped in a civil war. and the other thing i think-- my father was a war refugee. some of my best friends have come from war zones. i helped establish them in this country. we wanted to humanize america's view of people who have to flee violence. >> trevor: right. >> where this country is a
beacon in the darkness for people who are desperate and in terrible situations, and we are hoping that our country can continue being that. >> trevor: now, i will admit, i did not really understand how bashar al-assad started the civil war himself. it was not a war. it was an uprising, and it was protests about people being treated with dignity and freedom. and yet, he is the one who wanted to make it a war. why? >> because he's won a war already. in 1982, there was a rebellion in hama, and his father violently suppressed it. and he knew he could prolong his presidency by a military conflict. >> trevor: you have a story here of a leader who really started something, especially just to, you know, quash a rebellion. it started with kids spray painting, "assad, you're on the way out" on a wall, referring to the arab spring. and this really became the catalyst for one of the largest conflicts that we're
experiencing in the world now. >> keep in mind, these kids who spray painted graffiti were arrested by the secret police. these kids were 15, 16 years old. they were tortured. their parents showed up on the street demanding the release of their children, and that led to protests where civilians were machine gunned in the street. and that is simply so that this regime could keep power. that is how the civil war started. >> trevor: you have first-person views. you have the white hats actually pulling bodies out of the wreckage. you have isis fighters from their point of view killing people. you see recruitments. you see what it is like to be on the front lines. when making this kind of film, how do you get into that head space? and, like, what are your greatest fears when going into these zones? >> well, we built a network of journalists and activists in northern syria that did a lot of the hard work, and it was really just too dangerous for us to, at this point, to enter the-- enter northern syria. >> yeah. >> but what we did do was we
gave the family a camera, and the family documented their own life under the islamic state, and how they crossed the various front lines. they crossed the free syrian army front line, and then the kurdish front line, and then the frontier into turkey. and then we followed them again as ty tried to make it to europe but were pushed back on the day-- the first day of turey-e.u. treaty. the relationship between assad and isis, it's a very strange relationship. assad has realized that he benefits from isis going after his enemies, while at the same time, not really being his ally. how-- like, how does that work? >> well, i think that he said, "you think i'm a bad guy? here's some really bad guys." and he just-- he deflected attention from himself towards the islamic state. and all the animous of the west. >> if the alternative to you is a decent democratic country, then you're in danger. if the alternative to you, as a dictator, is the islamic states, then you're safe. and i think that's what his strategy was. >> and this is a paranoid
regime. he'd seen mubarak. he'd seen qaddafi, and he was like, "we're next. we're on the list. they're coming for us." >> trevor: when watching this film, what is the one message you hope people will take away, and what is the one change you would hope the world would help contribute towards? >> i hope people have some compassion for the vast majority of good people that are trapped in war zones. and i think there's a lesson here, and i think it's a lesson that this country needs to hear at this moment very crucially. thank god this country has been spared most of the kinds of attacks that europe has been suffering the last few years. the theory for why that is, is that the muslim population in america has been really successfully integrated into our economy, our culture, our society. in europe, it has not. and i think the lesson for
america is let's make sure that we are as inclusive a society as possible because that is actually what protects us from the kind of violence, the tragedies that we've been seeing almost every week in europe on the news. >> trevor: i honestly could talk to you forever. ( applause ) it's really one of the most comprehensive films i've seen. thank you so much for your time. i hope everybody watches it because i know it changed my life. "hell on earth" premieres june 11 at 9:00 p.m. on national geographic. sebastian junger and nick quested, everybody, we'll be right back. ( cheers and applause ) mayer hawthorne playing ] blue moon is brewed with valencia orange peel, for a taste that shines brighter. i decided to see if there was a way for design to play a... ...positive role in what was going on in the world.
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